|
|
|
|
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:20:21 AM | | Divorce!!! I think anyone can get over a divorce but death is the final exit - much more profound, often times including watching someone endure terrible suffering and pain. With divorce, if he leaves you, you may eventually see it was his problem or a mutual problem and meet someone else. But death is a devestation and you can't ask why! You never will know the answer. | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:32:01 AM | I can relate completely to that OOTD.. I moved 650 miles away after the divorce and started over, with just my clothes and my dog and a few personal items from the house. It is very hard to make new friends. We did have friends where I moved, but they were OUR friends, and I just don't like getting the 3rd degree, so dropped them.
JMO | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:56:53 PM | | Not that anyone can realy say which is worse, well from experience, I have lost a parent, a sibling, a daughter, and a wife.As hard as it was to bury one of m y own,I have found losing the women I lived with for 32 years, no matter the battles, the fun, the lust we went through, it has been the hardest thing to get through.I went through a re bound relationship and found that hard also, but when you realize its a rebound, and you face the reality, man its tough.Things just dont seem the same after they are gone. I have a profile here, have answered emails, have made the first move, but just cant seem to make the last step, I dont know maybe its just me but it is hard thing to get over and no one can say it is different for each and every one of us. Thanks for listing to me. | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:54:30 AM | Are you serious? You divorced. You chose to part or you let circumstance choose for you. He's alive, your're alive and you weren't suited for each other so even though you might remember the good times, you are not okay being together.
When a husband/wife dies, the hole in the survivor's life is immeasurable. The loss of that person is so great, it can hardly be understood. It hurts, it doesn't go away, it causes you to re-think and remember every moment you spent as you contemplate every moment you will spend WITHOUT THEM AND WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO EVER SEE THEM AGAIN. Especially because you were together.
Rebuilding a relationship with another person requires you to 'move on', but as a widow/widower you have so much unfinished business with the loss that it takes years to learn new life skills and patterns that don't include your mate.
I was divorced then remarried and was widowed. Time is all that heals the wounds death inflicts. | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:53:00 PM | I've been through both and for me, divorce was far worse. At least, I knew WHY my husband died. To this day, I do not know WHY my subsequent husband just upped sticks and took off with a piece of Internet trash.
"Divorce is usally the ending to a bad relationship while death can be the ending to a good life."
This is a good way to put it. | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:00:41 PM |
Things just dont seem the same after they are gone.
Thank you Icyr for opening up and sharing that with us.
I suppose as with anything you can't compare the two. Each set of people, each set of circumstances, each set of lives lived are different. I don't think you can really compare death to divorce any more than you can compare one type of divorce to another.
Which was harder the cheating spouse or the abusive one? The spouse who lost interest because of an addiction or one who just lost interest?
Nobody really can feel the pain that we feel. The best we can hope for is empathy.
 | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:34:29 PM | Stacismom,
I understand exactly what you are saying. My X has taken little to no interest in his children financially or in their lives. I know for sure if he had died they would have gotten more financial support from SS. It has been 15 years and he still drags me into court periodically trying to get the child support that he doesn't even pay reduced. It sends a message to his children that he doesn't think they are worth even the small amount of support he is supposed to pay. My daughter is 16 now and just realizing that she is NEVER really going to have a "daddy". It would have been less painful in their case if he had died also.
Just for the record, he has paid more to lawyers trying to get out of support than if he was paid up in full. Go figure??? | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:03:06 PM | I have been through both AND am a grief counsellor and life coach! As a result of ALL of these issues, I can assure you that both are hard to deal with, both leave you grieving, both take a lot to move on from. Loss is loss and we all deal with it differently. It affects each of us differently. Either could affect the individual in a different way. I am sure that moving on is harder for me, because I have face both kinds of loss.
When divorced; I felt like garbage, not going to ever get married again, don't need to be used like that, worthless, used, etc.... He couldn't bother to work on anything, to try to stick it out to make it all worth while!! So what good was I and did 'love' really exist???
When widowed; I felt terrible and I had a really hard time surviving that. How would I ever get through this, could I ever chance on love again, could I ever handle going through all of this again???
So, here I am 3 years later. Lost, lonely and terrified to start all over again. Don't think I can handle losing anyone again, not to death or divorce!! Twice now I have tried to find that thing called love, twice I have chanced it and twice I have felt some of the worst pain ever. It is hard to be alone, I don't like it, but it is terrifying to take a chance again!! Taking a chance on love is a BIG RISK for anyone, I think it become bigger depending on the grief that some of us have had. How we deal with our grief does play a huge part on how we handle a new relationship, regardless of what we have gone through. Either party could very easily need grief counselling and either party would certainly benefit from life coaching!!
Hope that helps, there is no clear answer!!
Country Girl 1963
 | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:17:59 PM | | Country girl, I have to agree...........loss is loss...........it hits all differently. Some of the posters have dealt with both and don't agree on which is worse.............. | |
|
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:20:30 PM | | Till death do us part. Well,,, I keep hoping, and hoping, and hoping, and hoping, But she just won't DIE! | |
|
| |
| Death or Divorce
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:36:47 PM | Not2BizzyGurl wrote:
The loss of that person is so great, it can hardly be understood. It hurts, it doesn't go away, it causes you to re-think and remember every moment you spent as you contemplate every moment you will spend WITHOUT THEM AND WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO EVER SEE THEM AGAIN. Especially because you were together.
Those were common things that I did during my healing process. But it really is possible to move beyond that, if you allow yourself the time and space to heal. It took me 3 1/2 yrs before I was ready to think about dating but everyone's awakening is different.
I would suggest that if these feelings are still present in your life, maybe you haven't taken enough time or you aren't as healed as you think you are. Until these feelings fade and you're no longer consumed with them, you won't be ready to move on.
There does come a time that you won't think of them for days or weeks at a time and when you do, it always brings a smile. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
