| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:18:52 PM | OK, I'm 100% for exes to be kind, respectful and communicative to each other in order to be good parents for their mutual children.
But this whole deal, the ex can get into his PoF account? He's using her computer? She's asking specific uestions about his sex life?
This whole thing sounds a little too NOSEY and COZY, IMHO.
Cindy O | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:20:27 PM | I'd be very cautious in this situation. It definitely sounds that the wife hasn't let go of him yet. I'd have no problems with them getting on well, or even him using her computer, heaven knows i get on well enough with my ex's to do that. BUT!! For her to have access to his private dating info??? Wow!! So every conversation he has had on line she knows every word of. That would make me very uncomfortable. To allow an EX (or anybody) that kind of access to your private info is not quite what i would call normal behaviour. Or to want access to that kind of info about your ex isn't either. Makes me wonder if she goes as far as sabotaging some of his prospects..
As for the texting... He would have known instantly how out of line i found that!! To text first thing when she knew you'd still be together is disturbing. Have no doubts that she knew you would still be together and that it would bother you. I'd be telling him that if he wants to share that kind of info with his exwife then maybe he should be back fvcking her. I don't care how new it is, and how careful you want to be about scaring him away, that is just not acceptable.
Wowsad... Can you honestly say you'd be comfortable if a new girl you had just got intimate with received a text message from her ex husband, while you were still in bed with her, asking if you banged her ???? Because if you are I can can guarantee you are in the minority of the human race who feels like that.. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:23:08 PM | | no, i wouldn't be comfortable with it at all, but i wouldn't be on here complaining about it, i would tell her. if it didn't change i'd leave her ass. simple as that. if i have a problem with somebody i'm dating, the last thing i would be doing is voicing it in a place where she wouldn't hear. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:28:03 PM | I just want to clarify that I do not have a problem with his friendship with the ex, after all they do have kids together. I also have no problem with him being at her place. I think its great they can be like that as so many parents are not these days. I do not like the fact that she has accessed his profile and 'checked me out' or the fact that she asks him these personal questions regarding his sex life with me. There is a line and I believe she crossed it. I also do not like the fact that he feels he has to answer her honestly cos they are "friends and you are honest with your friends." I have told him how I feel but I am still uncomfortable with it as this is only a new realtionship for me and I was wondering whether I was just being too insecure thats all.
They split up 4 years ago and he said that it took a while to get this friendship with her so I respect that totally. Apparently she has just started seeing someone too. I have just not met someone before who does have such a 'close' friendship with the ex. One of my best friends is an ex but I would never dream of asking him personal questions about his sex life nor would he with me.
Anyway, thanks for everyone's input...it has been interesting! | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:29:21 PM | | Yes , thats how i'd react too, but the OP obviously doesnt have the self assurance to know whether she is being unreasonable with her expectations, and needs a bit of back up. Hopefully we can give it to her and make her realise that she doesn't have to accept that kind of disrespectful treatment. It might just make her have better relationships and set better boundaries from know on. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:36:04 PM | You're not being insecure, but he needs to set some boundaries with his ex. His
sex life (and yours) are none of her business, and he needs to tell her this. In my
opinion, him telling her about your sex life is way TMI ! | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:39:26 PM | | How long have they been separated/divorsed/whatever? Call the ex and ask why she is asking about your sex life with her EX, your new man. Then tell her its causing a bit of a problem and if she were such a good "friend" with him, then she should be happy he has someone new in his life and respect that, and to stop causing problems by getting so nosy about something that is none of her business. Better yet, go tell her to her face. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:46:12 PM | POOR BOUNDARIES the Ex has...and also HE has poor boundaries by using HER PC at HER home....I'm guessing she probably goes into history or has his password too!
I'd tell him straight what you expect, if he wants a "relationship" a real one with U!
You're not being too picky or jealous or anything.........3 people in a relationship are too many, especially if its his "ex" who is asking what she did! Incredibly tacky, manipulative and BOLD...! Wow..if he is any kind of MAN? He would feel upset too, and tell her to KNOCK IT OFF .......immediately!
p.s. I was married to my ex for 25 yrs, together 30, divorced legally 1 yr.
Been on my own 2.5 yrs! He recently has been dating for a couple of months, and I cannot imagine crossing those boundaries, and asking him a thing! Nor do I care to know! I wouldn't think of it.....and I don't care to know nitty gritty, unless it has to do with our children....that is it.  | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:02:59 PM | this is what I talk about when people dont see the glass half full :)
you dont see the fact that he is telling you private things in between his ex wife/ friend and you take it against him.
You can be upset and set boundaries with him about telling his ex/friend about your things with him...then he will decide to simply leave you out of whatever conversation he and his ex wife have and at some point you will drive him away rather than having you involved with all the things he tells his wife.
See it as a good thing, if he tells you, is so you are totally comfortable with his honesty and so you know that even if its uncomfortable about the subject, he still decides to let you know about private things and that should tell you that he really likes you :)
obviously down below it bothers you that he has such a close relationship with his ex wife...but if you cant handle it, then just leave him and keep on fishing.  | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:04:03 PM | Kamloops, you have TOTALLY missed the point here. I will not repeat myself again as what is the use when someone of your mentality obviously can not read properly. Anyway, on a lighter side, I am finding your replies rather comical...... | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:12:22 PM |
But sharing information about lovemaking and stuff like that is way to freakish. I feel its great they are still close. Now is she is going on his profile, thats just downright wrong. As my separation went on i found out she was getting into my accounts also and we had a big fight about it, there is no reason and you have every right for certain things to remain private. he sound like a decent guy, but he needs to grow some balls and put some space between you and you ex. I would not expect my current girlfriend to have to deal with stuff like that. Good Luck!
Great Post and I totally agree............except he doesn't sound like a decent guy to me but a total loser (for more reasons than one). She (the ex) knows he does not play with a full deck and that is why she knows she can and is allowed to cross those boundaries. You also seem not to be playing with a full deck. The only question I would be asking in that situation is if I did the right thing in letting him go.... which any answer would be moot, anyway......I would just be venting.... What you are willing to accept is what you will get........it starts small but tend to keep getting bigger and bigger...........I have to warm up a lot before I can take on the obstacle courses.......Put me on that course without a lot of flat easy running to warm me up and I fail on the first hurdle...................If you dont show me respect and consideration from the start.... it goes nowhere with me......
Never be so desperate for a relationship that you will accept what makes you uncomfortable..... A good relationship is about caring, commitment and compromise.
...not about putting up with crap just to be with somebody......... anybody........ | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:18:36 PM | | I don't think you've had alot of women in your life wowsad!!! It is all down to respect for someone. You can't tell me that if you really liked a woman and her ex husband texted her asking what you are like in bed that you would be happy with that, you would say it's none of his business, and if you say it doesnt bother you then you have no respect for your new relationhsip. Somethings need to be private and they are called ex's for a reason (in the past). By the way this woman was asking a simple question and there is no need for you to be a smartarse and rude back to her. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:20:59 PM | Heres the solution. You get one shot at a relationship. Therefore you can enjoy your ex and they can enjoy you. Only one. Then you are out of fish, luck. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:27:55 PM | | You don't get it do you Kamloops. She's not talking about him discussing it with his mates she's talking about her ex-wife asking personal questions about their sex life. I'm sure you are the kind that brags about it to your mate saying "she was so hot mate and she loved how big I was .... blah blah" Typical idiot shit. I would like to see how you would react when you meet a woman you really like and want to start something with and she's getting messages from her ex asking how you were in bed!!!! Wouldn't be such a hot shot if you knew she's saying you're a dud. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:29:01 PM | | this is what i think "copy paste" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx-NLPH8JeM | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:39:36 PM | Ive just come back to this post & intersting to see all the responses..........
It seems there are 3 very immature,close-minded guys that think its perfectly acceptable for your man to tell his ex everything about your sex life together,but,the rest of us agree with you .......!!!
So,take heart,OP,theres a hellava lot of us who are in total agreement with you....
(actually,i was surprised to see the ages of these idiots,thinking they'd be very young,for them to have such immature,"anything goes" kinda thoughts........)
Finally,ask your guy if he would like it if an ex-boyfriend of yours was txtg you,trying to find out the status of your sex-life with him.............................?
Best of luck.Keep us updated, | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:02:26 PM | ( i'm betting the ex is asking in a joking way because she's jealous on some level)
I agreed with what you wrote above, wowsad
The ex is jealous. Due to respect for you, your bf doesn't have to answer his ex question.
Let your bf knows how you feel, if he doesn't care about how you feel, you should drop him. A man who loves you, and wants a serious relationship with you, will always respect you and your feeling. I will never date guys who show off and share sex stories with his buddies. He has no respect for the women he is with. I would wash his mouth with detergent and drop him like a cold potato. There are women who tolerate this kind of behaviour, Not me.
That is why I don't date single fathers....too much headache or baggages...ex & his children hanging and snooping around.
Better off dating single guys with no children. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:23:12 PM | Wowsad:
Here is a cut and paste from your quote. I have highlighted the words in question. I think you might want to look at your previous posts before you start denying them:
"....so the children seeing both parents, at the same time, in a completely civil, friendly way, is less normal than unfriendly drop-offs and pickups? i think thats slightly unhealthy for the children to not see their parents getting along, whether they are "together" or not. that's ****ing insane. where do you get this opinion from, springer reruns? you're a moron. if at all possible, the parents should be close friends, even if they aren't with each other, for moral support, and as an example to their children of how adults should act. it sounds like there's less drama in that house than in most houses where both parents are together these days. but yeah, you're an idiot for saying that.."
Last I looked, you were not God. I happened to agree with the person that seeing the ex to pick up the kids is one thing...staying with her the whole time is another. I also agreed with his comment that it sounded like he was trying to find ways to be closer to her. You said that was a "fu**ing insane thought, and that he was a moron and an idiot for saying it. Since I happen to agree, then Im pretty sure you think the same of me. You don't have the right to call ANYONE that. And if you begin calling names, expect to have them called right back. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:36:25 PM | And I could say that you sound seriously as if you need to come out of the closet......Perhaps you might want to share that with Wowsad. however, that is also off topic.
On topic is that you are correct, one can make a fool of themself and resort to namecalling when they become frustrated, much like Little Tommy does in the sandbox at Kindergarten.....and it is their right. I should have said that calling someone a moron and an idiot definately does not make it so. :-) And it only makes the namecaller look foolish.
But mature adults keep the specifics of their sex lives to themselves. And other mature adults generally have the maturity to not ask. Its called "minding one's own business and respecting ones privacy".
Oh goodness, and she is a homophobe, too
Some of my best friends are gay. However, they don't masquerade as straight men. Takes guts to come out of the closet. :-) | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:38:09 PM | | tell your bf to ell her its none of her god dam bussiness what you do and if he wont tell her than kick his but to the road, i get the feeling that she needs to know every thing he is doing and that say that he and she are not really ready to give up thier realtionship. her questions is very inaproate and if he wont say anything maybe you should text her and tell her its none of her god dam bussiness or better yet text her and ask if she got any when he was thier playing around on her comp. Thier is a post on here some where about exs staying at the home of thier exs over nite and people think that is great well its not it gives the childeren the idea that maybe they are getting back together, If any one is wanting a realtionship with someone than they need to separate thier friend ship with the exs as this will never work in a realtionship. | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:40:02 PM |
you have some serious Pippi Lonstocking fantasies to live out.
Ah-ha!
I just knew you were kinky, Beth.
I'm not sure I could handle a Pippi fantasy, though.
Stretching my limits... | |
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| new man and his ex
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:45:23 PM | | whether he thinks you're being insecure or not, if you ASK him to "please, that information is special to US, not to HER and i'd rather you didn't share it" that should be enough of a reason for him to agree. | |
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