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| Worst first date story-Boy, do I have ya trumped !! :)
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:42:36 AM | I feel your pain, darlin', believe me I do. I think many of us who utilize internet introductions have found ourselves in this position before.
I want to begin by saying I often hear women are guilty of posting outdated or even "fake" photos, but I hafta tell ya, this is so NOT a gender specific crime...even right here on good ole' POF, men ROUTINELY will post 4 to 8 photos from various periods in their life and when you look at their profile, you have NO idea which is the current/accurate "look". Very frustrating and I for one don't appreciate the element of mystery it gives to any communications; I need to KNOW what I'm getting ! :) So it isn't just the tender gender who is guilty of this maneuver.
I have two "horror" stories for you....hoping these help sort of normalize your recent unpleasant experience:
Several years ago, brand new to internet dating, I got an email from an exceptionally intelligent, articulate gentleman. His ad had no photo ( mine did), but back then, many profiles had no pics, so I tried to take the high road and focus on his intellect and character. Being naturally cautious, I took many weeks of emailing before I would even agree to speak to him on the phone. He was patient and allowed me to go at my own pace. After several intriguing and lovely conversations, I agreed to meet him. I spent hours choosing JUST the right outfit, not too dressy, not showing too much skin; did my hair just so, paid a sitter and went to the designated place for our date. I sat at a table and excitedly waited for my prince to arrive....
After about 15 min of waiting and a glass of wine, a man approached my table who was shockingly scarred and disfigured, obviously from serious burns, to the point that he had no hair anywhere or eyelashes, and his features were sort of melted into his facial structures, indistinct and heavily gnarled by thick, ropy, angry looking scars traversing his entire head, neck and arms. Even as an RN, it was extremely difficult to keep the shock off my face as I looked at him; I felt overwhelmed with pity and sorrow for this man. When he said my name, my stomach tanked like when you're on a high speed elevator. I thought "Lord, you better help me here, so that I am kind and compassionate to this unfortunate soul". I did sit with him and talk a while, but was very upset that in all our communications, he managed to omit telling me he had these horrible scars. It put me in the no-win position of feeling deeply guilty and risking feeling shallow or superficial versus being able to see past his disfigurement. I was so busy wrestling with that, that I didn't stop to consider how he had deceived me quite purposely and had put me in this intensely uncomfortable, untenable position. Even as an RN, I still had the right to make a choice about a man, and even if he was incredibly intelligent, I just could not get past how he had so deliberately manipulated and deceived me. Bad start. I genuinely felt traumatized by the whole thing. I was a lady, but I left early and explained we didn't have the connection I expected.
If THAT wasn't enough, Fall of 2006 I met a man through Match.com, where I am certain Satan sends many of his sons to prey upon the unsuspecting. ( okay, that may be a BIT dramatic, but I just ran into so many coo-coo's there :(. Anyway, this absolutely gorgeous guy, very sweet profile, LOTS of head shots, seemed intelligent and well-spoken, wrote me. We began the dance, the emails back and forth and then eventually, phone calls. I agreed to meet him. When I saw the guy, I immediately found out WHY they had all been head shots. He had a severely affected "dropped hip", walked by swinging one leg up and around, almost throwing it forward with his torso, to get it in front of him for the next step. My heart sank. He was good looking and he was sweet, at least ostensibly. I wanted to try and sort of make a Karmic gesture this time, to offset what had happened with the Burn Guy....so I determined I'd give this man the benefit of doubt. It's too bad our lives aren't equipped with automated signs that pop up in bright red, proclaiming "BAD DECISION ABOUT TO HAPPEN". I did go out with him twice before I hit the wall, just couldn't take any more of his mealy-mouthing and apparent need for an "instant" relationship. This guy started bombarding my home with flowers....and he got my address ( which I kept private) using my PHONE NUMBER !!! That alarmed me and I called and told him I did not appreciate it and that I didn't care to see him again. THEN he started mailing me packages....( which I returned unopened, and I noticed his car driving by late at night. He showed up at a couple of art shows I did, and then I had a special promotion for a TV show to do, where I auctioned off one of my books and dinner with me as a fund-raiser for a large charity. Of course, this guy quickly became the highest bidder, I guess figuring he'd force me to go out with him that way. It was such a mess I can't tell you, had to speak to the auction director for the station and go through this whole awful, embarrassing rigamarole to undo his bids ( someone else won, Thank God)...had to go to my Post Office ( they know me there) and fill out a document asking no more pkgs be delivered to me from his address. He STILL emailed; I blocked him, he made up new ID's. He kept calling from blocked numbers, to the point that I stopped answering the phone when I saw that on the caller ID. I had to finally threaten this guy with a RESTRAINING ORDER to get him to stop. All was calm, thank God, for many months, no further noise from him.
Then I signed up here at POF, after an absence from the whole dating thing for a while. Who writes me, a shiny new member, but this fruitcake, carrying on as though nothing had happened and we were old and dear friends !!!!!!! I nearly threw up. I am relieved to say the site administrator got rid of the guy, kicked him off the site.
So, dearie, just wanted you to know, there are LOTS of potholes in the road to
e-Romance, and most of us fall into them now and then. Just maintain your own integrity & dignity and go forward, unwilling to settle for less or allow anyone to make you feel bad or drag you around by your sense of compassion, and you should be just fine.
Someone here mentioned how desperate your "date" was to have conducted herself that way and made the choices she did; it is my position that the words "desperate" and "dating" are mutually exclusive. Anyone who feels that much pressure to find a date has issues which automatically render them unfit to date. Iwill not make fun of her, but she has no right to delude or deceive anyone, regardless of her "desperation". Feeling sorry for someone like that enables them to keep doing the same thing over and over. Anyway....keep the faith and good luck !
Best wishes to you, hoping your '08 is GREAT~
Warmly: PhoenixWmn | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:52:32 AM |
Just curious - why didn't you ask her about it? I don't mean in a horrible way, but if it happened to me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to contain myself from saying, "Man, you don't look anything like your photos."
I did ask her about the pics and said I thought she looked older, but I didn't want to press her on it and create a more uncomfortable situation for her than what she was already going through with her roids. She told me the pictures were 2 years old but they looked at least 10 years old. She appeared to have an eating disorder which wasn't evident in her pics so this could have aged her. It's one extreme or the other with a majority of the women I meet online. They're either a pack of bones or Mama Cass! The ones that are heavy never admit they're fat. They'll use the excuse they're either retaining water or they're big boned or my personal favorite "They wouldn't look good any thinner". | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:57:11 AM | pompeyfox...
OMG my stories PALE in commparison... In the furure ILl read .first type later.. lmao
peace  | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:10:10 AM | | I usually don't like giving dating advice because I always end up offending someone. I had a friend once ask me if I thought opposites really attract. I told him if they do he'll end up with a girl who's extremely gorgeous, highly cultured and very intelligent. lol | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:36:39 AM | | StallionItalian, man, you are one funny dude. You really should consider standup comedy or writing for Jay Leno. You made my day. And for that Mr. Serious who would go to get her a pillow, maybe he should take her out! She was deceptive in her photos and you handled it well, man, right down to the humor! | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 2:01:29 PM | I'm thinking in the re-telling of your story it became more humorous to you than it was at the time. Going through a worst date is never fun, but if you're able to look back on it and see the humor, that's a plus at least.
Last weekend I was invited to a couple's home who are young friends of mine, with two small children, who adore my daughter and she keeps them occupied with games and attention while the adults can play cards and have a few drinks.
I knew they were also inviting other friends, including her husband's uncle, who had been pestering about meeting me for ages. The wife didn't seem to know him, really, so she couldn't describe him to me.
I get there and she runs out the door to greet me, happy to see me, hugs me, and whispers, omg, don't be mad at me, I had no idea. I go in the house and he's in a back room with her kids playing air hockey with them and didn't come out to meet me for a few minutes. He comes out, and introduces himself to me. He was slurring and obviously already halfway to being sh#tfaced, his eyes were puffy little slits in his wrinkled drawn face. As he's talking, he's somewhat covering his mouth, so it was hard to understand his muffled slurred speech, but when he started talking without his hand, it was obvious why.
He had probably five teeth in his head, not all of them being in front. The wife told me later that in his nervousness he had broken open a case of beer at 9 in the am, and the last time she had seen him, he had his teeth, and something about him going through a gum disease and having teeth pulled for a partial.
My question at this point is, why, oh why, would you want to meet a person of the opposite sex under these circumstances?
As the party wore on, he got beligerently offensive, made sure I knew he was scrappy and loved to get in fights. He tried to pick fights with every other male in the house.
The "F" bomb was at least every fifth word, and at one point he even used the "C" word. I can't say how many times I told him his language was incredibly offensive, there were kids within earshot of his foul mouth. One of the guys there was mostly just laughing at the insanity and kept offering him shots, saying to the rest of us, he'll pass out, it's better that way.
At one point the old drunk, (and I'm referring to his appearance since I am actually a year older), turned to me, tried to grab my hand, and said, "You want me, don't you? I know you want me." I looked at him and politely said, "Yes, but you're obviously too good for me." The uproarious laughter that followed from the other guests was well worth it.
Finally, two of the men there who had not been drinking poured him into the back seat of his SUV, and one of them drove him home with the other following.
On the plus side, at least he wasn't a date. On the minus side, I'm still a bit miffed that my friends would think there was a chance I could possibly be interested, but then again, they didn't know, I suppose, he would get so sloppy drunk, and weren't prepared for his unfortunate toothlessness...
At least I met him with friends around so there was nothing awkward about it, and they took the trash out themselves, so it turned out humorous in the end. Apologies were accepted from the friends, as I'm sure they meant well. The rest of us went on to have a fun party, and I'll admit we had a good laugh at his expense.
Moral of the story, don't get drunk before your first meeting, and wait until you get your dental issues out of the way. (I wouldn't have ever thought that those things weren't totally obvious, but apparently not for some people.)
Oh, and, if you like to get into fights at bars? 'Nuff said. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 2:15:07 PM | That is so funny! Thanks for the good laugh on New Years I needed it! You have not heard my worst first date stories! Lol mine still blows this one away! Some of mine have been so bad I wanted to sprint away!  | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 3:19:45 PM | [The ones that are heavy never admit they're fat. They'll use the excuse they're either retaining water or they're big boned or my personal favorite "They wouldn't look good any thinner".]
I am a bigger girl myself and i must admit i am always totally honest about it! My worst nightmare would be walking into a date without them knowing and looking at me in shock!!!! Its so important to give someone an accurate picture of what you are really like - lets face it if they have an honest picture of what you are like they are more likely to fancy you at the end of the date if you have got on well! There are alot of men out there who like curvy girls so come on girls be honest!!!! And if someone doesn't like it - lying about it won't change their opinion!!!!
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 3:21:53 PM | WOW on everything.... I thought it was just me that hit this sort of thing. Outdated information and everything. I've not encountered such dramatic results and I must admit, the stories here have scarred me quite well.
I would have handled the first story much the same way the original poster did. It is hard to be good at times and look a bit deeper into someone. When he *fled* the apartment and made his escape, even though he felt great to be gone, I can't help but think about the date that lied and wasted his life, much less hers.
I am a photographer people and if any of you are near my studio I will gladly make you 1/2 a dozen photos free of charge. Just so that this kind of thing can end!
How are either of the daters suppose to feel at this kind of moment? Someone lied, someone is mislead. That has got to be a tense situation.
What about Mr. Charcoal-ed and Limp-biscuit? I feel zero compassion for liars. I know it is hard to post that sort of information and there may not be a pool of dates out there but does that give anyone the right to mislead some wonderful girl and put her on the spot like that? Not to mention, stalk her?
Too many more of these stories and I am not going to bother dating at all!
I will say that if one is really looking to date, get married or even just shack up for convenience, they should still be upfront about everything and then they should meet with a higher degree of success. Maybe I am wrong to think that success is the goal here. Perhaps it is about wasting someone's time or stalking them into submission. Uhh yuck
Good luck out there y'all ! | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/1/2008 5:59:37 PM | I feel ur pain buddy..I got one of my own but its the opposite....
She seemd sweet enough in convo which she was...sent my some great pics of here at about 120 pounds with nice fetures...I thought perfect....we decided to meet for dinner( since then coffee only first dates)..I got there early and got the table...then ...I SAW HER....barly able to show horn through the door way....I thought..well I dont wanna be hurtfull cause things like that can be very sensative..how was i hurting and no one i knew would see me there....did I think wrong....just then a buddy and his HOT gf walked in ..he saw me and decided to come over and start a play fight..then....lol...THEN...she introduces herself as..MY DATE  anyway he decideds to go eat and leave me in my pain... I knew I was gonna have some explaining to do.. after dinner I was begining to see the light of relief at the end of the tunnle.. just my luck she askes..so what do u want to do now... resisting the earge to say..go home and cry... I said hmmm not to sure... I paid for dinner as she sitts waiting for the awnser she wants I thought ..the theater has to be emty on a sunday night..its jut down the way from where we were...I was right the theater was dead empty..we were the ONLY 2 people there...stting down waiting for the darkness to mask my terror. the next 2 poeple to walk in were..Yup..had to be my sis and her HOT friend...shortly after....mmmmm hmmm..my neighbor and his brother....after the date she says to me.. I dont think ur right for me.. so i said ok have a good one...by the time i got home just about evreyone i knew had hered of this and I had some serious explanations to give out... | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:51:01 AM | Ooooh...some of these stories do ease my pain a little.... haha!!!
For the sake of intrigue and the entertainment value, i'll call my worst story, "The first date I never met, or even saw a picture of"......
Like a previous poster, i had met this girl on match.com a couple yrs ago, just after my divorce was final (actually WTF was i doing there so soon after??? )
Anyways, she was from the next town over,(close enuff, i thought!!) she winked at me first....no picture, so i explained my stand on the "no picture" thing, she gave me every excuse short of "the dog ate it, but barfed it up, and it's frayed and stained with bile now"...
Finally, after 4 or 5 days of no communication, she e's me again, and sez she found a good pic...i give her my home e mail addy, cuz she doesn't want to post on match. OMG...the pic shows her scuba diving underwater in the Caribbean a couple yrs earlier, all this blonde hair everywhere, with a huge swim mask on her face, and a scuba regulator shoved in her mouth!! I had absolutely no more of an idea what she looked like than before. Somehow over the course of 3 or 4 e mails, and about a week or so, she convinces me that one evening we should meet at a little watering hole central to both of us. This place was right on my home from work, so i figured, gee, what do i really hafta lose??? For the cost of a rum n coke, she might actually be my next ex wife to be!!! 
She told me to call her on Weds. afternoon to confirm our "date" that evening... (this was the first time she gave me her #, and i never did call until that Weds. afternoon)
When i finally did call, and chatted with her one on one for the very first time, she was in a meltdown, tears, dramatics, the whole thing.... I ask what happened, she tells me in between sobs that just earlier that afternoon, she goes to her ex hubbys in a real seedy neighborhood, and attempts to pick up her fish tank and a few other things she left behind (divorce was 5 yrs previous!! ) ...... and when she sets her purse and phone down on his kitchen table and treks downstairs to retrieve her stuff, he apparently grabs her phone and immediately begins to write down all the numbers in her call lists. He then calls her a couple hours later....asks her "just who the f--- I am", and gets rather crappy about this, and says he has already "checked me out" with his buddy who apparently traces people for a living, and he knows all about me, where i live, where i work, how many kids, where they go to school, what car i drive, my tag numbers, the whole thing....then he threatens me (via her) and states that i should watch starting my car in the morning from now on.
She then proceeds to ask me in the same breath if we could postpone meeting for a few days until this whole thing cools down!!!!!!  hahaha!!!
Needless to say after i have been told this, i inform her that "Sister, as far as i am concerned right now, we are gonna postpone our meeting until the end of time as we now know it!!!" In a tear filled, Academy Award performance, she informs me how sad and sorry she is that this has happened, but her ex is a wacked out crazy psychopath with a serious police record, and i should really be careful, and look out for myself, and my children.
After a couple days, i started recieving e mails addressed from her, but they are clearly written by this wackjob ex of hers....so obviously, this guy is even savvy enough to have broken into her e mail acct and is using her username. He seriously threatens me bodily, and with the psycholgical threats of a crazy man. says he knows exactly who i am, and where i live, so beware.
Finally in an act of almost desperation, i consult our local Chief of Police, whom i went to high school with, many moons ago, and he and i always got along well. He sat me down after running this guys stats over the wire, and he told me to seriously watch my butt for the next little while because this guy sounds like a real nut job.
I then replied to his/her e mail a day or so later, and enclosed a scanned copy of the filled out application for a Personal Protection Order against both him, and his looney ex wife too. And I had informed him of my dealings, and close ties with our local Police Department, and that I had in turn, also checked out his entire record also. Little did he know, i just filled out the papers, never actually followed thru with filing them...i figured the papers alone might persuade them both to leave me alone. Long drawn out story short... i never did hear from either one of them again..... but it really did make me think, and put the whole internet dating thing, and especially the "no picture" or "picture from Senior Prom 1982" thing into a context.
Think about this one last time..... I had never seen an actual picture of this girl...I couldn't have picked her out of a Police Line-up if my life had depended on it. I even joked with her in an early e mail once and told her that she had better wear her swim mask, and scuba regulator to the bar that night so i could recognize her!!!
All this grief for a person whom i had never seen a picture of, and had never actually met in person!!! Aaaahhhhh.... Good Times!!!!!!  
And..... I got prolly fifteen more stories if u wanna hear em!!!! hahahaha!!!! | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:15:04 AM | to StallionItalian: I find your story very hilarious makes me laugh even I was falling sleepy and getting late here but I think you are a very gentleman.
Not to worry you'll find a nice woman because you seem a nice person... | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:17:14 AM | | You should never pick up a date form their address, last week I heard a story of a man went to pick up a date ,he was greeted by two guys ,who beat him up and stole his phone and wallet, its a crazy world ,be safe not sorry. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:01:39 AM | You should never pick up a date form their address, last week I heard a story of a man went to pick up a date ,he was greeted by two guys ,who beat him up and stole his phone and wallet, its a crazy world ,be safe not sorry.
True or she could have offered me a drink laced with cyanide and I could have ended up buried in her basement with the rest of her online dates. As bad as this date was it could have been alot worse. I'll guarantee if she ever watches an episode of Forensic Files she'll never invite another stranger to her home again. That show can scare the hell out of you! | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 2:08:39 PM | | ^Yeah Joseph that's pretty hard to beat there. Wow, just wow. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:26:04 PM | | This was my first online dating experience. It was probably about 2 and a half years ago. I was talkin to this guy, emailing him back and forth for about week or so. I saw his picture but it was only from like his chest up. I thought he ok looking. Then we exchanged phone numbers and started texting. Then we talked on the phone a couple times. I would ask him ?'s and he wasn't really talkative so I just thought he was shy. So we finally agreed to meet up for a date. He said he would be coming straight from work and he was bringing his friend (cuz he was his ride, thought he just didn't have a car). I didn't want to go alone so I asked a girlfriend of mine to go with me. We met them at a halfway point then they followed us to a bar. Didn't really get a good look at them yet. Then we got to the bar and he got out of the car. He had a really bad limp and his one hand was completely dead. He couldn't use it to do anything. Not to mention he was wearing a giant eagle shirt cuz that's where he worked at. And he wasn't shy. He just couldn't talk period. I felt kind of bad and my friend looked at me like she wanted to run away. We didn't want to be mean so we went in and sat down had a few drinks together. His friend was so weird. Well the guy was drinkin like double captain and cokes or somethin. He ended up getting so drunk that he puked all over himself sitting right there at the table. Needless to say that when me and her went to the bathroom we had to figure out a way for us to leave so we could ditch them. So when we went back to the table we told them we had to meet some friends. So I know what all of you are going thru. I just tried to make the best out of it. But once he started vomiting on himself it was over. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:02:16 PM | | jame228 - you made me laugh till I cried...and "once he started vomiting on himself if was over", I'm in tears!! I know it felt awful at the time, but thanks for sharing. It's amazing to me how people misrepresent themselves. They think if they just don't tell you everything, it's not dishonest. They didn't lie did they? But your "date" has a right to know what they are getting into. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:06:40 PM |
That is some wicked s^&t lol!!! I heard of one girl who expected a white male in his 20's and was greeted by a black male in his late 30's. I also know of a guy who was expecting a 32 year old female and met the same female except that she was 59 (she posted the pics when she was 32 and her profile read age: 32 lol!). But I have yet not heard of a gender swap. That one is to damn good lol!!!!
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:37:06 PM | | Believe me it was pretty horrifying, but I'm a nice person so I just dealt with it til the end, well almost the end. Lol. | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:40:04 PM |
Perhaps we should BOTH take my Dad's advice: "You're better off going to bars." I have a horror story of my own from POF, but am still too glad to have escaped with my sanity that I can't yet speak of it!
Are you suggesting that anyone who asks you out for a date (from POF) , should take your Dad's advice ????
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:33:57 PM | It's one thing when the profile pics are from 20 years ago & you have no idea until you see them in person.. But here on PoF we have profiles that have pics spanning 20 or more years. The main pic is some hot honey & when you click on the profile you find out the rest of the pics are of what looks like her grandmother, or at best her mother.
Ferw days back I clicked on a profile that had 6 pics & the gal had changed from some blonde cutie, to an old hag & then became a fat black chick WTF???? How the hell does that happen?? Just what the hell is the person thinking? & no, it wasn't Michael Jackson in drag & padding.
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:45:00 PM | OMG...stoppit.....I cant stop laughing. These forums are very entertaining!
Why on earth would she confess to such surgery AND a yeast infection. Does she not know such secrets are best shared with your girlfriends ONLY. You think the stupid woman would spend time recuperating before dating. Yes best to move on quickly without being rude. You did the right thing | |
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| Worst first date story
Posted: 8/13/2008 3:52:52 PM | omg
thankyou very much for making me laugh so much,trust me i needed it!
you tell the story very well im still laughing!
i hope your future dates are a lot more enjoyable
lmao | |
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