| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:56:57 AM | What matters, in terms of being deceitful, is if the person stating something is deliberately attempting to mislead, by saying something that he/she knows to be untrue. We all, from time to time, are mistaken, but it doesn't mean that things we said in all sincerity are "lies".
Arguing about the technical definition of divorced vs. widowed isn't the issue. At most, a few thousand people, of millions on POF, will read this thread. So, if someone says "widowed", because his divorced ex spouse has died, it may well be honest, in terms of how he/she sees it.
There are real lies that people tell about, where there is no doubt, that the person telling it, is attempting to deceive. That's enough to pay attention to, without getting all concerned about the finer points. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:40:27 PM | It's nonsense to assume that just because a person is a widow or widower that they have a lot less baggage. Every marriage that ended in the death of a partner may not necessarily have been a happy one.
The rate of men and women who cheat, for example, is the same across the board regardless of whether doing so results in a divorce.
And many people are widows and widowers as a result of things like suicide, innocent bystander murder, their own drunk driving, drug abuse etc.
Even in those cases where it's true, I'd personally rather be with someone who divorced and/or was divorced in a spectacle that rivals 'The War of the Roses'. At least I'd know I was getting a man who was just as passionate as the being that lies behind my own mask that I "keep in a jar by the door" than find I could never live up to an ideal whose sainthood increases daily. | |
|
| |
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:57:54 PM | | I think this is a great post and I don't know why anyone would vote to delete it.I just wonder why someone hadn't posted it before.this actually ahppened to me last yr.The lady was playing the poor greiving widow until I found out that he had divroced her and moved in with someone else.It's a shame because we had a lot in common it it looked promising.I think some people just like the attention and self pity that goes with it.anyway it was a short relationship. | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:21:01 PM |
Are you saying the cops have been looking in the wrong place all this time?
Who ever said the cops ever asked a question much less looked anywhere.. 1st time they just say how sorry they are for your loss, move a few things with a half raised eyebrow. Then leave!
The second time, now were talking questions and a little looking.. ( unless you change your name and move a few states over)
~Belly~ | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:31:05 PM | | If my ex were to die I would feel the sadness. I can not take that from someone. I might not call myself a widow, but I could see how someome could. As long as you did not help the person in their passing to the next life (compasionate assistance not being the case) I would not have a problem if someone who still loved their ex but the mariage did not work calling themselves a widow. | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:40:30 PM | I have widowed on my profile, I have been for 5 years in February...next month. It took me many many months to be able to refer to myself as a widow...IT HURT too much, so once I acclimated to that..and can refer to myself as a widow,,I face the social pressure to refer to my deceased husband as my "ex" ....and he is not,,,we were not divorced, we were living together, I was there for him, so to have someone
IMPERSONATE a widow/er is just sickening..disgusting and totally dishonest.. | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:54:41 PM | My humble opinion is that folks who say they are 'widowed' AFTER a divorce are liars. They are divorced people who's ex-spouse has since died. That lie would be a deal-breaker for me. Blech.
I agree,
I have been divorced for several years and my ex. passed away a few months ago.
I have always put divorced and feel by being honest I can relate to people more in the same situation. | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:47:35 PM | What has been happening here on this thread is good
It's true that there is always 'another' way at looking at things
There 'are' variables
Some people may be grieving an ex's passing in a more painful way than 'widowed' people who don't carry a great burden of guilt and had time to reconcile any differences before their spouse's passing
And let's face it,,,no one had a perfect marriage
There are however some very important issues to consider
Those of us who were right there and experienced the 'dying' scenario
24 hours a day and 7 days a week may find it difficult to relate to ex's who didn't
On the other hand,,,as I said before,,,there are those who would have offered this support if circumstances permitted it
For example if the deceased ex has a new partner,,,the ex who is grieving the potential
loss of their ex spouse is not able to help
But,,,the person who finally admits that they were divorced for years
and,,,,were not in contact with their ex spouse before the death
and,,,,express only frustration when referring to the ex
hmmmmm
Perhaps this person is indeed hurting badly and
is looking for someone to ease their pain
BUT,,,,
I have to admit that I was feeling protective towards widowed people
who might get hurt within this scenario
Once we open up to someone,,,,it's sometimes hard to close it down
we rationalize,,,,we deny the dishonesty,,,,we are confused and vulnerable
I'm especially thinking about those who come onto this site when they are
still not finished with the back and forth journey that is the 'grief' process
This 'does' happen to 'divorced' people also
But,,,,there is an 'automatic' inclination for the widowed to open up to other
widowed people
If I see someone who is DELIBERATELY using 'dishonesty' in whatever form to create a 'shortcut'
to'inexperienced' people's vulnerabilities,,,it makes me feel like a Momma bear
| |
|
| |
| |
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:53:17 AM | If I were to meet someone who made the impression that they were widowed yet were divorced, I would be very upset.
There is not one thing about being widowed young that is fun. We did not have the choice in the end of our marriage. We don't hate our late spouse.
The fact that people would think that it is acceptable to use the term Widowed because they want to think of their divorced spouse as dead, is sick. | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 2/4/2008 10:09:24 AM | Georgygirl48,
Many time people will try to have your thread deleted because it hits home on them , meaning it is addressing an issue or action that they might be guilty of, so their guilt make them want your post to go away and their only means of retaliation is to have your post deleted.
I have had several of my threads deleted because the subject was I have to admit, most likely of a subject matter that might have been addressing an insecurity they personally have.
I see the Delete process has been stopped on your thread...! | |
|
| |
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 2/4/2008 12:04:07 PM | Widows/widowers usually still loved the person who died and would still be with them.
While no relationship or marriage is ever perfect, the widow/widower looked beyond the disagreements and worked on keeping the marriage solvent, only death ceased the relationship
Divorced persons usually carry a great deal of anger and mistrust aimed at the opposite gender.
I was divorced from my first, and widowed from my second. As a divorcee, I got over the anger and mistrust to love another. As a widow, I still love the one who died, but it is a love I carry in my heart and not what I now seek. The heart is capable of loving many times and in many ways, it is the mind that must overcome and put everything into perspective if one is to move forward.
Navs | |
|
| Divorced people stating they are 'widowed'because their ex spouse has died,
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:56:40 PM | | I'm not widowed, however, my ex husband did die at the age of 39. We were married 10 years. Nonetheless, his death was sudden, and I was very saddened by it. I remain close to his Dad & step- Mom. Even though the 10 year marriage resulted in a divorce, I'll always have a fire burning in my heart for him. I won't come out and say "it's misleading", because I've not walked in the shoes that others have. If I'm asked about my marital status (from a dating perspective), I say I'm divorced. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
