| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:23:41 PM | | im 23 and still a virgin and was brought up catholic...am i glad i am still a virgin ? yes/no....i was hoping i woulda found the right girl by now but im glad i havent jut thrown it away....but at the same time this day and age not to many people save themselves till they find the right person so i kinda think at times im setting myself up for failure for my 1st timewith a girl i do like because she more then likely will have had a lot more experience then I and who wants a be with someone who sucks in bed...o i guess hopefully she really loves me | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:42:10 PM | | Just wanted to chime in and say that I still am one as well at the (almost) age of 21. I'm not that ashamed or saddened by it, but I am sort of depressed that I haven't even found a girl who would like me enough to kiss me., or had a girlfriend. I've lost pretty much any hope these days, I am so out of the norm that if any girl was attracted to me, my lack of experience and ignorance in all areas of a relationship would scare her off or make her just want to be friends or whatever. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:54:49 PM | @ Regalrose
I would still consider someone who lost their physical virginity to rape, a virgin.
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When people say that it's "no big deal", they're only referring to the physical side of things. Those who care and are more conscious of their own mental/emotional development, might say otherwise.
Others, like myself, refer to the actual loss of virginity as the intimate act of consenting to it, and opening up physically as a means of opening up emotionally. To put yourself in such a state, to be so vulnerable, so trusting, and fully consciously, and for the first time in your life... that is what people who view virginity as sacred mean. It's not the petty or trivial religious aspect. Not for me, anyway. | |
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DonQ
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Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:08:07 AM | You obviously have some serious guilt issues regarding your first sexual experience. I think that is what's behind this thread not the fact hat you HAD sex but WHO you had it with and under WHAT circumstances. I lost my virginity at 15 to a girl who was...shall we say VERY promiscuous in the women's showers at a school. Not the most romantic circumstances I'll grant you but I never regretted it. Oh the scandal it caused when word got out and the trouble it caused THAT I regret.
I think you need to do some introspection to find out exactly why you feel so cheap. Maybe because you were paid to do it. Maybe that makes you feel like some sort of whore. And maybe your posting here is a way to try and lessen that guilt/remorse by spreading it out on others.
I have enough issues to deal with, please don't try and give me yours. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:16:22 AM | Just because you were an idiot at 12 doesn't mean you should go off preaching now.
I don't care what your reasoning and I don't care who (dis)agrees with the actual topic.
You shouldn't be going on about what's sacred and what's not, with the reasoning behind it being 'I screwed up at 12' Good for you... NOBODY on this site is 12. (I hope) and by now I would think most people on here are aware of how they personally view virginity.
I'm probably one of the youngest people on here (ignoring anybody fudging their age) And I'm quite aware of where I stand on it, and I don't want/need others to tell me how they screwed up at 12.
Beating a dead horse.
Also.. Ignoble... I have my first pencil in a glass case on my wall... :P | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 5:04:05 AM | im sorry but i disagree with it being sacred. yes it is something we r all born with, some believe they should give it to some1 they love and some dont.
i lost mine when i was 17 and i have never regreted it. i was scared of how much it would hurt so i chose to give it to 1 of my friends because i could trust him mind you i got weird and didnt speak 2 him for much longer but things happen.
at the end of the day there is no garentee that u will b with 1 person for the rest of ur life so wat then...............do u just never have sex. each to there own i say
just my thoughts
t/c all
ashybear  | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 8:18:23 AM | I have to say that I totally agree...sex is sacred...and very powerful....it is animalistic in that it is human nature, and every other creatures nature. Sex can be healing...it can be teaching..it is an exchange of energy...Its just that so many people tie things with it like love, attention, nurture, safety whatever...these tend to be the things that the person didnt get enough of in thier lives and that they hope to experience through sex.. I dont think that people are aware of this...but do do it...also I don't really think that the other party is aware of what the person is trying to gain or take...and of coarse this is why we get the cudddle issue and every other issue....Sex can be healing, it can be teaching, it is a release of our bodies, and is purely physical...if u let it be....
So by saying its sacred its about not using someone else...or taking from someone or allowing ur self to be used....and it can defenitely be just a sexual relationship...Explore it... | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 11:23:11 AM | | It's when you put sex and virginity on this rediculously high pedestal that you have hang ups about it when you actually start participating. Sex comes in many forms and there are many different motivators behind having sex with someone. Just because you are no longer a virgin or have even had casual flings does not mean sex cannot be sacred and meaningful with a person of your choosing. As long as you are comfortable with your decision to have sex for the first time (and ever time succeeding that), I don't think there should be any problems. I was an adult when I gave (not lost, I didn't lose anything) my virginity and I'm quite grateful for the experience. My goal wasn't to "give myself to my one true love blah blah blah", it was to have a pleasant, memorable entry into the world of sex with someone I trusted. Mission accomplished :) | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 11:33:53 AM | | RegalRose, don't go blaming yourself,etc. Most times rape is not about a sexual conquest for sexual gratification but actually its a power thing. That's why you hear of 80 year old ladies getting raped. Unless the guy who had sex when he was twelve used prevention, then he was very fortunate that he did not become a 12 yr. old "daddy." | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 1:40:08 PM | I don't regret losing mine. It was with my first GF when I was 16. We had been dating for a few months. Lots of kissing and heavy petting, then we did it one night when we were home alone. It was great and stunning and fun and we both were in shock after (I was her first too)
To me, it's not whether they have had sex or not that makes them pure, it's the reasons and circumstance behind them having sex. I can see the shame in losing it over a $50 bet. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 1:51:27 PM | I waited for love. I don't believe in waiting for marriage- I believe that sexual compatibility is important.
I've never really thought of it as "sacred." (Virginity I mean--- sex is VERY powerful.) I believe that sex is healthy... I just believe that- for me- it is healthiest in a long term relationship.... I get attached.  | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 1:51:31 PM | If something is sacred, more of a reason to indulge in it. Hope you virgins don't get hit by a truck before you get to experience sex. One of the few things in life that doesn't suck. So to speak.. I wish I had sex earlier. More practice etc.
One of the gazillion reasons I hate religion is they want people to not indulge, or indulge in very little, that which is sacred. Hell, CHristianity teaches to be fruitful and multiple... but at the same time, you shouldn't have sex out of marriage, cover you bodies, and many Christians think it's naughty, sinful, dirty to give into "temptation" of sex, among other things that are natural. Which is strange, since God set it up this way..... Good business for church attendances I guess. All those weddings and confessions.
I'm just glad we're the only species that has silly ideas about sex on this planet. Squirrels, dogs, cats, and Bigfeet do just fine without this whole, saving myself BS. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 1:59:25 PM | I'm afraid I don't agree
Sex is sex...it's an animal instinct...I'll be it one of the more enjoyable ones
I personally lost my virginity at 15 to casual sex with a friend and the words "Sure what the hell"
I have never once regretted it
Everybody made such a big deal about virginity it made me just want to get it done and over with
Once I did I could get on with my life | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:03:08 PM |
Everybody made such a big deal about virginity it made me just want to get it done and over with
Once I did I could get on with my life
Same here. Being a guy and a virgin was enough for you to be picked on and wedgied regularly. It was hell. Sorry, I'm not going to go through hell and put off having sex, in order to avoid going to hell. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:09:31 PM |
Those who care and are more conscious of their own mental/emotional development, might say otherwise
Maybe if there wasn't such pressure on how sacred the first time is then there wouldn't be suck mental/emotional stigma attached
Geeze...I've seen the people who attach such mental/emotional strings to their sex the night after a drunken one night stand...it ain't pretty
Now I'm not saying go fu*k everybody in the neighborhood...but don't make sex so damned serious either
Sex is fun, sex is messy...people fall off the bed, kissing in certain spots tickles and causes giggling, people smash heads, people get wet, people get sweaty...sheets need to be changed, mattresses flipped
If you attach all kinds of emotional crap to that then it becomes embarassing when that stuff happens and takes away a lot of the fun and spontinaty of sex
Lighten up...life gets 6 shades of fun when you do | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:09:37 PM | It completely depends on the person.
Sex is seen to one person completely different than it is seen to another person. The only thing you should preach to virgins is to be safe about it.
Other than that, either enjoy saving yourself for someone ... or enjoy having sex with someone. To each their own. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:50:55 PM | I am verylucky enoguh to be able ot look at this from 3 different view points
1. I spent the majority of my life grabbin gonto it as soemthing VERY sacred!!! After maturity and time kicks in, i began to realize this was idiotic and I needed to feed the monster bound up inside!!!
2. I now don't look at it as sacred at all, it is an animal instainct!!! PURE core instinct, get rid of our money, take our clothes and at the end of the day we will all still desire 2 things, food and sex! Basic rule of nature.
3. As a human sexuality grad student----------see above analysis!!! in #2!!!
I also belive if the need is not fed you can beomce a pretty mean human being!!!
Religon and history clash on too many levels and more often than not the church has prevailed either in writings, teachings, morality, etc.... Sex, labido, instinct, have always been a taboo issues for the church. Remove the holy divinity out of it, it is human instinct. Look to out of the norm history (De Sade, Cleopatra, Caesar, Katherine the Great) these were world leaders that dominated the world, and had a dirm hold (no pun intended) on their sexuality!!!!!!
Trust me when I ay explorign that road of history (even in grad school) is a he** of a lot more fun!!!!
Carol | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 2:58:22 PM |
Please people put your words out there and let the rest of the world know how you feel about being a virgin or about how virginity is sacred to you or would have been if you hadn't lost it!
I don't believe that virginity is what is sacred, but the sex itself.
I had a five-year relationship, (from age 17-22) wherein my partner didn't necessarily want to save sex until marriage, but didn't feel ready yet. I didn't share the view but I held out for her because quite honestly we were a perfect match in most every other way.
Eventually the relationship broke down and about six months after we broke up, I lost my "virginity" to an acquaintance from school.
I was sad afterwards, not because I'd lost my virginity, but that I'd given it to just a friend rather than my ex, who I'd sincerely loved.
I don't feel any different now that I've had sex, I only regret that I didn't have sex with someone I'd dearly loved for so many years. I was robbed of that intimate experience and instead got some "vanilla sex" from a friend-with-benefits.
(Now before anyone goes off that I should've stayed with my ex, blah, blah, blah, she had a lot of issues she'd been hiding for years and they eventually came out in the form of abusive behaviours. She turned into a monster practically overnight and after six months I refused to see her anymore. The no-sex thing had nothing to do with it.)
Back on topic...
I wouldn't care so much if a future girlfriend was a virgin or not, but so long as their sex lives have been limited to intimate relationships or, like me, had a few experiences with empty vanilla-sex and decided that it isn't what she wants, that would be cool with me.
Total virginity would be kind of like a bonus. It's not mandatory nor expected but if it's there? Wow! It's my lucky day!
- Christopher93 | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:23:16 PM | | we all have our opinions on the subject, some believe it to be a "sacred" thing or a sense of "purity" and then theres otheres who just don't care, lets do it!.... i say this because of myself.. i myself am a virgin, and well toe quite honest... i wish i wasn't... i'd be alot better off not being one..., with society today.. for me being a virgin... i'm looked down upon by many... do i care not really, no... its just a lable for the first time of doing something.. like ya i've b.j's but nothin more.. do i wish i lost my virginity when i was younger Hell YEAH i can say this i would have 100% more confidence in myself today | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:36:17 PM | Adamt24........ We want to you to have TONS of self-conficence!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone who looks down on you for being a virgin (by choice or otherwise) is an idiot!!!
I know the "boys club" makes it hard to deal with, but another girl/woman....maybe I am looking at this from a different perspective being 10 years your senior. An older woman usually will not look down on it, maybe you are playing the field in the wrong age direction!!! I know the cute little young perky things are hard to resist but there is something to be said about a more mature, an probably more experienced older woman.........you might find this quite a different experience! I know plent y of men over 21 and under 30 who will no longer date young girls, they don't like the lack of maturity and the games annoying!
I once heard the expression," If I wanted a toy play,I'd play with something under 21, but if I wanted to influence the future, play with something over 21 or something over 45".........I never quite undertsood the meaning of that until recently!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carol | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:42:38 PM | | ya it is hard to deal with friends...thats why they don't bother me about it anymore, because i told them straight up... and i don't necessarily look just for the youngins, i do try to find more mature women, but i have a hard time in doing so, because alot that i come across aren't looking for a younger guy such as myself which makes it hard for me.... like i don't like flaunting around i'm a virgin... but i have no problem telling it to a woman for that fact. i just want to get rid of the lable.. it sucks then live free | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:51:08 PM | | I can understand why someone would think sex is sacred between two people under the right circumstances. And I think it's always a good thing to hold out for the right one in your life or wait until marriage. Those are great and noble things when you are very young or at any age. However, has it ever occurred to you or anyone that you just might never marry. Before long you have gone through your twenties then through your thirties and here you are at age 40 plus never knowing what sex is like or feels like. There's nothing wrong with having your virginity at any age even into senior citizen age. That is great and you should be held to high regard. (Yes, I know the OP is not a virgin anymore, but I'm also referring to other that have their virginity as well). I just don't hear people complain and become bitter towards the world because of the thing they hold so dear, YET, cannot find the one to marry and then bang before they get too old because life didn't go as planned. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:05:32 PM | I lost mine just before I turn1 9. Actually he couldnt get it in for a while I was too tense of something....but the first time he tried and couldnt manage to get it when he was done trying in he threw my underwear in my face and told me to put my panties back on. This is how I remember my first intimate moment.
Where are all the perrfect moments | |
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