| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:03:29 PM | I used to wonder about the same thing, just like you Kansasgirl07, but I agree with most replies so far that by making that first contact, it's half the battle. If the receiver is interested, may it be a woman or a gentleman, it usually goes much smoother from the get-go, meaning it's not so awkward and intimidating, almost like the first "meet and seek" is already over with, lol...isn't that the truth?
Once you make that first contact, it gets a lot easier from then on, so if it doesn't work out with that first one you contacted, go ahead, try it again with someone else you might find attractive, if his profile makes you smile too, that is.
Museique | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:12:10 PM | Gentlemen, thank you all for your positive and encouraging remarks. I was raised in an era where "nice girls" didn't make the first move, so the question has entered my mind on several occasions too. Your comments have given me a little more courage and I really appreciate that. And I agree that the men should not always have to be the ones to put themselves out there and risk rejection.
So.....any suggestions on what type of comments or emails you like to get in those first contacts? | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:47:37 AM | The lady either contacts me first or there is no cantact. Why? I am separated not single and not divorced finally until April. Red flag to many women. I am looking only for friends and not interested in a relationship at the moment. I make all of this perfectly clear in the body of my profile and yet I still have women asking me "Ok John, why are you really here?" I have my reasons for being hear but frankly I'm so tired of answering that question I've just decided not to any more. I really do enjoy POF for the friends that do get it and who I carry on long, into the late night conversations with. Some over the phone. Her choice not mine. I also really enjoy the forums. I've participated on many political, science and religious forums elsewhere and I am quite impressed with what the administrators have done here.
So that's it gals. If I see you on the forums here or somewhere else your picture or profile catches my eye and I take a peek and you catch me having viewed you, don't expect to hear from me first except in the rarest of cases. Those rare cases usually being that something in what you wrote in your profile really knocked me for a loop. Having said all that, I have never failed to answer a personal message and I never will. I'm looking for friends afterall and it matters not what your profile reads like, what you look like or anything else. You made a friendly gesture by taking the time to message me, and that's a great place to start a friendship if you ask me. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:02:09 AM | Someone *looks left* seems to be very happy that I emailed him.
I'm certainly glad that I did; and very grateful that he replied.
Take the risk: it's worth it.
If a man would think less of you for not waiting for him to make the first move, would you really want to be with that man anyway? | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:27:59 AM | | I don’t have a problem at all when the woman makes the first contact, but I do have a problem with all the women out there that think the men have to make first contact just because they are women. This is 2008, traditional privileges for either gender should not exist anymore. It's a pity that a lot of women today still can't give up theirs. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:15:23 AM | I think nothing of it: this is 2007 for cry sake! I do not see anything wrong for a person to contact another person of the other gender. Note that I use person...because in the end, we are all equals, have the same rights and , of course, the same freedom of action and free will.
People who will "freak out" because someone contacted them on a dating site are having a problem: what do they expected? that NO ONE will ever dare to reach out to them or that in fact, everyone is at their disposal? so what is the point of been on the site in the first place? Dhu!
If i want to be the devil advocate (i will send my bill to him later); true that in many ways we are still fighting old concepts and that it is harder for a woman to still make first contact....so in a way, a man should be flattered more and reconize the effort and courage it took to that person to initiate contact. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:01:14 AM | | I agree with all the post saying its a good thing to contact 1st...To be honest, I never really know exactly how to break the ice online...In person I don't find it to difficult, but online you have time to think about what you want to say, then try to express it in a way that grabs the attention of whoever I'm writing...Mainly cause there are about 20+ other guys trying to do the same thing...So to put it simply...I wish more women would do this :D | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:40:11 AM | I think it's great that a girl would contact a guy first. I'm assuming that most other guys would too. First of all it shows interest, secondly it shows independence and confidence (which I admire), and thirdly, it's the 21st century.
If you ask me, I say "go for it"...I'd be flattered, | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/10/2008 3:59:39 PM | | Sounds fine with me. If a lady finds that I am interesting to her, I think by all means she should contact me. I'd hate to think that she's out there attracted and interested and is afraid to communicate with me because she thinks I'll be put off by her attention. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:02:31 PM | This is actually the normal state of affairs these days Kaz
I'm serious. Harrassment laws have meant that guys no longer ask the girls.
If a guy rejects you it's becasue he simply doesn't fancy you. Not becasue he's freaked out by your asking. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:06:54 PM | Gentlemen, thank you all for your positive and encouraging remarks. I was raised in an era where "nice girls" didn't make the first move, so the question has entered my mind on several occasions too.
======================
Actually Shotsie
You were raised in an era when girls didn't make any moves, guys weren't allowed to make any moves, dating and marriage were considered passee. Men wee considered redundant except as the occasional sperm donor, prreferably by artificial insemination, and society was a mess of womens communal longhouses with no rela family structure. Where there was a massive load of preaching afoot fora new Nazi state where women HAD to go to work, and all child rearing was done by the state. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:37:01 AM | There is nothing wrong with women contacting men first, I think it's a valuable exercise EACH women should have to undergo at least once in a while so they can better appreciate the courage it takes to ask a complete stranger out on a date! 
A lot of people just assume that "men love the chase", and that somehow it is our job to initiate all the contact. Sure as a guy I'll step up to the plate if I feel the urge, and I do so with hope for the best but preparation for the worst.
What some women need to learn is that "just because you ask, doesn't mean they'll say yes". Time after time I've received hate-mail from some female POFers after I politely declined their advances, simply because they weren't my type. I thanked them for the flattery and the interest, but said I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with them. Next thing you know I'm getting whine e-mails about what a jerk I am... 
Ladies, I encourage you to go after what you want instead of sitting idle hoping it falls in your laps, but when you do so, be mature enough to realize that despite your positive self-image, you may get shot down. 
But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Welcome to our world, Ladies!   | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:33:04 AM | Brother - not this old chestnut again! Hello - this is 2008, not 1908. Women have been emancipated for, like, half a century - you didn't get the memo? (Most) guys have gotten comfortable with this, so no, we don't get freaked out - quite the opposite.
However, emancipation is a two-edged sword, despite the 'old fashioned' girls who cling to the entitlements and practices of pre-emancipated woman-hood. So;
- Don't expect a guy to fall of his chair just because you, a woman, deigned to mail him.
- Don't conclude that if a guy doesn't mail you back that he was freaked out, that he wanted to do the chasing - "ug -me caveman, you cavewoman, me chase, you run!" - and that mailing guys doesn't work. Conclude instead what we guys do when we don't hear back from a woman - they didn't fancy you!
- And don't, for the love of Pete, come back to 'Ask a Guy' after not having immediate success mailing guys, and looking for validation for the silly belief that mailing guys doesn't work (as some self-deluded females have) | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/13/2008 12:22:14 PM |
What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
I think it's a pipe dream.
So if I bite the bullet and messge them would it be okay to assume that they are going to be freaked out?
No. The exact opposite would happen. | |
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| What do guys think about a girl contacting them first?
Posted: 1/18/2008 1:42:02 AM | Well now thats a bit spooky, I have now had 2 ladies contact me first since my first entry on this subject.
IT FEELS REALLY NICE!!!
I can now answer the OP's question. I would welcome any first contact. Apart from "My God youre ugly!" | |
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