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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:04:55 PM | The fact of the matter is ALOT of men dont want the responsibility. That could be for a myriad of reasons of course ... perhaps financial fears/concerns or they just dont want to share and want to build a family on their own and let a relationship go at a single-pace.
But if a man wants to widen his dating pool and if he's wise he will know better than to set such narrow limits. And if a man REALLY cares about you, he is not going to run. He might be alittle more hesitant or cautious, but thats all.
I've had the shoe on the other foot; I fell in love -- head over heels- for a man who had a teenage daughter-- and I just adored her AND him together ... I wanted so much to be special for them both but he dumped me for a woman he worked with and I never got a chance to really be a part of their lives the way I had hoped to be, so you see, the shoe fits both ways...
I saw your profile -- youre a gorgeous woman and you just need to be a little patient-- you'll find a man with the strength and compassion enough for the both of you!
Happy fishin' hon! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:24:42 PM | | well i find that single mothers are better to date since i have a lil one my self.. only parents truly understand the pain an joy of having kids.. only parents know that plans chance an its ok.. so just keep looking | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:42:12 PM |
Lots of single parents out there love to talk about their children endlessly or rag on their ex endlessly. I'm not sure if all single parents realize they are doing this when it happens, but it happens a heck of a lot. It's a kill joy and it's not fun to hear anyone complain. And I'm not discounting that some of you single parents have probably been screwed over by someone out there, but the new person didn't do it to you, and the new person shouldn't have to prove why they aren't a jerk off like the last person.
Excellent point unstoppable!!!
Yet another reason why getting along with an ex involving children is important. Better for the kids and better for the single parents dates. I hadn't really thought of it that way before. Even knowing that singles with no kids tend to have short bouts of similar behaviour when "on the rebound" and are consequently "undatable" until they work though their issues.
Thanks for connecting the dots there. Now out of curiousity I am wondering if single parents with amicable relationship with the other parent are enjoying better success in dating. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:49:25 PM | | I have a pretty amicable relationship with my boys' father, and I do ok. Everyone I meet tells me I have a great outlook and perspective, one guy even called me a saint. lol I'm usually dateless, but that's by choice at this point in time. I have found though...that most of the guys that I've known that were divorced, always b!tched about their exes, moreso than I ever did. I just chalked it up to me having girlfriends to b!tch to. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:08:58 PM |
Now out of curiousity I am wondering if single parents with amicable relationship with the other parent are enjoying better success in dating.
I don't know about more success in dating persay as I don't really discuss my ex or our divorce unless they ask, but perhaps they are more willing to forge a relationship with me...My ex could probably care less if I married into a mormon sect. He would never say a word about anyone I date, as he just plain does not care.
To that degree, it does make it easier as I am not worried about him making our child feel uncomfortable about my dating, etc. which in turn would affect me and so I think whomever I date feels more comfortable knowing an ex is not going to come after them with a baseball bat... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:10:24 PM |
Thank you for pointing out the difficulties with understanding purely text conversations.
"What we have here...is a failure to communicate..."
:::smirk:::
You are, of course, welcome to wallow in your unwarranted sense of superiority. I'm sure it's comfy there.
Lord Have Mercy...MY 'unwarranted sense of superiority'??
 | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:27:23 PM |
If you want more dating options take it slow..do not bad mouth men in general, do not rush the man into meeting the kids, get to know the man for a man and let him get to know you as a woman.
Ok, check. Done that, now what do I do? BTW, the man has asked in every situation to meet my child.
I do see that you are trying to make a point here. But seriously, I do all that already, because that is just who I am..Apparently, I and a few other single moms on this thread are a minority. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:26:24 PM | I've got a good relationship with my ex. We're pretty good at ****ing at each other when one of us does something the other doesn't agree with. If asked directly about the relationship and separation I will give a brief synopsis. I don't believe in mudslinging.
I also don't bad mouth men in general, nor do I rush men into meeting the kids. But I have found that some men are very quick to ask to meet the kids. Big red flag.
I have a number of single childless female friends that comment on how much easier it is for me to get dates than them. These are highly educated self sufficient women - supposedly the best dating option according to some of the posts I've read on POF, yet they struggle to get a date. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:38:40 AM |
Apparently, I and a few other single moms on this thread are a minority.
No, quirky, we're not a minority...in fact I'd venture to say we are the majority. But the bad apples, as I've said before, are the ones that the little monkies want to make a big statue out of to throw their pooh at. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:01:24 AM |
Apparently, I and a few other single moms on this thread are a minority.
No, quirky, we're not a minority...in fact I'd venture to say we are the majority. But the bad apples, as I've said before, are the ones that the little monkies want to make a big statue out of to throw their pooh at.
Sorry Simmah I have to disagree, there is a large segment of single parents that had kids way too early and never really matured much since then. Just because I see and recognise those people does not make me a monkey by any means Not to mention I also see that there are others that have little in common with the aforementioned group. So perhaps this or any of the other multitude of single parent dating threads should have been titled "How do I differentiate myself from the undesirable single parents out there?" | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:13:52 AM | So where are you meeting these undesireables?
I am serious here....because if you yourself can't see a red flag in any person, single mom or not, and do what's right for you and leave, then you cannot blame the other people. That's called personal responsibility and accountability...it does go both ways.
I don't blame "men" for what some men have done or how some men have made me feel.
I know a guy who told me one of the reasons he liked me was that I seemed like a responsible parent and he had just gotten out of a short lived fling with someone who was not responsible at all. He met her at a bar, on New Year's Eve. She said she had to leave and go get her child home. She was back a half hour later. He asked her why she was back, she said she had to get her kid home? She said her kid was in the car. What did he do? Run screaming for the hills? No. He went on to give her a chance and date her for several weeks. So who's fault is this that he dated an irresponsible person? His or hers? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:46:21 AM | Hey i know exactly how you feel :(.
I'm 18 almost 19 i have a 15 month old daughter... Every guy that wants to meet always runs as soon as i mention her.. **** them i say...
Good luck.
xoxox Liana | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:27:32 AM | Here goes a long explanation.
You are asking a question to which you can easily guess the answer.
Men want to raise their own children. Just the same way that single women hesitate to date men with only one kid, let alone two, men hesitate when the situation is flipped.
Why you might ask? If you were a young single women, would you date a guy with two kids from a previous relationship? You probably would not even though now you would say yes.
Men don't want to deal with the numerous issues involved in raising someone elses children. There is a cost involved in raising children not to mention a time element.....then there are the legal issues....do you really want to become the legal gaurdian of kid or two kids that are not yours....and by extension by liable for child support!!!....if the relationship fails!
I'm sorry but you oversimply the situation........let's also factor in the divorce rate of 45% in North America.
I have dated women with children in the past (I am open minded) and even now, knowing what I know about divorce settlements, child support etc....I might still consider dating and settling down with a women with one child.....but I can assure you that it would have to be an amazing relationship for that to happen. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:50:19 AM | | VERY well said! Its the truth! Those women that have been through the relationship struggle and choose not to live with it grow in a way that when the next relationship happens, they know what NOT to do in a relationship! I know that I (personally speaking here) was in a relationship where I was doing things 100% differently and it was going WONDERFULLY (in my opinion) until he decided to talk to another woman online and moved her in a month later! Talk about a blow to an ego? Wow! That just makes me more cautious as I do start to put my feelers out there!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 12:28:32 PM | I know one guy who wont date single mothers because he his scared. He is afraid he wont be able to handle his anger around the child. I havent seen him get angry to the point where he hurt someone, so I personally dont belive that he would. But he doesnt think he would be a good Dad, and doesnt want to ruin a childs life. Shame though, I think he would be an awsome dad. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:17:42 PM |
Hey i know exactly how you feel :(.
I'm 18 almost 19 i have a 15 month old daughter... Every guy that wants to meet always runs as soon as i mention her.. **** them i say...
Tough road...
So... My question, since there is all the support for single mothers....
1) What happened to the guy??
2) Knowing what you know, would you have even dated him?
3) Having a kid at 17... statutory??
An example of what I think some guys are admittedly running from... and why... Lapse in judgment or lack there of... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:51:50 PM | Smuggler,
Are you trying to tell me that just because one of your 'life lessons' has not resulted in the birth of a child...that you have never made a mistake? Are you telling me that you did NOT see any red flags with the woman you talk about dating in here, the one with the bratty kids?
Why hasn't anyone addressed my question about the guy meeting the girl in the bar? Who was in the wrong here, her being wrong for being a bad mom (admittedly) but him not seeing the warning signs on the first night they met and dropping her like a hot potato?
If he wants to come through the dating world unscathed, he should have dropped her like a hot potato. Instead, he decided for whatever reason that he liked her, and now--she's one of those 'bad single moms' that wanted him to fix her car all the time, float her a loan, etc etc. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:33:52 PM | Well I have met a few of the undesirable single moms on this site, at work, through friends and any other way you can think of.
How many times must you go to the well before ruling out that segment of the population from your potential dating pool?
Many single moms are great people but I have met too many of the wrong kind to really want to take the chance again (plus we have child support laws in Canada that make me nervous about paying for someone else's responsibility.) Where is the biological father? Why is the single mother a single mother? If you had a child too young..you should have waited..if it was from a one night stand..to bad..if you were married and it did notwork out..okay you have me considering it but then why could the marriage ont work with your ex and in Canada the reate of divorce for 2nd marriages is just too high for my liking..also see our child support laws)
If you are widowed...okay no problems I may risk it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:52:49 PM |
So where are you meeting these undesireables?
I am serious here....because if you yourself can't see a red flag in any person, single mom or not, and do what's right for you and leave, then you cannot blame the other people. That's called personal responsibility and accountability...it does go both ways.
They are all over the place Simmah, bars when I go to shot some pool with the boys, grocery stores, parks, and yes even here online. I'm not "looking" at all, so I don't get as many offers as I used to, but that doesn't prevent me from noticing the different types of people I interact with. And yes there are many waving huge red flags, and I do notice those aswell.
In answer to your scenario, both individuals IMHO are wrong. Her for not being a good parent and getting her stuff together before focusing on me me me. And him for being willfully blind to what she is and in a way enabling her to continue on the same path. If he were an acquaintance of mine I'd ask about his choice once after that if her gets burned my response would be, "Yup she was nasty, but then again you were a fool about it. Use the head on your shoulders instead of the one in your pants next time, or atleast if you must just pump'n'dump." | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:54:11 PM |
Well I have met a few of the undesirable single moms on this site, at work, through friends and any other way you can think of.
How many times must you go to the well before ruling out that segment of the population from your potential dating pool?
Many single moms are great people but I have met too many of the wrong kind to really want to take the chance again (plus we have child support laws in Canada that make me nervous about paying for someone else's responsibility.) Where is the biological father? Why is the single mother a single mother? If you had a child too young..you should have waited..if it was from a one night stand..to bad..if you were married and it did notwork out..okay you have me considering it but then why could the marriage ont work with your ex and in Canada the reate of divorce for 2nd marriages is just too high for my liking..also see our child support laws)
If you are widowed...okay no problems I may risk it.
YAAAAAWWWWNNNN...
If I didnt have anything better to do, I would go through all 102 pages of this thread and count how many times you have posted the same thing over and over... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:37:23 PM |
Are you trying to tell me that just because one of your 'life lessons' has not resulted in the birth of a child...that you have never made a mistake? Are you telling me that you did NOT see any red flags with the woman you talk about dating in here, the one with the bratty kids?
Why hasn't anyone addressed my question about the guy meeting the girl in the bar? Who was in the wrong here, her being wrong for being a bad mom (admittedly) but him not seeing the warning signs on the first night they met and dropping her like a hot potato?
If he wants to come through the dating world unscathed, he should have dropped her like a hot potato. Instead, he decided for whatever reason that he liked her, and now--she's one of those 'bad single moms' that wanted him to fix her car all the time, float her a loan, etc etc.
Whoa there.. Hold up.. Becuase last time I said something about a situation like this being a "Mistake" I was flamed for even mentioning the word mistake and child in the same sentence...
It would seem to me, in all your fervor, that you want it both ways. Given your question about the guy who should have run and dropped that single mom... the premise of the question is faulty. If he runs at first sign, half the population here says he didnt give her a chance.... if he doesnt run, takes that chance you seem to think every single guy will miss out on, and gets burned... well, it was his fault anyway he should have run.
So where are you going to go? Its a lose lose situation....
My point about this situation, is the lack of maturity, responsibility, and foresight on her part, has created one hell of a situation.
Life lessons... Yeah, Ive had a few, but Ive never had a child. Thats one lesson I did everything I could to make sure that it didnt happen... I was lucky to err on the 99% effective side. I'll tell you this though. Had, ANY of the women I have been with ever beat that 99%, I would have GLADLY taken on the responsibility...
But before you think Im going off on this girl... Look at my first QUESTION... Where the hell is the sperm donar?? He needs to step up to the plate...
As for your "question" it doesnt seem like there's any "right " answer... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:48:05 PM | Maybe that's because there is no right or wrong answer. Maybe people are people, and need to be #1 treated as such, and #2 not judged on what similar people do. That's been my whole point through this and other threads.
Personally, I think the situation I spoke of was a big enough red flag that that girl did not in fact deserve 'another chance'. You don't leave kids in a parking lot in Michigan (or anywhere) on New Year's Eve while you are inside drinking. That's downright criminal.
We all give or have given people the benefit of the doubt when it might not be deserved. That is not something to blame the other person for though, not all the time. Sometimes, yes. But not for the rest of your life. That's all I'm sayin'.
P.S. Sorry I got a little riled...I was cranky when I wrote that. lol | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:51:55 PM |
Men don't want to deal with the numerous issues involved in raising someone elses children. There is a cost involved in raising children not to mention a time element.....then there are the legal issues....do you really want to become the legal gaurdian of kid or two kids that are not yours....and by extension by liable for child support!!!....if the relationship fails!
I sure hope you are speaking just of Canada, as none of this applies in the good old USA.
Canadian laws suck, what can I say.
Well I have met a few of the undesirable single moms on this site, at work, through friends and any other way you can think of.
And guess what, I have met many an undesirable man, parent or not in the same situations..Do I get on a board and post OVER and OVER and OVER again what my situation was with these no good, cheating, lying men.
No, because *I* take responsibilty for my part in it and MOVE ON. Something yuo might want to think about doing, Johne. If you don't like single moms, don't date us. No one is putting a gun to your head. And go get a LIFE outside of a single parent forum...GEESH! | |
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