| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:17:19 PM | You have to wait for the one that takes the wall down, brick by brick.
In my life I have personally bombed a wall down and we survived,but it was a big risk, from a female perspective...I wouldn't do it again. The wall might come down on its own, with that right person, at the right moment: timing is everything.
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:23:33 PM | I have a wall around my heart. I feel safe behind that wall. If the right woman comes along, it will fall down. If you ever been hurt, you think that you must have the mistrust and suspicion to be at ease. This is a guide for me, to keep me from getting hurt again . Till Im 100% sure about the woman Im picking. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:41:36 PM | | Ahh..that good old wall...I wish I could answer that for you but unfortunately- I have this huge wall all the way around my heart, and it's way up there. One man was able to take the bricks down one by one, but..when he died, and everything that has gone on afterwards..that wall got built right back up. Can't stand men who are players, liars, users, and well..I'm sure you get the idea...but, I definately have a wall up. Good luck to you...... | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:45:06 PM | Obviously built of the evil and corroding word " Fear" which usually touches every aspect of our lives, however when it come to our most precious breakable hearts, it may then become a unconscious Fear of commitment, a commitment phobic in other words.
...."He's Scared, She's Scared" is a great read. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:24:21 PM | [quoteI'm a good guy and try to treat a woman with respect . the last one a dated i let it down two weeks later bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Oh i need some time." THAT BULL CRAP! So how do you all tick?
Lostmtn
Sounds like you need to take stock in yourself my friend.
Bitterness is the opposite of being alive. Choose to be that 'good guy' you know
is in your heart.
We all suffer rejection at times, don't allow it to define you.
Trust me on this one, okay? | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:02:25 PM | It's understandable and normal to be cautious about trusting a new person. No body likes/wants to get hurt. Sometimes have to take a risk and see what happens. Can't punish the person for what happened to you in the past.
I been hurt by more guys then i like but i don't punish a new guy i meet for what the past guys have done to me. It's not fair to them.
Just take all the time you need to get to know her as friends before possiblely get romantically involved.
Rush into a relationship and you risk getting hurt. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:41:54 PM | | I learned very very recently I will never let my wall down again..men --deliberately or not--can hurt us just as bad. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:15:27 PM | i'll just give you my immediate instinctual response. you say in your profile you don't need to "control". here you use the word wall and seem to feel victimized, which in turn makes you angry. these are words that i often hear when i go to an al anon meeting for family members of those who were raised in drinking environments as children. many have stopped drinking themselves and then there are the ones who were just addicted to the ones who drank. not much difference underneath it all, when interacting within this paradigm. working with kids and animals of course, you are in control. with adults, many more skills and ways to interpet "others" (whose intent, experiences, motives may be different than yours) need to be learned.
to use your visualization, distinguish between walls and fortresses, learn how to bridge from yourself to another. don't let your chemical attraction confuse you about a person. meet midway, perhaps on the bridge and get to know that person for a much longer time. each one needs to talk about what their "territory" is all about.
you seem to have the skills for disicipline in your work and how you lead your life. to that, must be added and therefore learned, the art of flexibity where you can bounce back to where you are, but lean a bit to understand that not everyone is in the same position. just like different people play different roles in sports, the same is true of life. each person has in important place on the team.
you will find that just as you are immediately attracted to someone and then revulsed a bit later when they treat you badly, that if you get to know someone you may not be attracted to so readily, that over time when you begin to have mutual trust, this new kind of attraction will be more like a hearth fire, than a firework display and a lot more safer for you to experience. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:46:53 AM | I know I'll get rapped in the mouth for this, but in this "throw away in favor of what you might THINK is better" society, possessing a heart of stone (and a cynical mind)...won't exactly put you in a negative position when it comes to dating nowadays...
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:27:43 PM | | You mean all of us? Wow. If I knew the answer to that you guys could make me soooooo rich!!!! Darlin' perhaps the wall is there for good reason.....leave it up until the right lady comes along and dismantles it, one brick at a time. Good luck :) | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:03:10 PM | | The best way to be is to go in with no expectatioms that way you won'tbe let down if it doesn' t work out . In the same way if you find the right someone the reward is so much greater. For me at this point in my life I think relationships are overated. The single life is full of many more possibilities but it is very important to have good friends of both sexes. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:41:20 PM | i tick by introspection, but that's just me.
as for 'the wall around your heart--'maybe you should deal with it on your own, that may help things, eh? i'm just sayin...
oh yeah--welcome to being single, and good luck! | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:17:23 AM |
The only reason we put walls around our hearts is because we didn't have proper boundaries in the first place.
I agree to a degree but when I let my heart do its own thinking is when I get into trouble. The wall was built brick by brick with the help of some great players. If the right man comes into my life--we will be able to remove it brick by brick because he will have the ability to see over it. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:43:12 AM | Yes its hard. Very hard.
For me I go very, very slow and find it to be easier to be friends and really expect nothing more, at first.
I am the type of guy that would give and do anything for the lady I love, without a second thought. But when you loose a love, someone you really thought could be a true and lasting companion, it hurts bad. It takes me a long time to trust and begin to open up again, but eventually time heals old wounds.
I believe in real love, and know that my perfect dream girl is out there.
And knowing that keeps me going.
I am looking for the magical tingle feeling that I feel when she looks at me or gently touches me. Someone that is so special, I can drop every barrier I have and give her my full complete love without worrying about the past pain.. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:44:22 PM | | I know how you feel as far as it being hard. I have been hurt more than this person could ever be hurt. I still have to put that in the past and know that life goes on. I have learned from my mistakes, I hope. I am a loving and giving person. It does hurt bad but if you let it consume you it will take over your life. I have always trusted first until you give me a reason not to trust. Everyone deserves a chance. No two people are the same. I won't to be with the one true person I am supposed to be with. One person that truly loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. To have that magic with him. I have felt that magic and it is hard when you close your eyes and that person is not in your life anymore. To show and feel so much passion and love. Both feel it and show it. It is the most awesome thing in the world. To spend your days and nights in total bliss. To fall asleep in the arms of this person and wake each morning. To go throughout the day with a big smile at the very thought of that person on your mind and know when they walk in the door and give you a hug after a hard day. Your day will have just got so much better. To share each others dreams and thoughts. To be there for one another when you are sick or well. Just enjoy life and be happy. It is out there. I have found it and I know it is out there again. I have a big huge heart and it filled full of love and passion. The pain is there but I will never ever let it consume me. It will never take over me or my life. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:17:04 PM | OP...keep that wall up until the right woman proves you can trust her and then the wall will melt away. Until then, trust has to be earned.
Sharzi | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:52:51 PM | We all have walls.. At least I think any thinking person does who has been chopped to ribbons in the modern dating shredder. Walls can keep us safe, they can keep us from going through the getting over stage over and over again. BUT... it's okay to peek out from behind those walls now and then.. let people know your human and capable of caring. I don't think everyone is out to get us out there.. There are people left who are seeking a sincere heart. The way I see it, I have my walls, but I don't live behind them all the time.. I come out and make my presence known.. And if the right person comes along and doesn't betray my trust.. is honest and not a meat head.. That wall could come down completely. But that will take a very special person and alot of time and caring.. ARE YOU READING THIS  ???? LOL | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:41:47 PM | I like what mind freak said... great advice.
I have a clique to say but I think it is true "hurting people hurt people".. there are so many hurting people out there.. many are carrying hurts around and they perpetrate and pass the hurt onto others.
So give the person some time to prove themselves worthy of your trust. You don't need to be suspicious all the time.. that is not the way to protect yourself.. but open up little portions of yourself slowly so you will allow the person to "earn" your trust. You don't have to make a big deal about it.. just be conscious of it. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:03:45 PM | | I finally took down the wall in my last relationship, I loved being in love but once again got burned because he got screwed over by his ex so bad he says he can't trust anyone - even me. He said she ruined him for good. Is this possible that one bad apple spoils all future relationships? You have to take down the wall in order to feel again, in order to experience life, I know - I blocked out feelings for yrs. I was in control but empty. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:16:37 AM |
Is this possible that one bad apple spoils all future relationships? Only if they let it. I have found people who were so hung up on the past, they could not see the future sitting right in front of them. They go on to repeat their past. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:55:04 AM | | I've had my heart broken but you can't dwell on the past, live for the future. You'll be much happier this way. If your not ready to let someone into your heart then you shouldn't be looking for anyone. Not only will you hurt the person trying to get close to your heart, you will get hurt to. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:14:11 AM | I've banged my head against a few walls in relationships and while I agree with the theory of hanging in there, there can come a time when the wall is so thick, that the person simply isn't ready to drop it, regardless.
You have to be ready to drop the wall, to take some risks, to feel good enough about who you are to know that what hurts is inside of you is not from external sources.
Grieving losses can take a long time, depending on how you choose to look at it, I think that is what keeps our walls up.
Forgiveness is a part of the process and as long as you don't choose to forgive past hurts, it is difficult to move on without actually taking those circumstances and transferring them into new relationships, thus recreating the situation to learn from, or not. And in my experience, I've always attracted what I need to learn with/from. I don't think of my relationships that have ended as bad experiences anymore, I look for the good, what I can take on with me to the next and apply the lessons learned hopefully with more understanding and appreciation to the next.... one day, the layers of the wall will be so thin, like saran wrap, I/you/we will see through and want to walk through to the other side.... where we can cherish another without bounds.
IMHO, it isn't about the other person, it is about self. | |
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| THE WALL AROUND MY HEART!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:50:07 PM | This is a great opportunity to share an observation.
the wall can be from a number of things predating our conscious awareness.
Also, the wall may still feel present even with introspection (I wish everyone was as well balanced and responsible sounding, and pretty, as Mz. Doh) because we recognize that we are still making the same mistake.
It is tricky, this life, and although years of deep examination may help me feel like I understand my own mechanisms, everything changes when bouncing life against another being.
Sometimes it really does take a loving person to not just accept you, but also to let you know what they see, with loving niceness and a deep trust that the deeper you is being spoken to, it really can help break through things.
Welcome to being single... it is usually worn better by those whose parents and life have set the stage for comfort in the self. That can be hard to watch from the other side too.
But as you say it really does boil down to being single and that is a truth. Having fun and experiencing the planet has done me more good than anything. Does introspection have any room for others to participate? | |
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