| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:18:55 AM | You have to move on dear. Dont let this eat at you for the rest of your life. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Your next relationship may be the best thing that ever happened or that you can imagine. YOU must make that happen. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move on for YOU! Go find that right man!!!! | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:36:35 PM |
OP disclosed Abuse (Statutory Rape Is Abuse) , Vented Her ANGER (rage? yes) , Over/About said Abuse , Asked for 'feedback'.
Hard to give feedback on an everchanging storyline.
I am 20 yrs old and recently broke up with a guy who was 50. I don't know why why why he broke up with me...he just did. But anyway...I loved our time together...it wasn't like a sex toy thing whatsoever. We had conversation about everything from the moon to franchises and the thirty year difference fascinated us both. We could share memories and the different childhoods and I was most captivated by his mentor behavior. He seemed to want to better my actual self anyway he could.
You know, that was this guy
but he was physically fit and had it going on down there if you know what I mean lol.
You know, the guy from this thread
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8141162.aspx#8883762
Or maybe it was the relationship she rhapsodises about when she says
I am grateful, however, that God blessed me with the experience...I know what love and intimacy is now and wouldn't trade it for the world...its not that I can't get over him...its just I want to stay in love with my sorrow...even though I want to let it go...its so hard to admit this...
You know, the relationship she talks about in this thread
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6934723.aspx
Certainly sounds a far cry from this relationship
FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm missing something I never had. I'm missing a lie that protected the truth. You need me less than I need you. In fact you never needed me...you wanted to hurt me and I do not know why.
or this guy
I know answers bring nothing but more questions and nothing ever brings closure but I just want to know why a stranger of 25 years would lie to a 15 year old girl for 4 f*cking years...then just say it was all a lie.
The fellow in question seems to have lost a few years. Either that or there's two different fellows, the one who's "got it going on down there" and the one with the wife and kids. | |
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tweepz
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Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:38:45 PM | | Some people so dense, this woman very talented in her writtings, creative that ignorant closed mind people cannot comprehend and justify them self for what purpose, some you make me laugh (keep to go elle, do what you do well) | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:43:47 PM | I normally wouldn't attack someone but Prescient you sir are a idiot...you just don't get it do you? I have read most of this thread and with the exception of a few I am sickened with the type of responses I've read....but thank you OP for allowing me to see who I should stay away from....
A man has no right to inflict himself on a minor child EVER.... it's not up to her to have the foresight to see through the preditor as someone else acknowledged on a prior thread... it's up to a married man with children who was 25 at the time to keep his****in his pants no matter how developed he thought her to be... it's not her it's him... period...
How long does it take for someone to heal from the pain of what is suffered as a child of 15.... as long as it takes.... there is no set time frame to be healed... don't you think it's taken her this long to see that she wasn't at fault??? why is she being held accountable that is what I'd like to know ....when a MAN who understands what it means to be married and the legalities of sleeping with a minor child???? this is not I REPEAT NOT a bogus thread...
Too bad people are too naive to see the forest for the tree's....
I realize Elle that you had a rough nite and had to release this pain here... I'm sorry that some of these people cannot see it... for they are blind.... | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:31:08 AM |
normally wouldn't attack someone but Prescient you sir are a idiot...you just don't get it do you? I have read most of this thread and with the exception of a few I am sickened with the type of responses I've read....but thank you OP for allowing me to see who I should stay away from....
Hey babe, don't worry about all that. As a rule I normally date intelligent, good looking women, so don't be distraught that we wouldn't be a match. You're way too old anyway. I'm well adjusted.
Maybe you should read the entire thread. The parts where she confesses that the story is a ficticious one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that perhaps that abused people do strange things, perhaps be overly emotive and irrational when the feelings overcome them. But explative, anger laden outbursts shouldn't be tolerated on an adult forum.
I was myself a victim of sexual abuse (well before the age of 15). The one thing I can't tolerate is when overly dramatic people use such events as an excuse to pin all their life-long failings on something that they themselves have romaticised in their own little world. Who the feck is sympathetic to that? Get the feck on with life, be strong, protect your loved ones, and ensure that something like that never, ever happens to anyone else. Especially your own children.
If I ever were to go on a public forum and divulge my story, there would be no wavering, no backing off, no excuses, no dipping my toe into the waters to see how it feels. Any other approach seems fraudulent to me.
Yes, I'm angry about life sometimes, but thats life. I didn't have the right moral compass at the time, I wasn't taught well enough to protect myself. I'm not going to cry about that now, years have passed, I'll just get on with the business of life. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 5:38:38 AM | .........A man has no right to inflict himself on a minor child EVER.... it's not up to her to have the foresight to see through the preditor as someone else acknowledged on a prior thread... it's up to a married man with children who was 25 at the time to keep his****in his pants no matter how developed he thought her to be... it's not her it's him... period...
How long does it take for someone to heal from the pain of what is suffered as a child of 15.... as long as it takes.... there is no set time frame to be healed... don't you think it's taken her this long to see that she wasn't at fault??? why is she being held accountable that is what I'd like to know ....when a MAN who understands what it means to be married and the legalities of sleeping with a minor child???? this is not I REPEAT NOT a bogus thread...
Too bad people are too naive to see the forest for the tree's....
I realize Elle that you had a rough nite and had to release this pain here... I'm sorry that some of these people cannot see it... for they are blind.........
Nice post Pixy Dust
Educating oneself regarding this type of offense develops understanding about the victims behaviors. (seeing the forest and not just the trees)
I have found that it is very common for victims to come forth and become completely shunned and ridiculed for the act by those who lack understanding. Its a shame because these 'less educated' individuals create a fear of rejection and enhance the shame that the victim already feels. Yes previous post from this victim indicate confusion and mixed emotion......all part of the process of her damaged spirit.
Having said that, having lack of empathy places accusing posters into one of two categories:
1. You are either uneducated regarding child molestion and the cause and effects.
or
2. You are a predator yourself and will continue to justify your heinous acts. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:43:02 AM | Having said that, having lack of empathy places accusing posters into one of two categories:
1. You are either uneducated regarding child molestion and the cause and effects.
or
2. You are a predator yourself and will continue to justify your heinous acts.
Very simply put and to the point..... I totally agree with you....
We are speaking of a 20 yr old young woman who is on the threshold of her adulthood.... she hasn't been given the tools for which she is dealing with right now. Being a teenager is a confusing time for all children and to deal with the home life that she has admitted to in prior threads and making a move towards some type of normalcy she is able to finally look at her past. I am certain that the man she is angry at is someone she trusted and turned to during this time that the adults she lived with were not. and probably transfered alot of her emotion to him. what he saw was a attractive girl looking "legal" that he could manipulate. He was a predator. Those are the children that they sniff out. The ones who spirit has been broken and confused.
Precient you don't bother me with your attack of me, don't try to side step the issue by combining it with the lost opportunity to date.... LMAO..... You opened a window for me to look into and what I see is rather haunting.... | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:09:27 AM | Yeah she was 15 when they met but they were together for 4 yrs so this was obviously a very recent break up. The fact that she's able to externalize some of the anger is actually healthy and telling her everyone has suffered from the emotional hurt of separation doesn't help her deal with it. The best you can do is just listen and find
ways to give her hope for the future. I used to have a student named Don when I was teaching at Leo HS on the southside of Chicago during the 2003-2004. He was 6'10"
and only 15 at the time so he'd be her age now. He was also one of the brightest kids I had and he was nice. He was on the basketball team that won the state title that year.
I wish I could introduce them but I lost touch with those kids when I left. But I'm sure he's not the only one out there. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 8:17:32 AM |
The parts where she confesses that the story is a ficticious one.
OP / ~Elle Admitted "Did Happen" , claimed "Not angry , Now"
Not 'ficticious' .
You're way too old anyway. *checks profileS* ............. HmmmmM ?
sure doesNT *Appear* 'to be so'
[quote ] I'm well adjusted. *Proof* ?
(such a Painful , Glaring contradiction ... )
I was myself a victim of sexual abuse (well before the age of 15).
!
If I ever were to go on a public forum and divulge my story, there would be no wavering, no backing off, no excuses, no dipping my toe into the waters to see how it feels. Any other approach seems fraudulent to me.
Disclosure - with/withOut a 'story' ? sad , My ~Sincerest Sympathies~
The one thing I can't tolerate is when overly dramatic people use such events as an excuse to pin all their life-long failings on ...
Of ALL the 'things' , That one would 'Not Tolerate'? The speaking Out about ABUSE , HowEver they have been Impacted/~Feel~ , About said ABUSE? Rather Than ... The Actual ABUSE?
Yes, I'm angry about life sometimes, but thats life. I didn't have the right moral compass at the time, I wasn't taught well enough to protect myself. I'm not going to cry about that now, years have passed, I'll just get on with the business of life.
All get 'angry about life' - at times. NO 'shame' in That. As fellow souls , we would be ~Wise~ to be kind , 'tolerant' to those 'Reaching Out'. Whether it is 'in anger' / Not.
ANGER ? Is Not a 'Base Emotion' (Basic 'psych 101' *stuff*). Anger is AlWays 'based on-
Comes from' ... AnOther ~Emotion~. Whether it be Pain/Fear/Embarassment/Betrayal
Etc.
'ergo' The truly 'Sick/Psychotic' - Anger is Never 'base' , doesnt just *PoP UP* - outta 'Nowhere'
As for 'being taught well enough / having moral compass' - to Protect SELF'???
There is a 'Difference' - Between HUmans / Other Animals. 'WE' do NOT ... deliver our ~Young~ , from our bodies,InTo the world , Immediately ORr Quickly 'Cast them Out'
To 'Fend for them SELF'.
tis Good , that 'Years have Passed , not crying , getting on with ...' (although , i 'suspect' some issues have NOT been 'dealt with' = sad)
~ELLE / OP ? Well, YearS have NOT passed , For Her , she will NOT 'get to the point of'
~Healing~ ... IF! when Reaching Out , even in 'anger' - Out OF/From P A I N - she is 'met with'
-MisUnderstanding
-'bashing' , UnKind words - from Others , Projecting THEIR issues
-ETC
The girl (i know - 20 , Adult ... But , Come On - 'We' are Older,Should be ~Wiser~) IS
Only 20 , Expressed PAIN - in Her Own 'way' , ~Reached Out~ (which is BRAVE, should Never be DisCouraged!) , was 'met with' TOO Many UnKind , DisInGenuine replies ,
'Backpeddled , Tried to Save Face' = No t the Issue , Not an 'Affront' (on HER 'part')
SomeTimes? Folks need to just ADMIT = "was UnKind , ~Apologise~"
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 8:45:46 AM | | I am sorry to break this to you all that are having fun in a ploitical style game with this. But the story was a lie, some sort of personal "study" she called it. She played with everyones emotions on here. Weather you are for her or not. She played all of us for her little "study". I would love to "study" the human brain up close and personal. But that is what books are for. Because grabbin a brain and ripping it appart is not only wrong but illegal. Mind you what she did is not illegal. But it is still wrong. She could have easily made a post like: How would you respond to this? Then explain that the work is fake BEFORE you even read it. But no. She lied. Have you read her profile? SHALLOW! I can clearly and very easily use her profile as a argument as to a few of the problems with humans this day in age. She and thoes like her are not worth anyones time. Just a waste of space and air. That is all they are. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:42:48 AM | | I am a bit confused, I have not read anything in her post or in the Words post that suggests a "study" of the human brain.... could you clarify please? | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:47:25 AM | Dixie dust, you are the idoit here(I fell for it too.). Is elle trying to save face.. hardly. Elle admitted to making up the story. Then later had the post deleted. This is a "child" needs help only people with white coats can provide. If she is trying to save face, why would the other post be deleted? To many people started calling her on her bull, she wanted to keep using others as a means to be test subjects. horrid but facts. If something like this did happened, then I will feel sorry for the girl. This is a case of a talented story teller, telling a story.
Check out my post just on this thread. You will see I tried to be nice at first.. then turned vipid. I read the other thread. IT Was deleted. I did not see where she said it really happened and she was not angry anymore. I DID read where she said this was a test. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 8:19:33 PM | Elle -- I am going to attempt to answer you here. I pray that God gives to me the words you need to hear. I am a bit confused as to exactly what this man did to you. I thought as I was reading down that he had sexually abused you. But, then later in the thread you stated that it was not sex he was after. So just what did he do that has turned your heart so hard toward him. How old was this man? I am confused about that also as you state that he is a stranger of 25 years. Since you are not that old yourself this man is not your father. I am not picking fault here just trying to understand the whole picture of what it is you are telling us.
The thing that stands out for me to say to you is that you need to get into some serious councilling. You are extremely angry with this man and that dominates how you see yourself. I think the people on here would not be qualified enough to give you the advice you need to hear, that is unless someone out there would be a councillor by trade, then I say by all means give the girl a shot at it. If finances stop you from doing this for yourself then seek out Clergy (a Minister) somewhere. They might be able to point you to a direction where you could get the assistance you so badly need.
My heart goes out to you and I will definitely keep you in my prayers. God's love is UNCONDITIONALLY FREE. He gives it to us and asks nothing in return.
May you feel the arms of God around you at this time. You are a child of God and you deserve His love. Please seek assistance and you will find life so much easier for yourself.
Prayers,
Angelica2008 | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:33:18 PM | | you were 15 and thought you knew all thier was to know when you were only a child just like all childeren, maybe he did you wrong but you got your self to blame allso as you let it happen. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:49:17 PM | anyoneouttheir, you have a typical male response that is both insensitive and out of ignorance...
An adult takes advantage of a 15 yr old because she has been mistreated, and has no one to trust, so puts her trust in an adult who uses his position to take advantage of her.
Nice, blame the victim, because it is easier than holding a nasty piece of waste responsible for his horrid behavior...
Shame on you.... | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:56:40 PM | Hello Elle
Well I have to tell you that I understand what you are saying. I have a hard time believing some of the comments that others have posted but so be it.
Please know that it is not over for you - I have a very similar story about when i was 14, I am now 35 and although still angry at times I have learned from it.
I resent the comments about "my daughter has more morals" it is not your parents fault. No-one should have to be blamed. I understand the vulnerability of a teenage girl. I understand that you thought you were getting what you needed. This guy may be an ass - he also may be trying to look like an ass because he knows he is not whats best for you.
People change so that we can let go. I am not going to tell you to get over it. I am not going to tell you to get therapy...What I am going to tell you is you will be ok. It will get better. And not all men are like that -- and I am sure that alot of what you had was a lie -- im not sure that anyone can keep a lie going for 5 years. There was truth in there somewhere.
Take care and it is not over
K | |
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JAM22
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Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 120 | |
| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:03:02 PM | My heart breaks for you. The pain that other "trusted people" inflict on us is sooo hard. I know. What makes me even MORE sick is the replies that I read. They chilled me, truly. I can't tell you why people do the hurtful things that they do, it's so wrong.
But please don't think that that's everyone. And don't even see it as a reflection of you. Those people are to be pittied by you, because you really are so much kinder.
Think about it. You'll be ok, please don't give up.
Jean | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:49:55 PM | of 25 years
Blame sociality; because in this day and age only about 5 out of a 100 at 25 are adults.
Men act like men
Blame sociality; 100 years ago at 15 you most likely would have or about to be married.
Blame him for being a little boy
Blame yourself for not,, being were nature intended for you to be Mentally | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:21:39 AM | .......Dixie dust, you are the idoit here(I fell for it too.). Is elle trying to save face.. hardly. Elle admitted to making up the story. Then later had the post deleted. This is a "child" needs help only people with white coats can provide. If she is trying to save face, why would the other post be deleted? To many people started calling her on her bull, she wanted to keep using others as a means to be test subjects. horrid but facts. If something like this did happened, then I will feel sorry for the girl. This is a case of a talented story teller, telling a story.......
These are the typical behaviors of a victim of sexual abuse. To tell their story...feel shame and rejection....then revise their story or say it never happened. Yes Clorin....you did fall for it. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:06:12 AM | | Yes, I did fall for it. No where have I read that it really happened. If I have, I would have sympathized with her. What I read was not a message saying it happened but I retract it. If that was the case... this thread would not be here. What I read was her proclaiming to "make up" the story. I try to defend weaker people, and sometimes I jump the gun when someone screams " I have been wronged". This is a lesson for me, Never will I believe someone so easily. As for elle, I will not believe her at all now. | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:40:32 PM |
Yes, I did fall for it.
NO clorin , didn't 'Fall For' Anything.
(i will explain in a mo)
What I read was not a message saying it happened but I retract it.
clorin , I was 'present/Watching/Viewing' BOTH threads. I was Also Very Upset , in 'hearing' that there was 'Another Thread' started by ~Elle , After posting some 'sorta' *harsh* words myself ? Rushed right 'over to' 2nd Thread.
It was in a 'Later post' (not her First) , That She DID indeed ADMIT..."Did Happen! Just Not angry anymore"
I 'watched' that Thread (deleted one) , Right Up To the Last post - prior to Deletion.
~Elle Did ADMIT - "DID Happen To Her"
If that was the case... this thread would not be here.
No. The 2nd Thread was Deleted , Because ... BOTH threads were Same 'issue/topic/subject' (ultimate/immediate Redundancy ) *and* a Lot of folks Were Upset , Some Reported.
It DID happen , tis 'WHY' ... 'This Thread' = Still 'here/active'
What I read was her proclaiming to "make up" the story.
As i already ^ , It was Not 'made up'. OP did post that she 'made up' the 'Still Being Angry part' (which I do Not believe - is sad). She Admitted - "Did Happen." in next 'couple' of Posts. I SAW that Post , Remember. I was-WAS ... very Upset also. If i ~feel~ , Offer Sympathies ? BETTER be REAL , T R U E.
I try to defend weaker people, and sometimes I jump the gun when someone screams " I have been wronged"
Yes! Defending the 'weaker' Is ~Lovely,Honorable~ ! Your words were KIND , I do Not even need to 'go back/check posts'. I remember those KIND words, Remember smiling when i First saw them
OP Did Scream , Was Wronged. And Some offered Kind words , Some ... Oh, you remember - yes? Got kinda Ugly - huh?
This is a lesson for me, Never will I believe someone so easily. As for elle, I will not believe her at all now
I would Never even 'comment' , on 'believing/trusting' - as ... People Can be So Vicious.
However , the 'lesson' is Not to ... 'Not believe OP'. All that i have posted ? TRUE.
OP did disclose , TRIED to 'backpeddle' (out of .. shame? embarrassment? Pain?) , Did Admit that it Did Happen to her. Sure , her 'TRYing to backpeddle' ? Not very honest .
Not very honorable. But? She IS soooo Young , was Quite 'Taken Aback' by Some posters
Mean, Nasty, RUDE words. There is still not 'much' shame , in Her attempt to save face.
And? Absolutely NO 'shame' , In the ~KIND~ words that Were Given.
~Please~ do Not Ever 'Stop' defending the 'weak' / Wronged.
'Believing Readily/Not'?
Of Course , 'up to' Individual ...
Just ... in 'This instance' - Sympathies were NOT 'misplaced' , the KIND words were Nice , Helpful.  | |
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| Why Would an Adult do This to a Child?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:57:24 PM | | Earlier she wrote a post, the same one. It was deleted. In it, she said that this was nothing but a study of how people react to this type of situation. So, all those who responded, you've been used as test subjects. Sorry to say. | |
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