| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:19:55 PM |
I've met guys who saw paying for a date as an exchange of money for sex. I've never met a girl who saw it the same way.
Very few women would put it that way, that's true.
BUUUUUUT
If you read through any of "Who Pays for Dinner?" threads you might notice that there are women who will say: "I offer to pay, but IF he Takes the money he Failed the test and I will NOT see him again." To me that implies not only a ridiculous sense of entitlement, but also a sense that her companionship is something that has a price - a price of a dinner...Depending on how highely she value herself it might range from McDonalds to a fancy restaurant. Some gals are more expensive than others.
You might also remember one of the threads we had around holidays, a woman who was wondering if she should break up with a guy because she has spent way more money on a gift for him then he had spent on a gift for her. The argument was he made more money, if he was not willing to spend money on her it must mean he does not love her.
You might recall number of threads on diamonds and what do girls think about guys who won't buy diamonds or other jewelry. Some of the views expressed there were also very telling.
No, there are not many women who will say
Money = Sex
or
Money = Love.
But, there are women (not ALL, I also have an issue when someone says all women are gold-diggers), SOME women who will say that money is a precondition. That if you are not affluent enough they would not date you, let alone have sex or offer their love to those who do not make enough money. (Remember the little troll who now seems to be gone who made it very clear in her profile and her posts that a man has to be "Affluent" in order for her to even email back to him, as she was looking for someone who can support her and her genetically superior offspring?)
To me that sounds like if they ARE saying that their love, or rather the impression of love (cuz I am not sure they even know what love is) is for sale. And, once again I would think higher of a prostitute who does not pretend that she has feelings, all that she offers is her body and one knows ahead of time how much that will cost.
However, I do NOT agree with this statement:
In real life, it's all about his wallet.
For SOME women yes, but NOT for ALL.
You are a grown up, try to make grown up choices. It is YOU who determines who you are courting and want to date. If they are looking into their wallets, then don't go out with them. Go out with women who will be interested in your mind and your heart. There are plenty of such women around.
Seriously, r u really an alien???
Yep.
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Icene
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Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 102 | |
| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:21:12 PM | Eh, we were all lied to on some level. I mean come on....romance novels? *shakes head* I cringe to recall my first forays into dating with that stuff filling my head. "You want to do what with what? Uh, hey why are you...stop grabbing that!" *lol*
I think romance exists, but I don't believe anyone deserves it. Being nice may work in your favor with one woman, but who's to say she's a woman you would even want? Often being a good person isn't enough to get you what you want in life. That's true in the work force just as its true in the dating realm.
It'd be nice if we had a society set up to prepare us to deal with one another on an adult romantic level, but we don't. All we have is fiction, hearsay and parents desperate to keep us as "innocent" as long as possible. Its up to each of us as adults to figure out what we're dealing with and what we have to offer in a tangible sense.
Every man I have ever dated has made considerably less than I do. Does this mean he couldn't take care of himself? Absolutely not. So did I care about what was in his wallet? Yep, I cared enough that he could take care of himself. Outside of that, I honestly couldn't care less.
I'm not saying all women don't care about money. That's not true. Plenty of women care about money. The thing is if you take two average men, and give one a sense of humor and the other a million dollars the guy with a million dollars is going to get more women. A million dollars is more attractive than a sense of humor.
I'm not speaking for myself because another person's money is not my money. I didn't earn it, so I don't want it. All I care is that I don't have to take care of them as a lifestyle. If he loses his job and we're married, that's completely different. I'm just agreeing that money is often more attractive to some women than personality traits. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:22:53 PM | There are many people who are hung up on money and the things it can buy. That bleeds its' way into relationships and is a factor in who people will select as a potential mate.
Abundance is something I look for in my friends and partners. Abundance has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the attitude and approach you bring to life. I've never been overly concerned about money... and certainly not how much my potential partner makes. I do care - very much - that my partner is happy with his life and career and shares a similar attitude to money and balance that I do.
There have been times where people in my life have suggested I would be better off if I changed my attitudes... part of that "it is just as easy to fall in love with someone who has money as it is to fall in love with someone without" train of thought. Certainly, I would have paid less when relationships ended, lol. So, every philosophy in life has its' price that must be paid.
I think I have one foot planted in both worlds. I appreciate "stuff" and am materialistic enough that I would not want to give it up and live some "back to nature" type of life and I love the freedom that having a bit of extra money beyond your means can bring. Yet I am too... evolved? to think that "stuff" really matters in the grand scheme and am far too lazy to wish to do the work of maintaining a life of toys. All too often we become a slave to the things in our lives. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:28:46 PM | | I'm far from wealthy and I'm happy with myself this way. I think its been an advantage in the sense that I never end up in relationships with women who are looking for money. I'm a very cheap date and most women seem to enjoy the cheap and simple things I like to do for a date. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:52:45 PM | | Money is pretty low on my list of what I look for in a guy. As long as I am treated well, loved, and showed that I matter I'm happy. It's the little things that count, and a lot of that doesn't cost a thing! Of course it might make things a bit harder in the future since I do want children and would like to travel etc...but this is something I feel could be worked out. In my list money is simply not the top priority, specially since I will most likely make a moderate amount myself (Once I graduate of course haha). | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:06:57 PM | Yes ~ It's always been something to deal with
I don't think that it's an issue with most good women
But little money does restrict your activities and movement.
If a woman really likes you ~ it's not an issue ~ but you have to find that woman
and that take money and time.
If I can't afford to go out ~~ I don't ~
But I've had wealthy women want to take me places ~ buy me cloths and I think that, thats nice and I appericate their desire to please me. ~
I had a lady tell me once, "Dance, you are pretty ~ but you have no feathers!" ~ I'd been a working man too long and hadn't paided much attention to myself. ~ So off to Neman, we when. ~ The only reason I tell you this ~ "You need to understand ~ it's not about the money" ~ IT's not! It's about being a friend, it's about sharing a balone sandwich and a bag of chips. It about being with someone that is happy and that happiness rubs off.
Women are very generious and are free giving ~ *it's their nature ~ but you need to be worth their attention.
If they have it ~ they will give it ~ if you are the kind of man that make them feel good in everyway possible ~ faith and trust, and a joy to be around.
I was always embrassed with it ~ and was slow to accept and often refused such kindness ~
Just know this ~ where they have money or don't have money ~ it don't matter
and it should be the same way with you. ~
I could tell you more stories ~ but I think the point is made ~
The sky is the limit ~ dar
* exceptions apply | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/8/2008 6:17:17 PM |
Money is pretty low on my list of what I look for in a guy. As long as I am treated well, loved, and showed that I matter I'm happy. It's the little things that count, and a lot of that doesn't cost a thing! Of course it might make things a bit harder in the future since I do want children and would like to travel etc...but this is something I feel could be worked out. In my list money is simply not the top priority, specially since I will most likely make a moderate amount myself (Once I graduate of course haha).
Then YOU are a special person. It seems so many women are judgmental regarding a man's financial status and this is so unfortunate. I personally feel this is a character flaw and people (men or women) should not feel bad criticizing this attitude. This isn't even about 'gold diggers' or women who want to take advantage of a guy with a substantial income. This is about people, in particular, women, who base any chance of consideration on the financial status or situation of the guy. It is about material things and finances. It is a sign of materialism and materialistic values. This is not about preference or acceptable. If it is perceived as normal, I suggest you look in the mirror and consider your values. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:41:08 AM | | I have learned this the hard way! You should never get involved with anyone who does not have what you have. If they come to the table with the same things to offer your not gonna worry about getting played as they already have it. Someone that does not have the same to offer has no idea what it takes to get them, nor do they know what is involved in keeping and maintaining them. There is a respect from one person to another if that person knows what is involved in acquiring even the basics. It shouldn't be a tall request to step up with a car, a home(in any fashion) and a job. These basic items make every day manageable when you are an adult. | |
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exxess
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 109 | |
| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:07:28 AM | | Unfortunately, men bare the financial burden of the dating world, for the most part we are always paying. Even if women now have opportunities that are just as lucrative as any man they still pay. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:12:29 AM | "Then YOU are a special person. It seems so many women are judgmental regarding a man's financial status and this is so unfortunate. "
For women, I think, this mentality is acquired later in life. It is not always hard to understand why. When I dated in my teens, 20s, 30s --- No woman ever asked me about my salary. Maybe this was something you noticed too. When we're young, the money thing, for the most part, is not critical. You're young, you go out, you have fun. Maybe you still live home or have a small apartment or room ---- life is good; life is easy. No big debts, no kids, no mortgage, car loan, education loan, medical conditions, family problems, etc. But after a woman has lived life married, divorced, with bills, the kids, the ex, the career, the house, the repairs, etc. she's accustomed to a certain level of living; a lifestyle per se. In her 40s/50s many women are looking to get married or re-married and income tends to matter more. It's not always about "gold-digging". Now, this is not to say that a guy who makes a small salary can't have a relationship with a woman who makes so much more but a man with a reasonable income makes life a lot easier for a woman of say, 48 who now has so many more financial committments and concerns than she did when she was 28 --- if you get my drift.  | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:33:18 AM | I have learned this the hard way! You should never get involved with anyone who does not have what you have. If they come to the table with the same things to offer your not gonna worry about getting played as they already have it.
I have to agree with this. When I was single, I went out with a number of guys who had dollar signs in their eyes when they discovered what I did for a living, where I lived, what I had, what I drove, etc. etc. etc. I know that many men experience this “phenomenon” but some women do as well!
Any type of significant imbalance between two people has the potential to cause serious problems. Opposites can attract, but it largely depends on WHAT that opposing situation is and whether or not it can be integrated into a relationship.
For some, money truly doesn’t matter and they will either gladly pick up the slack if they want to do things that the other can’t afford, or they will adjust and forego those activities in favor of less expensive forms of entertainment. Others will eventually feel resentful and put upon or used if this type of thing becomes the norm in the relationship. In my experience, I’ve found the latter to be the more likely result, hence I wouldn’t be comfortable in a relationship with someone who’s financial or economic reality was vastly different from my own.
LH | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:41:39 AM | alwayshappyendings... an interesting thought, perhaps it is true it becomes more of a concern later in life for some people. Kind of like the largest purchasers of lottery tickets are men in their 50's... because at that point they KNOW the only way they are going to be wealthy in life is if they win the lotto.
But, and I don't think I am detracting from your thought... I do recall it being very important to some in high school what type of car he drove. And I think in their 20's and 30's some were, at least, dating his potential. Perhaps a factor is once you reach a certain age you are measured by what you have achieved in life thus far.
That's fair. I'd prefer it to be more of the humanity you have achieved, but each person does live their own reality, do they not? | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:25:25 AM | | Why are people still responding ? Messge # 53 states "Abusive forum troll removed , moderator ". The op is gone. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:46:21 AM | ^^^ That message (# 53) was abusive and trollish, not the whole thread. OP might be gone but the question about relationship between money and dating is still relevant (though redundant).
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:50:02 AM | I agree Margo. For some people meeting specific requirements is a must. I dated a woman last May who did not like my house or where I lived. She thought my 2004 Malibu was "kind of old". She definitely has a particular lifestyle she wishes to live. And even though I do make a very good income, it was my material comforts that she found kind of objectionable. She is a divorced mother of 2 teenage boys, 48 and lived pretty much an upscale lifestyle with her former husband. She asked me if I was ever planning on moving. I told her that I live in this particular community because I do my business here; it's convenient. But I understood where she was coming from because if our relationship ever took a turn for the serious and marriage was being discussed, then I could understand her concern for my neighborhood because she'd want her sons to have the best. Since I don't have children, neighborhoods and quality of the school systems are not my priority. Her priorities are her sons. So I completely understood. Now, if she didn't have children my living arrangements might not have been high on her list of priorities. Or--- let's say I met this very same woman when I was 29 and she was 28, again her priorities might be different based on a lifestyle without a lot of committments. So here, it wasn't about money or income -- it was purely lifestyle. People's priorities change as they get older and take on more committments.
Concerning the material side of life and love -- when I was in highschool (and pretty much anywhere you went) if you were 17 or 18 and had wheels -- you were popular. Didn't much matter what *kind* of car you drove --- just that you actually had a car at all! My first car was an old heap -- a '62 Rambler (this was in '75) and hey, I still got dates!  I think nowadays the pressure is far greater for teenagers to have a "hot" car. It's probably based on all the wanton and gratuitous crap being pumped into their brains via today's televsion, movies and glossy mags. My 18 year old neice just had to have a Pontiac G6 when she was in highschool. Heck, all the other girls are getting them. None of these kids have used cars --- they all have brand new cars right out of the showroom! When we were in school -- heck, if you could even borrow the family car you were cool. Guys I went to school with would buy old Camaros or GTOs or Sattelite Sebrings, Chargers, etc. and fix 'em up to be super "street machines". I don't know if they did that kind of thing up where you're from but you don't see that kind of thing around here anymore. Now if you're in highschool you just *have* to have a car that's brand new! What's up with that? | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:02:38 AM | | ^^ What's up with that? I agree. It has to do with the parents getting the kids the new car. If the parents all said no, then the kids have no option but to get a used or they can buy their own new car. I knew a guy that made an issue because the bus fare was too much (about $3o.00). Funny I had to take the bus in too. The trip was 2 and a half hours for both of us. It would have cost me 50.00 to get in. So, bye, bye guy. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:25:20 AM |
I have learned this the hard way! You should never get involved with anyone who does not have what you have. If they come to the table with the same things to offer your not gonna worry about getting played as they already have it.
Message: This does have a lot of logic to it ~ and I agree in part ~
~ But take exception; " I have leaned the hard way" ~ is there an easy way?
As man ~ how many times have I learned the hard way? ~~ many! ~ and the next exception ; to require a woman to have as much as I have ~ to consider her a potential companion. ~ is completly ~ over the top!
~ This statement is a stratergy for growing old alone ~ in what comforts you've managed to aquire and hold on to ~
I'm more of the Teddy Rooevelt type; I 'd rather wear out the rott out . ~ dar
Anything you post can not be deleted. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 1:02:27 PM | Well i am a guy with a little money and i sure am glad to hear what most of the women had to say,I understand the women that have a certain standard and thats ok,but i am glad to hear most dont.I am responsible and i do pay my bills and yes i can pay for a meal or whatever,but i am not wealthy. I really did enjoy this.Thanks Ralph | |
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exxess
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 120 | |
| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 1:53:01 PM | | If you don't have a lot money you need to stay clear of women who put money as a high priority. And trust me it makes the dating game a little more narrow but there are women who don't hold a lot of value on money. As long as you look like you have it together or the basic in life you should be OK. If your with a woman that turns her nose on you because you drive a 92 Chev instead of a new Lexus then you shouldn't be with this woman. She'll never be happy. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:24:33 PM |
sorry to sound harsh, and i know it does there, but some women are accustomed to "steak dinners that cost 50 dollars or more and maybe dont want to settle for less!
and i know im going to get a bollicking over this, sorry!
Hey, no need to get angry at you. We know the truth as well as you do. Out of shape, acts like a jerk, but has cash = big stud | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:53:12 AM | | No, I dated a guy that used to be a bike courier and I would have no issue if he decided to do that as a career...he would just inspire me to work harder so we can have a decent life for ourselves...but he was still a sweety...saving up his money...not eating out while he was away...just so he can take me out for dinner when we saw each other again...but maybe this only works under a true love scenario...anything less...a person may be less forgiving about the other person's financial state...but I think women who require a financially secure man and need to rely on them to take care of her are probably those who feel they can't financially take care of themselves or the relationship. | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:51:45 AM | It's been my personal experience, When someone says " Don't worry about the money"
I immediately start worrying about the money. ~!
I feel that they wouldn't had brought it up ~ if there wasn't concern.
and most times ~ I'm correct
So ~ I say ~ always worry about the money ~ and worry more ~ if someone says not too!
Money is not the root of all evil ~ but the "love" of it is ~ "the love of it"
Money is good ~ we all like money ~ it allows us to do things ~ we could not~ if we didn't have it.
There is nothing funny or sexy about being broke and this puts a man behind the 8 ball in the romance department. It easy to get discourage and just sit and watch from the sidelines. There is enough women with bad additudes out there ~ that sitting on the sideline seems a smart move. A man need to understand how to pick and chose and where to look and how to identify ~ things are not as they use to be.
In my life time ~ there have been many changes ~ social acceptance~ Women have entered the job market and fought and clawed to where we find them today. Their lot is not unlike a man anymore. ~ Maybe they have found a good spot and doing well or they are struggling to get by ~ Just like us men.
However ~ Socially ~ we had not changed much ~ so there is a real disparity in expectations ~ Socitey still expects men ~ to mount the charge ~ to be a major provider ~ to be the initiator~ and it's just not always possible anymore.
All of this use to really upset me ~ and I've thought about it alot. To deal with these pressures ~ I'm learned to accept my station in life and not allow it to affect my manhood or sense of worth. ~ Somedays you are the bug ~ somedays the windshield.
I place little value in material things ~ I've got a house and a yard full of such things that once gave me pleasure ~ now I have so much stuff , I can't find what I'm looking for ~ or I can only find some of the pieces of it. ~ And the yards full of stuff to mow around.
It's a good idea to look around ~ and thin this wealth of crap out ~ get down to the basics and come up with a different point of view about who you are and what you are about. ~ Too much clutter ~ is confusing.
Women like a man that got it together ~ so thats what I'd do ~ "Get it together!" ~dar | |
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:38:06 AM | I don't have much money either. But I can't complain really as I make enough to pay the monthly rent on a decent apartment that suits the needs of both my granddaughter and I, and we eat well. And I can afford a few little luxuries such as cable (for her) and high speed Internet (for both of us).
Once or twice a month, my granddaughter and I go on a "date" and we treat ourselves to a dinner out. I try to keep it well
under the $ 30-40 range, including tip. Most of our clothes are bought second hand from our neighborhood thrift stores.
My only big ticket items are a small car that's paid for, and I also have a cute camping trailer (bought cheap and second hand of course) that's on a camping ground that permits us get away each summer without costing us an arm and a leg. And since this will be my last car, as there's no way I could afford the monthly payments of a car on my salary, I know that once it's gone, the trailer will have to go too. But that's okay, as my granddaughter will be all grown-up by then anyway.
So, if I was to meet someone who doesn't have much money and who like me, lives month to month, it wouldn't be a problem
for me. My needs are few anyway...a roof over my head, my beloved computer, my high speed connection, good food...and a few dollars left over each month for a few fun things...and I'm happy. I don't like going out anyway and I'm much happier at home than anywhere else on earth. I don't dream of taking exotic trips or going on expensive cruises...it's just not my thing. The only type of travelling I ever dreamed of doing is to take a few months one day and drive all across Canada and the United States in an old Volkswagen bus...now THAT I would like...and who knows, it might still become reality one day...after all, two old age pension cheques combined are better than one...lol!!!
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| Guys with little money
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:55:18 AM |
Those movies should not be viewed by children. Doing so sets up unreasonable expectations that girls will love you for being a nice guy. We shouldn't decieve our sons.
Kids should be reading instead anyway. Read those trashy romance novels that women dig. They want a challenge. Nice guys aren't a challenge. They want an irascible fiend that both annoys them and yet charms them.
What movie has a girl falling in love with a nice, sensitive, faithful guy?
It's always the devilish rouge that gets the girl:
Han Solo
Hannibal Lecter (yes it was a romance story)
Captain James Tiberius Kirk
A guy has got to have a certain code of conduct, one might even say nobility, tempered with an edge of dangerous roughness. | |
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