| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:05:38 AM | Bob does have a point..instead of "hurling insults" why not read what single guys have to say on this subject?
I almost spat my coffee over the screen reading that! Bloody Hell Johne...you are a joker!
Spending my money on children I did not create or adopt is not for me....sorry single moms. You choose the wrong guy to have children with...why should I step into that situation? How would it benefit me?
Johne I need to ask you this? Have you ever been in love? I mean REALLY been in love? Have you ever gone into a relationship without first asking yourself how this relationship will benefit YOU?
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:11:36 AM | | Yes that is a pretty accurate assumption. Those of us that don't fit into that grouping "in their minds at least" appear to be either rare or full of BS because it doesn't fit their prejudice. And it's no fun berating someone who stands up for themselves or others. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:16:58 AM | Did you mean my post canoe girl?
If so, in that case, **** 'em, I certainly couldnt care less. I'll just drive past them in my new car waving my fat pay cheque as they sit at their PC's lonely and wondering why they cant get a girl. haha | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:26:05 AM | Yes motley maiden it was your post I was referring to.
I'm still curious as to John's response to Bob's question in msg 2883. But as usual, it will be ignored as most of the questions people have asked of John. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:33:24 AM | | ms.beavenhouse, I am beginning to think that we're going to be flamed either way. If we're meek and a doormat, we're not desirable and flawed. If we're strong and independent, we're feminist and again not desirable. I guess it's damned if we do and damned if we don't. The only real flaw is that they too are just as damned. So at least we've got company. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:54:59 AM | Johne, it amazes me how you can be so duplicitous. You cannot take things out of context to make a self serving post. Nor should hide yet another "insult" in disguise. Not hurling insults has to do with furthering the discussion and not focusing on what anyone individual posts from experience. Now most of THESE single moms, if not all, who have posted in the discussion were married. Do you believe they got married so they could get divorced? NO, they thought just as ALL of us did that they were beginning a life long journey with their respective spouses. Due to abuse, alcoholism, cheating, lying, poor financial decisions and how ever many other reasons a divorce occured. As with 80% of all divorces they became the custodial parent, now there ARE men on here who are the custodial parent but they are far and few. What would you have Johne, give up their child to adoption, so they can date men(God forbid like you?) That's not going to happen, so they adapt their lives and move on to try anew for a good life and a better relationship. So in conclusion when you say "We all have choices... single mom's made their choices..I am free to make mine." or the money comment you are again trying to reduce them or lay blame(insult) for what is just another common occurance in life. You don't make poor choices? Yea sure that is why you keep picking users and losers. People in glass houses Johne.....Bob
PS you still haven't named that thread where single moms supported the child to the detrement of the relationship. So I guess you lied again, why does that not surprise me. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:06:51 PM | | Now Westpark I see you made some points and I will leave it to the ladies to note and answer. But to deal with that statistic issue again. Since the single moms you speak of who fall below the poverty level and get government assistance are really not part of this discussion. I do not think anyone on here is seeking to date in vastly poor neighborhoods. I do not believe for 1 minute they are on here, nor have the tools to be here. Further I doubt we have homeless men on here which is why these women don't bring that up. There are or seem to be single moms who are gainfully employed, many who are college graduates who hold good jobs. I think you would find the demographics of POF to be quite a bit different from the USA statistics quoted,Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:37:57 PM | Ah well, while they hate us and obsess with us, they still can't leave us alone can they. I know I'll get flamed for this (and it's my own warped sense of humour that finds this funny) the old saying "a moth to a flame" comes to mind. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:56:05 PM |
motley_maiden
Right on!
Of course now you'll be called an evil feminist for not needing anyone to take care of you or your children.
hehe no doubt I'll be called plenty of names!! And no doubt I'll be abused for working long hours instead of staying at home to care for my child.
Well, whats the choice there? Stay at home mum probably collecting welfare and scrape by? Or work my ****ing ass off and collect a high salary? But of course both choices have the downsides, I was away 4 nights last week at a Breast cancer conference, and I missed my son so much I nearly got in the car and drove home a day early, what stopped me was I was far too exhausted to drive 4 hours home and would have ended up in a ditch.
But anyway thats for another thread altogether.
Anyway stuff 'em, Im off back downstairs to watch CSI 
(and to be quite honest, one of the haters in this thread looks like he shouldnt be all that choosey judging from his profile/pic)  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:59:12 PM | Canoegirl and Bob:
My parents have been marriec very happily to each other fpr 37 years. My views on dating single moms come in part from my experiences, in part from a legal system which could hold me responsible for a child I did not create. I have met a few women on this site who say they are collecting child supporrt from 3 men for one child...how does that make sense? The point is that it is happenning and if some of you can not see the potential of that happenning then you do not understand. I have been truely in love but not with a single mom.
I think my position and views on this subject are valid and grounded in reality. I do not wish to risk what I have on someone else and their children...nbot my kids..not my rsponsibility. I do not think a single mom should give the kids up for adoption...I never said that. I do think single mom's should adapt to their situation and also adapt their expectations to the realities of dating when they have children. No single mom hhas given me any reason for me to waiver from me looking at their situation as a potential legfal and financial mess I do not want. So when someone feels this way how do you single parents respond?
Or what if they simply do not want to raise the offspring of another man? What does that make those men? Why is that not a valid comment and view on dating single moms? Too mamy threads get started by single moms asking why men will not date them and it turns into a bash fest. Why not just read the threads that already exist? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:04:34 PM |
Ah well, while they hate us and obsess with us, they still can't leave us alone can they. I know I'll get flamed for this (and it's my own warped sense of humour that finds this funny) the old saying "a moth to a flame" comes to mind.
36 of 41 in your history on this topic. and you suggest someone else is obsessed? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:47:04 PM | | Gee Johne, again you post and run still no answer on the thread question. But you have time to cite other threads for bashing, why is that? Because there is no thread where a mom said she sided with the child over the marriage relationship right? it was just something you invented in that little warped brain of yours. Answer the question or admit you lied. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:52:18 PM | Check out the threads "Back to men and single mom's" "How to aviod being used by a single mom"
No one has responded to some of my questions either Bob...how do you single mom's respond to men that say raising someone else's children is not for them? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:54:07 PM | I am sorry but this is going to be a bit long winded. It is in no way meant to offend but merely to show a few different variables. Am I obsessed? Quite possibly. It could also be that I find this thread amusing. As I've stated before, I have a warped sense of humour.
I am looking for an intelligent articulated woman who can look at both sides of an argument to determine equitable solutions that understand or take into considerations both sides of the conflict. Now wouldn’t this type of person be what most would prefer? Be it man or woman?
I also prefer woman who work full time or are self supporting. Based on the statistics gleamed from US sources single mothers are often unwilling to work full time as opposed to the fathers with custody which then begs the question who will pick up the finacial slack? Or perhaps that just illustrates the stereotype you hate so much? This is a bit skewed as far as the statistics go. Single mothers are often unwilling to work full time as opposed to the fathers with custody. Well since most on here have stated many times over that there are more single custodial mothers as opposed to custodial fathers, so of course the numbers would be out of balance and portray the custodial fathers differently. As for the mothers not being willing to work, that depends on the circumstances doesn’t it. There could be any number of reasons why a parent (mother or father) can not work full time. It does not mean that it is their choice to not work. I do know of cases where a parent has a disability or the child has a disability and the only way they can access services for these disabilities is through social assistance. These parents have chosen to put up with being on assistance for a period to enable them to access these programs. This just shows that their circumstances warrant a path which is necessary for them at the time. You do not see this as a different category to your statistics though.
I met one single mother here who talked about being able to stop working and taking care of a home? End of the contact. Another talked about finding a new job that was more self rewarding? End of contact. I have met a few who I would have loved to get to know better but they lived too far from my own home and with my commitments to the children I am unable to give them the considerations they require as individuals so nothing came to fruition. Here we have a catch 22. I am not saying you are wrong for your reasoning or decisions here but here is something to consider. For generations women were taught that it was her responsibility to remain in the home and take care of the home and her family. When someone finds one of the few women who may actually believe this and feel this way she is dismissed as having no goals or ambitions. What is wrong with a person wanting to make this type of a decision? Having a good and happy home being their goal and ambition? Nothing. I have heard many men say that they wished more women still felt this way.
A woman talking about not finding her job rewarding and wanting to find something more rewarding is bad? How many people (men and women) work in jobs/careers that they do not find rewarding? Most. People change and grow. They out grow their current careers and jobs. They want to find something more suiting to them now. Does this mean they are to forever remain in a position which will never advance or improve? I don’t think so. I know I couldn’t. As I gain more experience and knowledge I want more challenge. I would think most people would. I do not see this as a flaw to any person, rather the opposite.
One should not settle for anything less than what is good for them. And that is why some single parents are not good prospective dating partners. I would think that this would be true of any individual regardless of whether they are single parents or not.
Sorry but the truth be told.....more than a few single parents simply are not worth the time...effort or money... There are many people that are not worth the time…effort or money truth be told.
and I still see the male as being the primary one who pays for all things....so why is he not allowed to be picky and choosy? Again with this? In your world this may be the case and there is no reason why you can’t be picky and choosy. However, in my world, I am the primary one who pays for all things and therefore I too may be picky and choosy.
No where have I ever insulted or bashed anyone for their choices. I have however, either directly or indirectly, for their phrasing and insulting. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:57:25 PM | Johne I need to ask you this? Have you ever been in love? I mean REALLY been in love? Have you ever gone into a relationship without first asking yourself how this relationship will benefit YOU?
Ummm, if he does that and gets burned, he made o poor choice right? So where is the motivation to not look damned close before leaping?
Then yes there are some working single parents that can be even well off but if you review the statistics in earlier posts, the bubble bursts and sorry ladies but those of you working is significantly smaller than the percentage for any other group. So pat yourself on the back for being "unusual"
Philip K. Robins & Charles Michalopoulos (2002)
2002 Downloadable (with restrictions)! This paper examines employment and child-care choices of single-parent families with young children in the United States and Canada, using a pooled data set based on recent national surveys in each country. We find that the employment and child-care choices of Canadian families are similar to those of U.S. families. Estimates of a model of employment and child-care choices indicate significant effects of child-care subsidies, child-care prices, and wage rates on employment and child-care choices.
StatsCan wanted to charge me for the study, but another researcher has already confirmed that Canadian trends are similar to the trends in the US. Which is what 1:5 working full time? Over half on social assistance of some sort.
Seriously if redheads had that sort of statistical probability of been an albatross around the neck, I would think they would be one here posting about the same problems.
Since over 90% of the rest of the population is self-sufficient by narrowing ones search to the places where you are most-likely to find what you are looking for you save alot of time and avoid less than stellar relationships.
That doesn't mean YOU personally fit into that category, but it doesn't take away from the fact that there are more that do fit that bill than don't.
Seriously though, those of you actually able to stand on your own two feet.... do you really have trouble in the dating arena comparable to what the other 80% describe? Or is it more a case of initial wariness on the part of some potential dates, and once they are convinced you aren't in the "majority" things roll along pretty much as normal?
EDIT:
I remember you saying that you would love to have kids one day. But most women your age already have kids and alot of them wont want anymore. So doesnt that mean that your dating pool gets smaller too?
Of course his pool is getting smaller, but we don't see 3 or more new threads every week asking "Why don't more women in their mid-30's want to have kids with me?" | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:57:41 PM |
No one has responded to some of my questions either Bob...how do you single mom's respond to men that say raising someone else's children is not for them?
How do you think we respond? Do you think we want to be with a man that wont accept we are mothers? No. Do you really think we are that desperate Johne? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:04:29 PM | | Exactly Laney so what you are saying is you admit your dating pol is smaller than women who do not have children...again where I live it can spell financial ruin to marry a single mom and find out she was not as nice as she first appeared so I rule them out of my dating pool. That way I will not see my money going to support and raise another man's child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:06:38 PM |
No one has responded to some of my questions either Bob...how do you single mom's respond to men that say raising someone else's children is not for them? This is truely sad. Many have responded to your questions. You just didn't like the answers and are waiting for someone to validate you.
How would I personally respond to men that say raising someone else's children is not for them? Simple, it's their choice. CHOICE. Everything comes down to choice. That is their right. Plain and simple. I really think I've said that before though. Oops wait, I didn't answer the way you were hoping did I. My bad. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:09:33 PM | Yes my dating pool maybe smaller, but Im happy with that. I wouldnt want men in my dating pool that wont accept me for who I am and what I am.
You may rule them out of your dating pool, but that doesnt mean you haveto be so rude to them.
I remember you saying that you would love to have kids one day. But most women your age already have kids and alot of them wont want anymore. So doesnt that mean that your dating pool gets smaller too? | |
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