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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 8:17:48 PM | I havent read all 9 pages of posts, but had to put my 2 cents worth in here.
putercop, There are many, many, nice women out there that would have no problem loving your children as their own. That person you were with was very selfish. I have had a step daughter at one time. She was the princess when she was with us. Bonding can and does happen. There are many happy ladies out there with room enough to fit one more child into their hearts. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2005 7:01:03 PM | I just thought I would let you know what I think. I have initiated contact with woman who have kids but I don't seem to get any responses really. I don't mind dating single moms. As long as they are responsible mothers and we can connect I think having children in the picture can be a lot of fun. The only think I would require is that if things got serious then at some point I would want to have at least one child as well with her. I am single with no kids but I love kids, hey I used to be one. Anyway so if there are any single mom's out there who want to take a chance on me then visit my profile and we will go from there. There still has to be chemistry between us though, as I am still looking for a good solid and rewarding relationship with someone nice.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2005 8:21:36 PM | | I think that you are picking the wrong guys. If you picked someone like me, that has a good job, is warm, sensitive and loves children you would be fine. I have the same problem, in that no woman really gets to know me. I do agree with you that it is their loss. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/9/2005 11:09:03 AM | Pressure & too much expectations..for both parents (single mom's & dad's) - its hard enough getting to know someone new and stabilizing a relationship then throwing into the pot a child - who is truly innocent in the mix. From experience - its all about balance, and yes, I'm still a single parent - LOL **BUT with no regrets.**
Still believe there is someone for each and every one of us who are single or single-parents - just takes time...and let it happen naturally. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/9/2005 6:48:25 PM | Single parents tend to be unnecessarily defensive and offended when someone does not want a relationship with them. My thoughts are based on dating single mothers in the past.
An individual’s personal history always seems to repeat itself over and over. I've noticed most of them were promiscuous when they got pregnant. They knowingly chose a deviant guy because he was very attractive or she was intoxicated. They rush into relationships without realizing the consequences. Though they claim it's not, they seem intent on spending more time finding a man than spending quality time with their kids. Many of these children have serious behavioral and disciplinary problems. How does a guy walk into an established family? Is he allowed to discipline your child while you are gone? Will the sperm donor call the cops if you do? Are you on the phone arguing with the sperm donor about child support and custody issues? Do you always complain about your ex? If a guy becomes attached to your kids and you chose to end the relationship, how will your kids feel? You are asking a guy to walk into a chaotic environment to experience familial culture shock. Where do you find necessary time to be alone to thoroughly learn about a man you are dating? Because you may have been treated like crap from the sperm donor, your expectations are too high from the ordinary Joe. Your "ideal" man does not exist. The ads I read articulate a specific type of perfect man. Yes there is a compatible man out there for you. Just stop wasting time dwelling on the one’s who aren’t.
I am instantly black listed from liberal women because of my political views. Do I get mad? No. It's not the end of the world.
Notice I didn't suck up for a date in this forum. I don’t want to hear your personal story! It's what I have experienced. Take it as honest feedback from an ordinary guy. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2005 8:52:43 PM | | You're right. I am dealing with this issue right now. As a single male with no children, I have experienced the difficulty of not being used to being around children. Further, I initially had and continue to have - to a lesser extent - a feeling of inadequacy to be either a role model or father figure whenever I am around the child . This stems - according to the mother - from the fact that I expect the child (10 years old) to think and to behave like an older child would. "Unrealistic expectations" is how his mom puts it. She says that's why I don't have children now. She may be right... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:03:48 PM | | You know, you are right about the part in your message "if things got serious then at some point I would want to have at least one child with her." I'm with you on that. You can do the stepdad thing, but you're going to feel better having someone who looks like you and is representative of the love you share with your lady. However, before you get to that point, it's the bonding with the mom and the child that's the sticking point. And, as my late mother told me, it gets difficult to do so when the child is older. She was right, as I have found out; the older child tends to want more attention from the mother who now is sharing and spending more time with her male friend. I had a male buddy tell me that essentially you have to explain to the child that you're not going to take away mom from him or her. It's a delicate balance. I wish you well. My solution is to express my love for both them so that should we have children, the stepson can readily acknoweldge and accept the new addition(s) as brothers and sisters into our family. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:17:43 PM | [Jackleg]
You have given great advice. When I started dating a single woman with a child, we clicked; however, I did not get to meet the boy until about six weeks into the relationship. He's great, but high maintenance because he's an only child. My interactions are friendly, but he's essentially a mama's boy. And, I feel bad that he has not had the male influence other than a mild-mannered, "weak" grandfather. The mom has done the best she can to bring him up right, but it's not the way I would have raised a son. However, since I don't have children, she criticiizes me for being unfair. At times, I feel it's a no win situation. In sum, a man with children is best for a single mom as you astutely stated. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:27:35 PM | [moondreamer1977]
You're right about single guys who don't have children not understanding what it takes to be a single parent. Although I had gone out with a couple of single moms, it was not steady. Then, when I finally did find a single mom who was dedicated to her child, I experienced what you're talking about. Dates required lots of logistics. Further, the attention that the child required became more extensive as the child became more needy, as a reaction to my presence - the child's mom notice this. | |
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Suther
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Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 237 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2005 11:49:20 PM | I didn’t read all the post, hell I’m not even sure if I posted here or not.
With that being said, I have never had a problem dating a single mother (I have done so and recently) but I’ll admit I am cautious in doing so.
My apprehension comes from emotional issues the mother may have about the ex. I need to know they have exhausted all means of reconciliation before I’ll be fully committed. For that very reason I am cautious as to when I’ll meet the children and how much time will be spent with them.
Being involved with a single mother is not very easy. It takes a certain level of maturity and understanding. And if there is a chance of reconciliation regardless of our emotions, we must do the moral thing and step back and wish them the best.
Anyway that’s my reason for being slow to start with single mothers.
I will come into the defense of the guys that don’t want to date a single mother though. There are many valid reasons: they don’t want or like kids, and are not ready for them for them to name a few. For those that don’t want to date a single mother I think they should practice a little more tact in their departure methods. “Baggage” is plain immature and thoughtless.
*On a final note, I have seen many women’s profiles stating no single fathers, I am curious why it’s acceptable for a woman to make that statement but a guy stating no single mothers is unacceptable.* | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2005 12:43:37 PM |
Though they claim it's not, they seem intent on spending more time finding a man than spending quality time with their kids. Many of these children have serious behavioral and disciplinary problems. How does a guy walk into an established family? Is he allowed to discipline your child while you are gone? Will the sperm donor call the cops if you do? Are you on the phone arguing with the sperm donor about child support and custody issues? Do you always complain about your ex? If a guy becomes attached to your kids and you chose to end the relationship, how will your kids feel? You are asking a guy to walk into a chaotic environment to experience familial culture shock. Where do you find necessary time to be alone to thoroughly learn about a man you are dating? Because you may have been treated like crap from the sperm donor, your expectations are too high from the ordinary Joe. Your "ideal" man does not exist. The ads I read articulate a specific type of perfect man. Yes there is a compatible man out there for you. Just stop wasting time dwelling on the one’’s who aren’t.
^^^ These are great questions to discuss, but most of them apply to our U.S. society as a whole, not just to single moms, since our society is one where divorce is extremely common, and we don't have communities or extended families to help out, as the other advanced, first-world countries do.
Single parents tend to be unnecessarily defensive and offended when someone does not want a relationship with them. My thoughts are based on dating single mothers in the past. An individual’s personal history always seems to repeat itself over and over. I've noticed most of them were promiscuous when they got pregnant. They knowingly chose a deviant guy because he was very attractive or she was intoxicated. They rush into relationships without realizing the consequences.
^^^ These are ridiculously unfair comments because they are sexist. First, I doubt most of single moms are women who got pregnant by accident from some stranger. Most were probably in committed relationships with a man who seemed nice and turned out to be some scumbucket. A scumbucket doesn’t always start out a scumbucket. Some scumbuckets are very nice in other areas of their lives, but they’ve chucked their responsibilities when they shot sperm into a woman then grew tired of their kid(s) and their woman, and decided that they didn’t give a flip about them. Second, I doubt most of these women were any more promiscuous than American men are, so there’s no need to be insulting here. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2005 3:42:41 PM | It is frustrating[I have 3 kids] the key is to keep but don't count on anything.Its just like gambling[i live in vegas]... if you play with the expectation of winning then if [WHEN] you don't you will be dissapointed but if you play just to have fun then you will enjoy yourself and if you don't win you won't feel let down but if you do then its a great suprise and it feels great.Just don't settle if you allow him to be a part of her life[after much consideration and only if you really feel it will work] he needs to LOVE her not just accept her and be down right thrilled to be around her and if you never find someone who makes you both happy you still have her and she will be your best friend and your sanctuary the love trust and companionship you get from her is more than any man can give you KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2005 9:42:57 PM | Suther,
You said, "I have seen many women’s profiles stating no single fathers, I am curious why it’s acceptable for a woman to make that statement but a guy stating no single mothers is unacceptable."
Is that really true? I don't know whether to be upset at that or grateful that at least they are being honest. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2005 10:33:54 PM | I "like" and hold in upmost respect and HONOR those single mothers who do not compromise principles and put the safty and welfare of their child/children at top priority.Those who protect their bodies by making sure they are fed and sheltered and make sure no one smokes around nor in the house with child(ren) have my HONOR and respect.Those who protect their minds by keeping negative images from them to the extint of their ability by monitoring their viewing and listening materials and make sure no unmarried person has sex in the house with child(ren)present and set the pricipled example they'd want their children to follow, get praise Those who reinforce love by showing affection verbally and non verbally get praise Those who help broaden the horizons of children by reading to and with them taking them place to expose them to culture in its varity get praise Can ANYONE NOT hold someone who makes sacrifices to do ALL of these things in the highest regard? I think anyone who does ALL of these things deserves NOTHING BUT PRAISE | |
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Suther
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Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 242 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2005 10:55:27 PM | @flawingman71
I commend everyone on their honesty, male or female.
I’m going to generalize here, but I have come to the conclusion through personal experience. Back in the days when CK was free I had a profile where I did stated: “not looking for anything serious” and “no single mothers please” I didn’t elaborate, I figured since I was not looking for anything serious it was enough justification why at that time I did not want to be involved with a single mother.
With all that being said, at least half of my emails were in regards to “no single mothers” Some of the emails were playful banter “you don’t know what you’re missing”, others were questioning my integrity and a few were down right nasty. The latter of the three I never replied to, but the first two kind I would reply with an explanation.
I could be totally wrong I'm not a single father, but I look at it the same way I would if I see a profile that states "no short bald men" or any other criteria that I don't fall under. Move along without a second's thought. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2005 4:05:17 AM | hey girlfriend, that recent happen to me,, and he was so cute and personal just like a guy i could really get to know. it even said he like kids. but after a week, he just was a guy man, i believe. of maybe prehap an honest man... i'm thankful he ran first. things work out the way it should.. trust me girlfriend. better early than late.don't give up.i'm not | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:38:19 PM | | i don't normally get involved in these posts but the headlines caught my attention... i feel your pain, boy do i ever... i just turned 30(!!!!!!) and i too am a single mother with a 6 year old daughter. and yes, it really is frustrating "fishing" out there, in fact many days i do just feel like giving up on my quest. i keep trying and i keep getting hurt (oh the wasted lipstick). they say i am jaded and i will admit i am. but then again, i am always right about people so am i just jaded or maybe just perceptive? i see my beautiful daughter as a perk, not baggage. i have so much going for me and yet men treat me like dirt. really wish i were a lesbian but i just am not attracted to women at all. so now what? are there any good men out there? sure we can all find a man to have sex with us, but step up and embrace our children? i am thinking no. at least i haven't met one so far in 3 years times. i try to stay busy as aside from being a single mother i work full time and just started back at college to finish & get my degree. just wanted to let you know i can really relate... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2005 10:16:59 AM | Something I've seen is that some single moms have no patience with childless guys. I mean, how do they expect we know how to behave around and with the children? We still have none! Remember, you didn't know how to do it at first, you learned with time and experience. Something we don't have.
So, before branding men as insensitive, full of expectations, or that we don't like children, remember that. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2005 12:45:41 PM | I am only concerned with the ones that appreciate/embrace my 12 yo. daughter and I, etc. :-)
I love myself and my daughter soooo much more than that. If they don't want children, so be it. That is their perrogative! ;-)
After all, I do know with absolute honesty I do not want nor can I have more children anyhow, nor do I want someone who has toddlers or babies, etc. as I do not want to go backwards in regards to freedom and such. So, I can relate. :-)
Joy | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2005 1:02:56 PM | | Ok, Why is it I always find the girls that turn around and run when they find out I am in that 6% of ivorced dads that has custody of their children. I really don't understand at all.. if they truly want me I am a package deal now. Its not my children's fault how they got here or who their womb donor so to speak is. It is all fine and dandy if you go out with them for what they want, but when the children even gets mentioned... they turn and run the other way. I guess I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life, but hey I have my kids and they are my number one priority... if they don't like it.. oh well..Then they obviously do not know what kind of awonderful thing in both my self and my children that they could be missing out on. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2005 8:38:44 PM | | Well i have skimmed over a few of these replay and to be honest guys that do run don't deserve any women cause obvioulsy if they run if shes a single mom what are they going to do if they happen to date someone and get her pregnant are they going to run then too..?? but i honestly never tried dating a single mom i have known but im all for it cause whats important is u and her so what if she has a kid.... thats the more fun u get to have cause u can do all the stuff to that kid that u haven't or have done in ur life, i also see that single moms are stronger cause they obviously have more responsability then none sinlge moms, plus i love kids i love being around my cousins cause i get to let the kid in me out... and that one thing u can't to with a girl that does have a child, u have to always have to act like an adult where with the child u can go WILD ....;) | |
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