| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:45:20 PM | | I rarely use the silent treatment as I rarely get upset for little things...But if you reallyyyyy mess up...then the reason behind it is not to punish you... it is because I really wanna tear into you...I really wanna let you have it...and I want to hurt you as much as I felt hurt....so it's best I shut up and gather my thoughts so we can have a calm discussion rather then make things much worst then they need to be. :) | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:04:23 PM | I have no problem telling a guy if I have a problem....but what happens when he just doesn't get it after repeated attempts to explain? Eventually I get tired and frustrated and don't feel like talking about ANYTHING. So yeah, I hit my limit and rather than blow up (as I think men are more apt to do) I get quiet.
It seems that whatever the OTHER sex does to handle things is the IMMATURE way! | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:13:22 PM | Parry10..Guys are very good at the silent treatment...and I had a close male friend that every time we disagreed he would pull the "Childish"..Silent treatment onMe..and he knew It bugged the H*ll outta Me..After calling him on it a few times he stopped.
I just think it is a way of Not communicating and if someone fails to do this..then they are No one I want to be with..Silent Treatment is nothing more than a Game..and I am so Not into Games. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:43:31 PM | Ah, yes. The silent treatment. I HATE it. I have been married to a man for many years, who employed the "silent treatment" and that's exactly why he's soon going to be my ex-husband.
People who use the silent treatment knows that sometimes, it can hurt worse than words. I have no use for people like this. Spit it out, is what I say. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:50:11 PM | I hate the silent treatment as I am very vocal.
Yeah it sucks but what do they say-
Silence speaks volumes. I dont understand why people
cant say how they feel or what they want. Just say it.
whats the big deal. Its majorly frustrating and just makes me
hate you that much more. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:04:34 PM | | In my experience it is often used by people who aren't very good with confrontation. They want you to know they are unhappy but they are afraid to actually verbalise why. Often used by people who had parents who sulked or manipulated with silence, so therefore were maybe not trained how to say how they feel. It isn't always done on purpose - sometimes the words just aren't there to be said. Generally the only way to deal with it is to leave it and wait for it to calm down. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:35:22 PM | | My mother used silent treatment (aka emotional blackmail) with me as a punishment while I was growing up, and continues to try to use it with me in my adult life, so I've been very concious never to do it to anyone else. My brother modelled her behavior. When he was married, he went a whole month not speaking to his wife while living under the same roof. For God's sake, if there's a problem you put it on the table and you deal with it upfront like an adult. There is nothing funny about this kind of behavior and I could never be in a relationship with someone like that. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:37:28 PM | It's how a lot of women deal with anger (not all) guys tend to argue about whatever, then be done with it. It's settled. Women often stew and brood, giving you the silent treatment and NEVER letting things go. Years later they can drag up insignificant details you thought were long gone.
It's just how it is. Fish breathe water, humand breathe air, it's just how it is. | |
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 4:43:03 PM | | What you do when you get the silent treatment is WALK. That way, she can never pull that sh!t on you again, and you don't have to worry about playing any of her other mind games, either. I had someone who liked to play those head games, and use emotions to manipulate me. It blew her mind when I got tired of it and walked away from the relationship. You can either be a man, or a toy to be played with. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:08:09 PM | {What you do when you get the silent treatment is WALK. }
Exactly. That's the way to stop it in it's tracks! Don't stick around and take emotional abuse.
In the situation with my mom, the only thing I know to do is to put some distance between us.
If you can't completely walk away, you at least have to set your boundaries. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:11:09 PM | Curlygrl...yes! I say have the balls to say what's on your mind, rather than to hide behind silence, thinking that this is the ultimate way to get at someone.
It's manipulative.......Speak your mind for God's sake!!! | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:15:43 PM |
passive aggressive crap. Basically a person feels a need for control and things feel out of control so they are going to exercise control over what they can ... themselves.
nocalsingledad: this can actually be a helpful tactic in a fight or arguement. Not the part about using it as a weapon, but using it to control what you can in an out of control situation....yourself. Only you can control how you react to things. If you react with screaming and throwing things, you are being a two year old throwing a temper tantrum.
I personally hate the silent treatment as a punishment for something that someone did, or is perceived to have done..my mother still uses it on me lol. I will however call "time out" or whatever you want to call it, if I need to take a step back and rethink how I am handling or seeing the situation. That is not necessarily a bad thing. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:50:39 PM | ^ If you want to gain control of yourself you say, "Hey, I'm going out for a while... if I stay here I'm going to say something that I'll regret."
That is far more helpful to the situation than saying nothing.... it gives both people a chance to reflect without one of the people sitting there thinking negative things about themselves while not knowing what is going on... | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:53:33 PM | Wow....I never thought there were so many stories out there about the "silent treatment"...good responses everyone....thanks !
As a humourous sidenote, my two brothers and I could only wish that our nagging sister would give us the silent treatment for a change.....hahaha  | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:05:44 PM | Wow, this profile blew me away because I have never, ever, given someone the silent treatment. The closest I have come to it is taking a few minutes to gather my thoughts in hopes of figuring out what the root of my concern is.
I think giving someone the silent treatment is the same as saying I have no respect for you. If that is true then what are doing together in the frist place?
Now I do realize that when two people disagree sometimes it is good to give each other some space. So one or the other walks away for a short period of time in order to come back calmer and more ready for further discussion. I have never considered this the silent treatment though I also practice the agree to disagree resolution.
Of course I may be living in bubble but it is Heidi's bubble and I do not get the silent treatment in here. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:14:36 PM | I will however call "time out" or whatever you want to call it, if I need to take a step back and rethink how I am handling or seeing the situation.
Then I believe it is perfectly acceptable to say "I am really too upset to engage in a dialog with you right now, I need some time to get a grip. " But the problem is that depending on the kind of person you are interacting with at that moment, they could see that as evidence they have you almost to your "breaking point" and might choose that moment to make another push on your buttons.
Sorry, I have just been in some bad relationships where any attempt to establish any kind of a boundary is seen as a challenge. To say "back off" to them means they must not back off at any cost and will then continue to push even if the result is catastrophic. It is fundamentally a self-destructive behavior. They almost can't help themselves when an opportunity to blow the relationship up presents itself. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:04:17 AM | ahh, the silent treatment. LOVE IT...i would rather get the silent treatment, then having someone slamming doors or yelling in my face.eventually it will go away,you will find out the problem and work things out. i do think guys do it also ( not just a woman thing).SILENCE IS GOLDEN,LOL. i think it's more like platinum,LOL. IT DOESN'T DRIVE ME AROUND THE BEND. IT JUST GIVES ME TIME TO RELAX AND READ A BOOK.......    | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:07:50 AM | The silent treatment drives me up the wall. I would so much rather somebody told me to my face that I'm evil than just walk away.
This is also not the same as someone who needs a little space to collect their thoughts and calm down before discussing stuff. That is normal and healthy.
I think some people do it deliberately, because frankly, it works. Others I think just "shut down" emotionally when overwhelmed. I'm OK with the second kind, so long as the other party eventually circles back to deal with the original issue. But someone who does this deliberately is just plain emotionally cruel. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:28:45 AM |
The silent treatment drives me up the wall. I would so much rather somebody told me to my face that I'm evil than just walk away.
I don't know about that. I think we can all say some pretty nasty things when pissed off, and words can sometimes do some major damage. I know there have been times I've had to ignore the person just so I didn't end up telling him what a ...
&^%$$^*(()))*%$#@##%^^&&... he was, ya know?
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:39:44 AM | | Perhaps it is a means of self-monitoring to process ones thoughts and regain emotional bearings, if it is a short "time out". If however, it is a protracted undertaking, it is a passive-aggressive, manipulative power play. An old sales axiom: "He who speaks first loses." | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:40:35 AM | Yanno, sometimes guys play the "I'm a lil pu$$y that needs everything explained and spelled out for me" crap a time too many, and we just get weary of it. Learn to turn your brains on and pop that gear into reverse...it'll come to ya! Dang if I don't get tired of having to do all his thinking for him!
(I've done it when he blew up my brain and I needed a lil nap, or perhaps a shot or 6--to recover.) | |
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