| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:34:51 AM | ... happily ever after... not all moments are happy... some are far from it. It's all part of the dream of Evermore. And I'll take it all.
Dreams do come true...
"I have a Dream"... Martin Luther King Jr.
... misinterpretation is a wonderful thing.
C | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:30:23 AM | my optamistic side......says my heart is open wide.........
.......my pessimistic side .....says a peice of me has died
my cynical side......seeks to criticize the very thoughts behind my eyes............
........within a feeling....there is no compromise....
am I jaded? am I blind? loves fortune left behind?
.........statistics won't mold me........hypocracies won't scold me
perhaps one day, true love will unfold me and read my very soul from within...........
til then, I'll take it all on the chin ....... just enjoying twirling in the world as it spins........
......blows a kiss to the grrrrrrrrrrrrrls ;)
life is what you make it .........  | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:44:48 PM | Because this is a dating site, I suppose I should expect many people to be a little jaded because they have come from relationships that didn't last as long as they had hoped. The depth of negativity in this thread, though, is rather depressing.
However, I suspect that there are many people who, like me, really don't want to be "dating" for the rest of their lives. Ideally, the goal is to find a relationship that will be caring and supportive through good times and bad. And, those of us who are realistic accept that it won't always be like a fairy tale romance, but we wouldn't want that either. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:34:48 PM | well I went back into my profile details and changed it from looking for friends to long term. I had been told that the latter would scare everyone off....and duh...I beleived it....I also figured that some do watch how much and where a person posts would be telling as far as their personality and that the results of the reactions there of would be deemed either "go for her" or yikes. "stay away". So, now my mailbox will be flooded with proposals...LOL....for long term cuz they really like me....LOL. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:23:14 PM | | I'd love to flood your mailbox Areelady..but...I'm not OLD enough to mail you. LOL | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:19:05 PM | But seriously...the more I think about this, the more the problem becomes apparent. As humans, we simply don't really respect each other much. It's not just a matter of not saying thank you...or having manners, but our attitudes toward other people. Yes, there is still civility amongst people, but that seems to be waning. And it's a catch 22. At work, in public, etc, people just grow more impatient & nasty to each other.
I work part time in a hotel and full time as an IT consultant. I talk to all kinds of guests & meet alot of clients in my full time day job. The level of impatience with some people is just NOT cool. On Feb 14th, I watched one of my clients chide her guy after he sent her flowers at work. She said they could have used the money for something else. No matter how macho, how hard that dude was, I kept thinking, you just hurt him SO badly. He won't show it cause he's male, but it will stick in his mind. And when that relationship explodes he'll leave....one ring higher on the bitterness ladder. That's just one example, I see dozens of them, people who have no respect for the feelings of others. Whether it's someone ripping of the head of the gas station clerk for high prices...or someone barking at a waitress because of the cook made a mistake.
I don't find that so sad, as I find it maddening. WAY to many people think the world revolves around them...or they think "well I paid all this money, so I've the right to be belligerent". No, you don't, and get some skin, shut up and deal with it when you're cheeseburger has pickles on it and you didn't ask for them. Or when the candles at IKEA are now 7.99, not 7.50 as the sign says.
When you've got a society that's grumpy because the wrong cheese was put on their sub, um, exactly how are they supposed to deal with the complexities of a long term relationship ? I mean, if you're carrying around that much anger & frustration, it's GOING to come out at home. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:50:02 AM | | A myth, no it's out there but getting rare. Why is it getting that way is probably the interesting part of the discusion. The fact that this society as become addicted to the quick fix plays an important role but more critical, possibly, is that we as individuals now seem to be intolerant of other peoples flaws and foibles, regardless of how minor. Too many of us seek the perfect one ( most likely doesn't exist), are unwilling to take a chance. Happily ever after does not exist. Life is not a romance novel, each one of these should have one extra chapter......Twenty Years After. Guess what, that shining knight, well the breast plate doesn't fit as well as it once did, he snores and maybe life has had some hits on the fair damsel as well. The mortgage on the castle is overwhelming, the kids are driving both parents nuts, etc., etc. Talk to people who are in truly long term (40 years plus) and most will tell you that there were times, when the person across the breakfast table was the most exasperating, annoying person in the world. So what, remember what was/is good about that person, hearken back to fond memories and together work your way back. Don't look for the flaws, don't cling to the past downers. My thoughts for what they are worth. $0.05 | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:24:10 AM | I've heard it said that marriages last because both parties romanticize eachothers deaths. "Hmmm... that life insurance policy is still active, right hunny?!"... How would you like liver and mashed potatoes, and... Gravy?" In her head,' Yes gravy with loooooooots of lard'.
Talking to my married friends we've had lots of laughs. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:50:15 AM | | I know of several couples (long term) who managed to survive some pretty tough relationship hits. Guess they figured what they had was worth it and maybe the grass isn't always greener. I have an aunt and uncle that separated and divorced after 20+ years of marriage, several years later they ended up re-marrying and are now closing in on their second twentieth anniversary. So yes it is possible, it just isn't easy. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/25/2008 6:19:12 PM |
Yes it is possible, it just isn't easy.
The key to the perfect marriage;
Seperate bathrooms, and a laaaaaaaaaaarge kitchen! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:38:49 PM | | the key to a perfect marriage is the ability to fart around each other...and laugh. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:08:29 AM | | I don't remember if I was told this or figured it out on my own. When one reaches the point where closing the door to the shi-tter is an option, one is committed. Nothing expresses commitment like preforming bodily functions in front of another. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:54:08 AM | The key to a long marriage is separate houses. I could be married forever if my then wife lived across town. 
I guess that long term is possible. It just takes the right timing and the right person. I think that it should be illegal for anyone under 30 to get married. I don't think that you know yourself good enough to know what you like in someone else. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:32:43 PM |
Common law, while a longer term relationship (most times), isn't the same sort of commitment as a marriage
The only difference is that you aren't joined in "holy" matrimony from a religion that you don't believe in.
There is no compelling reason to stay together to work out the rough patches when living common-law compared to the contractual obligations one undertakes when marrying someone.
so the house, kids, and all the contents you've collected together are then what??? It all depends on what province you live in. Here in Saskatchewan, common law is classed the same as marriage. Yes, that means all the legal proceeding have to be followed just the same as a divorce.
Back on topic..... I believe in long term...... long term single!!! | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:36:15 PM | I would like to add to backcountryme's comment about il-legalizing anyone under 30 years of age to get married.
In typical Asian cultures, from many male profiles (of various ethnic backgrounds) I've seen so far, a lot of never-been-married single males start to panic (about their non-married status) when they hit 30 years old, so apart from making it difficult, maybe throw in a couple bumpy relationships along the way - that may (or may not) help a person to know what kind of person you'd like to be with, hopefully for the rest of your breathing years. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:54:28 PM | Is long term a myth?
On this site, I think for the most part "first date" is even a myth | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:38:35 AM | | Long term is laughter, sadness, passion and pain, anything else is fluff. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:52:10 PM | I certainly hope not. Geeky gamer girls, now there's a myth. ;)
I think part of the problem is circular. People read about the tremendous divorce rate, and kind of just give up and marry who they're dating in the desperate hope that this is the right person, eventually padding the number themselves. People really need to slow down, take things easy, get to know the person they're contemplating making this commitment to. And not just the big things you learn early. The little things like when your job changes, if your partner is willing to get up 20 minutes earlier to facilitate it or not. (as a random example)
I really don't think I could propose without living with someone for at least two or three years. I'm sure that's only going to make my search harder than it already is, but that's what I believe. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:06:25 AM | | You want to know long term? Long term is waiting for Telus to move your internet service from your old apartment to your new one. This is more long term then any of my past realtionships. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:19:08 AM | ^^^ Turns into a short term relationship REAL fast if you don't pay your bill on time!!! "Hey buddy you're CUT OFF!"
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:23:32 PM | | Haha, I have heard that before. Lol. But it wasn't my utillities. To funny. And why am I home on a friday night? Oh yeah, I just got off work and I have to get up early. Damn you life, I'll get you yet. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:02:02 AM | You are correct in your classification of the attitude of so many Calgarians, that's why I moved to a small town. I was born & raised in Cowtown & watched the city grow and sadly, people's attitudes change. I love to see the looks on peoples faces when they hold the door open for me & I actually say thank you and smile at them. Maybe its because I was taught from when I was a kid, respect, respect, respect that it has stayed with me, even through jaded times.
I do still believe in long term in my heart, although my brain tells me, I'm f**king stupid. Live IS what you make it, if you are rude, obnoxious, impatient, etc odds are you will trip through live alone or with another b1tchy person; double whammy. Maybe it is the expectations so many go onto websites like this one with that only leads to disappointment & failure. If you are not happy in your own skin, how can you expect someone else to be? You come onto sites like this for a reason, if you can't be real about who and what you are, don't be surprised when you get no where.
I've heard from both sides the horror stories of the little 'fibs' some tell. Too many go into a relationship thinking they can change the other - BIG MISTAKE!! If you can't accept the person for who they are, faults & all, why the f*uck did you go there in the first place? I'm 43 years young & I've never been married and ALMOST every man I have chatted with has asked why not, if I am all I say I am, why am I still single? Because I have been smart. Personally for me, I don't believe in divorce so if I HAD married any of the 3 to date that had asked me, I'd be in jail right now as I'd have taken the 'to death do us part' to heart.
Maybe to some, long term is a myth in these times where everyone wants everything their way, fast and easy. People seem to let society dictate who and what they are, what they should or should not be doing, etc. Nothing worth having in life is easy, it requires hard work and determination & not bailing at the first sight of trouble. It's sad to see so many followers and so few leaders. I know my Mr. Close Enough is out there somewhere but I will just enjoy my life with a smile on my face until we meet & most importantly have some fun along the way. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:25:15 PM | Gen1013:
Don't be too critical to slam Calgarians, I think it's all perspective. I left this city for some time and returned & I am admittedly pleased with how polite & friendly most people are. Yes, I run into rude people, but their numbers pale in comparison to the people that still smile or say hello. Even the drivers here are polite (if not stupid sometimes) and often let you in. Man, I lived in Toronto and if you waited for someone to let you in the car would have run out of gas as you sat there idling. As for life in small towns, well yes, it has it's benefits, but let's not forget to mention the downsides of it. Intrusive people, boredom which leads to substance abuse, etc. A small town in Alberta might be great for you, but how is it for someone that doesn't fit into the "WASP lifestyle"
What has really changed with people is the speed of our lives. If you can imagine a cartoon where a plane is going so fast that the panels are breaking off the side...well that is us in 2008. I think the reasons why are complex and vary, but none the less it's what is happening. Put people in that pressure cooker & they naturally become selfish. For the record, I'm not excusing such behaviour.
As for relationships in the past versus now. Yes, I think things are on a downward spiral, but we just did a better job at hiding our "problems" in the past. If you're an abused woman in 2008, you can walk. In 1940, it wasn't so easy. Today, a single teen mom might raise her kid, back in the day, she went to Auntie Ehm's farm to "get better" which often meant the kid was taken and adopted.
I think alot of people romanticize the past as this era where marriages were strong & families existed. What they don't mention is that those families might have only stuck together because THAT was the only option. You HAD to remain as a family unit, whereas today, you do not. You had to remain married, especially if you were female because if you left, life presented a very grim future for you. Today, women are empowered & can be self sufficient. In short, we don't really need each other anymore, whereas before we did.
So....let me play devils advocate. Maybe the reason "long term" has ended is not because it's just easier to get out of what we don't want to be in. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 3/1/2008 2:15:46 PM | I wasn't slamming Calgarians, I just moved 8 months ago after 43 years so I still consider myself one. I drove from the deep NW yesterday to the deep SE & then back again in rush hour traffic and your comment about polite drivers - 1 in 10. Stupid - oh yeah!! LOL
Small town life is not for everyone, yes I agree. Many thought I was nuts to move out here when all my friends & family are in Calgary but I love it. People are far from intrusive, I met all my neighbors in the cul-de-sac the first week I moved here and we all watch out for each other. Boredom - far from it. Again its the times, so many want, no need to be entertained. What ever happened to just enjoying the peace & quiet, watching the sun set and just getting to know those around you. Again its the instant gratification thing. Everything one needs not to be bored is in Airdrie and I bet you I could make to Airdrie quicker than most can to their nearest mall or drinking hole. What WASP lifestyle? I moved out here to get away from the noise, the pollution and the crime. The price of houses here puts Calgary's to shame. I sold my house in Calgary, made a killing and bought one twice the size on a lot that nearly 3 houses in Calgary could sit on. Why, 'cause I could. I learned a long time ago, not to make quick judgements on people or places until I walked a mile on that road or in their shoes.
I totally agree with you on the speed of everyone's life changing. I guess best said, my life was exactly how you depicted it in your statement so I made the change from pressure cooker to slow cooker. Meaning Calgary to Carstairs. I guess I really see the difference now that I am outside the circle. Drive down a country road and most people are not in a hurry to get where they are going, it's not a big rush to get things done, like right now.
I think we still need each other but who in this day & age will admit it. I am a self-sufficient female who can do most things any man can, only better but I would never turn down an offer of help. The difference is 2 words; need and want. I don't need a man to feel complete, I want a man to share in the completion.
You are the devil, [Maybe the reason "long term" has ended is not because it's just easier to get out of what we don't want to be in. ] But ask yourself the real reason you went into it in the first place. | |
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| Is long term a myth?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:32:26 AM | I don't think it's a myth.. depending on what you consider long term. Some people think two weeks is long enough term, and with certain people, it feels more like a life sentence.
Backcountry... you're a stud, baby. | |
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