| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:07:39 PM |
It's the planned destruction of the family.
I can't really buy what you're saying. This isn't the fault of socialized daycare or the government or public schools or the face we drop off Johnny at daycare every morning at 8 AM. Nor can it be blamed on "Sunday" shopping and other such nonsense. Aren't these all really just symptoms ?.
Is marriage too complicated? Or do people just not get married because they're SMART enough to know it'll end and it makes the exit financially more simple? Can you blame a person for planning for the obvious ? I don't think you can. In terms of evolution, that's called "survival".
We're in the middle of it, and we know it. Just maybe we don't want to see it. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:28:00 PM |
Aren't these all really just symptoms ?.
Yes
http://fathersforlife.org/sex_politics_3.htm#Danquayle | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:37:24 PM | | Cell phone contracts are more long term then relationships. Car loans are now around 5 years. You tell me how many people getting married today will still be together when they pay off that car. I am willing to say it is close to 50%. I am sorry, but people today want everything and they want it now. Look at the average debt. The average household debt is over $30,000. Now tell me that we are not in the short term thinking mode. I meet LOTS of people every day, and hear LOTS of stories (I work a second job at a liquor store). I can tell you from what people tell me about their lives that there is no long term any longer. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:45:25 PM | That proves it Backcountryme...
People don't even go to the bartender anymore to talk about their lives.... they go talk to the guy at the liquor store!!!!!!
LMAO | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:51:41 PM | | LOL...cause in Calgary they can't AFFORD the bartender :?) | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:52:29 PM | Perhaps long termers attract long termers?
Errrr.... maybe this should be in The Secret thread... (shrug)
C | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:01:17 AM | Yup, we are on the downward slide. I like to consider myself the psychologist of the new millennium.
I need to start charging. Lol. But my sessions are usually only about 30 seconds a day. I can see it now "Backcountries discount therapy and spirits". Hahaha | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:02:51 AM | You should set up a table in a smoky corner and scatter peanut shells around. Have a couple of red crushed velvet lounge chairs and play some Neil Diamond.
OT - My sister and her husband have been married for over 20 years | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:05:24 AM | In response to "AntiElvis"
Those that are married are often bitter & tired of their relationship & simply hang on because it's too difficult to leave.
With your understanding, you should be reminding them of the moments they were happy. Those are the things that maintain a relationship. The memory of the good times, Understanding, Compassion, Empathy, and good communication can bring back the spark....
People who are selfless and giving tend to make more waves than the ones in our society that are all, ME, ME, ME..... And NOW, NOW, NOW!
ANd there's ALOOOOOOOT of those!
You have been given a gift... I suggest you use it for good, instead of evil.
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:06:51 AM | Is long term a myth?
I sure hope I can find me that long term Myth...........................
I wouldn't even consider a Myth-ter! I don't thwing that way! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:05:55 PM |
Or do people just not get married because they're SMART enough to know it'll end and it makes the exit financially more simple? Can you blame a person for planning for the obvious ?
You have to believe in long term for it to happen. You also have to avail yourself of any information and skills that will help you maintain a long term relationship - it's going to be hard but worth the effort. If you don't believe it's possible then it isn't possible. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:45:04 PM | Been thinking about this for a lil bit...
My long-term gym-going is soon going to outlast my marriage that was supposedly going to last decades (at least)...
My healthy eating resolution is running right along my fitness plan...
SO maybe for a long-term relationship to work:
1) You have to be born in it (e.g. family)
2) Your significant other's love has to be proven to be unconditional (think human's best friend kinda love)
3) There has to be something in it for you (exercise helps me survive my commute to just about anywhere in the winter)
So yup, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it 
Or we can all put our descendants in a bomb shelter and give them no pop culture / "brainwashing" media for the next 10 years ala "Blast From The Past" style  | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:48:10 PM |
You have to believe in long term for it to happen.
B.U, I agree with you. I do think some people set themselves up for immediate failure simply by the colour of the sky in their life. But on the other hand, perhaps people are simply reacting to what they see. ......
When I first came to POF, I listed myself as Long Term, then downgraded to dating, now I'm "Not Single/Not Looking". I hadn't dated actively since I was 17ish & I bluntly admit I was shocked (and very discouraged) after being here for a bit. I have met some very cool people on here who will perhaps become good friends (no benefits) but I've also met a good number of people that seem so bitter & angry with the world around them I think to myself "wow". It's ironic that a web site designed for "dating" and meeting others actually made me realize that being single isn't that terrible. I've made this comparison before, but this whole dating scene feels like a shopping trip where people lay out what they want and simply aren't willing to bend. Ridiculous things like "I refuse to date a man that uses public transit" or "I won't date anyone under 6' tall (even when the person is 5' 4")" or my absolute favourite "I expect a man to stand firm even when I'm screaming in his face because I've had a bad day". I know a few women on this site & they tell me it's not much different with the guys & some of the things they tell me I just shake my head and think "wow".
So...if someone has the view that it's unlikely they're going to have a long term relationship....are they negative or simply reacting to what's happening around them? Compare it to the world of work. Years ago, you got a job, worked in the same place for 40 years & retired. Today, no such thing is ever going to happen. Will our relationships start to mirror what's happened in the world of work? And if that's where we are headed are we to be chided for having the view "I doubt he/she and I will be together in 10 years anyways". Is it cynical or just cynically realistic.
Personally, I don't think being common law is "less" than being married nor shows less commitment. I think it's really all about your mindset & how you feel about it. But, not the say some common law relationships exist because someone isn't committed. I think there are others that won't get married simply because of the expense of it all (and the head aches, family feuds, etc).
If you were to put up a poll that said "do you realistically believe that you'll find a partner that you'll spend the rest of your life with". Do you think there would be more no's than yes's ? | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:55:47 PM |
do you realistically believe that you'll find a partner that you'll spend the rest of your life with
If I might qualify that - I don't expect to find that person here but I do expect to find that person, yes! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:04:38 PM |
I don't expect to find that person here but I do expect to find that person
Not me, I just made up an imaginary girlfriend. It's easier...and makes my taxes WAY easier at year end. We even have our own song now, it's Paula Abdul - Knocked Out, it's on youtube. Here, sing along.
I was in love the moment that I saw you
I followed you thru the crowd and I almost lost you
I was dying to tell you but scared of your reaction
But I can't hold back because I'm rushed with thing called passion
You've got me knocked out turn me inside out
It's you that makes my heart beat
You've got me knocked out
Baby there's no doubt
You swept me off of my feet | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:05:48 PM | What ever happened to just growing old together. Im starting to think that no one over 40 is into that any more. And you cant even find the few women that still are looking for long term, as most of them have given up and are in hideing. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 9:57:14 PM | I think people don't want to think about growing old!
There are people out there looking for long term Old Cola, but I think you're right that some may have given up and are in hiding. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/22/2008 11:43:13 PM | | Elvis you are a wise man. But you work to much. I have stopped messaging women on here for the same reasons that you have. As for making up a girlfriend, I am with you. But our song is "She Fu€king hates me" by Puddle of Mud. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:38:42 AM |
Or do people just not get married because they're SMART enough to know it'll end and it makes the exit financially more simple?
Is it really any simpler? After 3 mos and the right conditions, you are commonlaw and might as well be married. Less paperwork, but if you end up in court it's almost the same result.
Cell phone contracts are more long term then relationships.
I think it's easier to get out of a marriage than a cell phone contract these days as well.
Is it s myth?? I don't think so, but I think few people are willing to do what it takes to make things work long term.
As for the question "what is long term?" In the spirit of POF profiles.... "what is average?"  | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:29:32 AM | There are lots of people out there who think and say that they want to be involved in a long term relationship, but they’re really not in the right mind set. They’re not “relationship material” and although they can’t see that, other people can.
Some of them have come out of long marriages or other relationships. They very much miss the companionship and familiarity that they had when they were in that relationship but they also very keenly remember all the bad things about it and deep down, they’re really not sure if they want to take a chance and try it again. They are carrying a lot of bitterness and baggage and until they can let go of that fear and uncertainty, and realize that not everyone is like the ”ex”, others will sense it and instinctively shy away.
Others have been single for a long time and they very much enjoy that lifestyle. They can do what they want, when they want, how they want and with whom they want and answer to no one. Trying to transition that lifestyle into one where someone else’s needs and wants are considered can be a huge adjustment. Sometimes the art of compromise has been lost or forgotten and a long term relationship can’t survive and thrive without that.
People who have extremely high and often unrealistic expectations and long lists of requirements or “preferences” really don’t want to be in a relationship because they are looking for something wrong with everybody. They think that they won’t be happy unless someone meets every one of those expectations and requirements yet they fail to recognize their own flaws and faults. Every time I hear that tired old mantra “I will NOT settle!”, I see a person with an overblown sense of entitlement who believes that they “deserve” far much more than they’re willing and ABLE to give in return. I know that person will still be here a year from now, still searching for that perfection which does not exist.
I don’t believe that long term is a “myth”. But just thinking you want that is not good enough. You have to be prepared for it, in your heart, your mind and your attitudes. If someone is not, they will continually sabotage their own efforts to even find someone with whom to have a long term relationship with, let alone make it successful.
LH | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:40:17 AM | I think there are still plenty of 'Long Term' relationships and marriages.....but the myth of 'Happily Ever After' has gone by the wayside. For the most part anyhow.
Personally, and yes, maybe I'm jaded by life now....but is it really such a bad thing NOT to spend 50 years with the same person? Maybe it's just that, even after two marriages, I've never actually found "The One" that I could have seen myself happy with forever.
Today people are not stuck in an unhappy marriage due to the stigma of divorce. Do you honestly believe that all long term marriages of the past were happily ever after? Even if a woman endured abuse, there really was little choice for her...most women didn't have a job, a career that she could live off of was pretty much unheard of, being a single parent was not the norm, it was a social stigma. It was common for women to put up with and turn a blind eye to their husband's mistresses. ( hell, if I had been weak enough to do that I'd still be married too )
It is easier today to walk away, but I have a hard time believing that it is really a bad thing. I don't buy for a minute that the 50 year marriages of past decades were all wine and roses....face it, even if miserably unhappy, they were stuck.
When the whole 'Til Death Do Us Part' thing came about, let's face it...people didn't live as long ! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:49:47 AM | Happily Ever After is a fairy tale....
Evermore is a dream.
C | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:52:52 AM |
When the whole 'Til Death Do Us Part' thing came about, let's face it...people didn't live as long !
Omg that's hilarious! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:26:34 AM |
Happily Ever After is a fairy tale....
Evermore is a dream.
This is exactly the type of "non long term relationship material" mind set I was referring to. People who truly believe this, should not be even trying to find a long term relationship. If you don't believe it's possible, it won't be.
LH | |
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