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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:15:47 PM | I don't think its really a big deal whether a man dates a single mom or not. No reason to get upset over it all. If a guy rather date a woman with no kids thats ok...lots of men out there that will. Depends what the guy wants..same with women with no kids..some don't want to date a single dad. I just wish people quit getting their panties or jocks in a bunch over this issue..ITS NOT A BIG DEAL LMAO  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:30:50 PM | Quirky: many men, regardless of age, prefer to date single mothers because they seem less threatening than us childfree [as opposed to childless] women. Perhaps they feel unreasonably threatened by us because we don't seem to be threatened by anything. We're not afraid of going against the grain even when we're wrongly called "child haters." These men probably misinterpret a childfree woman's confidence as rebellious arrogance, so they tend to prefer a woman who seems less threatening -- a single mother. Ironically, these men are usually arrogant and have little confidence. This is only one type of man, though, so take it with a grain of salt.
Wow. That was just weird. What is it that you think single moms are "threatened" by? And why should anyone feel or treat anyone else in a threatening manner in dating? If you think being seen as someone who doesn't love children puts you against the grain....try being in the minority among your friends, your co-workers, your children's extra-curricular activities...and not only are you in the minority, your kids most likely are too. That's going against the grain. You think you have an edge with the decision to not have children? You think it somehow gives you a thick skin? You have no idea. I mean really, it's laughable. I wish people with no children would stop trying to suppose what life is like for us. We have all been where you are, you have not been where we are. Your choice is neither good nor bad, it just is what it is. But don't try to tell anyone you are superior as a dating candidate because you must withstand other people's assumptions of your character...because honey, you have no idea. Same goes for your statement that many men want to date a single mom because they see us as some kind of simp they can control. That's insane. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:44:49 PM | | Interesting, John. I wonder if you have invited your current friend to read your posts like you said you did with the last one? I wonder what she'd think of being 'second choice'? Well I hope it all works out for you...I hope the dad doesn't send him packing home back to mom, cause you'll be out of a girlfriend due to your desperate fear of having to raise another man's child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:54:28 PM | You didn't understand my post at all. I was saying the men who are afraid of dating confident women don't have thick skin, not single mothers. Of course single mothers have thick skin! I don't think I'm superior; if mothers didn't exist, then the entire human race wouldn't exist. I'm very grateful that you're taking the burden of parenthood that I don't have the patience to handle. In that regard, you're superior to me. But you have to realize childfree people have it hard, too, but for an entirely different reason. If you knew how much seething hatred people have for the childfree, you wouldn't be treating me with so much disrespect. Don't "honey" me, you have no idea...
And yes, I do believe some men feel as though they can manipulate single mothers. Some of them believe single mothers are easy targets for sex, just because their child is proof that they gave it up. I'm sure you already knew this, though. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:03:23 PM | Oh yes. Maybe I did misunderstand this
Perhaps they feel unreasonably threatened by us because we don't seem to be threatened by anything. We're not afraid of going against the grain even when we're wrongly called "child haters." These men probably misinterpret a childfree woman's confidence as rebellious arrogance, so they tend to prefer a woman who seems less threatening -- a single mother.
to mean that we are more easily controlled and that we are basically threatened by everything and have no confidence, so therefore we are damsels in distress. My bad. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:05:00 PM | | The "they" in the quote refers to the men, not single mothers. Some men feel threatened by confident women -- that's a fact. Have you ever heard of the Disqualification Theory? Men intentionally use this method to lower a woman's self-esteem, so he feels confident enough to talk to her. And where do I claim to know what it's like to be a single parent? I said single parents SEEM less threatening, not that they ARE less threatening [or easily controlled]. There's a huge difference. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:06:20 PM | LOL I get that. What I don't get is the rest of it.
This is the part of my other post that I wish would come through better...
I wish people with no children would stop trying to suppose what life is like for us. We have all been where you are, you have not been where we are.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:08:27 PM | | Alright Johne, inpost 2603 by you, you state "Can you tell me where I have insulted single moms? I suggest you read the rest of what you said page 105. Then refer to post 2626 by Steve and see what is quoted I believe from page 66. Now I know you want to blow by this and say "laws of canada wah wah wah, and loco parentis wah wah wah." But that's all BS and you know it. All your doing is pilng on garbage when a debate starts. You add nothing to it. Your just attention seeking. If you were a real man, you would read your post and apologize to all the ladies you insulted. You claim to want to express opinions and participate in the debate. WELL then a post relating to yours was made, so post a reply. Finally face the facts johne, you will never have kids, no matter who the girl is your dating, she WILL divorce your a$$ as soon as she sees who you are. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:22:33 PM | | If after 105 pages of various opinions and rants. At least 15 guys have stated they would rather date childless women, what basis on this thread would you say men would not date you? The point here as I can see is women with children asking why single men WON'T date them. What is implied is the "childless" woman has an advantage with this particular(responding) group of men. I don't understand? I also have NEVER heard a single guy say he would avoid a woman without children. I HAVE heard men not wanting to date a stronger or opinionated woman due to wanting no confrontation or arguements. They are entirely different issues you are discussing. Is that right frog? Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:44:09 PM | | In order for anyone to make an apology they have to understand what it is that they are apologizing for and know that they were in error. In John's case that is beyond him. He does not understand or have any realization that his insults are actions not opinions. Opinions are ideas and beliefs that have been gained through experiences and reading. I'm guessing he thinks these are the same things. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:00:49 PM | Where have you witnessed this, I am seriously curious as no one should be judged by the fact that you have kids or not.
No...same as no one should be judged because they do have kids. But, I can see where frogkisser is coming from...I'm 36 and married now (2nd time)...but yeah...the closer I got to 30? Yep, I got the "what, you've never had a child???" thing, and also the "well you'll never understand" thing from some single fathers as soon as they meet you. So yes, it does happen sometimes. Maybe that's because they've had too many bad experiences in their past, or who knows...but yep, I've been eyeballed like a pill that nobody wants to swallow in my past, simply because I don't have any children yet. The only difference between frogkisser and I is, I DO want to have children still. So yes, it DOES happen. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:20:21 PM | | Well, it is a shame that we have to judge each other on our choices, or in some cases, just how our life has gone...Now that I think about it, I feel judged at times because I only have one child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:41:17 PM | But isn't that sometimes a life choice. Or worse yet an inflicted life choice, due to end of marriage? You should never feel bad about that it is YOUR choice. Bob
ps. You should not be judged or should NOT accept judgement for living your life. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:56:41 PM | | Bob, I don't claim to have perfect communication skills... My post had more to do with Quirky's question than the question posed by the OP. She asked about whether a man's age determined whether or not he would date a single mother and I gave an example where age doesn't matter. In my example, I wrote about a guy with little confidence who is so afraid of being rejected by women, that he purposely seeks out women who appear to have little confidence. This type of man stereotypes most single mothers as weak souls who are desperate to date whatever man comes her way, simply because her dating options have been reduced. I myself believe only a minority of single mothers fit this stereotype. I'm not sure how common this type of man is, though, because there are many, many different types out there. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:59:56 PM |
Or worse yet an inflicted life choice, due to end of marriage?
Yep...
My post had more to do with Quirky's question than the question posed by the OP. She asked about whether a man's age determined whether or not he would date a single mother
Someone else asked that particular question, but it is ok..Everything seems to get muddied up in this thread anyway :)
I wondered if men would still have such disdain for a single mom if she was say the sister of someone they were dating, etc...
and that is quite enough of all this for one night!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:13:39 PM | Quirky, I bet if you had two children instead of one, someone out there would judge you for not having four! We simply can't please everyone... so it only makes sense to live for ourselves, not others. Otherwise, our life really isn't our own.
And you're right, this thread is so chaotic I'm having trouble keeping track! The person who asked the question is sweetness-one on page 107 [message 2664]. Gosh, I'm going to need a long break from this never-ending thread... I'm sure it'll still be here waiting for me when I come back in 50 years :) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:08:10 AM | fr0gkiss3r,
I know what you're talking about, and I've been guilty of jumping to conclusions about the "childfree". To be honest, I can't understand not wanting children, and in my opinion those who choose to be childfree are missing out on some of life's best experiences. However, especially having gotten to know some people who choose to remain childfree, I have learned to respect that decision. For instance, I know a guy who had a very traumatic past and feels that if he were a father that he would ruin his child's life. While I disagree with his logic, I can appreciate his motivation.
The bottom line is that whether we are single parents, married people without children, people who choose not to get married and/or have kids, parents of large families, people who choose not to date a certain group, people who date interracially, homosexuals, people of an ethnic minority, people of an ethnic majority, people of a certain religion, atheists, people with disabilities, dog lovers, cat lovers, people who don't have pets, etc., we all experience discrimination, stereotyping, and difficulties in life. It's not fair to say that somebody else has it easy, because the reality is that none of us has it easy.
john,
with the repetition of your posts, I can't help but wonder if you might have some degree of OCD. You can't seem to resist posting the same inflammatory remarks over and over again. If you keep this up, I might have to report you to the Department of Repetition, Redundancy, and Repetition Bureau. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:02:25 AM |
I might have to report you to the Department of Repetition, Redundancy, and Repetition Bureau.
Thats two doors down from the IRS...
The sign on the door says, " The Redundancy Office of Redundancy"
LOL..... Simm... Looks like you are becoming dangerously close to following in Johne's foot steps... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:51:48 AM | Okay to all you "bleeding hearts" I am sorry if I have offended single mothers. I still stand behind what I have said though. My reasons for not wanting to date single mother's are sound and I may well be glad I do not venture into marrying a single mom with custody of a child as the divorce rate for step blended family units is slightly higher in Canada (60%) then for first marriages. So the odds of it working ut are against both parties.
One issue that I do not think any of you single mom's and their supporters have not answered is what would you do if say you were married to someone or were dating them seriously and the child said to your S.O, "You are not my parent I do not have to listen to you?" That statement is made many times by children in step blendid family units. Most women I meet say their children would not say that. I once ated a woman who when I asked her this question told me I would be out of the house. So if the relationship had gotten serious simply trying to live with the woman and her child I risked becoming homeless. Seems easier to aviod the situation.
Would it not be easier to ask the question" How can a single mom find a man willing to date her? instead of Ever wonder why men will not date Single mother's? See one implies you would be looking for a man compatable with you...totally understandable the other implies you want a man who may not be compatable with you to date you. Or at least this is how the OP has phrased the question.
Maybe some (not all but some) single mom's should look at making their situation more attractive to men. A few other posters have raised the same issues I have. | |
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