| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:42:38 AM | Hi galaxyquest,
Don't have any contact with her at all. Ask your boyfriend to stop her sending you messages. The way he reacts to your request,will be a big clue about how he feels about your relationship,but always remember that,because they have children,they will always be in each other's life to a certain extent. It's how your boyfriend handles those times together that will eventually tell you whether he is serious or not. In other words,he will only have contact with her when it is something to do with the children,if there is more contact than this then they aren't finished,and they need to be finished if you want to be in this man's life. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:54:15 AM | Dont blame you for having your back up over this...........................!!
Its definitely none of her business.........but,id be more pissed off with HIM that he hasnt told her (the ex) this !!
Wonder if they're both over each other-- just doesnt sound "healthy" to me...... | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:00:53 AM | Well the first few line sounded like me and my ex, we have a great relationship. But sharing information about lovemaking and stuff like that is way to freakish. I feel its great they are still close. Now is she is going on his profile, thats just downright wrong. As my separation went on i found out she was getting into my accounts also and we had a big fight about it, there is no reason and you have every right for certain things to remain private. he sound like a decent guy, but he needs to grow some balls and put some space between you and you ex. I would not expect my current girlfriend to have to deal with stuff like that. Good Luck! | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:09:48 AM |
but the way you blow him, how your t1ts taste, whether you scream or moan are all the domain of conversation among friends. Real friends share that information and they are obviously close enough to each other to be that kind of friend. Get a clue.
A "REAL MAN" shares sex stories with his buddies; respect is not the issue. Excuse me, but TRUE men do not have that type of conversation with their friends. I do not share that information even with my closest friends.. never have, never will. So I guess with that said, I am not a real man? You are the one that needs the clue.
OP, I don't think it is insecurity, it may be more like anger that he is sharing that information. Let him know in no uncertain terms how you feel and go from there. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:11:56 AM | Ex's being friends is fine with me, especially if they share children together. Speaking of sexual relationships with a new partner IS NOT ON!. It's personal and none of the ex's business. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:21:36 AM | Can you live with the situation? Think of all the poeple that think they can change somone. Does that ever work? | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:29:25 AM | | jeez....if the shoe were on the other foot, and my new date was being text'd by her ex husband...I'd keep looking. Really tactless, are they still having congenial sex? | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:30:37 AM |
Ugh, that's why I don't date men with kids. The ex never leaves the picture.
I make laugh on that  | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:07:36 AM | Your intimate relationship with him is NONE of her business!
He needs to cool it, the "friendship" with his ex goes beyond the pale. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:58:21 AM | OP, you are bang on.
this is a matter of your personal boundaries and what *you* feel is appropriate / inappropriate in your relationships.
you are in a relationship w/this man; you're not in a relationship w/this man and his ex. therefore, what happens between the two of you is none of her business--esp when it comes to things like intimacy, which you obviously hold sacred.
i also agree that friends heckling one another is one thing; the ex-GF-friend doing it is something else. sounds like some manipulation on her part...digging for details that are personal. she's got her hooks in, and seems snakey about it, to me.
but it's not all her.
your man needs to grow a set and tell her to lay off the texts and stay out of his profile. if he values you and what you have, that is.
THAT's what a "real man" would do...contrary to what Kamloops would have you believe. "real" men respect others--male, female, regardless. | |
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Ray743
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Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 36 | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:44:43 AM | | Bottom line : if this guy doesn't respect YOUR feelings then find someone who does ! | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:36:00 PM | Rereading some of the replies allowed me to really recognize what bothered me about what the woman did because I do have exes that I might as Blueskies noted 'cheekily' ask about a new girlfriend just as I have had male friends I used to date make a similar inquiry, it is really more about whether you have moved forward and more along the lines of whoohoo, seems like this one might stick.
Although I don't know if I buy into the whole she still has a thing for him line, where her behavior was really over the line was texting in the morning when you were still likely to be there, which is another way of trying to figure out if he actually spent the night. You need to let this man know that you have parameters that you are comfortable with.
As to the poster that said you are not having a relationship with him and his x, that is not really true. The X is involved in the lives of his kids and peripherally his life so if she continues to date this man or makes things permanent she will be in your life. You just need to find a way to set the boundaries without alienating her because no one needs the friction, particularly the kids. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:26:07 PM | It is pretty obvious that the ex is still involved emotionally in his life. With the whole childrent thing that is a different story. Why would she care if he was sleeping with you or anyone else if she didnt have feelings for him? I am friends with my ex and I do not ask him who he sleeps with nor do I care. If he told me that is totally different but I would not invade his privacy and ask never mind text. I would think very hard about this relationship since it is new & you do not have alot of time invested with him so you do not get hurt down the road.. Is he on the rebound? How long has he been away from his ex? And the profile access, way out of line! Why would you pry into someone's profile, even with his approval? I do not do that even to my own friends, just too many warning signs here that they are still emotionally involved, putting the kids aside that is. Not sure how old the children are but why doesnt he take the children to his place? The time should be for him & his children not them as a "family". Not to sound harsh at all but mixed signals to the kids as well. Yes you have to get along but in separate places. There are too many fish out there for you to settle for a relationship like this. New should be exciting not compromising yourself for a man.
Sorry just had to say something again...
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:29:49 PM |
Anyone who says they do not share stories from their sex life with their friends either has no friends, or has no sex life, otherwise they do or they are lying when they say they don't.
LOL, i was totally thinking this after the 10th "true men don't tell anybody" bs.
yes, i've talked about my sex life with my friends. its nothing bad, like oh my god she was dripping like a faucet, but you know... so are you guys having sex? yup.. is it good? yeah, its definitely good....sort of thing. i don't think this makes me a bad person, or an untrue man, or whatever. it makes me open about my thoughts and experiences. i hope my gf's bragging to her friends about her stellar experiences with me ;) especially her ex's hahaha | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:22:37 PM | I'm not innocent because myself and my buddies in my younger years used to share stories about our "conquests".........but never would we share intimate stuff about someone we were in love with or in a committed relationship......
I agree with the OP.......his ex-wife or whatever she is is not in the same category as his male buddies.....he should never be discussing this stuff with a former lover.....
These two characters seem closer than he's admitting and you only caught this once.....how often do they really talk like this?......a lot I bet
Advice to the OP..........they aren't done with each other.....move on because the trust will never be there if this former partner is still sniffing around......and chatting it up with him....
(and for the record, over the years I've stopped discussing anything that goes on between myself and another woman...... to anyone...including close buddies.......it's called maturity and loyalty and respect to someone who gave all of themselves to me)
Cheers to the OP for bringing this up......I'm in her camp
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naeco
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:31:03 PM |
Ex's being friends is fine with me, especially if they share children together.
Seeing the ex to pick up the kids is one thing - staying with the ex while you see the kids is not normal.
Sounds like he's using his kids as an excuse to stay closer to her than a normal ex would, and as an excuse to give you for why he's doing it. I have a child with an ex, and it doesn't work the way you're describing his situation with his ex. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:40:55 PM | Kamloops, you are so full of crap your eyes are probably brown. You wrote:
"This is 100% your problem, your dysfunction and your insecurity - you just need to admit it and move on.
A "REAL MAN" shares sex stories with his buddies; respect is not the issue."
An 18 year old guy maybe, but not a "real man". He admits to "getting some" perhaps, but he does not provide the details unless he's a tad on the immature side. And all you men up there who jumped on the "swap sex stories with your best friend" thing....do you instantly run out and tell your EX GF's and your EX WIVES??? I think not. Thats just plain wierd, no matter how you want to look at it.
This girl has no problem, no dysfunction, and no insecurity. I think you are projecting.
Does it make you feel really good to put down other people on an anonymous posting board that you don't know from a hole in the ground? Do you build up your own ego this way? From your own profile:
"Oh geez, you still here? I thought I lost you about 2 paragraphs ago. Okay, I’ll try to wrap it up. I try not to be the ‘typical male’. I do not lose my social functioning during hockey season, I don’t drink beer, and I don’t need a big truck or big dog to prove my masculinity. I put the toilet seat down, I don’t think gaseous noises are for sharing with others and I have never had an "ol’ lady".
I know I am not the serious, responsible type guy. I have seen these people whose lives seem so in control and so focused and so goal oriented; I wouldn’t have the first clue how to be that person. I don’t plan, I don’t like structure, and I refuse to spend hours of my life talking about things like finances and the future, or anything else boring. If I was forced to make the choice, I would rather be broke, happy and free before being stable, secure and bored – fortunately I have not had to make either choice, so far."
You sound like someone stuck in their childhood to me.
If a guy is such a loser that (1) he does not even have his own friggin computer (2) he hangs out so much at his ex wife's house that they are best friends, and (3) she is privy to all the intimate details of his life....maybe the guy better go back to his ex wife. Obviously there is still an attachment there. Friends? To the extreme. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:44:30 PM |
eeing the ex to pick up the kids is one thing - staying with the ex while you see the kids is not normal.
so the children seeing both parents, at the same time, in a completely civil, friendly way, is less normal than unfriendly drop-offs and pickups? i think thats slightly unhealthy for the children to not see their parents getting along, whether they are "together" or not. that's ****ing insane. where do you get this opinion from, springer reruns? you're a moron. if at all possible, the parents should be close friends, even if they aren't with each other, for moral support, and as an example to their children of how adults should act. it sounds like there's less drama in that house than in most houses where both parents are together these days. but yeah, you're an idiot for saying that. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:46:51 PM |
Anyone who says they do not share stories from their sex life with their friends either has no friends, or has no sex life, otherwise they do or they are lying when they say they don't. According to you, then I have no friends and I don't have sex. Wrong on all counts. MY sex life is no ones business but mine and my partners. Period. My friends may know if I am getting any just based on my mood, but I have way more couth, tact, and respect for my partner than to share intimate details such as you describe.
Not all men are f*cking morons like you dude. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:49:36 PM | wowsad, you are off topic. We are not discussing custody issues here. We are discussing whether or not its normal and acceptable for an EX WIFE to be texting first thing in the morning asking whether or not her EX HUSBAND banged his girlfriend last night.
We are discussing whether or not its normal for the Ex Husband to only be using the computer at his EX WIFE'S house...and allowing her to access his profile AND read his email...
If you think that is fine, well good. Now we know who YOU are and where YOU stand.
It does not make all of us who disagree with you "morons" and "idiots". | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:53:26 PM |
so the children seeing both parents, at the same time, in a completely civil, friendly way, is less normal than unfriendly drop-offs and pickups? As someone that does have kids that live with the ex, there is a distinct difference between being friendly and civil and staying the night at said ex's house. All of the positive things you speak of CAN be obtained without overnight visits. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:58:12 PM | i quoted one specific person, on their specific comment. i said nothing of custody. i haven't called everyone a moron, nor an idiot, i called one person that, because their comment was completely retarded. if you want to disagree with me, fine, but expecting the parents of a child to not see the children in each others homes is insanity. it should be hoped for, and parents who have split should aspire to that level of friendship where they can get over their differences for the childrens' sake.
yes, its normal for people to use other peoples computes. my friends do it all the time. there's nothing wrong with that. he checks his email at his ex's house, big deal. if he had a problem being on his pof page, he would fix it. but he doesn't have a problem. the only person with the problem is the OP, and she hasn't talked to HIM about it, so us arguing about it is pointless. is it wrong for him to allow her to do that? or not care? no, i don't think its wrong to not care about something especially if it is meaningless to him. maybe he just doesn't care because he's not active on this site, because he HAS a girl.
but you really need to understand the quoting system before you assume things like i'm saying everyone who doesn't agree with me is a moron or an idiot. because thats entirely not the case. but if you want to argue with me, fine. argue away. just make sure that you're making sense while you're arguing.
and i think its also ok for her to ask her if they've had sex. is it ok for him to answer? that i can't answer. it really depends. did she tell him previously that she didn't want his ex wife knowing their sexual habits? did she mention it when he told her that they had sex? has she said anything at all about it to him? because if it is an ongoing issue, then he's not respecting her. but if this issue hasn't even been raised, if she hasn't said anything to him about how she feels, then he has done nothing wrong. because in itself, what he has done isn't wrong. it isn't immoral. but she has no right to tell him where he can and can't check his email, who can access his profile, or how long he can spend with his kids in his ex wife's house, nor how good of a friend his ex wife can be, the frequency of them talking, OR the conversations that follow. those are things that are only chosen by him, she has no right to have an opinion on those things. if she does, then she is speaking out of turn. she does however have the right to ask him to not be rude about his behavior, such as having lengthy conversations on the phone while in her presence, talking about their sex life in front of her, and things of that nature. but no, she has no right to complain about the majority of his behavior. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:06:01 PM | | question:does he have any other friends with pc's or does the library in his town or maybe cyber cafe's?question:if he is getting along so wonderfully now with her why exactly did they break up?question:what example are they truly setting for their children by bringing others into their dysfunction?question:what is ur definition of respect?........as long as u post questions on open forums then rest assured you will get ALL KINDS of ppl willing to give u an opinion.The answer you seek is inside of you but if it's not then maybe this kind of situation is a little more then u r ready to deal with emotionally and that in itself should tell u what u need to know.I am willing to bet the farm that good old lover boy is still hitting the marriage bed with the ex as it sounds like they both wanted the benefits of it but none of the responsibility. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:10:25 PM | Those kind of "ex'es" never go away.... in the way they are suppose to go away... you will never have a peace of mind ever, and neither will the drama ever stop!
Chela  | |
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