| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:43:21 AM | I have met people and:
1/ Simply did not fancy them at all.
2/ Didnt like their attitudes.
3/ They said they had troublesome kids.
4/ They worked far too many hours.
5/ They didnt really have time to fit a man into their life.
6/ They were alcoholics.
Need I go on ? | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:48:05 AM | | You said this is a dating service. He may have dated more than one woman. He may have more than one phone number. Think of a dating service sometimes like someone interview several good candidates. You were one of them, but he gave the job to Samantha for some reason. He thought Samantha was a better fit. I am making up the name ot make a point. People are not going to just bail on you. That's not realistic. He probably did enjoy himself, just like an interviewer may enjoy a candidate he doesn't hire. It is a dating service as you said.... What would the point be in him calling you if he found someone more to his liking? I know it sucks not to be called. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:01:02 AM |
I would have thought we'd all be past that by this point in our lives...
Perhaps he's also past the "I never call a guy first" game in this point of his life, so he decided to leave you to your shoes.
I mean, it's not rocket science, you know. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:30:13 AM | Many different possible reasons.
1. He dated another woman that he liked better.
2. He isn't that interested in you.
3. He isn't serious about dating and prefers to remain single.
4. He has unrealistic expectations for a first date / meeting.
5. He is afraid of getting into a serious relationship because of past experiences.
6. He doesn't have enough time for a relationship.
BTW this happens fairly often. A first date goes reasonably well for both people and one person loses interest for some reason. Sometimes the reason can be something that is very minor or strange. Also, why do some people think the man always has to call with the woman first. If a woman never initiates any contacts or doesn't ask for a man's phone number, then some men might think that she isn't that interested in me. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:21:03 AM | If there were a handbook, I sure didn't get a copy...
Maybe he was upset that you didn't ask for his number and merely assumed that by not asking, that you weren't interested in him.
You said that you "never call the guy first", and that's perfectly fine. However, maybe you could be more open minded. For instance, if you would've said to him " Call me if you want to, I really enjoyed our lunch date. ---But, please know...I never make the first move"
---then maybe you would've received a call.
Just a thought..... Hope this helps. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 12:04:07 PM | 1) Look up: Occam's Razor (everything other than the limited info you have...Is a guess)
2) While you're answers could be found in "lost phone", "hit by bus", "family crisis", "met someone else", etc., (totally preventing him from calling)...it's unlikely, and so here's my hunch. When things seem to go "really well" from one person's perspective, it's often ONLY from that's person's perspective. Recall those old Seinfeld conversations about dating someone outside your "range". It's easy to look for the signs of how well it went, and to ignore any other (perhaps non-verbal) signs that it went any differently. Certainly you've been on a date with a guy who thought it went very well, but you actually had very little interest...right? If asked, how would he report it went? And on that date, were you eager to mention during the date that you didn't see a future? Not surprisingly when one person thinks it went "very well". . . hope is pretty common.
Unfortunately the magic combination is when both people like each other roughly the same amount, and "fall in love" at roughly the same speed. If either shows too much interest, especially too early on...it's likely to send the train off the tracks.
3) As for the 3 hours, If he's that great a guy (and from your description it sounds like he was), he could probably keep anyone entertained for 3 hours. Isn't that what you liked about him? Using your metaphor, having someone "like you a lot" for 3 hours (regardless of their interest), is like being complimented repeatedly for re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It's not a waste of time, it's a boost to the ego, and here's the thinking that might of occurred: "Here's a girl who loves my stories, laughs at my jokes, and thinks I'm amazing...how come I'm still single?...Sure I'm not interested in her, but at least I know I've still got it, and not a total loser. I'm not sure if I'll get together with her again, but I should probably take her number just in case...[fill in the blank]".
4) Actions are what's worth judging. He hasn't called. The fact that you're still wondering (weeks later) is probably a pretty good indication of the one-sidedness of the attraction. Is there really any chance (at all) that he's at home looking your number in his phone, and thinking back about what a great time he had...and yet still, somehow, he's managing to resist calling you? Could he really be so busy with his amazing life that he's willing to let the new "love of his life" just slip away, when all it would take to preserve that opportunity would be a quick call? (As a guy, I can tell you it's very unlikely). Look, the intention for taking the number can only be guessed at, but what he "hasn't" done with it (also for whatever reason) remains extremely obvious. I'm reminded of and expression from the days before e-mail . . ."When the letters stop...it's time to read between the lines".
5) My suggestion: Don't spend any more time on it. I suspect that ideally you'd want to date someone who likes you as much as you like them, and calls you within a day or two after a great first date anyway. Anything less...probably not the guy for you.
That's my 4 cents. (I always like to give a little extra).
- Mark
P.S. Next time say: "I only like to give my number to people who are actually planning on calling me...so...presuming I give it to you (using that wink-smile that most women have perfected)...when can I expect to here from you again?"
(And the "Pause Time" before he answers should be all the info you need, to know if he's ever planning on calling you or not). ;-) | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:43:45 PM | | I still go with the got the number wrong... that happened to me once and I had no way of contacting her... luckily just was 2 numbers transcibed... still didn't work out in the end, but I can imagine what that woman would have thought of me if I hadn't tried some variations of the number... then again.. maybe she transcribed on purpose thinking if I tried to verify her number by calling it right away she could say it was a mistake... oh the utter dishonesty of the dating world... lol | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:13:51 PM | It sounds like a recent thing that happened to me. Date goes good to great. Her body language is showing all kinds of good things. She even hops over and hugs me good bye. I was surprised and was not able to give my "world famous hug" but still.
I got left hanging. Humm... contact him and say hi.... if you get around to it, ask him out again to a normal safe place and see what happens.
If you liked it that much, then it is worth a shot. If you don't communicate with him, you have lost him. Wanna see my list of "they lost me because" ? Not that I have a list but I should have been writing them down. I'm old now and have had too many knocks in the brain to remember them all. :D Good thing huh! :D
Call and maybe lose..don't call and lose. Your choice. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/2/2008 12:35:05 PM | OP, the guys in their 40's are far worse in this area then the 20 year old's.. :)
Either way, if a man wants to call, they will.
You might have had a nice date, and in your mind you obviously don't "get" it- I wouldn't either, because there is no answer for you- save one, he just wasn't as into you HE may have appeared.
It's easier sometimes to leave things how he did- the whole "give me your phone number" scenario then it is to say" Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think I'm gonna call".
That's just how it is, don't take it too seriously, it happens ALOT in this screwed up world of dating.
Good luck!!
JJ  | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:51:35 PM | Ok, what I REALLY meant to ask was: If you know you're not going to call, why
ask for my number? why not just say, "Well, thanks for having lunch with me,
nice to meet you, bye." Or just be REALLY honest and just say, "You know what?
I just don't see any chemistry here, so I don't think I'll ask you out again."
That would be much easier than the whole ask-for-my-number-and-don't -use-it
thing. To me, it's just rude to ask for my number and then not call. I don't know
why men in general don't see it that way? That's really what I was asking. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:45:48 PM | ( I didn't take his number, I never call the guy first. I guess I'm old-fashioned.)
...And 40-something men still play all the "games"? I would agree with another poster. If you didn't get his number after all that time, then perhaps he just thought you weren't interested. And if you WERE interested during the 3 hour lunch, why didn't you just SAY so! People make things SO difficult sometimes... | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:11:43 AM | | Curious? Did you do most of the talking or was it mutual? If the former, then you probably misinterpreted the situation. Most likely, however, he liked you, but found someone else he likes more. If he's new to online dating, he probably still feels like a kid in a candy store too. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:48:29 AM | couple things could be the reasons.
1. hes not attracted to you and he was just being nice at that time.
2. he is intentionally peaking your interest in him and it works. see you are posting here and thinking about him. so when he does call you will automatically want him more. working as intended. next step is to start pulling the "cocky+funny" crap on you on the dates.
3. he is already dating someone and it entered a more serious stage so he decided to comit himself or at least limit his new dates.
4. he has genuine reasons which happened suddenly, not related to his dating life which put a pause or a complete halt on his pursuits of women. | |
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| Why wouldn't he call after a great date?
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:29:06 PM | | There could be a lot of reasons why he didn't call. It's hard to tell, I just hope that the server was tipped good after you two tied up her table for 3 hours. lol | |
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