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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:53:18 PM | | I'm a single mum of 4 boys, so if your having trouble with one daughter.....my chances aren't too good huh??..lol...but the way i see it, my boys are my world, i'm honest straight up & if guys aren't keen fine. I don't want another father for my boys, they already have one, i just expect my next guy to be their mate & a good example. I'm willing to wait however long for the right one to come along, don't care how long it takes. Until then, i'm enjoy being single & independant & most of all, enjoying my kids!! If guys aren't interested in you cause u are a mum, who cares? they aren't who u want anyway, so don't allow it to bother u!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:02:35 PM |
Very true a marriage needs to be worked on by both partners. The problem (and you will see threads on here with some single moms defending this) is that some single moms think as long as the child is happy everything is okay..when in fact the marriage between the 2 adults could be awful. If the marriage is great but mom allows the child to spoil it by taking the child's side on every issue the marriage will fall apart.
lol Really....I can't say I see single moms defending this. I don't know if you are getting the forums mixed up with the little play in your head or not, but I'm pretty sure most people don't say this.
Do you ever, ever, for even a tiny second....ask yourself if what you're about to post is actually worth posting? Think better of it and edit? Or just resist the urge altogether? Ever once? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:09:34 PM | | Sorry Johne, I call BS, on this one. Everytime I think there is hope for you, you act like a dirtbag. READ WHAT YOU JUST SAID. First I want to know SPECIFICALLY what thread this is on. Where a single mom said or defended that as long as the child is happy it's ok if the marriage is awful. Stop with the innuendo's. You can't even write correctly, IF SHE IS A SINGLE MOM, HOW DOES SHE ALLOW HER CHILD TO SPOIL HER MARRIAGE??????????????????????????????????? Where do you get this garbage, are you smoking crack while you type? Johne your attitude and demeanor are so appalling as to defy discription. You truly do disgust me. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:26:12 PM | Very true a marriage needs to be worked on by both partners. The problem (and you will see threads on here with some single moms defending this) is that some single moms think as long as the child is happy everything is okay..when in fact the marriage between the 2 adults could be awful. If the marriage is great but mom allows the child to spoil it by taking the child's side on every issue the marriage will fall apart.
Johne you are a true attention whore, always seeking negative attention.
Children are the source of relationship problems yet again. Those damn kids always getting in the way! Fortunately very few people respect you in these forums so I doubt you could actually cause any harm with your anti-child crap.
Your patriarchal attitude is maybe the reason you attract women who are looking for someone to take care of them. You need a little cognitive behavior therapy to help you over come your obviously out of control OCD and insecurities that have you using women and children to elevate yourself. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:04:25 PM |
Very true a marriage needs to be worked on by both partners. The problem (and you will see threads on here with some single moms defending this) is that some single moms think as long as the child is happy everything is okay..when in fact the marriage between the 2 adults could be awful. If the marriage is great but mom allows the child to spoil it by taking the child's side on every issue the marriage will fall apart. Are you sure you are reading correctly? You don't seem to be able to understand too clearly what most people write. It wouldn't be the first time you've read something incorrectly or choose to misinterpet it.
If a marriage is great then both parents would be on the same tract as to raising a child. A mother or father would not "take the child's side" if it was not justified. BOTH parents would or should be discussing how to approach and deal with the issue.
I have to ask this John, why is it that in almost all your posts, you imply that it's a woman's place to do all the work or take all the blame? Especially if she's a single parent. Take this phrase you've written for example "If the marriage is great but mom allows the child to spoil it by taking the child's side on every issue the marriage will fall apart. " .... Mom allows the child to spoil it... this really says it all doesn't it! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:21:29 PM | | Johne, has CG hit upon something here. I'm going to take it in a different direction. Did your mother do something you are interupting as for you, and your dad left?? Has this something to do with your family growing up and your mad at your mother? This deep seated anger against single mothers has to come from some place, is it your mother? Don't forget Johne, the next time you post "quote the thread you got this from" or I'll go to the moderators about posting lies, deception and slander. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:06:10 PM | | Now here's a news flash for you all. Johne has a testimonial from a single mom in Canada. God what is wrong north of the border??? Of course she does not post on forums, my guess is she doesn't read them either. The country is out of control. OOOOHHHH Cannnaaddaa, it must be the cold temp's do something wacky to the brain. AWWWWWW!!!(walks away shaking his head) Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:31:01 AM |
It's all in the selection process. A child free partner can still spend too much time at work, on their hobby, or you can fill in the blank with your own example. It's easy to blame it on a child but quite honestly, the same can be said for any person, regardless of having children or not. If you don't select a partner carefully, something else they see as important can get in the way.
Good example... but what about the selection process before the kids come into the picture? Where was the analysis then?
Women chase those guys that are traditionally known as the "bad boys" for any number of reasons... and there is no way to argue against the reality of it. Look at the world around you.
I'm not sure that came out quite as clearly as I intended. It's been a long day with kids and I am absolutely wrecked, but I'm sure my main point was made... A person can fall on the backburner to their partner at any given time if something else is seen as more important/fun/interesting/?
By your own admittance... In the Very statement you make... you are wrecked dealing with kids, and a person can fall on the back burner to their partner at any given time if something else is seen as more important..... Is there really any question as to why its difficult at best to find a single guy that will settle for the back burner?? As most single moms state..... "I have little johnny, he is my world" Well... you made that bed.... Still trying to figure it out huh???? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:53:01 AM | ^^ I used to think you were a little more objective in your line of thinking. Lately it looks like you're kind of a hater. You diss me for 'making everything personal', yet there are a few of us on both sides posting personal experiences...yourself included.
You have turned it around to the bad boy thing several times, blaming women for their choices. This statement--
y your own admittance... In the Very statement you make... you are wrecked dealing with kids, and a person can fall on the back burner to their partner at any given time if something else is seen as more important..... Is there really any question as to why its difficult at best to find a single guy that will settle for the back burner?? As most single moms state..... "I have little johnny, he is my world" Well... you made that bed.... Still trying to figure it out huh????
Is very judgemental. You don't know how old her kids are, you don't know her situation, you don't know anything but that she said she was tired. If she had a partner she might not be as tired. You and John seem to expect single moms to be superwomen. Well guess what...we're not superwomen any more than you are superman. Why do you think you can place such high standards on us, yet when we are looking for a standard we are getting out of line?
Let me tell you guys something. If you hate women in general, you're not going to find love or find someone willing to give you love whether they have children or not. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:07:29 AM |
Is very judgemental. You don't know how old her kids are, you don't know her situation, you don't know anything but that she said she was tired. If she had a partner she might not be as tired. You and John seem to expect single moms to be superwomen. Well guess what...we're not superwomen any more than you are superman. Why do you think you can place such high standards on us, yet when we are looking for a standard we are getting out of line?
Let me tell you guys something. If you hate women in general, you're not going to find love or find someone willing to give you love whether they have children or not
Simm... You are very judgemental.
She stated it. Not a judgement call at all. It is exactly what she stated. But.. for Gods sake, please... Jump in once again.
Im not expecting anything from anyone. But it does amaze me how a woman like that will state EXACTLY what Johne has said in previous posts.. but its acceptable. READ THE POST. Her words.. not mine.
You want to blanket cover yourself with that broad generalization, one that she makes about her own status as a single mother... well then. Are you seeking martyr status?
As far as placing "high standards" personally, I dont think half the single mothers here, or in real life, have high enough standards. Most, not all, have made kids with some loser who has no definition of being a man other than to chase skirt and make kids. Given an opportunity, most of the single mothers I know would NOT have gone out with, or even dated their current sperm donar. He is the one they love to hate, for any number of reasons.
I pull into question the sanity of their decision making process BEFORE they have kids, about the guy they choose to have kids with! Because MOST women dont seem to be interested in dating the same type of guys at 30+ years of age, that they did when they were in their 20's.... ever consider why??
LOL........ | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:28:37 AM |
Good example... but what about the selection process before the kids come into the picture? Where was the analysis then?
Women chase those guys that are traditionally known as the "bad boys" for any number of reasons... and there is no way to argue against the reality of it. Look at the world around you.
I have never once said that my selection process before children was the best. I'm not going into the reasons for the split, but things that came out AFTER having my children and his behavior, made leaving a very wise choice for ALL of us. And no, 'bad boy' doesn't apply here unless going to bible college, attending church every week, rarely touching alcohol, etc are all warning signs for 'bad boy'
By your own admittance... In the Very statement you make... you are wrecked dealing with kids, and a person can fall on the back burner to their partner at any given time if something else is seen as more important..... Is there really any question as to why its difficult at best to find a single guy that will settle for the back burner?? As most single moms state..... "I have little johnny, he is my world" Well... you made that bed.... Still trying to figure it out huh????
Ummm, I think it was in and around the midnight/1 am area when I posted that. Most people that DON'T sleep all day and actually get up in the morning are tired around that time. Mind you, I should definitely put a guy as a priority ahead of sleep after being up for almost 18 hrs... ya, everyone does that, right?
2nd of all, I have never asked the question 'why?' I don't really care because in all honesty, it doesn't apply to me. I have no issues finding 'dates' and meeting/getting to know new people. My problem is possibly that I'm now too picky, if there is such a thing. I also don't consider my children my world. I have 2 worlds... the 'mommy' one and the 'char' one. At some point, with a partner, the 2 will blend. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:32:25 AM | If you don't like other people chiming in during the discussion, then don't post. I can jump in wherever I want to, just like you can and do.
You pull into question the sanity of people's decision making...have you ever pulled into question your own? Have you ever thought about what drew you to the single mom you dated who treated you like an ATM? Or is it all her fault? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:03:19 AM |
You pull into question the sanity of people's decision making...have you ever pulled into question your own? Have you ever thought about what drew you to the single mom you dated who treated you like an ATM? Or is it all her fault?
LOL... yeah, I question my sanity at that juncture in my life ALL THE TIME.... And, shortly after I was married... But I didnt have any kids by her, nor did I become a statistic.
As far as treating me like an ATM... yeah, I would pretty much say that was her fault... She is the one that chose to make it that way, and I was so flippin dumb, and thought that people who cared about each other wouldnt do that... Oh how naive was I. It tought me a good lesson though, one of which, apparently makes me "shallow and judgemental" by your standards...
Ummm, I think it was in and around the midnight/1 am area when I posted that. Most people that DON'T sleep all day and actually get up in the morning are tired around that time. Mind you, I should definitely put a guy as a priority ahead of sleep after being up for almost 18 hrs... ya, everyone does that, right?
LOL... So the time you post something is going to change the obvious fact that you yourself admit that a single guy will have to be back burner/second place status... to something more important...(your kids) I doubt it.
2nd of all, I have never asked the question 'why?' I don't really care because in all honesty, it doesn't apply to me. I have no issues finding 'dates' and meeting/getting to know new people. My problem is possibly that I'm now too picky, if there is such a thing. I also don't consider my children my world. I have 2 worlds... the 'mommy' one and the 'char' one. At some point, with a partner, the 2 will blend.
Well... possibly being too picky now is a little late... But sure. I hope you can find that guy who your kids will accept, who accepts them, and can also accept being put on that back burner as YOU say.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:20:08 AM |
LOL... So the time you post something is going to change the obvious fact that you yourself admit that a single guy will have to be back burner/second place status... to something more important...(your kids) I doubt it.
I'm starting to think that you read my original post and took it the wrong way. I didn't once mean to imply that a partner of mine would be put on the backburner at all times. I clearly have 2 different worlds. One for time for myself and meeting people/dating and one for my children. If 'he' considers having to actually make plans a day or two in advance with me is being put on back burner/second place status, then that is a man I don't want to be involved with anyways. I was like that before having my children and I will very likely be like that when my children are out of my home.
Once I have gotten to know a man he is generally more than welcome into my home which greatly frees up my time. If he wants to go do things, dinner, movie, dancing, activities, then yes, it's not spur of the moment. I can't argue that that's where SOME single and child free women have me beat. I say some because, as previosly stated, even before having my children, I preferred to plan in advance, so I'd imagine there are still single/child free women that prefer the whole 'planning' thing as well... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:52:39 AM | I said some single mothers will think as long as the child is happy all is okay..not all. So if someone reading this does not see this in their life...great but it is happenning in many cases.
I feel a marriage should be worked on by 2 partners...not 2 partners abd children.
Those that use men as ATM's spoil it for others...so does loco parentis if you live in Canada or anywhere else with similar laws.
Maybe the lifestyle a single mom has to offer is not for men....why should anyone raise and provide fpor children they did not create or adopt? You single moms made yuor bed..literally now accepot that you are not aowed anything other than what the bio father owes you. If you picked Mr Wrong why should someone else step in?
Everyone looks for a romantic relationship, but no one is owed one. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:02:16 AM |
Everyone looks for a romantic relationship, but no one is owed one.
Exactly. No one is owed one. Love is a gift. The whole point of this thread is are some people overlooking what could be a wonderful gift, made exponentially greater by the love of children as well. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:09:16 AM | | Guys, ladies aren't we caught up in the details. If bad choices are the reason for everyone's plight in this don't we have an obligation to change that, not for others, but for OURSELVES. Insulting each other and picking and quoting minute details out of posts saying"see gotcha" isn't an answer. Smuggler if Midnight had a man or SO in her life isn't it possible instead of sitting on her computer, on a singles website at 1 AM, he might have had her in his arms and she wouldn't have felt so tired? If she had some small amount of help for an hour or two and then while she finished with the kids and he cut up some cheese, poured a couple of glasses of wine, lit some candles. I think possibly her mood might have been elevated and her focus and answer entirely different. As to you, I can understand totally you feelings of anger at being used and betrayed. Being used is never fun, then that feeling of disbelief that comes with finding out you selected a user instead of the woman you thought she was. Most of us tend to turn that anger outward, we feel bad enough already, we don't want to compound that with anger at ourselves for a bad choice. Now as to each other on here due to our OWN FEELINGS we judge other posters based on an experience they had nothing to do with. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:16:10 AM | Johne, good to see you crawled out from under your rock. Where is that thread info? Oh I see, you didn't take your meds, so it's back to the same old saw. Forget "loco parentis" the only thing on here that is LOCO is you. You add nothing to the discussion, so I suggest we all ignore him. Bob
PS, Johne in case you didn't know it love is in part acceptance and compassion. Since you exhibit neither of these traits it is extremely unlikely you will ever experience true love. Sorry but true. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:28:59 AM |
Let me tell you guys something. If you hate women in general, you're not going to find love or find someone willing to give you love whether they have children or not.
Well equally one could suggest that a woman who hates men or holds them generally in contempt will not find love or a relationship either.
But I will suggest you will not find a relationship that will last beyond the first bloom or past the initial physical attraction. That is not yourself directly but one who really dislikes or does not respect the other gender?
I do not expect a woman to be superwoman.
I am looking for an intelligent articulated woman who can look at both sides of an argument to determine equitable solutions that understand or take into considerations both sides of the conflict.
I also prefer woman who work full time or are self supporting. Based on the statistics gleamed from US sources single mothers are often unwilling to work full time as opposed to the fathers with custody which then begs the question who will pick up the finacial slack? Or perhaps that just illustrates the stereotype you hate so much?
I met one single mother here who talked about being able to stop working and taking care of a home? End of the contact. Another talked about finding a new job that was more self rewarding? End of contact. I have met a few who I would have loved to get to know better but they lived too far from my own home and with my commitments to the children I am unable to give them the considerations they require as individuals so nothing came to fruition.
I place a high standard on myself. I would hope you also place a high standard on yourself. Are you suggesting that woman are unable to maintain a high level of respect and standard. You have often spoken about posters or individual taking away respect. The only one who can do that is yourself.
There are many woman who are too blame for where they are today in society. And equally the statement holds true for men.
One should not settle for anything less than what is good for them. And that is why some single parents are not good prospective dating partners.
One should listen to what a custodial parents says about their ex...after all you might or probably will be the next one...
If they will not share or co-parent then one should look at the ex and ask others for a second opinion and be willing to listen.
One really should listen to what they say and consider they are equally the reason for why their first marriage failed. And that equally holds true for myself.
Work and a relationship is a two way street. Both parties have to be willing to put into the relationship the same effort and attention.
Sorry ladies but some of you failed to realize that many of us males would bend over or fall over ourselves to do anything for you as teenagers to get a piece of action. As we got older and realized the error of our ways we perhaps changed. Action is available anywhere. what is missing for many is the relationship and mutual involvement in it. s Bob was saying earlier it is part of the better selection process that will insure better relationships today and into the future.
Sorry but the truth be told.....more than a few single parents simply are not worth the time...effort or money...
and I still see the male as being the primary one who pays for all things....so why is he not allowed to be picky and choosy? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:39:50 AM | Smuggler, the hypocrisy of your last post is hi-fricking-larious.
YOU were naive (and insane, but now you're all better, so that doesn't count any more?) when YOU got used, but it was all the woman's fault:
"As far as treating me like an ATM... yeah, I would pretty much say that was her fault"
And yet, every woman who finds herself used by a man is at fault or insane (and now they're making better choices, just like you claim to be, and they're still at fault for having been insane?):
" Well... you made that bed.... Still trying to figure it out huh????" <==her fault/she's stupid
"I pull into question the sanity of their decision making process BEFORE they have kids, about the guy they choose to have kids with!" <==her fault/insanity
"Suck it up. 85% of you chased that bad boy, and there were probably plenty of people who said he wasnt good for you. Now you get to reap the rewards of what you've sewn..." <==her fault/your "good guy/bad boy" complex showing
"We were passed up in the first place, by that woman who is now a single mom, because we were too boring, not exciting enough, didnt have it or whatever... so that the woman who is now a single mother could chase that guy who wasnt/isnt good for them, but had his kids. " <==again, you got some issues you should deal with, dude.
The major only distinction, of course, being that you were "smart" enough to not have any kids. Which really translates to "lucky enough," as we all know that even perfectly-executed birth control has a non-zero failure rate.
Honestly, sounds like you're having a bad spot... a bit more emotional than usual... they say men have emotional cycles, too. Perhaps you've just got a touch of EMS (emotional male syndrome).
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:12:54 AM | Bob does have a point..instead of "hurling insults" why not read what single guys have to say on this subject?
Spending my money on children I did not create or adopt is not for me....sorry single moms. You choose the wrong guy to have children with...why should I step into that situation? How would it benefit me?
See we all enter relationships because there is some benefit to it for our lives...would most of you not agree? So if someone such as myself sees no benefit from steping into a ready made family why would I do it? We all have chpices...single mom's made their choices..I am free to make mine. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:55:07 AM |
Bob does have a point..instead of "hurling insults" why not read what single guys have to say on this subject? Coming from you John this is laughable. You are one of the worst offenders of this. I have a better idea. Why not listen/read what "people" have to say on the subject? Read and ask for clarification if you do not understand or misinterpet a statement. Both men and women have their own experiences...good and bad. Both men and women have opinions based on those experiences. Both men and women have made choices...good and bad. Both men and women have to take responsibility for their choices. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:02:26 AM | I get the impression that many of the men posting in this thread see single mothers as lazy welfare recipients who are looking for someone to come along and pay their bills and support them? Would this be a fair assumption??
haha well sorry lads but some of us single mothers earn a whopping salary, drive new cars, have lovely clean well kept homes and really don't need anyone to support us or to pay our bills etc.
My advice to you? Jog on mate!!  | |
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