| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:35:42 AM | | For me, I put undecided because I have a child and can have more if I decide to. Just know I don't want to raise another child alone. I waited 5-6 years after getting married to have any then ended up divorced. Thinking you're doing things the "right" way isn't always the "right" way. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/1/2008 10:02:53 AM | I believe that the world is "over populated" as it is, and using common sense along with understanding of each other and the situation, takes precedence over just your desires when it comes to bringing more life into this world.
When I date, I date the individual, then let her world slowly enter mine, as I do hers and it all becomes one. If we both enjoy that the way it is, the all is copacetic within our relationship, but if one wants things that the other may not, then you need to decide what you are willing to do or not and why.
This includes having children, and I for one do not plan on having more than I do currently, nor do I want to date those who do want more. It is neither right or wrong on either's part, but more of a personal decision that should be stated up front and honored by both.
Just my opinion........   | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 78 | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/1/2008 1:14:23 PM | | Mine means I have children, will take a "partner" that has children. If the "partner" wanted to have children, then I would consider...of course would have to have med assistance because of a tubal, but would consider his wishes. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/1/2008 1:28:08 PM | This one is WILD. The broad group of people I hang with have the following crazy stuff when it comes to children:
One couple - both don't want them
One couple - didn't want them BUT.....is thinking about it
One couple - make too much money to have children (yes, read that one again)
One couple - promise broken, wifey decided 7 years later doesn't want children
Knowing this, two of these four are now filing for divorce. Undecided is not a horrible option but IF someone knows one way or the other, SELECT IT! Being wishy-washy on this subject can destroy any relationship. The last one listed above is one step from a Jerry Springer poster child. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/1/2008 2:55:08 PM | | for me as a male the reason that I put open is if it happens then it happens I WILL stand by the lady no matter what even if we split I wont let the child grow up in a place where mom and dad hate each other and definilaty I wont let the child grow up with out knowing the love of a dad as I did. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/2/2008 2:02:26 AM | | Undecided /Open means just that for me. I am undecided. When I was in my 20's I would have said I wanted kids. At my age now, I do not have any nor am I in a rush to have them. That being said, however, does not mean I rule out the possibility. If I were to get into a stable relationship with someone and my partner and I both felt we wanted a family, then thats fine. From the variety of responses it is clear that "undecided" means different things to different people. If you see undecided on the profile of someone you might be interested in it doesnt cost anything to send the person a note and ask them to clarify. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/2/2008 8:37:31 AM | | I'm with a lot of the women on this forum. I chose 'undecided' because I really am. I can envision my future with or without children, and would be okay with either. The only thing is that I wouldn't want to have kids without the right partner, but I could have the best partner in the world and still be happy without kids, or with them. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:56:09 PM | Yes as the above poster - Im just really " undecided " and therefore wont be settling just to get married and have Children. So due to that chances are pretty high I wont find Mr Right In time for It to even be something to worry about 
I dont think having Children Is the end all of life frankly, the worlds overpopulated enough.. It doesnt need my vanity and selfishness of Insisting oncreatign babies one way or another. If Its meant to be It will be - If not keep bringing on the Luxury Holidays and total freedom without the drama. Thats not a problem to me In the slightest. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:05:17 PM | | For me it means I could take it or leave it. With the right man and the right circumstance it could be an option for me, but definitely NOT not a MUST HAVE either way that would make or break a future relationship. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:03:48 PM | Over 30 I can still understand, I am seeing over 40, 42, 43 and so on, that I do not get. So your single or whatever and 42, you need time to meet someone, hopefully get to know them and maybe high risk pregnancy at 44, 45 or ?
The risk of that relationship failing is staggeringly high.
Women need to decide earlier, it just confuses men when they see over 40 and want children or undecided, it scares the ones with money, given the canadian legal system and the massive 20 year financial committment to the children. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/27/2008 10:19:45 AM | The reason Ive put open/undecided on the subject of children is because I am exactly that. I haven't got children, partly through choice and partly through circumstance, and as a female approaching 40 I know time is running out when I may be able to have children.
However, if I met a man and we decided we wanted children together then it would be something I would enter into with total commitment.
If I meet someone who definately didnt want children then that to would be ok, beacause, if I'm honest, I dont feel my life would be incomplete if I dont have children. If, however, it was something that happened, then as far as I'm concerned then it was meant to be.
And whilst we're on the subject, if you're saying it's wrong for a woman to have open/undecided on the subject of children, shouldn't the same be said for men? because when all said and done, shouldn't they know what they want from life by then as well | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/27/2008 10:34:27 AM | I don't have my own children, but i'm open to the idea of having children, but only with the right partner, and he hasn't shown himself yet..!
If i don't have children, i'm ok with that also. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/27/2008 4:37:24 PM |
So your single or whatever and 42, you need time to meet someone, hopefully get to know them and maybe high risk pregnancy at 44, 45 or ?
Actually over 35 is when you start wandering into the danger zone, every year after that just makes the chances of having some child with severe birth defects all the worse. Don't waste your breath though, I realize men are convinced that one day they can get a woman to see reason but you never will. However if we just stopped paying for this insanity i.e. subsidizing their child care maybe they'd think twice. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/27/2008 6:50:09 PM | | My response to this would be a bit of what you have said I feel it should be a mutual decision, but for me there is also the biological clock that is ticking it hasn’t happened yet not sure it ever will. I love children but I’m not one who wants to raise a child on my own I really want it to be a joint effort. LOL guess I got to find one to love and who is willing to commit not really all that easy to do. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/27/2008 7:17:16 PM | well i would say with myself since i dont have any kids an have never been a married woman.. when i marked undecided i'm saying that maybe an maybe not that i would be open to having bilogical children of my own..
at this point in my life gettin ready to turn 29 soon hopefully if i make it..i do not want to "bear children" i am pretty sure at this point in my life..but at the sametime if 1 day wether its 10 or 20 years from now who knows,, and i am offically settled with that right 1 an we are 2gether commited an till death do us part offically an have been settled an commited for years an i dont or wont have to hunt them down an try to get them to take responsibilty for thier life an my life an the childrens life,, who knows my mind could change about wanting to bear kids of my own...but right now it's hard enough just to try an make a new friend who wont up an leave an be shady to you or stab you in the back..so....
kids are definalty not in the picture for me having of my own as far as i can see for the next 10 years..because i am not ready for all of that if i ever will be?..
but i would an have,be willing to date an be with somebody who has kids BUT just as long as they dont have a f cuking mile long of babies mamas an daddies an dont have enough kids to start a day care or think that i will automatically be the new step mommie this ANIT trading spouces or NANNY 911..
cause hell naw that anit what time it is for a woman like me or what i'm here to do or looking for.. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/28/2008 7:18:30 PM | | Well, first of all maybe a woman is undecided/open because that is what it is...maybe if the right guy comes along and she decides he is the one...then maybe she will have a child with him....the open is exactly that... open for discussion for them both to decide if that's an option... | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:44:03 PM | I am truly undecided.
I am 35 and biologically speaking, am already at risk for complications. The media perpetuates the myth that women can have children at 40 and above. The truth is, many of the celebrities you see at 40 have used treatments (if they have twins, it's a dead give away). This is expensive and controversial...for me because do I want a child SO bad that I will risk having 2, 3 or more at a time? Do I want to do in vitro where there are many fertilized eggs and some are not used? How do I feel about the risks of down syndrome at 35+? What would we do if we found out the child would have serious problems?
I don't feel like I should hurry up and get married so I can have a baby. A child deserves the best and I think it is selfish for me to try to force the issue and pop out a baby without spending time developing the marriage before the family. Family will never be healthy without a healthy marriage.
I would definitely consider adoption.
I would be okay if the man already had children.
I feel like it is not up to me at this point and therefore am undecided.
I do not have any children and I believe I would be able to have children. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 12/1/2008 10:56:38 PM | My Undecided/Open means:
I would prefer to not have children, however research has convinced me that going through with a tubal ligation has too many risks for my liking. Unless I meet a man with a vasectomy, there is a stronger possibility that even with engaging in protected sex a child may be created. During a pregnancy scare in my past, I decided that I am unable to go through with an abortion, and would raise the child to the best of my abilities, preferably with the father as part of his or her life. Therefore, I am open to having a child if engaging in protected sex proves ineffective. Because of this, I would like to have a mate that would be up for the challenge of being a father, even if that is not our first choice.
I also accept that there is the possibility that I may meet and fall in love with a man with children. I do enjoy hanging out with children and so would not want to initially scare someone off of contacting me solely based upon the fact that they've already had kids. (It would mean we better be extra safe in the bedroom though lol)
There is also the chance that I will meet someone who really wants children when I'm in a place in my life to feel up for the challenge out of choice. However, I would refuse to engage in the whole fertility drug scene, and would hope that adoption is a welcome option if natural childbirth is impossible for any reason. I do feel we have more than enough people in this world, with many people choosing to replace more than just themselves. With that in mind, I would prefer to give love to a child who is already here and in need. | |
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| to the women over 30 and 'Undecided' on children...
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:05:38 AM | | For me, I don't know that I want to have my own children. My genes are just not that special. But if he has kids I'm totally happy with that. If I put I don't want kids, he may assume that I don't want any at all, even his. If I put that I want kids, he may assume that I want some of my own. He may already have as many as he wants and not want more. It's really tricky. | |
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