| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:58:23 PM |
But if you want a relationship, you've got to let go of the past and look at each one with fresh eyes
I think jnh said it very well with those words -- it is all in the attitude. I am a gentleman, was raised that way and that is what I am and I love doing the little gestures.
No complaints about how women act because mistreatment isn't limited to one gender nor is whining about it. I see enough bad attitude (and even outright hatred) in quite a few of the women's profiles and see it in the men's posts on the forums -- look in the mirror for the reason/cause of the attitude -- every individual is responsible for their own attitude. If you allow someone to influence your attitude, it is your fault because you are letting them do it. Smile ... be happy ... enjoy the day ... because no matter how bad or how hard it is ... it could be worse ... so smile because it isn't worse and be happy and enjoy the day. Learn to like yourself and learn that it is okay to be alone with yourself and you will also learn that life is good alone. Then you also learn that life is even better sharing the smiles and the little gestures, not just doubled because there is two of you but even more ....
Yall have a great day and smile ... be happy ... and enjoy today!! | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:35:10 PM | I used to: clean the house on my days off, cook dinner, wash dishes, buy gifts, bathe, and shave my wife's legs - all without her asking for it - all because I loved her; and that's the type of guy I am.
I think that's pretty nice, isn't it? | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:54:07 PM | It depends. A guy who does this all the time, I would say, is clingy. It's all about push/pull dynamics as far as I'm concerned. Being a gentleman has its time and place. Do it too much and the girl will get bored and pull away. It's all about having a mix of being romantic, spontaneous, level headed and being difficult (teasing and joking) for it all to work haha.
However, REAL gentlemen, guys who know when to use romance and when not to, do exist. I remember doing all sorts of little things in the relationship that I wanted to to be romantic I'd be spontaneous and start speaking what little of the other language my gf spoke at random times (I love you, etc) or was kind of creative.
But I am adamant that 99% of men who are gentlemen "all" the time really have no attractive spark because they aren't a challenge sometimes. | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/10/2008 3:33:35 AM |
It depends. A guy who does this all the time, I would say, is clingy. Some of the most masculine men I knew were not clingy and were very chiv.
It's all about push/pull dynamics as far as I'm concerned. Being a gentleman has its time and place. He had better be a gentleman with me all the time--respect is not an option.
Do it too much and the girl will get bored and pull away. girls might, but most women won't.
It's all about having a mix of being romantic, spontaneous, level headed and being difficult (teasing and joking) for it all to work haha. you can do this and still be a gentleman--read a lot of the post of the men on here who are 45 and up. They are polite, kind--getting the point across and are able to be funny, teasing and sexy all at the same time-------some things come with age and it depends on the audience you are playing to, they just don't know how to appreciate a gentleman because they either weren't raised with one or weren't taught to look for one.
However, REAL gentlemen, guys who know when to use romance and when not to, do exist. I remember doing all sorts of little things in the relationship that I wanted to to be romantic I'd be spontaneous and start speaking what little of the other language my gf spoke at random times (I love you, etc) or was kind of creative. ahhhhh, there is hope for you.
But I am adamant that 99% of men who are gentlemen "all" the time really have no attractive spark because they aren't a challenge sometimes. a man can be a gentleman without being a pushover.
There is a saying that a woman can be a lady outside the bedroom and a "=" in the bedroom. Not sure what the saying would be for a man, but I can just hear it now based on what I read you think a gentleman is..................after you, no, after you, oh no, after you..............
Trust me, I have know men who were gentlemen all the time, but in the bedroom, they weren't laying down a coat waiting for me to cross over any puddles............. | |
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Posted: 1/10/2008 5:59:03 AM | I know these men exist, but my guy is NOT one of them. I struggle with this, as I am very attentive. I am not writing this to have you all tell me to leave him. He is a wonderful man andnaOT rmantic by nature. He has many many stong points and I love him dearly. It is frustrating sometimes, because I find myself wishng he were. I would like advice on how to subtly train a man like this, WITHOUT CHANGING WHO HE IS. I had to add that, because I know that who is is is not what I am speaking about.
Can an old dog learn new tricks? | |
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Posted: 1/10/2008 1:54:28 PM | | Yes, just love him into it..................ask him to try things and even if it isn't just right, tell him how much you love the fact that he tried for you............ | |
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Posted: 1/10/2008 3:15:55 PM | Gotmail -- an old dog can indeed learn new tricks ... the problem is you cannot make them forget the old ones  | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:17:45 PM | I would LOVE to be sent flowers at work but the only time I can remember that happening was an arrangement that came from my ex - and he was living with someone else at the time. Not a gentleman, I am afraid.
I did recently spend some time with a true gentleman, though, and it was utterly delightful to be treated to those quiet expressions of respect and affection. It spoiled me for sure. I don't think I could settle for less, after that. You know - once you've tasted filet mignon (did I spell that right?), it's hard to go back to hamburger - even really good hamburger. | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:53:16 PM | Gotmail?
Recommend that you read the book "Five Languages of Love", I believe it's by Gary Smalley. Your guy may be busting his butt showing you how much he loves you, but he's expressing it in his love language, and its not being interpreted into your language.
My ex and I had this exact problem, my language was physical affection (holding hands, hugs, backrubs, cuddling, etc). Hers was quality time. I could spend days sitting with her while she watched TV or whatever. She was perfectly satisfied. I was speaking in her language when i spent time with her. And from her perspective, she was spending time with me, so I should have been satisfied. But she didn't like the touchy stuff, so we rarely held hands, hugged, etc. I practically had to beg her to hold my hand when we were driving in the car.
Gary Smalley's theory is that if you recognize each other's language, then you'll recognize when the other one is expressing love, even if it's not the way you would prefer it to be expressed.
To tie this in, maybe part of the perception that romance or true gentlemen are rare is that there's too much comparison going on (and guys do it too, but your question, therefore my response is directed toward women) . One of your friends at work gets flowers from her bf (Awww, how romantic). Your bf has never sent you flowers at work (What a bum). The flowers were an apology because your friend's bf spent last saturday drinking beer and shooting pool with a buddy instead of going shopping for new drapes (never mentioned by your friend). Your bf spent last saturday changing the oil, rotating the tires, washing, and hand waxing your car (very nice, but not romantic, especially since you could have gone to Super-Lube and a car wash for $60). So, which guy is seen as being romantic? The guy who spent 5 minutes on the internet ordering flowers to be sent to the office, not the guy who spent 5 hours in the hot sun doing something he thought would be really nice for you.
Just a thought. Its not the small things, because to the person who puts in the effort they aren't small. Hey, I admire the guys who can write poetry, short little love notes, or buying little surprise gifts. I suck at it. But I can spend days clearing hurricane debris from someone's house and yard, but that doesn't earn me any 'romance points' because I do the same kind of things (to a lesser extent) for people who are just friends. A gentleman is a gentleman to everyone, not just to the girl he's trying to get into bed with. | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:39:28 AM | yep they are still around... but most of the time... doing such things will do nothing more than get a guy kicked to the curb, fast.
So when you find one, appreciate him, even if he is not *yours*. Make sure you reinforce the behavior. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2008 7:33:36 AM | ..{He may be IN Mo., but he's still 1/2 Canadian !!..}..
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'gotmail' . .
You may be able to train him . . covertly . .
like when you're walking together . . hold his arm . . make him at least 'appear' to be a gentleman . . !! | |
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Posted: 1/11/2008 7:47:58 AM | | Gentleman are a dime a dozen, alot of women say they want one, but deep down they really want a bad boy, with a bad boy they know what they are getting into, with a gentleman they are going down the road to a serious relationship, to some younger women that have never been married this is untread territory, to older women who have been married for a long time and now divorced, they are tired of the serious relationship and they wonder what they have missed...Thus it all starts over again. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2008 7:53:54 AM | I think some haven't been taught to do those things because they were taught to be practical by nature. Or that is the thinking they seem to have. I have seen threads like this on other sites and the younger men say that younger women don't want them opening doors for them... that they can do it themselves... so there is definitely a hang up somewhere.... I have talked to my son about this too... he says he gets mixed signals from women in regards to this... as a matter of fact he said he would hold a door for anyone out of courtesy but it can be misconstrued....
On another note I had a man once who did all those things for me the entire relationship... flowers .... drew me bubble baths.... dim lights and glasses of wine... romantic trips.... gifts... well it turned out he had two other women on the side.... so one can't tell.... all the time..... | |
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Posted: 1/11/2008 8:07:16 AM | | I agree with you Pixy dust, but I think most women want a man and not a man servant...on the other hand I could be wrong..said with a big smile! | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:11:55 AM | As I wrote in another thread-- Women need to keep in mind that men tend to show their affection for women by doing things or fixing things for their lady. Buying flowers and romantic stuff is foreign and icky to us. I'm not saying that us guys shouldn't try and do these things but women often overlook the significance of the other things their men have done for them (ie. helping move furniture, fix the washing machine, build a dresser, etc.) Men prefer to express their love by doing MANLY things.
So ladies, don't overlook that stuff when measuring your guy to "gentlemen" standards. | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:54:46 AM | Yes, men who do sweet gestures still exist, in great numbers. We are being hunted to extinction, by women who fall for players, and then blame them for it. Seems to me like there ought to be a nature programme: "The extinction of the gentleman." Maybe a reserve park needs to be set up for this rare species?
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:19:57 AM | | I am a strong believer in chivalry, however my last girlfriend didn't really appreciate me for it and return the favor :/ Sometimes I think I'm too old fashioned for women these days...and I'm only 23. | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:44:21 AM | If a woman '..knows what she's getting with a Bad-boy..' . . then she Deserves the mental and physical abuse that she Seeks . . !
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Bad-boys aren't the Topic . .
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A Gentleman knows how to treat a Lady . . like a Lady . . !!
And . . knows how to make her Intimately Satisfied, too . . !!
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:59:25 AM | Well then they were doing it backwards? And getting screwed, well - ahem -
Seriously - I got sent flowers a couple of times in my whole life. The first time, I had to have a baby to get them. The last time was from my kids. I probably would have heart failure if a guy did that stuff for me. And I like to do nice things for men as well, but this new dating pool just doesn't get it.
I had a guy over to dinner - cooked him a beautiful gourmet feast with nice wine and the works. He chowed down, kissed me a couple of times - all this time looking at his watch. "I have to go now" and poof, out the door. It's never a good feeling to give the "sweet gestures" and have them fall flat.
i would hope that you never spoke to him again. punks like that are not men, just trash | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:46:37 AM | It has been ask of...in the past
And some believe it does not last
A shimmering dream...him holding the door
Amidst smoke and mirrors I do implore
Lay down that cloak...cross over the puddle
Thrice confused through all the muddle
Yes we do...I say loud and clear
Fear not my lady a gentleman's near
Tis not all lost what you cannot find
Its deep in the heart, soul and the mind
Believe me it's true...we do exist
Not just fairy tales and movie flicks
We are all around you...it is fair to say
Just make a wish for it to be your day | |
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| Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:06:26 PM | Sure they do theres just fewer of them because its no longer an expected thing. So now when a guy does a sweet gesture it seems to have more meaning behind it.
Even simple things such as opening the car door, or covering you in a blanket while you are sleeping, massaging you or playing with your hair. And of course flowers lol Its just now theres more meaning behind these gestures which I think makes it so much more special when you find yourself a true gentleman.
Also I sure hope women treat mean in a similar manner, I know I do. Its just the simple things like baking him cookies, or cleaning up his place for him as a surprise, massages, etc.
Sure theres less of this going on today but thats how you know if you found someone special right?
The wonderful dates things? Well I dunno I've yet to have a wonderful date planned for me but I am sure it still happens. Also girls arn't expected to ask the guy out just like the guy isn't expected to ask the girl out. Basically if you wanna ask someone out do it you don't have to wait for the other. Liek my bf would say theres no need for "formalities" but that doesn't mean there can't be romance. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2008 5:15:39 PM | ..{He may be IN Mo., but he's still 1/2 Canadian !!..}..
LOL. No, not half Canadian - although I have thought about relocating. | |
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