| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:19:07 AM | OP I admire you doing that and it sets a wonderful example for the children . I have always felt it is important for me to put whatever personal issues I may have with my ex spouse and show my children that although we are no longer married ,it doesn't mean we stop caring about a fellow human being ,especially one who used to be important in our lives .
When my ex hubby lived in the same area as me, we used to help each other out all the time . Friends and family thought it was strange we was able to get along well enough to help each other out, but I just consider it as us coming full circle in our lives . | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:45:08 AM | It all depends on the attitude of the former spouse and whether or not she/he is just manipulating the situation to either get close again or to undermine a new relationship you are in.....
My former wife used to put me through hell with access to my daughters.......and Imean absolute hell.......she used them as a weapon of power and had me not knowing if Iwas coming or going....
..the kids were finally removed and placed in my custody and I raised them ever since...
Since that day, all I've ever heard is her attempts manipulate me to help her with anything and everything such as......my dryer isn't working socan you come and look at it?.......ummmmm, no....hang your clothes like our mothers used to until you get it fixed!...it's endless........
so get this....just yesterday she calls and asks if she can stay here for a while as she is looking for a place closer to here..I politely said no because we have proof we can't live under the same roof......(she's the type that picks fights with anyone around her...neighbours especially)......that's all I need!! (sighhhhh) (remember, she lost custody for good reasons which I won't bore you with)
So, thankfully my daughters laughed at the idea and said..Good for you Dad!....she'd ruin this household and it's soooo peaceful.....(the kids are 20,18 and 16 now so access issues from my part aren't an issue and they are free to see her whenever anyhow....)
So yeah, it all depends on the situation you have with your former spouse as to whether helping them is a wise thing......... | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:07:32 AM | | I've remained friends with my ex. He lives far away, but if he's here visiting the kids, he'll help out or fix something for me. In fact, he's been MORE help since we divorced than he was before (but that's not saying much; he did almost nothing when we were married). In fact, he contributes more in child support now than he contributed in income the last 4 or 5 years he was here. | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:35:41 AM | | I think your very admorable for helping your ex.You did have kids toghter and you did marry her for a reason so i dont see nothing wrong with it.Its sad there are so many couples that cant get past there hate for each other after breaking up that if they have kids it totally destores the kids.It isnt fair to them they didnt ask to be born.Guess i was one of the lucky ones was married to my husband 38 years till he passed away. | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:45:13 AM | I would help in a heartbeat. My Ex and I remain very friendly and courteous to each other. We help each other out.... when I am making one of his favorite meals, I will put some aside for him and send it along with our daughter.
There is no reason to be nasty or rude to each other, life is too short to waste on being mean.
We make better friends than spouses for sure.
~Tina | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 1/29/2008 9:53:52 AM | Well I gotta lower the tone by saying it all depends on who the ex is and why they your ex!
If we was still friends then sure help them out etc,
On the other hand, if it was 98% of my ex's I'd be the person driving the car that hit them! | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 2/3/2008 5:30:00 PM | | oh yeah, I have helped him since our split. we stay friends for the child's "best interest" I've helped him financially, took him to the hospital, dr appt, groceries, testified on his behalf in court..I'm a great ex wife!!! I'm compassionate. We have both moved on, but we remain friends. I could never hate him. I don't hate anyone. | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 2/3/2008 6:39:23 PM | I'm going to try to keep this as short and sweet as possible because it's a pretty gory story. My husband had epilepsy. He fell on cement after our divorce for the second time since we'd split. His skull was fractured and concave no less. Major brain damage. Months in the hospital with a helmet on his head for protection. Had to learn to walk, talk, everything -- just like a newborn again...except he had most of his adult memories intact. Used to like to drive, and we'd take little jaunts for no reason at all prior to the birth of our son.
Once he was back on his feet, I invited him to Toronto to stay for a week. He had to be placed on the train by friends, and met at the station by me. Couldn't talk well, but I knew every word he was saying. Had been a long time since he'd been in town to get away from it all. Spent some quality time prior to his death with him. Glad I did.
Some of my 'friends' were total pr!cks (the women too) about my choice in men -- didn't matter if we were not sleeping together; [And what if we were? But we were not]. Needless to say, these people are no longer my 'friends'. The only time I've been cruel about someone else's ex is when I wanted the person for myself. Not an effective or becoming tactic. | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:41:59 AM | | I remember when I was in college, money was really tight, and my phone got disconnected. My ex tried to call, found out it was disconnected and called the phone company, paid the bill and had it reconnected. A couple years later,when he was down in his back, bedridden for over a week, he was at my house, cause he couldnt do anything for himself. | |
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| Helping the ex spouse
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:06:29 AM | My ex and I are on good terms. We are working hard at making good lives for our kids and that means that there is not room for bitterness and anger. I won't live a life like that, it is negative energy and is based too much on the past rather than the road ahead.
Earlier this week, my parents lost their house to a fire. I didn't think twice, I called my ex and he came over to lend a hand. He had been part of their lives for 27 years and he wanted to be there for them and for me. It was greatly appreciated.
The problem is that his girlfriend cannot handle our remaining civil and on good terms. She was very upset for him helping out my parents, is trying to make demands that I cannot call him, only contact him through e-mail, etc. She sees our lack of bitterness to be a threat to their relationship. | |
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