| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:45:45 AM | I've used it in both longterm relationships and on dates for a number of reasons. Basically when I'm nervous, excited, or happy I talk too much but when I'm upset or have already talked about a matter till there's nothing left to say I withdraw and I'm overly quiet.
Sometimes it was because the guy was too drunk or already convinced I'm lying (unjustifiably) to bother with and neither talking or being quiet helped. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:58:45 AM | Well sometimes you need to shut people down when it's clear the "argument" is going nowhere fast.
If I get to the point where I think a woman is being irrational with me, where any kind of reasonable discussion is impossible, it's a good bet that putting her on timeout and telling her so is going to be more effective than sitting there and hearing her gripe without any real purpose.
I can handle griping. I cannot handle the griping and whining if there is no purpose for it and no clear end to it in sight.
Any woman I've had regular sex with in my life, whether they've "tried" to give me the silent treatment is hit or miss. However all of them, from my experience, have tried to use sex as a weapon against me. The typical "Do what I want or you don't get the bologna pony!"
Once you've given ground just once, just even once, where you let a woman know she can use sex as a weapon against you, you have pretty much ended that relationship. And if you are in a long enough relationship period, eventually most to many to nearly all women will try that tactic to see how far they can push you.
Being silent with a partner is not always bad, but there needs to be context involved. Sometimes you just need to shut the other person down for a short while. Personally? I feel most to many to nearly all men do it so they don't say something they will regret later ( because most to many to nearly all women NEVER forget anything you say and will ALWAYS find the opportune moment to remind you of what you did in the past to piss them off) and I feel most to many to nearly all women don't say something because they just expect you to read their minds.
Sometimes what saves a relationship are the things that are unspoken.
I could try explaining that to most to many to nearly all women, but it's hard for them to hear you when they are just waiting to talk and tell you why you are wrong. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:00:27 AM |
What's up with the "silent treatment" thingy ?.... The Hallowed Silent Treatment is a major element in the Pop-Psychology Folklore known as "Communication is Key." Don't you see it, man?  | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:07:33 AM | sometimes "silent treatment" isn't about you at all.
sometimes it's about me.
and needing space / time to cool down...sort out my thoughts / feelings to avoid--like other's have said--tearing into you and saying things i'll regret later.
i don't trust myself when i'm angry or hurt to fight fair.
in most cases, when i feel that familiar knot in my belly...the tension rising...i'll say it direct and clearly: "i can't talk about this right now, i'm too upset. i need a time out."
if given that, i'm usually good to revisit the conversation w/a more...civil disposition. if not, look out. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:09:33 AM | | Silents can be a control type of maneuver - as someone previous mentioned all part of a passive-aggressive thing. I've been caught up in it before, hated it, buckle down to it, and guess what it got me? More passive-aggressive type BS. It takes some will power(something I frequently lack in relationship, so take my advice with $3 and buy yourself a cup of coffee), but don't give in to it. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:08:37 AM | No matter what gender uses it the silent treatment is first and foremost an abuse of power. the person using it is the one in control even if it does not feel that way. S/he has the other person wondering and often asking "what did I do to upset you?" According to to our local Family Violence Project it is a passive aggressive act of violence toward the other. Having someone treat you this way is frustrating and painful.
Good effective communication is direct and straightforward. It need not be confrontational. My suggestion would be to explain how you feel when s/he behaves this way and ask for a behavior change. If you do not get it, get out your fishing pole because the person is more into power than relationship. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:16:54 AM | | I am just out of a 2 year relationship where there was a lot of that kind of immature behavior. I'm so done with that. Communicate with me. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:21:53 AM | hmmmm I was married for 37 yrs and I loved when my husband gave me the silent treatment. I dont care why he did it , it was just nice and peaceful. A BREAK FROM HIM TELLING ME EVERYTHING I WAS DOING WRONG ON A DAILY BASIS. Silence sometimes truly is Golden. Not always to be questioned.
And when women give the silent treatment........your supposed to know..Why dont you???? Didnt you read the rule book?  | |
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:26:05 AM |
Yanno, sometimes guys play the "I'm a lil pu$$y that needs everything explained and spelled out for me" crap a time too many, and we just get weary of it.
And sometimes women play the "I'm superior to you just because I'm a woman" routine, thinking they have the guy so wrapped around her finger that he'll just cower and take whatever she dishes out. Men get weary of that, too. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:36:37 AM | | well.. i've given the silent treatment because a guys actions have indicated to me that he doesn't much care if I ever do talk to him again... does that count? | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:16:52 PM | I think guys are more guilty of the silent treatment, out of an intense desire to avoid any uncomfortable/emotional situations.
Women do it too, obviously. I, for example, have "broke up with guys without telling them" (the women's version of the silent treatment) for a variety of reasons and "broken rules", including:
1) Pawing me in the movies after I said "stop" over and over, both silently and out loud.
2) Hocking a loogie and getting angry when I would not kiss him right after.
3) Calling me too often (as in, literally every five minutes at home AND work) and getting angry when I was busy, complaining, "You are the ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD who doesn't want to talk on the phone ALL DAY."
4) Criticizing me heavily for not owning a cellphone
5) Him telling me he was moving three hours away after seeing me three times
And so on.
If I've seen a guy once and don't call him again, it means I don't want to see him again and may be just because we did not click in my mind. If I've seen him a few times and drop off the radar, usually it's because he's committed some transgression that I can't get over and don't really feel like discussing.
Like, honestly, I could tell the Loogie Guy, "Hey, you're a wonderful guy but I'm just not ready for a relationship due to work/family stuff/school, etc." but in all honesty, that would just be a nice way of me saying, "After you spent our last date hocking loogies out of your car window, it disgusted me so much that my stomach turns with the thought of EVER kissing you again, and in light of that, I don't see how we could have a future together."
Silence is never truly silence; it's just saying something that you don't really want to hear. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:20:59 PM | RE: First post.
You're looking at this the wrong way my friend.
I LOVE the silent treatment. Women use it to make men grovel. Cause they're all power trippers at heart, or rebelling for some feminist thing, anyway...
The thing is... you can use it to your advantage.
If she doesnt tell you what you did wrong... then you're off the hook. Simple as that. If some woman doesnt want to tell me whats wrong... then its no longer my responsibility. I tried. She rejected. End of story. No need to pursue the matter. When the woman doesnt get what she wants (you groveling) she'll eventually lose her patience and lash out at you, usually its at this point that I found out what I did, and usually the woman has stewed so long that now when she explodes at me the issue has be blown so far out of proportion that even SHE realizes shes being too harsh, at which point I mutter a mild apology for whatever the reason was, which then makes her feel worse and more inclined to coddle me. All in all... WOOHOO FOR THE SILENT TREATMENT! | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:42:31 PM | oops.....I think some may have mis-understood my opening post....I'm not a victim of the silent treatment currently.....(but the day isn't over either...lol)......I just thought I'd start a new thread is all as I was trying to think of something that gets under my skin for this forum....I love women and don't look for faults as I have enough of my own to keep my mind occupied...
My former wife used to do this all the time (silent treatment) but after I had to take custody of all my kids....wellllll, let's just say her days of pulling the power trip through passive aggressive junk (and sometimes not so passive.....eeeek) ended....quickly
I really identify with that song by Phil Collins called "I don't care anymore" which was all about his ex-wife who fled to Canada (British Columbia) with their kid just to deny him access.....what a biotch!
Anyways, you guys have made my day with your responses......but I must ask, I was silent all day and nooooooobody missed me.....(sniffle, sniffle)
(I was actually busy at work all day so it wasn't reallythe "silent treatment after all)
Wow, am I ever drifting here.....lol 
carry on...... | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:47:04 PM | i dont understand venus-ian very well, however it think it means
"i'm really pissed at you dear, however i haven't figured out how to punish you yet -so i will just let you lay there and wait for the blade to eventually drop... -oh yes its going to drop... sometime"
there are key words that also tell you -your in trouble: "nothing" "apparently" "however" "space" "shopping" | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:03:41 PM | I absolutely will not tolerate the silent treatment whether it be with my children, co-workers or lover. If you're pissed at me , tell me the reason or get ghost.
The silent treatment is in affect, harbored anger. Harbored anger only leads to mis-guided emotional outbursts which are so unnecessary. Use words people, let it out, everyone benefits in the long run. | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:20:22 PM | | Yes, I've had it happen to me. I figure if that is how a man wants to act, then so be it. He obviously doesn't have the coping skills to be in a relationship. So grow up!!! | |
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| The Silent Treatment......ughhhhhh (lol)
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:51:01 PM | Hi,
passive aggressive and immature.
Don't you love the remark (I have heard this one too many times and believe me, I communicate well - at least all my female friends and women that I've had LTR's with tell me so): "If you really cared, you'd know what was the problem is"
Yes, I care. However, the respect I had for the woman starts to diminish the first time this happens (not so much), but it starts to accelerate the more she attempts it. After the 5th or 6th time, I realize I'm dating a child and, quite frankly, go play with the other children.
Open up, have an adult conversation. Yes, men and women both do this. Having a relationship is hard work, but without good solid communication on both sides, it's really impossible. Neither gender, in my experience, does this more than the other. Personally, I see it as a maturity and mimicry of the parental relationship. (How did their Mom and Dad get along? What's their relationship like?"
Paul | |
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