| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/22/2008 8:34:38 PM | | In the series of books by Jean M. Auel, starting with Clan of the Cave Bear her prehistoric people have some interesting concepts about sex. I believe she's an archaeologist, and a common find from diggings from that era are little idols of a pregnant woman; so they were thought to worship an Earth Mother figure. Anyways, in her writings, when a child reached physical maturity, they were assigned a mentor for sex, someone older and experienced. The idea that it's too damn important to just ignore it and hope that they were going to have good sex without some sort of guidance. This isn't that bad an idea... but imagine how it would go over in the PTA meeting? | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:47:29 AM | | some of ya'll need to wake up and get a clue. there is nothing sacred about virginity. and there is nothing sacred about love making. sex is sex...it's a distinct act between two people. it's when you try to put all this hogwash around it is when it gets screwed up! | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:57:42 AM | Its one of those things.. .that you don't quite realise how special it is until its gone.
I personally tried saving it for someone special, waited a long time, until eventually i just got laid at a party because I was drunk!!!
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:13:27 AM | I am surprise to read that most of the writers in regards to this particular topic. lost their virginity before their legal age . I don't know how you guys ended up doing it. I am 26 year old and I never had sex with anyone. I proud that I am still virgin. Cause I have always consider this fact that I am going to have sex only and only to whom I am going to love and who is going to love me. It is true that I have met sexy girls a lot and sometime it is hard to control on yourself. But if you don't control it everything gets over. It's all about controlling yourself. at my teenage life. sex was the most facinating thing to do, and I spend most of time in thinking and finding a nice girl and make a love. Many girls left this comment to me that I am rude and reserve with them. Don't know why, but it may be cause I focus to0 much in controlling the passion of love over sex. Now, I strongly believe, having a positive conversation, creates more memories then having a one night sleep with someone on bed. You may have a good sexual power that your opposite sex like it, but to live a life that's not enough. And as far as Scared things. I always had a fear of losing something. And having a fear is not a bad thing. I think it makes one stronger and create ways to fight positively. I always suggest people to create good moments that would last forever. And 80% I have found that, ever lasting moments are not a result of sex.
Life is not the breath that we take in. But its the moments that take your breath away. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:16:27 AM | Here's a similar thread: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8823686.aspx
As for virginity being sacred--good for you. I applaud people who hold to their beliefs. But the funny thing is, OP, would you have felt the same way about virginity if you had not lost it at the age of 12 in a $50 dollar bet?
I don't see virginity as sacred. I see innocence and strength of mind as sacred. Virginity is something physical that can be taken or given away as easily as shredding tissue. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:36:10 AM | | thats maybe not the best way to lose it , but i cant see any real reason that someone would want to be a virgin . sex is natural and if more people did it more often they would have less time to fight ! | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:43:44 AM | I couldn't wait to loose my virginity!! I was happy that it was with the right person - when I was good a ready - I don't regret a second of any choices I have made in my sexual life! Whether someone thinks it's sacred or not to keep your viginity - it was sacred to me to loose it!! | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:52:55 AM | Virginity lets see ummm that was a long time ago .
I think as I remember this after losing virginity WOW
how bout that thing called sex .couldnt get it off my mind or boys then men off the brain.
It was an early distraction and still to this day can be. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:28:09 PM | Hey GOOD WRENCH i.e. OP,
Don't beat yourself up over something you did when you were 12; at that age, some of us wouldn't know what we're doing, or for some, still don't know at an older age.
And don't keep looking back at your past mistakes and wish you didn't do them; it just slows you down - look forward and think about what you can do for the one you love when you find her.
Virginity is great, but is not the end-all be-all to life. There are many threads here that virgins have started, and they, along with the rest of us  , have voiced their opinions about the subject.
To me, life is how you react to situations, and the ways you treasure your loved ones (family, friends, significant other, pets, etc.). Past mistakes are part of our lifelong education on how to be better people to ourselves and others.
Take care!
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:48:35 PM | Regal Rose, I have had several women at clinic tell me their first sexual experience was an assault. One was from a culture where virginity was highly prized. I told her that she was still a virgin. A virgin is a person who has not had sex. She did not have sex: a violent crime was perpetrated against her using a very private part of her body. Without consent it is a crime. I am glad you have been able to recover your feelings of self worth.
Regarding the "used goods" phrase, it is often used in connection with children who suffer sexual abuse. They invariably think it was their fault and then fall into precocious and/or exploitative relationships as a direct result. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:51:10 PM | | I definitely don't view sex as something you do with just anyone and it's no big deal. I think it's best when done between two people that really love eachother. And I say that because I have never had sex with anyone that I did not love. I've only had sex with one person. And when we do, not only is there the obvious physical pleasure, but I also feel so much love for him that it's unreal. I mean when I was still a virgin, (which was until i was 18) I didn't know that when you have sex with someone you're so deeply in love with it would bring those feelings to the surface during the actual act. That is when sex is more than just sex, it's an act of love. If there's no love involved, that's what causes people to view it as no big deal. Because when you actually MAKE LOVE to a person, you will view it as a big deal. My opinion. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:05:17 PM | It's funny that a" non religious" person,according to your profile, would refer to virginity as "Sacred" thing. Your few point, as you have given it, parrots what every fundamentalist christian preacher says about virginity. Sex is natural. If your are religious, consider that it was your god that created it.
You may no longer be a virgin but you had sex for $50 dollars, what does that make you now? | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:05:43 PM | I am 19 years old, am a very proud virgin, and am staying one until the night of my wedding. I think that as much as sex is "good" for a relationship, so is not having sex. if requires a deeper love based not on physical qualities that fade after time, but an intellectual and emotional connection that would only deepen through marriage an sex after the wedding.
It is each person's personal opinion and choice as to when to "lose their Vcard." | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:09:35 PM | let me know how that divorce goes. I know it's cliche but i'm not buying the car if I can't test drive it. You may end up with a guy that has tiny penis. But at least you will have plenty of conversation  | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:57:53 PM | Virginity is an absence of knowledge about something that we are biologically programmed to do.
Equating Virginity = Innocence is as valid as saying that Ignorance = Purity.
Which it isn't.
Women (and men) aren't property any more, so they aren't worth more if they are virgins. That was relevant back in the 1800's, but now a days it means more emotional problems as they (the virgin) has misconceptions about what sex is, when in reality it's something else. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:44:47 PM | Tears of Blood, tanyddraig, OP:
What RegalRose wrote:
I was raised in a very religious/puritanist type family... I bore alota shame for alota years because of that, afraid of how I'd be viewed.....Then 5 years later, when my secret came out, my fears were confirmed. I somehow "had to have done something to cause it" and "no one will want you now" is what I heard. ... It took the next 20+ years to feel any kind of self worth, because of how I viewed virginity, and how I believed the rest of the world saw me because I no longer had mine... Is 'spot on' for my experience, too, only at a far younger age than OP. When a young child gets a big message from family/faith that says one thing, society that says another, family or peer pressure that steals from you, and you find yourself in or near the "untouchables" end of the spectrum, it can be very confusing for a very long time. The value judgement can do untold harm to your self esteem.
Something that made me laugh in how it demonstrated loving forgiveness "after the fact" is on pp 262, 263 of Margarettown, a novel by Gabrielle Zevin: A young girl confessed her concern that it was unethical to lose her virginity twice. Her aunt replied, "It sometimes takes two times to get a thing right."
Talk to a counselor so you can sort through what YOU think and feel, rather than all the influences--ESPECIALLY if you're wondering about your worth as a person in society. I cannot stress how important this is. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/24/2008 1:04:15 AM |
I'm not that ashamed or saddened by it, but I am sort of depressed that I haven't even found a girl who would like me enough to kiss me., or had a girlfriend. I've lost pretty much any hope these days, I am so out of the norm that if any girl was attracted to me, my lack of experience and ignorance in all areas of a relationship would scare her off or make her just want to be friends or whatever.
That's pretty much the same boat I'm in man. Well I've had a couple "girlfriends" but the relationships were terrible at best due to emotional immaturaty on their parts.
As for the topic at hand. I don't view my virginity as sacred, closer to a curse, it's just another thing about me that makes it hard for me to find some way to relate to the people around me. I'd probably have a better shot at winning the lottery than losing my virginity to a gal that isn't a prostitute.
I feel like an idiot for holding onto my virginity. When I was young, the first girl I ever loved wasn't interested in me for a relationship, friends we were for a long time, but she always reassured me that I wasn't her kind of guy. I passed up at least three chances that I can remember off the top of my head with very pretty gals, because I was holding out for when I could get that one girls interest enough for a relationship. Boy was I surprised to find out she had slept with every last friend and friend of friends that I ever had during the 5 years I was holding out for her. That's happened to me twice in my life, though the second time only lasted a couple months and wasn't as devastating. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:36:15 AM | | Yep, same here. I agree with you on the use of the word curse too. Someone at work recently actually told me I'd have a better chance at winning the lottery than doing anything with a girl, so it was funny to see you use that analogy just now. Good luck. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:53:19 AM | | Holding out as a virgin when you are 19 or 25 isn't all that hard. Let's see how you feel when you remain a virgin at 35 or 40 and haven't found the one to love or marry. Then let's see how much your attitude has changed. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:21:05 AM | | Thats good that you feel that way, and that people do, but there is nothing wrong with having sex with someone you like, or are attracted to. Sex is a great wonderful thing to experience, its nothing to be ashamed of or whatever. Me, personally, intend to have as much sex as I can, to experience all of the pleasure that another person can give me. But thats just me. Being a virgin is a good idea for those of you who see sex as an extension of your love for the other person. Just dont do anything you will regret later on anyway. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing<----Virginity
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:38:45 PM | Y'know... I waited to have sex. I was going to wait until I was married, but a lover of mine had other ideas, and did his thing anyway.
It wasn't my choice, but, there you have it.
Now, I'm grateful that I wasn't a virgin when I met the man I'm going to marry. I'm really glad that I've had the partners I've had, the experiences I've had (both positive and the very negative), and that I got past my religious anti-sex upbringing.
I'll agree with you- sex is a sacred thing. To me, engaging in sex- GOOD sex... the kind of sex where both partners are fulfilled, where both people are consenting adults... the kind where both are open to enjoying whatever the moment brings... is an act of worship. It's an act of worship towards your lover, but also towards yourself.
Allowing someone to pleasure you- allowing yourself to feel pleasure, guilt-free, is an act of self-love, self-worship, and joy.
Love on. | |
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| SEX---->A sacred thing----Virginity
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:16:20 PM | Dude, I couldn't disagree with you more.
You're not born with a 'thing' called virginity. You're lacking sexual experience, along with a billion other things. It doesn't reflect love, life, freedom, and not necessarily purity (are your mom and dad any more unpure?).
You losing your virginity for a $50 bet was a real dumb idea. Real dumb. However, it's not the end-all-be-all. Ruining your first kiss to someone you despised wouldn't be something good either for your personal history (although not as bad).
I think when you put "virginity" on some huge pedestal, you're only making it sacred to yourself. You're treating it like a crime -- sex as something dirty that you wished you never got involved in. It *can* be dirty (hence the $50 bet), but it doesn't have to be that.
You aren't made to be a virgin. Keeping one's virginity and not losing it on a whim is an exercise of discipline over whimsical desires. You gave into that. You learned your lesson. Water under the bridge; don't cry over turnovers (basketball analogy). But when you're in a relationship and you fall for someone, it's a natural act that resembles MORE love, life, freedom, and purity, than someone holding out to be the next "40 Year Old Virgin" and letting the fear of sexual relations get in the way of blossoming relationships with someone. | |
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