|
|
|
|
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:13:03 AM | | I completely agree with heaven. I am a single mom of 2 and I have never had a problem with men running because I have kids. I am always up front about my kids before I even go on a first date with them. If they have a problem with the fact that I have kids then they are not worth wasting my time. Hang in there and you will find out that not all men run when they find out that you have a child. Most men are very accepting and have a lot of respect for single moms. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:17:53 AM |
I don't feel the need to champion, per se...
Rhino, from my vantage point and since you've been the most vocal lately, you 'could' be viewed as a Crusader of sorts.
Only problem with that is sometimes, a Crusader is only concerned about their appearance in the eyes of Damsels. When this is the case, I automatically think...spineless doormat...and do not feel bad when such a Crusader falls. Damsels revel in the dilema(s) they create with certain, shall I say...inquiries. They'll get mad, defensive, nasty, make excuses and/or call in like-minded troops for back-up if "correct" answers aren't forthcoming. All hell breaks loose and then, along comes a Crusader, or two, or more...intent on destroying the Dragons who dared give an unpopular opinion. Control. This is what Damsels want in the end. It's their game. I've witnessed it too many times IRL, these forums and all over the net.
make such a point of your anti-single-mom stance, yet you spend all your time here. How messed-up is that?
Not messed-up. That statement is a tactic employed for the sole purpose of trying to run off those with whom you've taken issue. LOL But really, who better to answer than Single Men? A variety of opinions were offered by all in their respective situations. This being such a PC-crazed world anymore, it's a given that someone, somewhere...WILL be offended. No matter the topic. No matter how an opinion is put forth.
I hear and read more Women generalizing, bashing, talking trash about Men...with little to no chastising. Yet, when the Men with backbones stand up and call foul, war is declared and these Dragons must be slayed.
So, let's see, Women are permitted to complain, bash and generalize Men all we want. Yet Men must tippy-toe around Women's feelings? I don't think so.
Maybe I'm strange, because the "correct" answer to me is always the TRUTH...hold the sugar. Simple as that.
Here's a thought: why don't YOU consider backing down? Just wondering.
^^^^^
:::snicker:::
First thought: Is there gonna be a showdown at the POF corral?
Second thought: Crusader, I don't foresee you slaying that particular Dragon... | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:39:22 AM | ...and then the fangirl shows up.
You're mistaking parallel situations and identification for doormatting. It's understandable, given the extreme limitations in communication imposed by purely-text-formats. Are you sure you aren't projecting some preconceptions onto the conversation?
It's also TRULY amusing to hear I tippy-toe around ANYONE's feelings. I'm sure my friends will have a good laugh about that today.
Have a nice day, though. Maybe you can help Smuggler out with his serial mistreatment. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:47:55 AM | I'm in your shoes. I've been a single mum for over 12 years and I've dated a couple of guys who just stop getting in touch with me when I told them I've got a child or saying things like "it's no problem just be a friend, but I don't want to marry a woman with kids, because I want to have my own children". However, I've also dated some guys who do not mind the child fact, the problem is that other factors have to be taken into consideration, such as cultural and moral issues, personality and life goals, etc.
What I've learnt now is every individual's life is different. So, I just need to be more patient and focus on how to fufil my life through self-improvment (getting more close to the Creator; going to university college to gain new skills and qualification, volunteering in charitable works, etc.) and give my best to support my lovely daughter, who is healthy, bright and is always the top girl in her schools. The fact is that I don't even want to date or just hanging around with everyone who invites me if there is no mutural respect or common interests. I'm happy with what I already have and I believe the right person will come to share my life naturally when I'm least expected. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:18:21 AM |
...and then the fangirl shows up.
Eh, that was weak. 
You're mistaking parallel situations and identification for doormatting. Are you sure you aren't projecting some preconceptions onto the conversation?
Wrong. I know the difference. And yes. I'm quite sure. The scenario I painted in my previous post is based on my own personal knowledge/experience with both RL and online people. Are you sure you didn't take it a wee bit...personal?
It's also TRULY amusing to hear I tippy-toe around ANYONE's feelings. I'm sure my friends will have a good laugh about that today. Have a nice day, though. Maybe you can help Smuggler out with his serial mistreatment.
Laughter is a good thing.
Serial mistreatment. Interesting term. You attempt to make standing by one's beliefs and refusing to be bullied by the masses...sound like a crime.
Too funny!!  | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:34:09 AM | | Many have answered your question John. You are the one who ignores and avoids answering questions. But what else can we expect from someone who has double standards and does not honour their word. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 10:27:10 AM |
No one has ever answered this..other than drama and hassle what does a single mom provide in a relationship that a woman without children can not?
I think Johne102 is asking a fair question here.
The answer is for most single men regarding most single mothers - None.
There I said it.
But to answer that question, of course, requires one to line up positive and negative traits on a list side by side. Mate selection doesn't work that way. There are inherent chemistry and compatibility issues you can't apply methodically. Not everyone dates and marries based on the level of difficulty of being with someone.
John, you won't get many single mothers here to admit that single childless women tend on the average (not in all cases, I'm sure there are some single mothers with far more desirable situations than some single childless women) have fewer upfront issues and deal breakers.
Most women see things emotionally. Saying "You aren't good enough because of X" doesn't translate to most women. They just hear the "You aren't good enough.." part.
Your deal breakers are yours. You have a right to them. I guess you can't expect others to see your way of thinking about single mothers and dating the way you do. Even if you think your approach is logical. There is nothing logical about dating and mating and being in love with someone.
As for what Johne102 says, I say if he wants to spend 1000 more posts on this, let him. The exercise of free speech we don't like is proof positive that those rights will be there for us if we ever choose to say something we want that might not be held in esteem by the public majority. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:14:24 AM |
I think Johne102 is asking a fair question here. The first time John asked the question it was fair and people answered it. Then he didn't like the answers so he asked it again saying no one was answering it. And again and again. He has asked that same question at least 4 times and people have answered it. He did not like most of the answers he got. He keeps asking the same question hoping that everyone will validate him. We can't do that. At least I can't do that.
Everyone has their own idea or picture of what they want or are looking for. That is natural and there is nothing wrong with that. It's fine for everyone to state what those are. What's wrong is when people feel they have to justify why they have chosen those qualities and also insult the ones that don't fall into their "ideal" picture. We all have our stories. We all have our own experiences. It's what makes us who we are. But to group a segment of the population together and make assumptions about them is wrong. To insult that same group because you have the right to exercise free speech is also wrong. Just because you have the right to do something does not make it the right thing to do. It also shows many on here what type of character a person has. If a person constantly belittles someone and gets upset when others practice the same options that they have, it shows that they have a double standard. One set for themselves and one set for everyone else. Not really desirable or attractive qualities are they.
It would be nice if he (John) would answer the questions that people have put out to him that he has ignored and avoided answering. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:21:00 AM |
I guess the reason men don't like single mothers is because the amount of resposability we have. Men don't realize that is really hard yet we can handle it, God forbid it was them because they think it is the end of the world.
With all due respect (and possibly a little extra), you can kiss my ass.
Please don't generalize all men as wanting to avoid the "resposability" of children. "God fobid it was" me? Hell, no. If I were the one with the kids full time, I would be relieved. It would be a blessing. Every moment that I'm not with my kids I miss them and feel like I'm failing them. How dare you imply that all men would prefer to avoid the responsibility of children?
If you will be single for the rest of your life, rest assured, it will have nothing to do with your kids. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:55:32 AM |
Serial mistreatment. Interesting term. You attempt to make standing by one's beliefs and refusing to be bullied by the masses...sound like a crime.
Too funny!!
Thank you for pointing out the difficulties with understanding purely text conversations. You completely missed the point that I was making; that Smuggler had SUFFERED the serial mistreatment, not committed it. Kind of like you missed the rest of them. Have a nice day.
Also, it was directed at me... I'm curious how you could have intended it to be more personal. My give-a-sh!t is admittedly a little lower than you might want, but asserting I was taking something you "obviously" intended to be a general observation "too personal" is a silly tactic, don't you think?
Further, any discussion online can be reduced to some sort of "playing to a crowd," if you're willing to take the effort to twist things. Your stances, for instance, would be relatively easy to read as playing to the self-proclaimed alpha-male type to overcome some other undesirable characteristics in your profile/makeup. You are, of course, welcome to wallow in your unwarranted sense of superiority. I'm sure it's comfy there.
 | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:59:02 AM | Johne, your analogy is pathetic. What you've got is more like looking into a box of kittens and seeing a bunch of tails, then treating them like vipers based on previous experiences...
Besides, more men "raise another man's child" within the confines of a marriage than would like to contemplate the possibility. g'luck with that. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:16:39 PM |
Single moms need to stop looking at men as walking wallets!!!
Although some single moms do view men this way, most don't.
Although some single women without children view men this way, most don't.
Really, having a child and being materialistic are two separate traits that do not have a causal relationship.
And for your snake pit analogy, it would depend on the type of snake and whether or not there was any other reason to approach the pit.
(Many snakes are not dangerous at all by the way. Some even make good pets.) | |
|
| |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:50:47 PM | johne102: everytime you type something the message is dripping of disdain.
Seek counselling. Most single moms I know take care of their children by themselves, and make more money than most men they have entered a relationship with.
People should date who they want, and all have their own preferences in what they want in a mate. No need to keep putting down single moms. Remember it was a woman that gave birth to you. | |
|
| |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:53:37 PM |
What's wrong is when people feel they have to justify why they have chosen those qualities and also insult the ones that don't fall into their "ideal" picture. We all have our stories. We all have our own experiences. It's what makes us who we are. But to group a segment of the population together and make assumptions about them is wrong. To insult that same group because you have the right to exercise free speech is also wrong. Just because you have the right to do something does not make it the right thing to do.
I can see where you are coming from and it's probably very frustrating for you, but you can just read the things you like and ignore the rest.
At minimum JohnE102 illustrates that there's a two way street here. Single parents have to find a way to seek out those who are comfortable with dating them but also single parents have to see there are also many complex issues with dating them that might be better addressed with more solutions. If John is guilty of anything, it's for not helping to find better suggestions or solutions so that his issues with single parents can be addressed.
Single moms need to stop looking at men as walking wallets!!!
I don't think is completely fair. I don't think everyone is looking for a meal ticket. But I do think there is a point to be made that single parents have to make certain considerations to finances and earning power when they think about a long term mate. That's just unavoidable.
JohnE102, in the interests of being productive, what are three very detailed things you think single parents can do to help single childless people understand them better and see things from the perspective of someone without children but interested in dating them. How about three reasons that are not related to finance or child support or any of those issues. Yes , those are issues, but let's talk about other compatibility/chemistry issues here for a bit. I think that's a fair question. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:32:07 PM |
JohnE102, in the interests of being productive, what are three very detailed things you think single parents can do to help single childless people understand them better and see things from the perspective of someone without children but interested in dating them. How about three reasons that are not related to finance or child support or any of those issues. Yes , those are issues, but let's talk about other compatibility/chemistry issues here for a bit. I think that's a fair question.
I think thats a fair question too...but Im not holding my breath for a reply from John to this question! | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:19:36 PM | I have on several occasions stated that I see nothing wrong with having preferences. Everyone has them. It's the ranting and insulting that I have a problem with. If someone does not want to date me because I have red hair, I'm short, I'm a single mom...then fine. That's their prerogative. Just don't tell me you won't date me because X did this to you and therefore I will do it too. That's just plain idiotic. I'm not saying you specifically.
Thank you for answering Unstoppables question John, but what about mine? Again you have avoided it. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:46:08 PM | I guess it is pretty hard to look back even if the message was listed and page number given. So I just copied and pasted it from the previous one.
Well you never answered this one and it includes one of your quotes.
See the problem is many of the gold digging daddy searching single mom's do not post on forums stating why they do the things they do. So nice single moms post on threads and guys like me who have had bad experiences post woth our reasoning not to date single moms. I lived for 7 years in the same city as Canoe so it is here part of Canada that I met a few of the single moms that cause me not to date single moms.
Well if those women are not posting, why the heck are you insulting us? | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:30:34 PM | | Still only seeing what you want to. I asked you why you were insulting the women who have never done anything to you. I don't know you yet you feel it is fine to include me into your blanket statements. Using your own method here, this means that women should not be dating you for their own safety. How can I say this since I don't know you? Simple. My past experience is that of a male being a sadistic, controlling, abusive monster. So if I am to use your reasoning, that means that you too are one. Now you can jump up and down and protest all you want to, but you yourself have set the president. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:16:52 PM |
Some will bring their children on date#1 or 2 without telling the person they are dating first...that can be very awkward.
Time...many single moms do not have time to date and really get to know a person..
Teach your children to respect the men you date...
Single moms please do not moan and groan about custody and child support issues to your date...it is a turn off!!!. (How would a single mom like it if their date complained about his ex all night long?)
When things get serious give the man in your life a role with your children (a friend mentor) step parent something. If you live with him give him some sort of authority and input into family decisions.
John,
Well I'm sorry you had your negative situations with single parents. That being said, I think it's fair to concede that all of your experiences aren't necessarily a reflection of all single parents out there. That's fine if you say your range of experiences preclude dating single parents for your personal life, but I think you should concede here that a small sampling isn't proof positive of an epidemic.
At some point, there is also personal accountability. Yes, single parents should consider the basic courtesies well all expect of each other for positive human interaction, but it's also on you to look at a situation (i.e. someone bringing their child to a date) and saying, "Ok I'm not ok with this, I'm leaving" or if you see an unruly child that is out of control and saying, "Ok, this isn't something I want to deal with, sorry but I have to go" or if someone just doesn't make the time you feel you need to get to know them and say, "Ok, it's not just a good fit, good luck to you and goodbye." You are under no obligation to show anyone any basic courtesy if you've felt they didn't show you any, especially RIGHT THERE, AT THE GIVEN TIME AND PLACE.
Ok but what are proactive and productive solutions you can give to single parents here?
I.E. if you don't want to risk taking out a kid along with you on a date, that the single parent should clarify on the phone before hand that they have a baby sitter available? Or maybe you should clarify that too before you arrive at their place. (To be fair, some people out there are going to try to stick you and don't care about proper form on a date and some people just had a situation or time crunch or a babysitter bail on them. )
I.E. if time is an issue, what about having single parents mapping out their weekly schedule and figuring out what time they can spend with you and talking with you about it and seeing if it meshes with you? Or how about you figure out your weekly schedule and show the woman and see if there are better free times you have that she can accommodate.
I.E. if child discipline is an issue, what about discussing with single parents the best kind of environment where you might meet the child for the first time or interact with them in a controlled setting? Or where you actively bring up the kind of ideal situation where you would be comfortable interacting with the child. Again, some single parents are just lousy parents (Yes, I said it, it's true, it's not true of all single parents, but let's not deny what is plainly obvious here) but some just have a hard time managing their kids in one or two limited scenarios, especially with a new person in the mix.
Do you see where I'm getting at here John?
It's ok to say single parents suck. ( It really is ok, no one throw rocks at me here, we all can feel how we want to feel about dating)
But it's more practical to say, "Single parents suck but it's because of Situation X and here is Suggestion Y and Suggestion Z to make it easier for everyone involved"
In keeping with that, John, why don't you come up with some more suggestions to those core problems you have. What can parents do or talk about with you to minimize and remove those concerns. ( You just can't say "You single moms need to keep those demon spawn in check", you have to say, "Look, if we talk about the babysitting options you have and your fall backs before we go out, we can be prepared to deal with some situation as it arises and we can talk it out or realize this isn't going to work period") And also what can you pro actively talk about or suggest or do, in terms or actions, to make sure your personal boundaries aren't being crossed and find a way to establish some common ground?
In keeping with that, maybe single parents here can talk about two very valid points that John makes.
A) Lots of single parents out there love to talk about their children endlessly or rag on their ex endlessly. I'm not sure if all single parents realize they are doing this when it happens, but it happens a heck of a lot. It's a kill joy and it's not fun to hear anyone complain. And I'm not discounting that some of you single parents have probably been screwed over by someone out there, but the new person didn't do it to you, and the new person shouldn't have to prove why they aren't a jerk off like the last person.
Maybe single parents here can be honest. Honest about how hard it can be to not transfer old pain and hurt and fears onto the new person. I doubt anyone blames single parents for feeling conflicted about moving on and the implications of what might dating might mean to your child, but be fair, what can single parents do to give a single childless person a clean slate and a fresh opportunity and a real chance without digging up all of one's past?
B) Many single parents don't sit down and lay out how to integrate a childless person, someone shifting into a long term situation, into a family dynamic. It's just not enough to say you don't need anyone and you don't need a Daddy or a Mommy for your kid. The long term mate you find next is going to have some role in your life and in your child's life. What can you do to discuss these issues upfront? What are the core things you think should be discussed? Where do you think you should have some give and where do you think you should be set in stone? What are the best questions a single childless person can ask you to elicit the kind of information you both need to have a successful relationship?
You guys can keep killing each other in here, or you can actually find strategies to help each other and learn from each other.
Which is it gonna be? | |
|
| |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:24:29 PM | Since we're all whining here, I'll give you my sad sad single dad dating experiences.
There was one dude, who wanted a babysitter and a maid, and was drooling at the prospect of me actually having a job that was something better than Blockbuster, and kept adding our incomes together imagining the wonderful things we could buy with combined incomes....total dating time? 2 months.
There was another guy, who used not me, but my boys as babysitters for his kids, who were pretty much heathen children, and didn't listen to anyone...not me, not him, not my boys. I didn't put up with that one very long either.
There was yet another man, who when my boys were very young, wanted me to put on Barney late at night and leave my kids alone, so we could have sex. As if.
Let's see...there was one who promised us the world, couldn't wait to 'start our lives together and help me raise these boys' (volunteered, I did not prompt that), and wanted to leave his own kids several states away to do this. Uh...not on my watch.
Guess what, brick wall? I do not, will not, and have not lumped all single dads into the same category, and I never will. Because I am smart enough now to see the red flags and hit the bricks. And I know if I keep looking, there will be a single dad out there who is as committed to family and raising decent children....and having a relationship as I am. | |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:43:31 PM |
If you want better dating options why do you not show your potential dates that you are not like he stereotypes?
and how exactly do you suggest us doing that? By stating on our profile that we will not ask a man to buy our children things, will not bring our children on dates, etc?
I am being serious...
| |
|
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:45:57 PM |
If you want better dating options why do you not show your potential dates that you are not like he stereotypes?
I'm not asking for "better dating options". And I show my potential dates who I am in all facets of my personality--as a mother, employee, friend, companion, the whole shebang. If they do not wish to take time enough to get to know me as all these things, that's not my problem--next. That goes for me before I was a mom and after, and I expect my potential dates to show me that they are a person I want to spend time with as well....in all facets of his personality.
I just wonder when you are going to get over this horrible obsession you have with this. Because really it must be toxic. | |
|
|
| Page 101 of 140
|
100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140 |
|
Home
login 
