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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:22:09 AM | I'm always continually amazed at the reaction from my female friends when I tell them the vast majority of guys don't mind being approached or contacted first. They're usually quite shocked, and have always believed that men are totally put off when women make the first move. Are they secretly teaching this in grade school?!?
Isn't this really just about not wanting to get rejected. If you tell yourself that men don't like to be approached, then you have a convenient excuse not to approach, and thus you don't run the risk of getting rejected. Or if you do approach/contact a guy and he turns you down, you can claim that he did so not because he wasn't interested in you, but because he was put off by your aggressive, non-traditional tactics.
But, anytime you exercise proactive behaviour in going after something you want, you run the risk of being rejected and disappointed. It's just a nasty truth about life!
I think this thread shows that very few men have a problem with a woman making the first move. It may not change the fact that men will continue making first contact, but at least it should dispel the myth that guys get put off by women who exercise such behaviour. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:34:03 AM | What will happen is, they'll check out your profile and if interested will reply.
You only run the same risk as us guys to when we reach out to women...rejection.
Just know he already knows you're interested in him which will give him a slight edge in the power balance from the beginning. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:50:12 PM | | when women contact me first its a slight turn-on since i like bold women. Ive gotten accustomed to first contact but theres nothing wrong with someone showing intrest first other than the male. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:57:39 PM | I have really only bothered to message 2 or 3 women, a couple responded. I received emails everyday for the first month or so of joining this site.
It's flattering to us, it certainly won't hurt your chances. Online dating in general though I think sucks. No one i've met looked as good, or was as cool as they were online once in person, regardless of who made the first contact. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:15:23 PM | | To be honest I'm a little shy at contacting people so more women contact me, compared to those that I contact. Probably 3-4 to 1. It doesnt' bother me; just remember people can be nasty and rude in cyberspace so it might be a bit tough sometimes. I think there is nothing wrong with it. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:59:13 PM | | I've found it quite flattering. An honor really, as they could have chosen to contact anyone here and they chose me. Makes me feel pretty good. I find when I contact them first, less than half aknowledge that I even exist. So I for one am glad the ladies aren't shy about first contact. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:46:08 AM | I find that contacting men means the type of man I end up talking with (found here and there amongst the ones who don't respond) are a better quality of man.
Not overly aggressive, and a bit more modest/humble. I don't like men who NEVER take the initiative once I break the ice, but some give me a nice even exchange of dialogue...they actually want you to talk back to them, instead of the ones who yak AT you in e-mails or in person.
Being an "A" type myself, I find dealing with the same type of guy in a dating scenario just becomes a battle for control. Not real romantic. Now, when I see that type of aggressiveness, I turn right off. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:14:28 AM | | No not at all, I think its awesome when a girl can write me first. I know its not the norm for women to write a man first but its always good for a little change. There is no reason to assume that a guy is going to be freaked out, I'm sure that alot of guys like it when a girl messages them first. If you like messaging a guy by all means keep it up, more women should be doing it. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:47:44 AM | I do it, I'm not shy, some men can be and afraid of rejection, maybe.
I send a quick e-mail stating i like your profile, I attach some more pictures. Some respond, some don't. A lot have thanked me for it as well.
I mean if you think he is interesting, like his pictures, why not drop him a line. If he does not answer, don't get angry, just think to yourself, at least you had the balls to make the first move. hahahah | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:44:49 PM | | I like it when they make the first msg it shows they have some intrest in the person it could be the shortest msg to a long one, i'd pretty much reply to any, as long as it contain something from my profile to show they actually read it. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:04:11 PM | Well I am too average looking to contact any women so I guess a woman contacting me first shows she has some interest in me. But thats never going to happen anyways and im not counting on it.
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:07:43 PM | well now you girls know what we feel like right at that moment we click send.
she loves me/she loves me not
i think after about 2 dozen rejections it just does'nt matter after that.the pain subsides an gently go's away never to return, like hell -it still hurts when you see unread/delete boo hoo hoo.just do it girl even if you get rejected a few times it beats rejecting a hundred guys an feeling bad about it before you finaly have been reach by the person you want to chat with.just think you could save us alot of time if ya'll did.
answer is: yes we also love to receive mail from sum hotties too!!! | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:22:06 PM | | I can't answer for everyone, but there are lots of guys out there who are really busy and don't get a chance to relax and write a thoughtful email very often. Say something to inspire them. I personally prefer to receive short emails rather than long ones, so my advice would be to keep it brief. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:08:06 PM | kansas, Eight months ago, I'd about had all I could take of girls making first contact w/ me ...and who'd then get too shy about meeting me in-person, and no, it's never been my MO propositioning females that I don't know very well for sex. I dated one woman, who first contacted me via another pay-to-play website, for nearly a year before her pretentiousness finally unravelled while taking a road trip together, and all that she wanted w/ me was the sex when her children weren't around. She 'tolerated' otherwise, but they didn't in the wake of her straying from me and marrying a man whom I don't envy for her selfish impulsiveness. I don't envy the man who married my ex either ...other than for his time w/ my son. He's learned that her selfishness wasn't nearly as impulsive, but it's surely chronic
A little over seven months ago, I'd my son w/ me ...and he was perfectly content playing w/ one of his few Lego sets then until he asked for some time on the computer here. I'd just come across some very interesting posts made by a woman whose profile and pics were of more-than-usual interest to me, so I 'bookmarked' her as a "Favorite" in order to resume where I'd left off when his turn was over.
Call it dumb luck or preparation meeting opportunity, but this woman wasn't too shy for our meeting ...and seemed to be just the right distance away for a first good leg of a two-day drive to my old hometown for some business that my flying there wouldn't solve.
If email counts as first contact, than she made it. If my choosing to 'bookmark' her set matters between us in motion ...and Pof is so good about letting us know when someone has shown an interest in us, than I did for her. What I realize since is that it really doesn't matter ...as long as both of you each answer one another's needs for company beyond the on-line sort. I respect women who realize that Pof and other on-line dating sites are not 'old-fashioned' venues for meeting, but who hold these values dear as they also choose to move forward w/ life and a true love in it. I've yet to make the second leg of my long drive to a place that's no longer my home, but I am still not regretting what keeps on proving to be the right first step in a direction that seems more like divine intervention via Pof.
I've made that day-long drive to her and back twice ...and made two excursions to meet and go from there in the state geographically between, but what matters most is that she's made the drive all the way to be w/ me three times ..so far, besides meet me 'halfway, and I so look forward to when she makes that long drive to remain here w/ me. What do I think about a girl contacting me first?
I'm perfectly fine for the woman who finally did. The girls proved to be a big waste of my time and effort to have what we do now. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:53:15 AM | OP -
As with a lot of things in life, there will be some variation in what people think and how they react. There might be a small fraction of men who will not date a woman who makes the first contact. As you've no doubt discovered in the responses from your question however, the great majority of men are flattered and find it very refreshing when a woman expresses interest. Regardless of how often it's stated on these forums and elsewhere, I don't think women really understand the 95% rejection rate that most men deal with daily. It truly is a pleasant surprise when a woman sends the first letter.
With that in mind, if you are actually interested in him based on his profile, I'd strongly suggest sending an at least somewhat thoughtful letter and make sure your profile has a decent amount of information about you. It's happened to me a couple times where I received an email that said something like "wow, you seem great", or "tag, you're it" - and then I go to view the senders profile and find virtually no information about them at all (no pics, no meaningful description, and a couple "prefer not to say" answers). These situations did not lead to meaningful conversation 
Short answer (I know, too late!) - go for it. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:58:16 AM | | K girl thanks for asking this question. As a foreigner permanently living in the States, I've been trying to find out about this. My friends told me that anybody can make the first contact.That's what is done here they said.. They say, go for it girl. But where I came from, it's a taboo. I've been practicing the" go for it too "but it's to me like an embarrassment to the guys & am still not comfortable with it. I wish I can find a man who will tell me the the real culture here. By the way, this attractive lady is from Africa.Smile. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:14:47 PM | original poster,
i strongly believe that for a woman, this is the way to go. Many women on this site simply compose a profile and wait for emails to come in, and this is the extent of their experience here. i think that it makes for a much more pleasant experience if a woman actively seeks out the person they want to associate with and concentrate on those contacts. the quality of the messages you get in return, as well as your success rate, will make your online experience far more rewarding. the best dates i have been on so far, were with women who initiated contact with me. best of luck to you. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:57:48 PM | Well, on a sour note.. I usually contact a man first if their profile intrigues me and or picture. most thank me for that.
But, today, I contacted a man, we were in ims, he wanted to talk via phone, so I did. I prefer phone mush more over typing.
Anyway, he said since I contacted him first, when we met, I was to buy him dinner and drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are these the new rules now? Should I never e-mail a gut I'm interested again?
Please, I would like to know the forums take on this azzhole?? | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:35:20 PM | | Just send them a msg. So what if they freak out? I don't think they will, but so what if they do? If they're not messaging you what do you have to lose? (There might be all kinds of reason why they don't send a message. If a girl's profile is too brief they might have a difficult time knowing what to talk to her about. Or maybe there's something in her profile that leads them to think she wouldn't be interested in them. ) | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:20:07 PM | tiny skydiver,
i really dont think you need our opinions to affirm your feelings about how this man acted. Just be a little more solid in your perspective, your feelings, and what you think is right. dont allow a man to dictate to you what you should or should not do or feel. if your own conscience tells you that youve done something questionable before it's even been pointed out, listen to the criticism, seek advice and make up your own mind about it.
you, just like everyone else, has the right to point out when you think youre being treated unfairly, and with that right comes the responsibility of accepting valid criticism, which i certainly dont see reason for in this circumstance. go dutch if you like, but no one should insist the other cover the whole tab. if he offers to pay, graciously accept. if he insists you pay for him, walk out. good luck and dont give up. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:08:55 AM | Thank you quou, but as I stated I have no problem initiating the first contact.
But, In general, was asking the forum, just becauseI did initiate the contact, that means I have to pay for man when I meet him?
That more or less was the question, and perhaps wanted an answer from the man.
I always go dutch mind you, always, but, actually what ticked me off, this is the first that this has happened, and was wondering form anyone is this the norm?
Just because you intiatie the contact, YOU MUST PAY????
Believe, me after his rude comment, there will never be a meeting betwen him and I, and as I stated most men, have thanked me for contacting them first. Not demand that I must pay on our first meeting because I actually took the initiative to contact someone.
Funny, men that have e-mailed me, I don't make it that golden rule and act like a 12 year old, saying well, you e-mailed me first so you must pay! | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:39:26 AM |
Well, on a sour note.. I usually contact a man first if their profile intrigues me and or picture. most thank me for that.
But, today, I contacted a man, we were in ims, he wanted to talk via phone, so I did. I prefer phone mush more over typing.
Anyway, he said since I contacted him first, when we met, I was to buy him dinner and drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"WTF" indeed.
At least he was upfront with what he thought was supposed to happen. None of this assuming that he was supposed to be a "traditional" gentleman, and risk assuming the woman (you) because she was one of those who expects equality, except when she wants preferential treatment, ya know?
Or maybe he was just pulling your leg. I didn't realize that a little humour automatically relegates one to the realm of "azzhole"-dom.
Arlo, proudly vying for the title... | |
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