| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:06:46 AM | 777, why should dating sites advertise free sex? The point of these sites is to talk to and/or meet people. Long before the internet came along, these same people were out in the bars or wherever else they hung out. Many of these people told women whatever they thought they wanted to hear in order to get them into bed. It worked then; it works now via a different means. What happened to taking responsibility for one's own actions? There's an old saying, "you can't be used unless you let someone use you." That says a lot.
There are users in both sexes. Always have been, always will be. I don't need a lawsuit telling me I made a mistake and then making the guy (who I willingly slept with) pay for his lies. That's ridiculous. Being used is never fun. Period.
Next, take a look around you. How many gorgeous young women do you see with rich, fat, old, and/or unattractive men? These women are using these men; these same men are using these women. Using is often a two way street, and yes, when one heart gets involved, it hurts, but such is life. Hopefully, a lesson will be learned from it. If not, so be it. It's called "a choice." | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:09:43 AM | At the risk of being politically incorrect, I must point out that there is another possible explanation for behavior like that--one that would make conviction very difficult.
It could be that after months of wooing, the person might not have actually gotten what he or she hoped for during the sexual encounter. Sometimes people discover that they're just not compatible. It can be very hard to tell someone that it's not working for you, and even harder for a person to hear. Add to that the belief among women that if a man ejaculates he must have been satisfied. That is simply not true.
A guy who's spent time and money and energy, only to find that things aren't what he'd hoped for in bed, can act pretty sh*tty and might say something hurtful to break it off. He might want to paint himself as the bad guy so that the woman can save face and he won't be pressured to come back when it's clearly over to him. (I've known more than one man who had that strategy.)
If you are of the belief that sexual pleasure is the most precious gift that you can give, it can be devastating to give it to someone who doesn't appreciate it or want more. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he or she used you, even while claiming it was all she or he was doing after the fact. For all you know the person is walking away just as bitter and disappointed as you. The person might be hating you for stringing him or her along as well.
Rejection stinks no matter when it occurs. There are plenty of women out there who appear to take glee in making men feel like crap by shooting them down. Shouldn't there be a law against that too?
I understand that rejection is especially hard after the oxytocin kicks in and a woman feels like she's finally set for life--only to have the rug pulled out from under her. I think situations like this are more like a kid's badly skinned knee. The answer is not to pass laws against running. Some reassurance that the "wronged" person is valued and valuable, loved and lovable, desired and desirable, will go a long way toward restoring a woman's self confidence and helping her to get over the feelings of devastation.
Rallying the troops to promote further hate toward men (yes, you claim that it's only some men who act that way, but in fact you can't tell who "those" men are beforehand so we're all tagged) only makes brutal rejections more likely on both sides. After all, if a guy is guilty of deliberate cruelty like that, why would he bother if wasn't harboring some serious hatred toward women? | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:19:19 AM |
If you are of the belief that sexual pleasure is the most precious gift that you can give
I love this line! I think my cooking is more important. My attention to you is more important. Months of time i spend with you making real memories with you... thats the most precious gift i can give. My vagina is not unique or special it's just there. I as a person am special and unique.
I think some women really need to think about what you said. The further we get away from the original womans lib movement the more sex is not some special important think and some women are just to daft to realize that other things are way more special and that boys can very easily have no strings sex. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:24:03 AM |
I have often found that more than a few men list searching for long term, friends, dating, or hangout in their profiles when really all they are searching for is sex.
I think the vast majority of men approach dating honestly looking for a good woman they can spend their lives with. I think some where in the process she gets knocked off the life partner list on to the lay list... and from there all bets are off.
So what... I dated a woman for three years who did the same thing... ultimately I learned just what kind of a person she truly was...
Why does your freind determine her self worth based on what a man did to her? Sounds like your friend has some deep issues.
Beyond all that crap... I have to ask the OP if she were present on every date? If she knows everything that was said between the two parties involved? If I know one thing, a wounded person will not ever give you the whole truth, they with hold facts that may point to their being at fault so that they can maintain their vicitim status. Serious mental issues here.
And you, the protective friend should be ashamed that you are so blinded by loyalty that you can't look to perhaps the other side of the story... and there is another side to this story! | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:24:37 AM |
Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Not at all.
There just needs to be laws against women being too dumb to see the clues over & over when a guy is just trying to get in a womans pants & nothing more but yet ignore the clues.
sorry. i'm bad at candy coating this sort of stuff. truth comes in one flavor : harsh. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:25:17 AM | I agree with you this time voxelecrtronica...if guys can easily have no strings fun...why dont they keep it as that instead of dressing it up as more to the female involved! and like one of the gents said in my forum...if you changed the word sex into money! it would be frowned upon as deception! its a crazy twisted world how law protects people from being conned out of their money but doesnt protect them from being conned out of their soul! tired of this debate now ive moe than made my points on this subject! thanks to everybody who participated ...the good and the bad lol sarah x | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:26:05 AM | OP I think this is a valid point - as I would not have sex with a woman I don't intend having a full relationship with I would willingly sign a formal contract along these lines - the problem comes when you need to prove the crime.
Would we weigh the courts down not only with divorces etc but all the burden of dealing with every miscalculated sexual encounter? What about when women do it to men? Even more importantly, and validly IMO, when children are produced and there's a sudden 'change in the wind'?
I'm a firm believer, for example, in pre-nup agreements (which aren't legally binding in the UK).
As far as the law goes, though, you cannot accuse people of '2nd degree rape' as people have to have the right of changing their minds. A person who might well have wanted a ltr with you one week may suddenly spot something in your personality/life that puts them right off you the next.
Do you really want to take that to the courts?
And I'm sure it will affect the sexual performance of males in the sack if as they start the foreplay you announce if they don't get it right you'll see them in the dock.
Where will it all end? I do think there are too many areas in life where people can get away with 'social abuse' though. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:28:48 AM | I agree with AceOfSpace. It seems unlikely that a 'player type' would invest 4 months to get one girl in the sack. These types are too busy out 'scoring' multiple women in a week. What if she just didn't do it for him in bed? I know that I have ended relationships with otherwise great women who simply weren't compatible in bed. Sexual compatibility is of utmost importance in a relationship, and is just as important as intellectual or emotional compatibility. Personally, I would not wait around for 4 months to determine if that compatibility was there, so I feel bad for the guy in this case.
The original idea of outlawing being 'used for sex' is one of the most idiotic ideas I have heard in years though. What about every man out there who claims that after marriage sex went out the window? Were they being 'used for commitment'? | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:30:48 AM | I don't think there should be laws, no my mother and various other family taught me these things when I was a young girl.People lie and you have to realize when it comes to the matters of the heart you have to protected your heart. Who is going to give a damn about your heart if you don't?
my favorite...if you want the milk buy the cow.
No more free milk...is my sisters favorite line:)
why don't you give your friend this list of dating terminology i gave to my brother when I introduced him and his friends to this site.
and yes I mean it to be humorous in a thread that has gone from discussion to flame throwing.
-long term= long term sex to include 9 months To 30 years of head board bangin" or potential marriage?
-Hangout= come over watch a movie get laid and maybe meet some of his friends. equivalent to fwb/friends with benefits.
-dating= pick a day, Maybe he is "boy Friday" or "boy Tuesday" which ever, she has him on rotation until she figures out that he is to high maintenance. can be equivalent to friends with benefits.
-intimate encounter=they wants a freak in tha morning, freak in tha evening, freak on the pool table , freak on the fax machine...with absolutely no strings attached at all.
-talk/email= let's talk about sex, but don't call after 8:30 my girlfriend/boyfriend/husband is home. or she is a 70 year old lady sitting in skid row.
-other relationship=a relationship other than what? other than what?
-activity partner= depends on the activity, regardless be prepared to share  OK, OK could mean....i just want a female buddy to go bungee jumping or sky diving with. But he11 if I was a guy why would i chose a female to bungee jump or do "activities" with ...I'd rather go fishing with Fred.
-friends/buddies/pals/buds= this is the one I like you can actually insist on a friendship. or you can have stress-less no strings attached sexual encounter then later decided it ain't working out and still remain friends...or you could end up a permanent booty- call with the undertones of it is not you its me, or you could end up finding out you really like each other a lot and decide to move from best friends to lovers or long term.
I wish there was an "anything goes lets just have sex and find out what we think later" category.
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:31:52 AM | I think I see where you are coming from...
But well obviously if they are lied to and they fall in the lie... yeah sure make it something against the law where you can sue someone. Yet after that, since obviously they are not smart enough to detect lies when they see it, they shouldn't be allowed to EVER vote because how many times have we had political candidates lie to us before voting... many of us realize they are lies so we don't vote for whatever candidate, and if your friends and others cant see the truth from a stupid lie, then they shouldn't make important decisions in this country either :)
Would you be ok with that? :) | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:33:24 AM |
what if a guy strings a woman along for months on the belief he loves her and she falls in love with him also and feels ok and ready to have a sexual encounter with him...but all along shes just a sexual conquest to him and nothing more!
a "player" isnt going to devote months of their time trying to get a woman i nto bed! They usually go for the easier approach! if you have two consenting adults in an adult relationship. then how can anyone feel "tricked"
example for you if a car sales man told you ..you can buy a car from him for 10 grand but really meant 20 grand after agreements have been signed n sealed would you feel conned..
NO!!...because I have bought a "car" before and I k now what I am getting myself into before I sign. I am also smart enough to read the fine print!
anyhows he stayed with her at her house ....after many innocent dates and she thought she knew him and abd the night he stayed at her house she was mislead into sexual encounter with him...just to discover the next day when he left...
let me guess...he was at her house, and he said to her.."I have candy in your bedroom" she jumped up and ran to see..and then he had sex with her?? Is that how he tricked her?
Ridiculous huh?...and so is this thread!!!! | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:33:56 AM | If you are stupid enough or gullible enough to decide to sleep with someone that you THINK you know, then no matter what the reason you decided it is still your choice. If she is an adult she should be taking responsibility for her own actions that SHE made a bad choice, not the man she thinks played her.
If she is such a good friend are you telling me that none of her friends met him and thought something was a little off? Rarely a player can manage to fool everyone all of the time.Ever think that maybe she was reading way too much into the situation and that he changed his mind about HER, not about the fact that she decided to sleep with him?
Maybe this should be a reality check for your friends that you can't always trust what someone says or their own possible misinterpretation of it; there is also 2 sides to every story and it is very possible that she heard what she wanted to believe without seeing the whole picture.
I had a friend who told me one story after another about a guy she was dating and how he was trying to manipulate her into all sorts of scenarios in her life. To prove a point, she actually taped their entire night of coversation and told me what happened before we listened to it.HER version was that he was trying to manipulate her into things, when reality it was clear to even her after she listened to it that she was just as manipulating right back trying to control the situation with game playing and withholding sex as a reward when she was never aware that she was doing it.
Just to point out that there is always 2 different views and rarely do people have exactly the same view point. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:34:26 AM | | Tricking someone into sex would only be by slipping a drug to someone or taking full advantage of a very intoxicaed person. Otherwise promises of any kind is not tricking. It is lieing that is all . Sex without being drugged or under the influence is concentual. If your friends are angry at being lied to...well people lie all the time. It still hurts emotionaly, I agree. Sex doesn't get you love. Protect your heart and body. A law against this is... No, won't happen . This thread is really needs to be closed. Sorry for misspellings. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:38:00 AM | its funny how people use sex as a pawn...
They feel that if they have sex with those who have their attentions.. it will automatically lead into forever and ever...then when things dont work out the way they fantasised...the guy/ gal is a player, a user, a "tricker"
People have to start taking blame for their own actions and stop blaming everyone else for their mistakes and regrets | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:38:27 AM | If someone says, for example, that they're just going to take you for dinner and then they attempt to rape you then they should be arrested and do time if you choose to press charges.
If someone says they will love you till the end of time and as soon as you put out they end their time with you then c'est la vie no matter whether how hurt you feel. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:46:15 AM | I think the vast majority of men approach dating honestly looking for a good woman they can spend their lives with. I think some where in the process she gets knocked off the life partner list on to the lay list... and from there all bets are off.
I think the vast majority of people are living in a fantasy when it comes to dating period.
I think most men don't know what other men are looking for...just like most women. You can not assure any woman here that most men are "honestly" looking for someone to spend their lives with...because prince you have not dated men.
I think maybe you are looking for a good woman you can spend your life with.
I have dated men and most women here have dated men...and I can tell you that most men are not looking for a long term relationship.
But there are a great deal....I would say maybe 50/50 that are here for what they say they are.
You can say he or she lost interest in that potential mate....or you can take a poll and learn most women and men find out much to late that the intentions were false to began with.
The truth is usually discovered during a break-up after the fact. or the truth is discovered when you see your potential mate with the ex you thought she dumped. or you see the potential mate with the new girlfriend that has been dating long before you two split. or you find out from family friends hell even news reports.
the truth if you did not figure out you were being fooled before you gave it up...its your problem not his.
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:48:01 AM | OP: I'm curious how you would write this "law"?
Would it be one of those really ambiguous laws that is 99% grey area? Or would it be VERY black/white.
For example. It's OK to have sex if you Never say "LOVE,MARRAIGE" but if you EVER said one of these words (and there is a permanent record of said conversation as opposed to "he said she said") otherwise, you MUST stay in the relationship FOR EVER!!!!.
What happened to personal responsibility? As a previous person said, If sex is SO precious, don't give it away until AFTER you are married. Then the "victim" could recoup their "loss" in divorce court.
So back to my first question OP, Please state the exact wording of this law so we can determine if it is enforcable.
Otherwise, remember the old addage. "Buy (victim  ) beware"
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:48:52 AM |
if guys can easily have no strings fun...why dont they keep it as that instead of dressing it up as more to the female involved!
you are missing the point so badly i don't know if i could draw you a map at this point. You have no idea what that man wanted with your friend. you have no idea what any man wants with any woman so how on earth can you legislate it.
I know *a lot* of guys who do keep it as that. *A LOT* but i guess when your the type of girl who plays childish games with men such as "will you be my babies daddy" you don't get to see that men are honest. When you are up front and honest with them they will do the same with you. I have never played a game with a guy in my life and i never will maybe thats why i have never gotten "tricked".
I had a guy tell me once that anyone who mentions "the game" or "players" is out there playing it as hard as the people they "hate" and are usually just pissed that they're getting out played. You and your friend have kinda proven that point. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:53:13 AM |
a good friend of mine who fell victim of a sexual predator
KNOCK KNOCK ANYBODY HOME?
A "Sexual Predator" is a child molestor, a rapist not A BF of several months. You insult TRUE VICTIMS of rape and molestation by your bullshit!
I don't even belive the "he led her on" bit now. As has been said men don't wait around that long for Sex.
What don't you get? Would it be the same if "she led him on" wanted sex, had it and left? Oh wait. I bet in your world women can't do that, since we obviously don't enjoy or want sex.
You are touting Monogamy...Practice it. | |
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| Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters!
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:53:43 AM | alright I have lots of things I want to say but ill keep it short and sweet.
friend happens to be a very decent lady voxelectronic! and you shouldnt judge people by such little information like you personally know them!
then who are you to decided he is a sexual predator??? I mean were you there watching them? who knows maybe she is into bdsm and she wanted a slave in bed and he didn't want that??? seems like a very good reason to call it off!!! ok and as far as him destroying her soul? if you are not exaggerating(and i hope you are) then she needs to look at her self in a mirror she has kids!!!! she cant afford to be so weak they are learning what a relationship IS from her.
Now for the big one YOU want to make it a LAW that lying is illegal, first there go's our political system(not that it isnt a good idea) and you have invited the state into out minds!!! now I am in CA and I love it but I dnt want arnold telling me how to act or what to say.
so over all I wont go as far as to attack you because you are just venting about your friend, but really how many guys have you told in bars that you had a boyfriend when you didn't so you don't have to talk to them because thats lying to so you would be breaking your own law! | |
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