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oshan
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Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 452 | |
| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:42:32 PM | Lindy states: "If I can speak for what I believe welshfuchsia is saying that all of you are taking so literally is: some people are looking for love and want to find it so bad, that a person can tell them lies like "I love you, I feel so alone when you're not with me, I've never felt this way about anyone before, etc, etc,etc." and the person they are telling this to is so innocent or trusting or inexperienced (not like you hardcores out there) that they believe it. Never knowing all was spoken for just a romp in the bed.
And yes, I wish there was a law against it. I know there can't be, so please don't give me all the technical reasons why there can't be a law for it.
Just a wish if it could protect the innocent.
Not literally, just a wish."
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Yes, I agree with you...totally! | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/14/2008 11:08:26 PM | Sheesh...
I just found this thread and I read the OP and some of the posts (not all) and for a minute I could have swore I stumbled into the dark ages!
How insulting for someone to even suggest or imply that I, a responsible adult woman, can be "tricked" into having sex...WTH?!?
No one can trick anyone, whether a man or a woman, into having sex...sorry but I don't buy it!
And yes I have had experiences where I wished I could have blamed it on trickery...believe you me...lol!!
But that's just it...no one tricked me, it's me who tricked myself into believing the bull he was feeding me!
And too bad so sad for me...live and learn!
Or... DON'T learn, and keep doing the same thing over and over again and see where that gets you...either way, the choice
is YOURS and yours alone!!
I find reading this type of shyte very disheartening, considering that I am raising my 13 year old granddaughter to take full responsibility for her own actions and to accept the consequences of her actions.
She's only 13 and she already knows NOT to try to shift the blame on to somebody else for what she alone is responsible for.
I don't want to hear her say that her friends "made" her do it, or that her teacher "gave" her a bad mark.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not being hard on that kid...trust me, I'm just a big softie where that kid is concerned.
And of course she's allowed to fuk up as much as she wants, but I just want her to realize AND accept that it is HER choice to fuk up when she does, that's all.
Her teacher didn't "give" her a bad mark, he simply gave her the mark that she "deserved" for the work she did...her friends didn't "make" her do it , she willingly went along with them...it was HER choice to go.
In my opinion, if I give my granddaughter nothing else in life, at least I gave her that:)
I firmly believe that once you realize that you and you alone are responsible for your life and what happens to it, you've got more than half the battle won, and you are well on your way to becoming a responsible adult.
I apologize for the long rant but this is something that is very dear to me...and it's 2 AM and I can't sleep and it's ALL because
of you people...lol! 
*Just my opinion(s)*
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/14/2008 11:35:28 PM | i am sorry this happened to you , however people will lie to get what they want and if thats sex then you will end up hurt.
heres a thought , try to waiting to jump into bed with a man . weather he "loves" you or not -make him wait . get to know him , maybe then you can see BEFORE you sleep with him if he is a man of his word or not.
sex is fun but it should mean something , words are cheap . your not the first woman to be lied to about sex , your not the last . protect yourself ( in every way possiable) and wait for a bit . no not a week , or the third date - i mean wait !!!
believe in signs , if he lies to you , believe he lied to you be your own best friend and don't let him deceive you . chances are you will see warning signs of a guy who is using you before he does use you .
ask questions ! isn't this why your on line ?????????? to find someone who is right for you ???? ask the hard questions , don't settle , check out his stories , find out things . be honest with him and yourself !!!
this goes for men too .... men are not the only dogs arounds . woman can be just as bad. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 3:27:56 AM | I for one am not going to allow myself to become jaded by the fact that someone is just not into me....I dated someone once and thought "we" were in love by his words (I love you) and his actions...and by the way I felt about him; but it didn't work out in the end. I, too, could call foul play for my heart was broken. The words, "I love you" can mean different things to different people. Someone can love you, yet not expect to be with you forever.
Being intimate with a person is a personal decision. We all know the risks of saying "yes". It's kind of like driving you car...you hope that everyone that is on the road will be a courteous driver and follow the rules; as we also know, there are some that don't but we prepare for the worst by wearing a seat belt, keeping our line of vision clear and being aware of the traffic around us.
Both love and intimacy are risks we take when we fall in love with someone. But if at the time we choose to feel that they are worth taking the risk, then we proceed with willful knowledge that things might not work out. Just like fenders, our hearts can be dented and damaged, but we also seem to have a great ability, over time, to repair it. It doesn't cost anything, just time.
If you're not comfortable with the risk, don't endulge in the activitiy. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 4:51:10 AM | LOL...ROTF...
We have Pre-marital Agreements these days.. draft up a Pre-Sexual Agreement.. for all those airheads who leap into bed with the smooth talkers... that will weed the Dogs.. and Barracudas out fast...
Didn't Meatloaf sing a song about sex... Will you love me forever? Yada yada..
Or Maybe an agreement not to tell the other partner they were really bad in the sack! If broken and retold to someone else.. penalty ... no sex for X amount of time for you!!! LOL!!!
So if you have doubts about someones sincerity.. make them aware of it and be open.. before I do this, you must sign this.. or else no nookie and if you aren't good to me, well baby it's gonna cost you!!!!! ROTF>>> OMG!
Girlflower | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 7:54:18 AM | There's no such thing as sexual intimacy insurance. If you can't handle the chance that after having sex with someone you may never see them again, you don't need to be having sex with him/her.
And if you can be "tricked" into a sexual encounter by a few kissy kissy smoochy smoochy I-luuuuv-you words, you don't need to be having sex either. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:17:53 AM | You know - I see OP's point completely - however I don't think criminal sanctions are the best way to handle it. Let's face it, in a business situation, if someone completely misrepresents themselves and then bails on a contract, they can be sued or even jailed for fraud. However in a personal situation, people can lie all they want to and get away with it. I think that's just wrong. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not sure criminal sanctions are the answer, but I could sure see a good case for civil sanctions.
Let's face it, there are folks running around out there - both men and women, that are just incredible liars, and have absolutely no remorse whatsoever about taking advantage of someone emotionally or financially. All they care about is what they can get out of the deal.
One other thing - my dad is an attorney, and my mom is a geneology nut. Well, one afternoon we were talking about my ex and my dad said, "You know, once upon a time here in Georgia a judge could issue a decree of divorce and also at the same time bar someone from EVER marrying again. As far as your ex goes Mark, I'm almost tempted to see if that can still be done." Then my mom chimed in and said she discovered in her geneology research that exactly that same thing had happenned to one of my ancestors. Personally I love the idea.
Bottom line - people shouldn't be allowed to go around wrecking other people emotionally, financially, or otherwise with absolutely no consequences.
Mark
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:18:08 AM | If you are "trading" sex for anything, there is a huge problem......
The "L" word is used way to often for to many reasons, and stated to often to those that you may care about, but not truly love.
It is like what many do with "pain", and how that word is used. When as a child with a cut finger for the first time, the pain is so new and real, and the blood so red, that you scream in fear, run for help, and feel it throb for a long long time. Someone will clean it out, which can make it hurt all over again, and then place a band aid on it while it heals. The pain exists for some time, and finally is gone but a scar or tenderness can remain.
As we age, and have the experience, a cut finger still hurts, but not the way it did as a child, and we usually fix it ourselves and move on. Some never do get over that pain, and hurt, cry and act, like they did when a child. Many still need to run to others for help, or to find a way to dull the pain and not deal with the cut.
Some will say the "pain" is bad even for a cut finger, and find artificial ways to control or dull the pain. Some just never get over it, just as with "love" and the hurt that it can create, so they find ways and excuses to control the pain. Maybe this is why we have so many multimillion dollar businesses dealing with both pain medication and love????......
What is said can be received differently by the one hearing it, just as pain can be received differently by each of us. If there are tricks there, then I question who is tricking whom and for what reasons?
Maybe sex should be given as a gift for the both of you and not a reward or trade to be used as you would shopping for a house or car......
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:22:54 AM | I've read most of this, but since it went to 19 pages, I skipped some. However, on page 19 I wholeheartedly agree with OldSoul (msg 467), Snakechick 2006 (msg 466), 123Carrie (msg 467) and rassired (msg 470). I'm sure there were many more sane people posting but truly, I don't have the time to read all the responses. Just know that while I agree it's unfair for people to use people, it's also up to you if you allow yourself to be used. To use a latin phrase "Caveat emptor"- let the buyer beware. In the case, the person (the buyer) who is willingly, and I repeat willingly, sleeping with someone. Don't believe everything you hear, see, or read. Take your time and dig a little before giving your heart to anyone!  | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:07:57 AM | Old soul has a great idea! Let's go back to the middle ages. Why stop at laws that punish sex-tricksters, why not aim at prevention instead of punishment? Maybe, since you can't trust yourself to date without getting hurt, the village elder can assign you a husband, and if your husband leaves you, your brothers can kill him in a jousting match.
Why not sign the whole thing over to the state right now!there's a lot of hidden advantages to a system like this. For example, the government could use the most desirable women to broker peace treaties with neighboring governments! | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:13:05 AM | This is quite possibly one of the dumbest post I've read on the forums. So lets break this down shall we........
1. Yes....stringing people of either gender along with false promises is wrong.
2. Being stupid enough to allow yourself to be fooled for MONTHS at a time quite simply means you are neither experienced enough or mature enough to handle the dating world so I would suggest to anyone who has had this happen to them that they forget about dating for a while and instead concentrate on improving themselves i.e self esteem, confidence and resilience. If you have these 3 things along with some street smarts you will never be fooled again.
The ancient Greeks had a saying which I think applies perfectly to this situation.....
Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me.
Live and learn people | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:20:03 AM | I'm wondering if any of you dated someone who tried to hypnotise you? I went out with a guy a few times and then he said he wanted to show me a relaxation technique (to help prevent headaches, stress, etc.). He said he was a motivational speaker and relaxation technique expert. He asked me to lie down on the sofa, and I quickly realized that he was trying to hypnotise me. He told me that my arms were getting lighter and lighter as if helium balloons were attached to them. He told me to raise my arm when he counted backwards from 5 to 1. After minutes of telling me I was in a deeper and deeper sleep, he began saying " I am your MASTER. You are in love with me. When I call you, you WILL come to me"...telling me details of what I was supposed to do to him sexually.
I later discovered that he had medical training and was actually a hypnotist.
I'm just curious to see if anyone else out there had this experience.
He's a very attractive 57 year old man who looks much younger. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:13:39 AM | Well I think we are adults if they want to copulate it's their business as long as it is a Mutual AGREEMENT...... other wise just say NO ... I agree that many are angry and want revenge for letting their feeling get involved for the moment.. and the man/ woman not staying in their life. Then again women are more emotionally involved when they are intimate.. then men . That is one of the reason both men /women , must prepare themselves for that special person and if it doesn't happen or
work out , why dwell on it.. of course it hurts for the time being , but time heals... I know I was friend with some guy for over 4yrs. We had grown fond of each other and wanted to meet . He being an engineer in Washington state , me a nurse in California , he was few years younger then me but that didn't matter . At the time he was 40 yrs . when we met on line I was 43 yrs. We chatted on line , phone , even had thrills on line and on phone ... we finally got together and made passionate love for a whole week , before we came out of the room, we didn't come out of the hotel not even to eat , we order in... O mine it was great... of course we kept seeing each other and were in love ... but in the beginning it was LUST ! We both knew it, we both had been carrying on for so many years, and both of us being single , new to this game we decide to step our of our traditional ways sneak out and break the rules.. I of course made the decision to be with him by choice as he did, we decided to see each other . We each flew in to see each other for the weekends , summers , whenever we felt seeing each other after all we are grown ups. Many times him and his son would fly in to vacations together with me and my youngest daughter and son. I sometimes flew alone stay at his home making love and loving each other just being together it was our world and we loved each moment ... until he was killed in an accident left me devastated but he was my lover and friend and we enjoy each other even thou we live apart.. sure he wanted me to move with him as I wanted him to do the same also, but our families , jobs, our assets (mine) being in California his in Washington. He was a single dad never married but kept his child to raised (child was 18 at the time) alone in fact that is what attractive me to him, him being a single dad , his love for his son . The fact that I also raised my children alone.The tenderness he show towards me , understanding it's like he knew me so well , every inch of myself,way before we ever met . . Yes we loved each other by then..again I am glad I took that chance and was loved by this wonderful human being who had qualities in him that I only see as a woman as a friend and as a lover... We all take chances in here , and in the world every day , some chances can be an everlasting experience you will never forget.. we were like two teenagers in love and we took that chance and broke the rules because we were two lonely hearts , that found each other and loved each other ... will I ever find a love like this again... don't thing so every one is unique .... | |
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oshan
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Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 467 | |
| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 1:19:50 PM | SwampHunter wrote: "You know - I see OP's point completely - however I don't think criminal sanctions are the best way to handle it. Let's face it, in a business situation, if someone completely misrepresents themselves and then bails on a contract, they can be sued or even jailed for fraud. However in a personal situation, people can lie all they want to and get away with it. I think that's just wrong. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not sure criminal sanctions are the answer, but I could sure see a good case for civil sanctions.
Let's face it, there are folks running around out there - both men and women, that are just incredible liars, and have absolutely no remorse whatsoever about taking advantage of someone emotionally or financially. All they care about is what they can get out of the deal.
One other thing - my dad is an attorney, and my mom is a geneology nut. Well, one afternoon we were talking about my ex and my dad said, "You know, once upon a time here in Georgia a judge could issue a decree of divorce and also at the same time bar someone from EVER marrying again. As far as your ex goes Mark, I'm almost tempted to see if that can still be done." Then my mom chimed in and said she discovered in her geneology research that exactly that same thing had happenned to one of my ancestors. Personally I love the idea.
Bottom line - people shouldn't be allowed to go around wrecking other people emotionally, financially, or otherwise with absolutely no consequences.
Mark"
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Thank you for this intelligent, insightful and compassionate post! You reveal yourself to be a person who is capable of thinking outside the confines of the herd!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what a breath of fresh air!! | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:24:47 PM |
SwampHunter wrote: "You know - I see OP's point completely - however I don't think criminal sanctions are the best way to handle it. Let's face it, in a business situation, if someone completely misrepresents themselves and then bails on a contract, they can be sued or even jailed for fraud. However in a personal situation, people can lie all they want to and get away with it. I think that's just wrong. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not sure criminal sanctions are the answer, but I could sure see a good case for civil sanctions.
Ah, I see.... however in the business case you're bailing on a *contract*. So, lets see, the next time I'm on a date, I'll have to bring it up... here, before we have sex, we'll both have to sign (and have a notary present to witness) this contract. If either of us decides to bail on the relationship, or does anything to "emotionally injure" the other party (physical injury is already covered by law), then the injured party will be entitled to sue for "pain and suffering"...
... of course, we'll also have to cover how many sexual episodes this covers (if one dumps the other after sex 3 times, does that count?), what circumstances are not covered by the contract, and of course whether if things lead to marriage it extends into the marriage.
All sounds very romantic doesn't it? | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:33:41 PM |
Thank you for this intelligent, insightful and compassionate post! You reveal yourself to be a person who is capable of thinking outside the confines of the herd!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what a breath of fresh air!!
*sniffs*
Smells bullsh*t
At least pertaining to this particular thread and opening post at the very least.
If you've read every subsequent post from the Oposter you will see a story unfolding where a desparate woman (the Op's friend) led herself into a situation wherein she trys to makes herself feel better by blaming a man for her own actions.
Wake up Oshan... This "friend" gave into this man in the hopes of keeping him around. She used HER sexuality for ulteriour motives and it back fired on her.
Guilt for a "crime" as the oposter has suggested would be impossible to prove. As I said before, a funded educational type program to learn people about red flags in relationships would be far more productive.
No one can be played... unless they want to be played. Then it's called consenting to whatever may transpire. | |
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HiKi
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Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 475 | |
| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/15/2008 3:35:27 PM |
I later discovered that he had medical training and was actually a hypnotist.
He was a pretty dumb hypnotist. That or he developed a God complex, like Mr. Mesmer did when he developed the concept to begin with.
He's been hypnotizing people into stopping smoking, sticking with their diets, etc. Stuff that they wanted to do to begin with. You can't hypnotize people into doing things they had no desire to do. That just isn't how it works. If you fight it, conciously or unconciously, it fails--period. | |
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