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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:04:54 PM | This didnt have a thing to do with you.... or any mother...
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers? Posted: 5/26/2008 3  59 PM especially one who has lost his ballsack, or spine I'm here to testify that any single parent has a bigger set of grapes and a stronger spine since becoming a single parent than they ever had before. We don't have to be mean, do we?
But you felt the need to jump on in .... Just like Johne.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:06:47 PM | couldn't resist
Maybe some (not all but some) single mom's should look at making their situation more attractive to men
That would be assuming that finding a 'man' is the end all and be all of our existence.
rather be alone.. oh wait, I'm seeing a wonderful single man without children of his own!!! and I didn't have to be anything other than what I am.
But my dumbass ex-hubby, who married me and BY LAW owes me child support (he accepted the role of father in her life, was the first to request she call him 'daddy") isn't worth the time it would take to pursue, and I wouldn't take his money even if he had any anyway, had the opposite attitude, that I was going to 'use' him...LOL, I made more money than he did from the day we met..loser.. gosh darn.. I guess I'm just not the stereotypical single CANADIAN mom now.
Oh wait..stereotypes.. that isn't reality now, is it.
I can't understand why some people really believe they are important enough for others to CARE what choices they make. Make your choices, and let others make their own. When you are a single parent then come back and tell us how it feels to be lumped in with every parasite out there. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:13:13 PM | Smuggler,
Oh, so I can only respond to people who address me directly? If that was the case...where did you come in? Not to mention it's technically against the rules. It's a free forum pal. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:40:27 PM | Some people say they want suggestions to move this forward.
So for single mom's who want to attract men:
You should have you life in order, you know a job a place to live have a way to support yourself.
Do not ask or expect from a man that which you do not expect from yourself. (I have met a few who think a man should provide for them and their children because the woman was in debt and wanted a man to pay off her debts.) If you can't look after your children please do not look for a man who is not the child's father to doit.
Get a babby sitter for your kids when you go out on dates.
Remember he is dating you..not you and/or your children. I have met one who thinks dating is a family affair. Really dating should be about getting to know the other adult.
Remember the man has needs too..ot is not all about you and what a man can provide for you and your kids.
Accept feedback from your man and others as you may learn something.
I know many of you will say that you already do that but some do not do all of the things listed above. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:47:17 PM | CG... You're correct... I agree about the insults, and I dont begrudge anyone jumping on an insult... veiled or not...
But none the less. It seems some women are given a pass at hurling those insults, then retreat into the folds of, "Im a single mother and he's bashing me" so that all the shining knights can come out and start swinging.
LOL.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:49:04 PM |
Insults are NOT opinions and in my case, that's what I've been jumping on I will admit I do that too. And we really shouldn't, because it takes what could be a valid debate and lessens it considerably. The grey area comes in because we are talking about dating and children, and what kind of people women with children are to date. I am a woman, I have children, and I'm looking to date. So it is tough to ignore the insults and generalizations, but at the end of the day, none of you know me and I don't know you. Our friends would not speak of us this way, and if one of our friends brought this subject up (granted they'd probably approach it in a kinder manner), we wouldn't blast them for speaking their mind. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why This Has Reached 110 Pages?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:46:50 PM | LOL Sometimes the cops get involved in the riots too. 
(That's assuming you're talking to me....not sure if I said I felt like the thread police in here or in another thread). lol
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| Ever Wonder Why This Has Reached 110 Pages?
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:21:51 PM | | Well Hi folks, how are things tonight in happy single mom land? Johne, by the way, my heart is not bleeding, though it is good to see some idea of an apology from you, as pecuniary as it was. Now before jumping into tonights festivities, about that socket thing, Johne, next time you do it give me a little warning so I can pour some water under your feet. Back on point, you have all made your points and many are valid. One thing is for all you Canadians out there, you should start your own thread about the law thing. Yes Johne can have a field day, but maybe you could resolve something, start a petition, write the equal of your congressman to change the law? Next why doesn't anybody recognize, THE TRUE FACT, we are all different. We interpret experiences from our own points of view. That is not an opinion, it is fact. The single man who won't date a single mom, for all the reason's, other man's kids, increased responsibility if the relationship goes somewhere, cost, time availability. This does not decrease in stature the hard working single mom who beyond her motherly duties, just wants to go out as an adult woman and be treated as such. Throwing bricks at either side will change nothing, nor likely based on the 110 pages will anything else, especially anyone's opinion. Cannot you accept and celebrate the differences without degenerating into insults? THERE IS NOT ONE OF YOU WHO HAS TRIED TO DATE SOMEONE AND HAS BEEN REFUSED AT LEAST ONCE FOR WHATEVER REASON. People are people, tastes are unique unto them, so you will never understand until you walk a mile in their shoes. Single moms, single guys, single women w/o kids, gays, interracial, sexual deviates, perverts, Johne, oh sorry about that. You get the idea. Think about it. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:27:41 PM | The grey area comes in because we are talking about dating and children, and what kind of people women with children are to date. I am a woman, I have children, and I'm looking to date. So it is tough to ignore the insults and generalizations, but at the end of the day, none of you know me and I don't know you.
On the nose. And what kind of guy do single mom's want?
I'm going to assume one criteria is some level of financial stability, that is a common one for parents and non-parents alike. So how is it hard to see that a guy wanting to look out for himself early in a relationship before you get to serious commitment might want to avoid situations that could be ruinous if it doesn't work out? Or that IF you don't wish to have more children guys that want their own are likely to take a pass, no matter how wonderful a person you may be. These points have been brought up and often as not if it happens to someone the blames gets back to them, and unless it is a pattern that person has developed I simply cannot agree with that logic.
During the racial riots of Miami/Dade or L.A. I certainly would have been far more cautious in a neighbourhood that was predominantly African American that I would today. Not because I have any foolish notion that "they are all out to get me", but because I am also not foolish enough to recognise SOME will be, and will use what tools they have available. And that is why I've asked single parents in areas with the foolish double and triple dipping laws to start to lend their voice to ending that. Like it or not as nice and fair as you may be you will find that your number of opportunities is less than it would be in a more equitable environment. And we know that if just a few guys try bringing this subject up they WILL be shouted down as "deadbeats", most often by a bunch of militant hags with no intention of having kids......unless they stand alongside the people those hags would pretend to represent. It won't hurt any of the decent parents to do so since they wouldn't abuse the system, but it would encourage more to look at single parents as an option with no more or less pluses or minuses than anyone else.
To be taken on your own merits as a person, rather than a member of a group that has a power to hurt that others don't should things sour. And that is what most or atleast the realistic ones seem to be wanting, a fair chance nothing more.
Believe it or not I am with you on this. Till now I've left my personal experience out of it. Of the current girlfriends 2 have no children one has two. Oddly enough the kids tend to behave better for me than most anyone else since I am "the unknown" and so far the mom has always backed me up,(strict but fair, never decide punishments while still ticked at the behaviour are a couple examples of things we've agreed on). They just seem to prefer the fun side and aren't yet brave enough to test the limits of the authoritarian side. This took 5 years to get to, we did have a break in that time for a bit but issues were settled.
Now my ex on the otherhand, once she moved in, barely left the house. When she moved in she had a job comparable to mine, so we both could contribute toward a down-payment for a nice home. I suggested a job or atleast some volunteer work to get out and interact with people. Instead she chose to flush those little pills and crank one out (this is more a suspicion for the first one confirmed for the second) so she could stay home and do as little as possible. To this day she stays at home while the kids are in school and dates hoping someone will "look after her". And we split in 2002. So 6 years to start getting her sh1t together and still not a thing to show for all of that time.
Now seriously why would I recommend dating my ex to anyone? Unless I held a grudge of course. Ticks me off personally since if she felt more accountability she just might show some initiative and thinking of what my kids see on a day to day basis, that would be a good thing. I consider it a parents job to do more than just provide physical needs, as far as I am concern just because the mom and I didn't work out we still owe it to our kids to give them daily examples of how a relationship should work. I just can't see a healthy one on the horizon for her the way things are. I can wish otherwise all I want but unless some things change I wouldn't hold my breath.
As noted above, it isn't about you, or me or that person over there since weGood luck and happy don't know eachother at all. So when someone asks "why DON'T _____ like _____?" and you don't like the answer or think it doesn't apply to you personally don't get mad at the messenger. Instead ask "What are the positives about _____?" and build on the good while changing whatever negatives you can. Sort of the same thing people without kids are wise to do if they wish to improve their dating pool.
EDIT : Bob that goofy law affects a number of states as well.
Good luck and happy :fishing:
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:41:29 PM | @ravenstar this is another recurring theme here."my dumbass ex-hubby"
" BY LAW owes me child support " "I made more money than he did from the day we met..loser.. " Seriously at what point did this guy turn into these things you describe him as? Was it when you met him or was a gradual metamorphisis?
I am waiting for that episode on the Nature of things" with david suzuki
And if you really think about it how do you think you look in the eyes of some new potential guy when he 's checking you out and following your posts here in the forums. Not too good if my guess is right.
Like I said before and how others have mentioned your kids and pretty much the whole world can read this stuff. Not the stuff I would like to hear from a potential new mate.
I am not picking you out but you just provided the most easily accesable example. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:02:47 PM | | There in again though, that is your opinion and point of view based on your experience. Others such as myself have a totally different perspective. I was raised by a single mom, I date single moms, not to the exclusion of others, more because my experience with them has been positive. 99% of those I've known, hold good jobs, put their kid first, don't introduce men they're dating until a reasonable time passes and they believe the relationship is going somewhere. I find they are more caring, aware of your feelings and needs. I have seen older women (not all) who now are set in their ways and are somewhat selfish in their approach to men. This doesn't invalidate your experience or opinion or prove mine to be more correct. It is that difference, that I'm talking about. When a woman with children seeks answers to the thread question, she should recieve them as your post put it. No threats, insinuations, insults, taunts or just rude remarks. Can you blame them then when they react with venom? Not many men would not invite the guy on the next barstool out to fight, if they had put up with as many insults were hurled on this thread. Think about it, Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:03:12 PM | | There in again though, that is your opinion and point of view based on your experience. Others such as myself have a totally different perspective. I was raised by a single mom, I date single moms, not to the exclusion of others, more because my experience with them has been positive. 99% of those I've known, hold good jobs, put their kid first, don't introduce men they're dating until a reasonable time passes and they believe the relationship is going somewhere. I find they are more caring, aware of your feelings and needs. I have seen older women (not all) who now are set in their ways and are somewhat selfish in their approach to men. This doesn't invalidate your experience or opinion or prove mine to be more correct. It is that difference, that I'm talking about. When a woman with children seeks answers to the thread question, she should recieve them as your post put it. No threats, insinuations, insults, taunts or just rude remarks. Can you blame them then when they react with venom? Not many men would not invite the guy on the next barstool out to fight, if they had put up with as many insults were hurled on this thread. Think about it, Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:44:08 PM | | CG: My commentary was a mixed breed -- half opinion, half insult. I'm not saying the insult was acceptable, but my opinion at least deserved a voice. To be fair, though, most of my posts here weren't insulting. Just because I made ONE insult doesn't mean my opinions don't count. Gosh, in this country we're practically condemned for admitting we made a mistake! Is there some secret rule that says you have to be perfect? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:46:29 PM | @bob I am glad that your particular situation went well and I too have good examples in my own family but if it wasn't for an extremely large family network I doubt they would have been as successful.
But if they were having great success in the dating field then there would be no need to actually ask it now would there bob? think about it?bob.
I mean we could just be real honest as most women would like us to be according to multitudes of the profiles I've read and say no , it's because you're fat.
No, it's because you're ugly. No, it's because you have a shitty attitude and I don't like the way you talk about your exes.
I do not feel that this is the place for these women to ask such questions because there are other sites geared to single parents.
I stated that we have had some successes but let me give you a little insight into one of them. My sister was a real rebel in high school and became a teen mom.
If not for my father helping out with money and groceries she would have been forced to use the system a bit more. But it wasn't until she had her son that it occured to her ," hey maybe I better get my shit together and took full advantage of the opportunities only offered to single moms. these same opportunities are not offered to childless girls, just the ones with kids. Why is that? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:08:40 PM | | Kidding, there is truth in what you say. Is it any different from other threads? Nice guys, golddiggers, overweight people, he11 skinny people, all of us who run across a dry spell and want to know what it takes. We bash the nice guys as doormats but they say their piece. Don't have to worry about the cheaters, golddiggers and such they don't even read the threads, they know what they will hear. This group though, is slightly different, with the exception of having children, they can have a good job, beautiful face, great personality and very affectionate. Then some guy or woman comes along and says "my brother got hooked up with a loser single mom and blah blah blah. This doesn't in any way discribe the woman above, and if she posted the thread, due to her cold streak she now finds herself subjected to ridicule, innuendo and malice for someone elses actions. Not quite the same thing. It's like the nice guy, good guy thing, good guy does nice things and doesn't allow himself to get used, nice guy ulterior motive or doormat. Difference is nice guys will fight, yell the good guy knows it's not about him and laughs about the comments. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:19:09 PM | | I didn't see your second half in first response. The reason for the programs are the social government issues of today. 30 years ago they put you on welfare and food stamps and basically left you for dead. Dead end, dead life, dead world, now rather than have a handout they train them so they get off public doles and can have pride in themselves. It's better for the child and mother. The childless ones can go to college, take any job no matter what the hours, basically do what they want. After all it's the child who is the real beneficiaries here. The way some people think though we could go back to the orphanage system, make the women give up the child, that I'm sure would produce some quality individuals in the next generation, don't you think. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:20:29 PM | Exactly bob, the trouble makers and those that are truly examples of the stereo types you mention wouldn't dare speak their mind here and from I can see those (single mom posters )that are here are intelligent and attractive. But like smuggler says why do we get attacked for merely stating that we would prefer not to date a single mom?
I certainly do not feel like a loser for having a preference. I like red heads but I do not rule out blonds or brunettes because of it. I don't know maybe I will meet someone who just knocks my socks off, she might even be a single mom. But to be honest I am not truly seeking a relationship with any woman childless or not.
The woman who has turned me off of relationships was a single childless woman when I met her and look what that got me. divorced and forced to pay support for a child who I will have little to no influence upon.
So basically I am wary of all women. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:43:02 PM | | But there you got it!!! Your seeking an answer, you got burned, and it is truly sad that someone would cut off contact with a good man who could be a positive influence on the child. Also this has created in you the same angst that these women have. I'd bet you were angry as he11 when it first happened, now you are wary. But as you say, you healed and despite trepidations you ARE here trying again. That is the human spirit, the need to bond with another. To have that feeling of love and closeness that exists between man and woman. It is no different for them in that. The difference though is that despite an incredable amount of obstacles they must overcome they want to enjoy the benefits of the man/woman relationship. It is human nature after all. This also is a recent thing, the last 35 years, the divorce rate has spiked. Also internet dating is a little like the wild west, with the rules being rewritten almost daily. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:06:03 PM | Well, I tried to go a whole 24 hours staying away from this thread...
It's one thing to say, I do not choose to date a single mom.
As I have said before, I and am sure other single moms posting in this thread do not have an issue with you choosing not to date us, based on our status.
But, when judgements and insults are being hurled around faster than speeeding car, it gets old.
I am just here doing the best I can....I did not chose to be a single mom but do not walk around grouching about it or blaming everyone else but myself....I swallowed what life handed me and moved on. Some men that have been burned by someone with the same label as me can't seem to do the same.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:33:41 PM | Wow I just took a stroll down memory lane and tried to see how this thread went astray. Its a jumbled mess with so many posts deleted.
Hey anyone remember rivergirl/disney mom / whatever?
Memories, like the corners of my mind misty water coloured memories of the way we were......... scattered pictures etc............ | |
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