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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:05:40 AM | So wolfie, are you still under the impression the only reason women can not have children.. is because of your RESEARCH.. they have had too many abortions?
Is this your stand on this and are you saying ALL women that can not reproduce is beacuse of the fact of too many abortions?
Considering your RESEARCH is the dumbest thing I ever heard and I for one have never been pregnant in my life and can not have any children, so how do you explain your theory to someone like me?
Did you ever consider the fact, you impregnanted these women and therefore they did not want YOUR kids?? Just an assumption, since you seem to know everything..................................
please clarify? | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:47:21 PM | | It may not just be a case of the woman not knowing it may be more complicated - they may not be able to have children without, should we say some assistance, and even then it may not happen! And I do think there are women out there who could take it or leave it for want of a better expression! Rather than mislead a prospective partner it gives the opening for a discussion about it. | |
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as~is
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Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 1:39:41 AM | My baby factory is set for closing. I love kids. I'm open to adoption, I'm open to a man with half a dozen kids, I'm open to being done with it all.
It means what it says... Undecided/Open
Don't overthink it. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:24:24 AM | Clarification coming right up.
3 ladies I have known in the past did indeed have a few abortions too many, leading to massive scar tissue and all sorts of other internal problems.
Before they knew me.
And which they 'forgot' to tell me ahead of getting involved.
Another lady (from what would be called a 'religious' family) went and had one of those 'backyard' abortions with the same result.
Also before I ever entered the picture.
The efforts of 3 football teams and 2 fertility clinics couldn't have gotten her pregnant.
And yet another was essentially csterilized by the hospital when she had her (first and only) daughter.
Yes, in America.
Long before she knew me.
That's about 100 times the 'research' anyone should ever have to do on that subject...... | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:42:32 AM | It's about keeping options open. I would like to have a child but it's getting to the point where it may not be my reality. So be it.
Would I like to have children? yes definitely but my best before date is fast approaching so one must be realistic about it
Would I get involved with someone who has children? yes
Would I get involved with someone who does not want children? yes but he would have to be the right guy
These are things that need to be discussed in a relationship.
As for you wolfie - perhaps all these women who come into your life is a message to you. Most of the time you don't know you are unable to until you try to become so. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 9:55:37 AM | | First of all "Do you want children?" is a sort of weird question. Of course I want children; that's why I have two. However, a yes is taken as a "I definitely want MORE children". That's probably what the question should say (I'll be visiting the suggestion forum right after this). So, I take it to mean "Do you want MORE children?" and since I am open to it but also know that it involves to people, I put undecided. I would like a man with young children like me and I would really like to adopt another child with him if he were open to it ('course the total number of "his, mine and our" would have to be considered as well as our financial situation ... too many factors to just put a straight "yes"). If it's not be in the cards for me, I'll still be perfectly happy. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:08:28 PM | | because... i simply dont know.. im a fence sitter.. doesn't mean in 2 years i wont change my mind.. either way... so best to be upfront when not knowing... if i said yes.. then thats not exactly true.. and if i said no.. neither is that.. and at the end of the day.. takes the right man and right relationship for it to be pertinent anyway .. least to me. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:13:10 PM | | for me it means it depends on the guy and the stability of his situation. I expect not, but I never say never and at this point I would be lying if I flat out said that I didnt ever want the possibility of more. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:33:49 PM | | Some couples just aren't cut out to being parents. I cringe at the thought of being a single parent, but I'm open to the idea if I was in a strong relationship. I think. I'm not sure. I think I might still be cringing... Parenting, that's kind of a lifelong vocation, isn't it? Not the kind of committment you can throw in the towel on if you have irreconcilable differences... I'm a really great Auntie. I excel at Auntie. Yup, undecided here, but open to the idea, if all the planets and stars were lined up accordingly and I was in a really great relationship. Let's just work on the relationship first though, okay? Still cringing... Uncertain. Let me check my horoscope... | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:53:54 PM | Obviously I can't speak for the women, but my assumption is this:
*I* wanted kids when I was younger. As I got older, it occurred to me that there was a possibility that it might not happen. I made peace awhile ago with the idea that if I have kids, great. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Really, I'm OK with it either way. That makes me "open" although not really "undecided".
When I see "Undecided/Open" I assume it's someone with an attitude similar to mine. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:29:46 PM | | My profile is amrked that way, because I would really like to have another one, maybe two....but only if I were in a stable LTR, and we were financially capable of caring for those new one(s) plus my current 2 in at least the same fashion as I can care for my 2, now. I would not just hop into having a baby just because we wanted one......I'd plan the whole thing out much better now than before....and if he didn't want kids, or if we decided we couldnt afford new ones, well, I think Id be ok with that, too. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/19/2008 11:10:51 AM | I'm 39 and probably at the end of my fertility, however I have marked "undecided/open" for TWO reasons...
1.) I don't want to say that I am opposed to a man who has his kids and becoming a step mother... very open to that.
2.) I haven't closed the door medically and am probably able, and if if IF the right guy who reeeeeally wanted to have his own child w/ me and hadn't had any yet, in the right situation where I knew he'd be a great, involved supportive dad and financially we could do it, etc etc etc I would CONSIDER it, but it'd take a lot.
oh yeah, there's a #3.) It seems weird to mark "do not want children" when you already HAVE them- literal sarcastic me, but I thought it just looked wrong... (although there are days...) LOL JK!
Having answered, I must admit I dooo kinda tend to shy away from men who have no children and say they want them, so maybe my #2 reason is moot? Maybe not- it'd just have to be an incredible situation. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:12:37 PM | | I love children and wouldn't at all mind having some, but I say "prefer not to answer." The reason is that I'm pretty certain that I won't be getting married (It doesn't appeal to me at all, but I'll put my certainty about it at 99.9% because nothing's ever really 100% certain until it's over). Since I prefer not to have children willy-nilly on my own, this means I probably I won't be having any children either. My preference of label doesn't mean I don't want children, or am undecided about it. It doesn't mean that I'm hiding children, or have had "too many abortions," as another poster put it. It simply means that it's not likely that I'll have any and I didn't like any of the other answers. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:42:27 AM | In my case i don't have children and didn't want to scare anyone who contacted me by putting yes i did want children.
When i met my fiance ( from this site) it was something we discussed on our first date. And who knows fingers crossed for the future  | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:33:48 AM | I have two sons ages 15 and 10. As you can see I am 50 but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have a child with my partner. Being honest I would do anything for that opportunity. If I was lucky enough to have another son I would have my own edition of my 3 sons. If I was blessed with a daughter she will one day be the President of USA or better.
Lastly, I was excluded my first two times from "enjoying" the company of my spouse while she was "with child". So I am selfish too.
John  | |
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deni30
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Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 49 | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:12:00 PM | If I see a woman's profile with Undecided/Open, I would assume it's for one of the reasons mentioned. I don't think that I would let that stop me from contacting her, as I would see that as a possible POSITIVE, as that's one more conversation that you can have where you get to ask WHY they put that. Then you have an opportunity to say why you DO or DO NOT want children, and if you can or cannot see their side of the issue. My own reasons for not wanting children are because there is a high amount of depression in my family and I don't want someone or something I care about going through what I have gone through. Also I think the world is an uncaring place and I don't want someone or something I care about to deal with all that through life too. It may sound selfish, it may sound even a little unrealistic, but until I actually meet a woman who could make me feel otherwise, chances are, I would still feel the same way.
And on a more direct note, if done properly, an abortion causes no physical problems or lasting aftereffects. The emotional and mental effects SHOULD be the only real aftereffects, barring complications or unusual circumstances. The pro-life side have tried that argument many times, as well as a supposed indirect link to breast cancer. And research does NOT include asking friends or speaking from past experiences in few cases. | |
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