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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:15:38 PM | there have been many points made here and all are quite valid, i would like to add one more.
men are competitive by nature, it probably dates back to early man when the best fighter/hunter would be the best choice for a mate. this competitivness is simply adapting to today's environment. a man will outline his resume hoping he will be seen as the best choice as a mate. it is behaviour that is inate.
some men have evolved beyond this stage, to self-assuredness. they KNOW they are a good mate and know others will see that without having to be told. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:21:31 PM | | Maybe this hypothetical man is hoping you'll kiss him to shut him up. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:23:48 PM | | Well said paulguy. I shall feel glad being around with overachievers. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:40:00 PM | well, I like to say that I've worked at cartoon network, and some other Computer graphics places. But not because of my own ego, but because I like to show people my love for computer animation and computer graphics.
if people see it as me showing off, is their problems not mine. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:48:26 PM | | Most guys talk about their achievements to make up for what they lack in personality. After all, when it all boils down, you can make or break a decent relationship on each others personality ( / communication). I think that encompasses everything short of penis size (so to speak), which also makes the top 5 inadequacies. But lack of personality is a deal breaker. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:09:08 PM | Well when someone constantly talks about their achievements it is a negative as most of the posters have said. Someone who doesn't have a well rounded set of topics to discuss other than themselves is quite boring.
But if it is a one in a while this is what I have done in this area and these are my plans to do more yada yada yada... then that is a different story. You are talking about where you have been, where you are and where you want to be.
I may be in the minority but saying once in a while, yep I did a damn good job there is not a bad thing. Nor is saying yep, I am good. If you have put the work in, you have sacrificed to accomplish something, why not bask a bit. Again it is different if this is an everyday occurrence but once in a while is healthy to me.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:17:17 PM | Someone very wise told me once; "Don't pay attention so much to what they say as to what they do".
I've lived pretty-much by that principle. I tend to not talk about plans, I prefer to allow others to see my accomplishments.
I simply have no ego to feed.
Mike | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:10:07 PM |
I have found many males are like that- talk about their achievement ( like about their job, academic, finance, activity, sports) to impress others. Not on a date or anything...just in real life, regular school, work life.
-What is a man's intention when he constantly talks about his achievement without being asked.
As others have stated, this is not just limited to men, yet I will give you my thoughts on why people tend to do this.
There are two types of people: those that go with the flow, and those that don't. When you watch a marathon, everyone begins together, yet there will always be a small group of people who will break away from the pack and push harder. These are the people of whom you speak. They are the weekend/day warriors, the ones who build empires, the ones who aspire, the ones who succeed where others fail, etc.
So when you ask what the intentions are of people like this when they talk about their achievements - as you perceive it – they are simply having a regular conversation in their mind. It’s the same as when people offer unsolicited information in regular conversation, for example when some people mention how much they drank the night before, or a funny thing that was on TV the other day, or a joke they heard, etc. They are just offering their bit.
Who are they trying to impress?
Again, they aren't trying to impress anyone; it's just regular conversation for that type of person. If they were trying to impress people, they wouldn't be saying these things to people like you; rather they'd be out doing things with people like them. They impress through action, not words. They'll climb that mountain in 2 days to prove a point; they'll increase their fourth quarter profits vs. the competition; they'll get that PHD; they'll score that winning touch down; etc. You probably think the way you do - that they are just show offs or are being pretentious - because your achievements may not be heralded as "grand" as theirs by society. After all, society has been molded by the rich and powerful, so if you are not one of them then it's only natural to feel the way you do.
It's not to invalidate you and the things you've done in your life. For the most part, we all start at the same place – some better than others – yet it's still our individual choices that determine how we “advance” in this life. Whether they are good ones or bad ones, each of our lives is unique and can be turned into whatever we so desire. If you desire greatness, focus on working towards it, regardless of whether it is epic, or not. You don't have to slay the dragon with a tooth-pick, as you can be the one to treat the hero's injuries thereby making you greater than he, for having saved his life.
Granted there are those that feed off condescending arrogance, yet I don’t think their numbers are as lofty as we are made to believe.
Everyone has their own type of success and I believe that is what is important, for what good is a life if there is no purpose that drives a person to achieve, in any way at all? We nod acceptingly and happily at the evening news on TV, for a fireman who successfully saved a person and their pet from a burning building, even though he/she was just doing what they were asked to; just doing their duty (I believe all firemen truly love what they do). Yet the ones who just happen to mention the things they've done, that MBA they earned at Harvard, or that river they conquered on the weekend, or that company they returned to profitability, why do we frown upon them? Instead of seeing the good that someone else has done with disdain, be happy for them and for what they’ve done. Maybe their story will inspire something within you.
Cheers! | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:32:09 PM | I hope this helps a little. I got most of this information from an article written by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Author of the book called "The Broken American Male".
In regards to your question. I agree with what other posters have said, but I also agree with what Boteach says.
- Most men feel like failures: Immersed in a culture that judges them solely by how much money they have and how professionally successful they are, most men feel inadequate. The last thing they want to do is talk about how they don't measure up. They would rather retreat into themselves, into a world of either self-pity or non-feeling.
- Men feel emasculated: Because men, by the middle of their lives, mostly feel like their professional dreams have been crushed, and all they can do is read about truly successful giants like Steve Jobs or George Clooney, they feel emasculated. They don't feel like men. So they can't share their feelings with their wives because, when they do feel, all they feel is pain. Better to escape the feeling of emasculation by obsessing over sports or endlessly discussing business. For the same reasons of emasculation, they also often don't make love to their wives. They become porn addicts instead, addicted to fantasy women whose fictitious eroticism serves as a drug that boosts the macerated male ego.
- Men feel that they have to be providers: Men don't think that what their wives want from them is feelings. On the contrary, they are trained to believe that a wife wants a provider rather than a companion, a moneymaker rather than an intimate soul-mate. Throughout the day he becomes a human doing, rather than a human being. No one is interested in his being. Bosses are interested in men for their productivity. Even when he dates women before he marries, the first thing the woman asks him is, "What do you do?"--->The message he gets is that it is his hands rather than his heart which is valued.
** Men focus on subjects they can master: Studies show that there are five subjects that men discuss. They are, in order of importance: money, sports, women, politics, and cars.
That's because men talk about subjects they can master. They are goal-oriented rather than means-oriented. For them, the journey is not the reward. Conquest is the reward. They are interested in subjects that make them feel powerful. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:47:53 PM | In my experience if they start talking about their past achievements with out being asked it is usually can be a number of reasons.
1. They might define them selves in accordance to their achievements and see that as a way to measure their self worth.
2. They are making crap up because they feel that they need to one up every one and over impress.
3. Their life is going no where and cling to past moments of glory to make them selves look more impressive then they feel that they are. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:26:53 AM | I would say that there a multitude of factors at work. Usually if a man "brags" about something that is fairly broad for a range of 3-5 minutes, explaining the intricate details of what pains he undertook to get there, then chances are it is a major accomplishment in his life. For an example, If I go into the pains of how college began for me, such as the registrar never transferring my transcript, being dropped from my old college, a friendly collaboration-turned to slander and libel, and the 7-odd years it took me to get through college because of the several hiccups, without going into too much detail, then this a fairly big accomplishment (as most degrees should be). However, if I took about 5 minutes to explain every single trial that I had to go through, then I would suggest excusing yourself from the conversation, finding the nearest exit, and scrambling like mad to get out of there since this character has no life.
As a man gets older, he has more experiences, thus more to tell, but hopefully he is wise enough to reserve the amount of storytelling he has to do. Basically, a man brags when he is lacking in one or more places (either in intellect, common sense, or below the belt). Sort of like fish tales.
And now a quote from my Murphy's Law poster that I felt most befitting of this post:
"In any hierarchy, every individual rises to his own level of incompotence, and then remains there." | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:49:13 AM |
I coin the phrase "pot calling the kettle a pot."
Er... no you don't. To coin a phrase is to invent or popularise it. And I'm pretty sure I've heard that one before. You may be being ironic, and if so you have my apology.
Anyway, yes, this is pretty common behaviour, for men or women. It's just grandstanding, and is very tedious. I have a few friends that do this. I don't see them much. Whatever you do, they've done better. It's sometimes not even good things. If you're sick, they're sicker. If you're tired, they're tireder. OK, whatever, you win.
Still, I'd be boasting about my achievements too, if I'd ever achieved anything. So there's that. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:34:30 AM | | Sorry. Still simply boils down to insecurity and over compensation. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:47:52 AM | It's boorish to bring up such things unless they are relevant.
It probably means an insecure man. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:49:06 AM |
-What is a man's intention when he constantly talks about his achievement without being asked? His intention is to reveal his priorities, his arrogance toward you, and finally to brag about how he will be a good provider. If he has no real hobbies and no true friends, avoid this man like killer bees, for he is a narcissist. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:17:26 AM | To fully understand the heart and mind of a man, look not to what he has already achieved, but to what he aspires to do.
One can aspire to do anything, its called daydreaming.
Our profiles are resumes to explain our compatability points and desires as well as sell ourselves. Some tend to sell their genetic attributes they did nothing to aquire. Some of us list acheivements that prove we not only make goals, but have the courage, determination, intelligence, and strength of character to obtain those goals. If you really feel only physical attributes are important, then just how shallow are you?
Often, when someone brings up their acheivements, its because they sense they have been belittled by others or their contributions discarded through the arrogance of others. Accusing them of arrogance may simply be a reflection you don't wish to see.
The search for intelligent life continues. | |
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Sepp04
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:15:04 AM | | Most women act like your career and achievements are such a big deal. If women would stop complaining about their exes being losers, we wouldn't have to talk about it. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:19:48 AM |
I don't do that so I don't understand why a lot of men around me do that.
*cough*cough*
I don't know how many times you have declared/stated/bragged about your two ivy league degrees, your awesome job that requires you to fly internationally, and how much smarter than other people you are, so please don't insult people with your statement...
Personally, I walk away from people who start talking about how much they own in the ways of toys, as they seem to have a low self-esteem and have to brag theirs is bigger, be it a boat, truck, house, or whatever... | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:37:35 AM | OP,
A good question. Though I would slightly alter it to "...try to impress..."
Hey, I was guilty of it when I was a lot younger. Maybe I still do, but in a different way. Can't really say for sure.
I suppose it is the sense that if someone is attractive to you, a guy will try what he thinks is best effort to make himself seem worthy of your attention. Guys are often judged in the world by what they do. It is easy to cross over to thinking what you do is related to who you are. Can't really fault a guy too much for going this route.
Think about all those wildlife progrms on TV. You know, the ones with the exotic birds. The showy males trying to impress the females with a bright display of plumage. Kinda like that.
My 0.02
edit-However; Herding cats, Eno, and a couple of others do make a valid point. Both sexes can be guilty attention seeking behavior. (Shrug). | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:46:25 AM | Men tend to do this more than women, but a lot of women talk about how they're independent and have achieved a lot on their own. I see nothing wrong with a woman saying things like that and people should always be proud of their accomplishments.
As far as dating goes, I think most men don't know how to create attraction with women and believe that if he impresses her with things he's done, she'll look at him in a desirable way. He thinks that she'll want to be with him because he has all of this stuff and has done all these things. Most guys look at it logically. However, attraction is emotional. If you're engaging and make a woman feel comfortable, she will be naturally interested especially if she took the time to hang out with you.
Some women believe that when a guy talks about his accomplishments without being asked, he's trying to show of or put her down. The woman might actually think "wow, this person has done so much and I've done so little in comparison". I've done a lot of cool things, met interesting people, and been a lot of different places but it always feels funny for me to discuss it without someone asking me about it. I generally try not to make the conversation about myself even though I'm an interesting person. So it's not really that guys try to brag, they really do think that women would be attracted to them if the women knew their accomplishments. It's like an ugly girl saying, "but I'm smart". Women, please don't take the bragging personally. Some guys don't know what else to do to make you attracted to us. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:50:31 AM | To simplify it, couch potatoes acheive very little and may actually need a woman to support them. All the soaps they watch may give them good training at be "romantic" while Opra and Dr. Phil will make them amature analysts. What are your values?
If you say you have acheived specific things, the truth of their acheivement will be revealed sometime. Long term, it doen't pay to lie about acheivements.
Toys may indicate decent income, blown inheritance, huge debt, or an ex that supported them. What did they do to earn the toys?
Attractions are mostly genetics such as a man's height. The only thing left after genetics to attract someone is their personality, acomplishments, and goals. Anyone can have goals but how effective will they be at acheiving those goals? A past record of such acheivements is a reasonble indicator. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:20:46 PM | | insecurity of his own ownership, anything small or big must be overexemplified to be great, thats any man's aspiration, to e great and recognized, most men including myself don't want to be just another obituary at the end of his life, we want our names in the history books as someone great and full of valor no matter what the task is, to be considered by our peers as the best is the best acheivement of wealth we can ever feel that can last for a long time. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:36:25 PM | Sounds like bragging, tacky and annoying. I am guilty of talking about what I am going to do only to ensure that I do actually do it.
If I do brag it's over something absurdly cheesy that only myself and a few friends would give a shit about anyways. | |
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| Men who impress
Posted: 1/7/2008 5:18:19 AM | | It means he doesn't know who he is, or what he is...so he tells everyone his achievements, thinking they cannot see who or what he is, either. | |
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