tmotts
| | Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 76 | |
| | THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Don't feel bad....I don't trust easily either. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Funny cause the ones that I do trust are not the ones I don't end up with. Go figure....boy I guess I have issues hah boy I really know how to pick em. Sheesh!!!
I know, like one of the other posters said, that I too can wear my heart on my sleeve, with the right person that is. But, he has to be trustworthy. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:17:41 PM | ~ Isn't that a song . . by 'Quarterflash' . . ??? ~
***
~ . . I'm gonna swallow my tears . .
I'm gonna turn..and..leave you here . . ! ~ | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:34:29 PM | So how do you justify a woman who leaves you when your dying after a 22 year relaionship to go screw another guy? I survived and am fine and she barely talks to me because it might hurt his feelings! pissed off! Hurt! you bet!!
But, I want to move on and meet someone new, someone who is loving, caring and real!
I am moving forward and need a good woman in my life. Help me to find that woman! | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:53:56 PM | When we fall out of love, or the person we love feels the spirit of love leaving, we try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. We want answers where there are no answers. We want to know what is wrong in us that makes the other person no longer love us, or try to get our love to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. We try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until we accept its own mysterious ways, we basically become miserable. You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.
If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone in love with you but you don't love him back, feel honored that love came, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself. All our hearts feel the same pain and joy, even if our lives and ways are different.
If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it when it comes into your life. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.
This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.
Remember this and keep it to your heart. Love has its time, its own season, its own reason for coming & going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives & give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of the other person, then there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.
Just be glad LOVE came into your life and stayed for a while... and if you open your heart to LOVE, it will come again.
Yes, it will come again, and the wall that you built will just disappear, it may go slowly, but it will when you find the right person. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/4/2008 9:28:47 PM | | One must always look at oneself in these situations.Ones behaviour/expectations image presentation etc.Are you completely honest about yourself to women beforehand and when you meet?You cannot keep blaming others,it,like most other things is about personal responsibility in all that you do.I have been divorced 20 years or so and dated probably 200 Women on terms of complete honesty.Have had some wondeful relationships and NEVER parted on bad terms with anyone. Many have kept in touch and have made many close friends during this time.My advice is to ANYONE in your circumstances is to do some soul searching around who you are and why you end up in these situations.Remember that we are all 3 people (1)"we are how others see us"(2)how we see ourselves(ego) and (3) the real YOU which is somewhere between the two... | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:24:43 PM | marni: I was so impressed by your post that I peeked at your profile. That, too, impressed
me.. But, alas, the only way I could let you know, was right here, because it seems you have a wall around your profile and I'm too old to climb over it.
What a shame you're so far away....You'd be one hell of an interesting friend.
Knittin Kitten | |
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Bona x
| | Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 82 | |
| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:27:24 PM | Seems to me the Eagles song "Desperado" might be appropriate here.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late . | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:57:12 PM | I figure that you are the same guy with or without walls, take the walls down. When you meet a woman that reaches for your soul, stand up at attention. Your heart will follow, as a wise skate board kid told me. “No scar No Story” I gave him a loonie you can have it for free.
Ok lady answer me this?
I know I am not a lady, but I am told I can change my profile and become one. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:27:35 PM | Lots of us have walls up. That could possibly be why there are so many of us on sites like this. If you've been hurt than it's understandable to have one up. It gets higher with every rejection and hurt. But, if it's up right from the start because you've been hurt, any relationship is going to suffer. You are right to be cautious - we all have to use a certain amount of caution. The Bible does say, "Keep your heart with all diligence . . " It is too important to toss around. Not to worry, though. You keep trying or waiting and someone will come along and melt that wall down without even trying. She'll be the one you'll be able to trust and you will know she's the one, when that happens. You won't even remember a wall.
All the best to you.
[Pssst! I just met someone who I am hoping will melt my wall down. It will take a little time. We've all been burnt before.]
meme | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:38:12 PM | I have been building the wall back up around my heart lately... Met a guy last year who i really loved and i thought he loved me... I do admit it took me a while to let the wall down and he made a real point of getting me to trust him until i finally did and then wham it was over as far as he was concerned.... I have kind of put myself in self protect mode for the last few months as i will admit that you can be kicked down so many times that it gets harder each time to pull yourself up...
I read on here about all the guys who meet woman who treat them bad and cheat on them etc ? I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that all i am looking for is someone to love me .. a normal relationship ? i wonder sometimes if that is ever going to happen for me and it does get me down sometimes.... Can i not meet one of these guys and prove to them that a partner can be loving and faithfull ?
Tell me something guys....do you want a loving, faithfull, genuine woman who treats you well ort someone who messes you around etc ? ? | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:52:56 PM | ~OP~ We've all been there. I've been divorced 9 years (two reasonable relationship within that time) and on 12/30/07, I posted publically (here in broken hearts ~ so weird for me) that my running days are over. My heart wasn't broken ~ it was shattered. Not only that, there was a fire-breathing-dragon, a mote, a gate with armed guards and tiny hiding men with lethal arrows just waiting for someone to attempt getting in. Pft on that. I've spent 9 years waiting for someone to tear down the wall, when the reality is: all I had to do was walk over the drawbridge and unhinge the gate. It's within you ~ not within the women. If you resemble me at all, we looked for the unattainable ~ those types are safe. We hold so firmly to the "safety" that there really is no hope of heartfelt feelings. You get what you allow in. And then there is the "desperation" factor. We harbor the hurt so deep that it really is perceived as desperation. Once you allow yourself to forgive the past and yourself, it's really quite simple. Oh ~ and stop dating just to date. What a waste of time. Get to know someone ~ really know them. Figure out if you are a possible "fit" and then meet. That not only saves time, but it keeps the frustration level to a minimum. I don't think you are misunderstanding us (the women) I think you are misunderstanding YOU. But that's just how I discovered my own issues. I stopped looking at the other party. The reality is: I was the only thing all those failures had in common. Must have meant I was a good portion of the problem. Hence, re-invention of self. The heart will allow what you truly want in or out. Best of luck. JMO  | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:56:24 PM | I have a wall around my heart but its not to stop people from loving me or for people to rip down. Its all about finding the right person to climbover it.  | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:55:23 PM | This wall we have around our hearts is a large part of our life. Yes, rejection certainly is there, too.
There is some wonderful information in this thread...it doesn't really grow old with time. I have been single for many years....The first heartbreak was probably the worst....I was in shock, because I had never considered the possibility that we were not going to grow old together.
Yes, I built the wall, yes, I had counseling, yes, I did the laundry list of defensive things. Then, one day, it was lonely behind that wall. So, I poked a hole in it and went back out to join the world. Yes, in the years of my singleness, I have been hurt.....several times.
BUT, I have also learned some very important things that have been brought out in this thread. This hurt has not killed me, it has not made me bitter. It has made me wiser, maybe even more loving because of less "expectations". I will never give up "hope".
When I reflect, I know for sure, that I am richer for having experienced the love that came into my life, no matter how long it stayed, or why it left. No, it's not easy to see the good in something while you are feeling your loss. But, trust me, if you step back and look at yourself, you will see it, learn from it, and be a better person, going in to the next relationship.
If I had any advice, it would be to read over all the pages of this thread, even if it is not new. The wisdom set forth in here is priceless.
Sincerely,
Knittin Kitten | |
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jtm216
| | Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 90 | |
| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:04:38 PM | | Interesting! A wall around the heart. People that experience traumatic events develop certain behaviors that are deemed disorders. I would call it survival. The body heals just as the mind heals itself. The pain is recognized and the body reacts to protect and heal the wound. Larger wounds leave a scar just like a memory of an event in our lives bad or good. I remember how I got that scar and avoid the situation but involve myself in other scenarios where the outcome is unclear. Why? | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:13:49 PM | When you open your heart it is open to love and pain. There is nothing wrong with having a wall up but it is not likely to get you the love of your life. Finding the love of your life takes risk and getting hurt. Probably more than once. We all get kicked to the curb a few times and sometimes more than a few and it hurts!. Loving is not for the faint of heart. Trust yourself that if a person does something hurtful you will take care of yourself and walk away. That way you can put away your mistrust of others ( women or men.) There are a lot of good guys out there. The ones that " get the girl" are the ones that are willing to risk their hearts. Good luck
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:25:13 PM | A lot of ppl are scared ...and have a wall around their heart as you say ...but that isnt such a bad thing in my oppinion. its good to be carefull coz getting hurt sucks! if the ladies dont have the patience to take the time and get to know u and earn your trust then u should look for someone new ... and always be aware and guarded ..coz the moment u get comfortable and let your guard down ..Bam ! thats when something happens and u get burnt haha
good luck | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:34:00 PM | I know exactly how you feel and I can tell that you still have resentments about this topic.
Say that you witness a child being attacked by a dog. Wouldn't you run to that childs side and protect him with your body regardless if you get bitten while shielding that innocent little one. Eventhough you saved that child's life while protecting him, if that kid doesn't get the help he needs afterwards, he will be afraid of any dog he sees for the rest of his life from that defining moment that changed him forever.
It's the same with our hearts. We hand over our pure hearts to someone we love and trust. When our hearts become ravaged and torn to bits, it changes our lives forever. When we don't get the answers we need as to why this tragedy happened to us and understand it for what it is, we subconsciously shield our hearts from future pain. We're afraid to put our trust in someone else. We tend to keep everyone around us at bay and can't or won't let them get too close.
I lived my life like this for many years and I can say it's a sad way to live. I lost some potentially good friends with my untrusting and resentful ways towards all people especially men. A good friend on mine told me that I would never be totally happy or find true love if I continued on my over protective path. I didn't know it at the time, but my heartbroken past was controlling me. I had to finally let the past go in order to move on. It took some time for me to self analyze and heal, but I did.
My heart today has many scars and battle wounds, but it's healthy and I'm not afraid. Now, I trust people unless they give me good reason not to. When others let me down with lies or disrespect, I just simply forgive and forget them as you should OP. Just move on and always realize that there will forever be good and evil around us. We become wiser individuals from our pain; however, we have to give the good ones a chance or we'll never obtain the chance with what we search for. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:08:57 PM | Is it a wall or self enclosed prison? Whenever you keep finding the same ladies and having the same problems....then its you with the problems. Because you keep picking the same kind of ladies. You can cry and stomp your feet but until you figure it out and why you keep doing it .......it keeps being repeated until you get it figured out..
A life lesson.........Blue | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:30:14 PM | | Dude, even though your profile could be from Jethro Bodine, you seem like a sincere, honest, good guy who has had his heart stomped... and that shouldn't happen to anyone. I mean, you've got something going on... just look at all these responses! Christ, someone even posted the lyrics to Desperado!! I mean, damn! If I started a post with "Ok lady answer me this" and ended it with "So how do you all tick?" , I can guarantee I would get a "Piss Off" and probably get deleted. So you do have the ability to inspire. Open up a little and keep searching for that woman who will work with you to tear that wall down... stone by stone. By the way... do you really coonhunt? | |
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zonea
| | Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 96 | |
| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:36:50 PM | | Don't worry, you're not alone. I've given my heart only once to a guy and I married him to prove it and I've had it broken and trampled over. I'll never offer my heart to anyone again and like you I got the great wall of China around my heart. I don't think anyone will climb over that wall again...if anyone tries, I'll just build the wall higher or push him down. I've had crushes on guys since then, but don't dare to let them over the wall. Just relax, flirt, enjoy...life is uncomplicated that way. Love stories belong in books and movies. Period. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:40:19 PM | | Com 'on guys. We have all been burned at one time or another. Don't blame your new woman for the problems and mistakes of those who have come before. Some women honestly want a caring relationship. Maybe you should look for a women with that criteria in mind. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:00:43 AM | | Learn to be a man and stop acting like you are still a kid that needs his heart protected... Do what you enjoy and don't think just because you are single, you are losing out on life. Learn to let go and forgive... Have fun... life is too short and gets shorter as you get older... | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/8/2008 1:25:30 AM | I will just say this............Hard-boiled eggs don't blend well in the baking of a new cake.
Some people don't take enough time to recover from the "anger and bitterness" of previous relationships before jumping into a new relationship. A smart woman knows she will pay the price for everything that your ex's did to you.........thus making the cake a little lumpy and not worth investing the time to bake it. Nothing wrong with guarding your heart, just don't build a wall around your head.  | |
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