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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 12:20:40 PM | I got married at 20 to a man 18 yrs. older than myself. We're still married and I'm his caregiver.
I like some things in the Koran....it encourages young men to marry older women; when the older wife dies and he's older, he's encouraged to take a young bride.
When my turn comes around, marrying someone younger is what I'd rather do. Most guys my age are boring and have lost their zip. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 12:31:13 PM | I'm 56. You seem to be discussing a lot of physical capability stuff here....so, as such, I think I can speak from a point of reference. I'm having a very hard time finding a man my age who is in as good a physical condition as myself. And let me make it perfectly clear that:
(1) There ARE men my age that are in BETTER physical condition myself....BUT...as you advised your older friend....IF they are in good physical condition AND they have decent money, USUALLY (generalization here) they go for younger women, so they are not available for ME.
(2) The men my age who are NOT in good physical condition WILL give a woman my age the time of day.....but then what I am faced with is - I am in good physical condition, as in I dont have a bad back, don't have high blood pressure, don't have any physical issues to speak of at all except for being blind as a bat - but I've been that since birth, so that's nothing new nor limiting.....I can walk, bicycle, swim, lift heavy stuff, and still manage to bend into quite a few interesting positions, lolol.....and a lot of men my age (generalization here) can't....due to things like "old football injuries, inherited high blood pressure, old motorcycle accidents, blew their knees out running or skiing", you get the idea. I swear to you it is the TRUTH that I have yet to have a man my age be able to have sex in "lying down" type positions. Almost all of them either want you to be on top so you do all the moving...ALWAYS....or they stand by the bed and you feel like a mare being serviced. Some of them even have issues being on their knees for doggy style! Lots of them have no upper body strength anymore and cannot support themselves on their arms....my god a whole PLETHORA of physical ailments. I can tell you that having sex loses a lot of its attraction when the person you are having it with complains continually during the process about how "oh wait...ouch...I can't bend that way...Oh wait...hold on...this hurts....damn, I have to stop...I am having a cramp.....hey, uh..how about I just lay here on my back and you put on a show?....bend over the side of the couch there will ya? It hurts me to get on my knees...."
I love to pleasure my men orally....but I am amazed at the amount of men over 50 that will constantly request a hand job or a blow job over sex, merely because that requires no physical effort on their part.
(3) So...in answer to your question. If I'm looking for sex, JUST LIKE MOST MEN (generalization here)....I'm going to always pick someone in their late 20's or early 30's. IF ITS JUST SEX. .....otherwise, I am waiting for the one in a million man who is physically capable and is around my age and is not totally negative due to past experiences with the opposite sex and is not looking for a 30 year old or younger.
Which..
is why my profile says "here for the forums only". Cuz I'm a realist. :-)  | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 1:04:37 PM | Hello, ......... to all a happy new year!
I love this topic from start to finish. Seems its the age old delimna (sic) of life. I'm on a filipino kisses site... Chock full of 17 to27 something girl/ladies who want men 18-80.
Kinda like the Anna Nicole of the Orient. Their females have got to be in the top five category of the economic growth of the islands....
I take the realistic views from previous poster girl clearly open mine yeys to the glory
whole. Welp.. Its true when you get my age-56 and theres a choice between puppy and old dog to play with. Pups are more fun, old dogs more creative lusty and experienced. To take a position is to stand here till the concrete overshoes dry around my feet ..then go swimming. Theres no answer right or wrong.. Experience it yourself, decide for yourself... Be good... if you can't be good........
Be careful.............. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 1:17:51 PM | It's a good thing that you have listed the age issue as "not a serius subject".
Because the choice of a suitable partner IS very serious subject indeed and anybody who even looks at age for more than a few seconds, aint ready for a partner.
Age difference MIGHT cause a few attitude, lifestyle and cultural differences, but it's these differences, not the age differences that are important. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 1:38:24 PM | Kaylie, I think it's a good idea to focus on personality, goals and dreams that two people might have. Also do your personalities complement each other? I prefer some one personally closer to my age to date I think because our life experiences are closer in sync most of the time and you feel you have more in common. I think if you're looking for a life long mate as well too you can't expect physical aspects to be a priority. What if you suddenly lost interest in the physical aspects of a relationship due to health or hormonal changes? Wouldn't you want a best friend you grew together with and would stick by you or are people that easy to trade off?  | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:03:54 PM | | Kaylie - interesting post. As far as marrying - that's not my cup of tea. I've been married once and I loved being married. At this point in my life, I'd rather pass on marriage. There's nothing more that I relish, is the companionship of a wonderful, endearing man, where we are on the same page in life. We have common bonds and interests, yet we are wise enough to value our own individual activities. So, I can't put an age category per se. Although, I would probably feel uncomfortable dating someone over the age of 60 or under the age of 38. It is really going to boil down to the man. When we all put "labels" or "expectations" on someone, sure as shootin, we'll find the "one" who falls out of our criteria, only to love and be loved by them. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:13:18 PM | Bethlett is one of the few people here who wisely used and undoubtedly for effect, the words:
generalization here
since so often people make their pronouncements like they came from the mouth of God.
Concerning point #1, I am a man who is 55 and in good physical condition (no accident there) and do look younger than my age (I know so many claim that, but it is true for some. Again, no accident, but also good genes.). I agree that if I had more money I would probably have little trouble finding a much younger woman since I think (perhaps cynically, but I believe accurately) that the money would overcome any objections they might have to the difference in age. That being said, I have absolutely no problem with a woman my age who also looks good (no need to be supermodel beautiful or thin) and has made the effort to stay in shape and has the energy of somebody who is not ready for the rocking chair and does not complain about the aches and pains of getting old.
I, too, am as blind as a bat, but I blame me mum for that. I can walk and bike, but alas, I cannot swim even though I have lived most of my life by the Mississippi River. If I ended up in water over my head I would not drown though, at least not right away, since I can tread water. So matching up in appearance, physical condition, energy level, and also intelligence (I did manage to graduate university and although I am a few points short of being a genius I am smarter than the average bear although I would prefer to let others feel they are smarter) since I appreciate a woman with a head on her shoulders (the ones without one are, a bit odd). All of that is available in a woman my age as well as a younger one. Younger works to a certain point, but you get to where the difference in ages is too great and points of view and outlook on life diverge. If I am interested in a younger woman she often turns out to be a single mom since that so often imposes a level of maturity from life.
As far as sex goes, yes, most men are interested in it--even older ones. Then you need to determine if the interest is in sex all the time, just sex, or a normal and healthy sexual appetite. Then you do need to consider the ability to perform (pro football has an "unable to perform" list, I suppose that works well) or the degree of being able to perform. When I was a much younger man, sex was about me mostly. With age I have learned that the greatest joy from sex comes from my wanting to please the woman and ring her bell because I know what goes around, comes around. So even concerning sex and being able to perform I am still ok because I am in shape and have good genes, but I also know that sex is not all that love is about (yeah, a bit old fashioned since I have always needed to feel love for the sex to come).
Maybe, also, all of which is why I am here for the forums also. But an interesting assessment Bethlett. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:27:35 PM | I am 41. You are 34.
You are not a baby and I am not an old lady. Still, there is alot of living in those 7 years. Look how much you have matured since you were 27.
Unless a man is the same age and/or generation as one of my kids.. some who BTW have kids of their own... um... I'm not easily amused for life experience reasons.
I realize lust, then love, is the start but neither conquer all. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:53:26 PM | Wow, Krimiariver....that is one hell of a post.
I damn near fell in love with you on that one.
Seriously.....you ever get West? We might be well suited. LOL I have good genes too....100% Dutch - my whole family lives forever and looks young.
Besides, you already know what I look like at my worst.... | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:03:17 PM |
I have yet to have a man my age be able to have sex in "lying down" type positions. Almost all of them either want you to be on top so you do all the moving...ALWAYS....or they stand by the bed and you feel like a mare being serviced. Some of them even have issues being on their knees for doggy style! Lots of them have no upper body strength anymore and cannot support themselves on their arms....my god a whole PLETHORA of physical ailments. I can tell you that having sex loses a lot of its attraction when the person you are having it with complains continually during the process about how "oh wait...ouch...I can't bend that way...Oh wait...hold on...this hurts....damn, I have to stop...I am having a cramp.....hey, uh..how about I just lay here on my back and you put on a show?....bend over the side of the couch there will ya? It hurts me to get on my knees...."
I love to pleasure my men orally....but I am amazed at the amount of men over 50 that will constantly request a hand job or a blow job over sex, merely because that requires no physical effort on their part.
OK, Bethlett. Whatever you say.
Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth, one reason that many men in their 50s do turn towards women 20+ years younger, is that they've run into one too many "battleaxe" women their own age, and want the easier dynamic that sets up with an "older/younger" relationship. "Some women" in their 50s, seem to view relationships as "competition" or want to "get even with men" in every relationship.
There is something very nice, that can exist, with a peer, that can't with someone of a different generation, but it's not worth it, if it comes with being the "victim" of her long nurtured "issues", anger, and bitterness. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:08:21 PM | Bethlett wrote:
Wow, Krimiariver....that is one hell of a post.
I damn near fell in love with you on that one.
Seriously.....you ever get West? We might be well suited. LOL I have good genes too....100% Dutch - my whole family lives forever and looks young.
Why thank you. I almost got as far as Washington once upon a time when I was in northern Idaho (Coeur D'Alene). My roots are mostly English/Irish which can be quite the internal battle with being reserved with a stiff upper lift and on the other hand being blatently sentimental. Long lived though with great uncles over 100.
There are so very many different people here with different points of view and ways of approaching things.
Seldom is there one absolute right way of doing things since the situations and people can be so different and here at the forums we don't know every detail even though at times we may be given more than we want to hear. It's nice to read that somebody's opinion is a generalization based upon personal experience just like it is for most of us and generalizations can be true in most cases, but there can also be a sizeable number of exceptions. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:15:24 PM | kaylie, Excellent question to ask, as I am over 50 and seem to have 'hooked' and be 'hooked on' a woman met from here who's closer to my age than I once thought would be a good catch and match for me. Besides her being in great physical shape, considering all that she endured in her first 50-some years, she brings a wisdom and attitude that a younger woman couldn't have for what matters most.
It's not just the sex, but the making of love between us, even at a great distance. It's many mature conversations, but not w/o plenty of levity and some silliness involved. Compatible cell phone plans help ...beyond our both being good sports if/when losing at Scrabble.
We're the best of friends in that we respect each other for our differences [I'm originally from PA w/ a Yankee and German heritage; she's a Southern Belle drawn to all things Cajun and Creole], yet we continue to find more and more in common for values ...besides share unpretentious candor w/ one another. That she's a great cook beyond my knowing my way around a kitchen doesn't hurt.
Her profile, when I first came across it, stated that she was not looking to marry again, but something tells me that she might change her mind ...if she hasn't already. I don't foresee myself saying, "No" if asked ...or us retiring to our rocking chairs anytime soon. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:46:45 PM | | Age is just a number. Maturity is not based on age,it is based on experiences. I find most men in their fifties are thinking on retiring instead of enjoying themselves now. I have always dated younger men since they understand that life should be fun. Most men over 50 seem to forget to laugh,have fun and just enjoy each day. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:32:57 PM | I'm engaged to be married to my significant other and we're the same age. He's four months older. I love this about him. I've spent time with younger men and have normally been attracted to older men in the past, but because I have one young eight year old daughter and am a single parent, I had hoped to meet someone my own age. Well, I got lucky and I'm thrilled that we're so close and crazy for one another because we share the same tastes in music, most movies, common values and most interests, (except for our political preferences). My little one is absolutely nuts over him and we all just seem to "fit" together. We both love animals and our lifestyles blend well.
As for all the other things that everyone else mentioned: the being fit thing, sex, etc., yes all of that is important and we have the majority of that but to me the most important thing is the man's value system and whether or not he'll be there for my daughter and I. I always ask myself this -- can he be counted upon to stand by us when the chips are down, in sickness and in health, truly for richer or poorer? I think the answer is yes and so I'm going to marry this man. Soon. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:21:58 AM | | I really like this question because it's so . . . just make you think(able). Not something dire but something to consider. I really feel that I would be comfortable with someone either ten years older or ten years younger. Supposedly men don't live as long as we do, so that would make us even on that score if he were younger. And if he were older I would still be his "hot chickie" unless he liked even younger women. If the man is stable, knows who he is and loves me then we'll be just fine for a long, long time. Preferrably I would want the one who is ten years younger than older, if I were pressed to make a decision. Much older men aren't too much fun for me. Since I only want one good man who is really into me, he's got to have it going on in all the ways that count because I do. And he would have to keep up with me. Some men [younger or older] act like old farts to begin with; just wanting to lay around and watch television. Then when it starts raining everything is your fault, you were the boring one because you didn't do the Dance of the Seven Veils every night to try to turn him on. Want a man who knows what to do, when to do it . . . and for as long as there is a breath in his body. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:49:11 AM |
Must you be reminded that men age gracefully? As opposed to....
This USED to be true. This is not blanket across the board true any longer. With the advent of wrinkle creams, botox, better facial creams, women who take care of themselves and are willing to update their look occasionally look MUCH better then men of similar age. Unless a man works out religiously AND stays out of the sun AND doesn't smoke....many of them can look years older than their actual chronological age. For some reason, however, they still see that young man when they look in the mirror. Perhaps that is because women are conditioned (and constantly reminded by both men and the media) to be aware of need for self-vanity....men are not. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:18:19 AM | | I can only speak from experience here, for me it's more important to have a partner who is there emotionally, physically and sprirtually as well as financially, not nessasarily in that order. There is much more to a relationship then the physical side, and looks can be deceiving because now adays alot of people when they think about growing old gracefully is scary....let's face it once your age starts showing most men start looking for a younger more sexually attractive women anyway and I think although it's rather shallow for those that chose that route they end up with having to take responsibility for their choices, right! At the same time most women are either looking for someone who can financially take care of them as security is more important at this age. I have also found as you grow older that there are others who just can't handle being alone so they marry the first person that comes along, again they have to except the consequainces and live with it, if it doesn't work out! I think I have more the old fashion mentality as I want to fall in love like people did years ago....being pampered, respected, slowly getting to know each other...hey there's something to be said about falling in love while being wined and dined.....flowers, doors being opened for you, cards, little notes, being whisked away for a weekend getaway, hey come on what ever happened to women and men respecting each other and showing each other what makes you happy, right? If you want to hide behind a computer screen and loose touch with reality then ask yourself why your looking for something that doesn't even exsist? There are no perfect people or relationships and this machine that your typing on right now is the only thing stopping you from getting out there and truely searching for your soul mate....go for it and good luch everyone! | |
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Elle83
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 96 | |
| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:24:15 AM | To be honest, I prefer to date older men... However... It does worry me that in 15 or so years, will my partner be confined to a wheelchair or something of the sort... Or worse, fall victim to Altziemers... I feel that this would be heartbreaking...
I think it would be beautiful to grow old together... But if I found someone that forfills me then I dont think age would be that much of a problem. Its definately an issue for both parties... | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:29:22 AM | | I don't happen to think that age is any more important then other things but it is a personal call so if you take everything that is important to you as an individual & look for a partner that would enhance those qualities then your more apt to find a better all around companion and be better suited for each other in the end . Remember, it's the way you act or react to any given situation, after all there are alot of qualities that should be addressed but the bottom line is this, it's a personal decision & what is good for one person may not be important to another! When you do meet someone in person relax, have fun and don't take life so serious, enjoy each other's company & just maybe you might meet a new friend. You will never know where that friendship will take you..... if you don't take the a chance? Life is doing and taking risks not sitting behind a computer looking for something that just doesn't excist, good luck everyone! | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:07:37 AM |
So is the real answer we can't generalize *at all*...that we should all be open to all ages? Up or down?
For someone against "generalizing" all you have done in this thread is talk about "Old Men", "Old Women" and how they lack in bed etc. I am sure these are attempts at humor...but remeber where you are. KInda hard for that to be conveyed.
As far as having something in common w/someone...that is not really age dependent either, in my experience.
Really? So you know what the mood was in 1938,1948,1958? You interacted socially at that time?
Examples like this is usually where the age gap becomes awkward. I know because the bulk of who I date is much older...I am usually familiar with everything that went on in their time period (comes from my own upbringing) but the gap shows when something from MINE comes up....Also remeber behavior can differ in each generation. Sexual and Social....(I said CAN I am not generalizing)
Could be...certainly as far as what our bodies are doing. My perimenopause body at 34 has very little in common w/a man's 23 yr old body. Of course, most women my age aren't in perimenopause.
Are you focusing on a sexual relationship with someone older, or the whole package. SEx is going to be the least of your worries.
And I can say that an active 55 yr old man has WAY more going for him than a lazy unmotivated 35 yr old couch potato, when it comes to attracting the op sex (for me at least).
There you go generalizing again. | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:14:11 AM | Hm.
Poster MeloFelo does not appear to have a profile any longer. I guess he did not want things like:
Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth, one reason that many men in their 50s do turn towards women 20+ years younger, is that they've run into one too many "battleaxe" women their own age, and want the easier dynamic that sets up with an "older/younger" relationship. "Some women" in their 50s, seem to view relationships as "competition" or want to "get even with men" in every relationship.
There is something very nice, that can exist, with a peer, that can't with someone of a different generation, but it's not worth it, if it comes with being the "victim" of her long nurtured "issues", anger, and bitterness
or even moreso, this:
So, OP, I have less in common, in terms of dating, relationships, and sex, with someone my age, than I would with someone in her 30s, or a youthful 40 something, or a woman in her 50s, who sees herself as "Wendy" as much as I see myself as "Peter Pan". :)
to follow him around forever?
Either that or there is trouble in paradise and reinvention of oneself is becoming necessary............ | |
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| If you are over 50, would you rather marry same age or younger?
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:34:55 AM | Hi:
I can speak from experience. My lovely man...10 years older..died in June 2007. We did a lot of fun things over the years; travelled to the U.S., Mexico and Canada where we lived. He had an incredible vitality for many, many years. He took up jogging when he was in his 50s and finished every 10 km charity race he started. He had a generosity of spirit and a heart that was valued by me, by friends, family and business colleagues. As his health waned (he had MDS which progressed to Acute myeloid leukemia), he grew weaker and weaker. I did everything I could for him..could not donate bone marrow as it had to come from a sibling, but I learned to do weekly injections of Eprex to boost his blood platelets, etc. I loved him with all my heart and feel that I did due diligence when it came time "for better ...for worse...for richer...for poorer...in sickness and in health...till death do us part". I did this for 33 years; we were not married. He was 73 when he died. Would I do it over again with the right man? In a heartbeat.....when you love...you love with passion! At least I did. | |
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