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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/18/2005 7:52:28 PM | | Yeah...Look, no offense intended to anyone here, but this thread is one of many one sided views I've seen. It's not a male or female issue, it's a people issue. To each there own is probably the best answer. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/18/2005 9:01:02 PM | Yeah, let's not pigeonhole a whole gender, here. There are plenty of single men who love kids and don't have a problem dating a woman with kids. I think it's BETTER to date a woman with kids. I know she'll have a better appreciation for what I go through as a single dad.
BTW - I just got an email reply yesterday from a single woman who said she didn't want to date someone with kids. Ironic, no?  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/18/2005 10:17:16 PM | I've dated women with kids twice now and both times was horrible.
Those are my experiences and need not apply to all, but for me I wasn't just breaking up with her, I was breaking up with her and her kid(s).
It's not the dating part that I fear, it's the breaking up part. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/19/2005 8:44:48 AM | Let's see... of the 7 women I have dated, two were single mothers.
One of the problems that always came up was they were hyperprotective of their children when it came to me, possibly transferring some of their fear of their ex onto me. Even if I was doing something they themselves had done, I was suddenly demonized for my actions and that causes a lot of distrust in a relationship.
Another problem always related to money. It seems like both of the single mothers I dated ended up hoarding all the money they could and always saying they were broke, even when they had more than I did.
So, even though I am a single parent myself, I am a bit leery of dating a single woman because both of these behaviors are very bad for my son. If she always takes the side of her own child(ren) over mine, that's not equality. Same with the money thing, always spending on her own children while neglecting mine. I don't want to be this way, but experience has taught me to be leery of single mothers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/19/2005 9:27:09 AM | Well I'm a single mother of a wonderful adorable four year old boy...I haven't had any problems with guys being afraid, or running away when they find out I have a son because I'm always up front about him...If I write a profile on a site he's always included in there...and even the ones that don't actually read my profile :P I tell them right away when I start chatting with them. It just eliminates alot of problems...also I have a rule that anyone I'm dating they don't meet my son until i think it's going somewhere...or as potential for long term...that's just me though. In all fairness to guys though..there are soo many who are accepting of single mothers and there are girls that ruin it by pushing their children on them and forcing them to be a father figure...Now obviously I'm not generalizing all women and not generalizing all men..everyone's different...but that's something that has to be considered.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/21/2005 10:57:26 AM | For me it's the heart and soul of a woman I look for,weither she has kids or not
or how many,doesn't affect my decision to date a woman!
Like anything in life,if you're lucky enough to find someone to love and that loves
you in return,then any adjustements that must be made is so well worth it!
Love is hard enough to find,and when you do,you better hang on for dear life,don't
pass up the chance to be happy with someone that you click with,single parent or
not!
Knight Rider! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/23/2005 5:35:25 PM | "Love is hard enough to find,and when you do,you better hang on for dear life,don't
pass up the chance to be happy with someone that you click with,single parent or
not!"
Knight Rider: That statement is so very true. Why some guys don't get it, is beyond me. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/23/2005 10:04:19 PM | Here's a few reasons why some men don't date single mothers.
Some men don't want to take care someone child or children;in additon, the kids not related by his blood (or sperm!): therefore some men prefer women without children.
Some men prefer to take the conservative view of "having children after marriage," I think it's a morality thing i suppose. Some men prefer a woman with no childen (some men don't say out loud)
i do admit there's a great opportunity that's loss for single men without childen:HOWEVER, that man or have a right to choose rather or not to date a woman who has children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 7/24/2005 2:57:33 PM | | I have found through trials and tribulations being a single mother works to my advantage in the dating department. Not all men are privilaged to know about my daughter and only a very select few know about my neice. But the men that know about my beautiful three year old daughter are the ones that have stuck around. The men that have ran the other direction are not worthy of my time or attention. As of next month I will be the single mother to two little girls (as the adoption on my neice will be complete), and if any man does not want to be with me because of them, its their loss. I dont expose the girls to any of the men I date for the mere fact of them becoming attached to a man that isnt planning to be around for a while. I believe that one day I will find that one man that is worthy of being a part of every aspect of my life, including my girls, but until then I am happy being a single mother and I have come to the point where I quite enjoy seeing the boys, pretending to be men, run away from me because of two girls tat had no choice in being here. But remember that single women with no children tend to shy away from men that are fathers, it is a double edged sword that we are all cut by. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/16/2006 8:11:52 PM | You are 27 years old. When I was that age, quite a few of the women I dated, and the one I married had a child. At that age, it's pretty normal.
Unfortunately for you, there are also plenty of women your age who DON'T have children yet. Many guys in your age group would rather start their own family instead of raising "some other guy's kid".
Also, they may be concerned that they may have to be around your ex, because of the child. Who wants that?
I'm sorry your first guy couldn't or wouldn't stick around or you had to get rid of him, but this is part of the after-effect of that event.
It just means you have to choose from a smaller, more open-minded pool of guys.
At my age, 49, it is a lot different. My little-kid-rearing years are done! Over!
I will deal with teens, 15 and up, but no younger.
Good luck. | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 286 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/17/2006 12:52:59 PM | Ok, Why is it I always find the guys that turn around and run when they find out I have a daughter? I really don't understand at all.. if they truly want me I am a package deal now.
Cntrygrl, I'm sure you knew the answer before you asked and you just needed some sympathy. Certainly if you didn't know why, Goddard and others have stated the reasons. Others have expressed sympathy so I will just give some advice.
Go back to your ex-husband. Be nice to him and do whatever it takes to get him to marry you again. I know, you probably felt he was taking you for granted and besides other men were flirting with and so you though they would be available. However, your husband had already won you; he shouldn't have to win you everyday. Further, the men that were flirting were just being nice. That's what men do. They are not going to tell you the truth. Instead they will compliment you and tell you that you are pretty. Finally, you knew that the court would award you custody, most of the assets, and a large portion of your husband's money.
However, there is no free lunch and you are finding out that there is more to life than your children and a guy's money. You also need companionship. Well you are not as pretty, slim. and trim as you were when you first got married and before you had your daughter. And men rightfully prefer not to take on all the extra problems and responsibilities of your child. So go back to your ex. It's his child too so he's going to love her and not see her as a problem and unwanted added responsibilities. You wouldn't have married him and let him be the father of your child if he was not a good man. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:58:01 AM | I have come to the conclusion that no matter what one looks like whether they are a single parent or not and no matter what their experiences in life.... there is someone out there for everyone. Someone who will truly be happy with you and make you happy.
Instead of questioning where they are and why all the others have no interest or run... just live your life. Live your life for you and your children and those you care about. You can never make fate happen when you want, it just kinda surprises you... so should a relationship. I mean what is the point in living life day in and day out miserable when there is so much happiness to be enjoyed.
I say  on all the negativity here and everywhere.
I know my worth as my child's mother and as a WOMAN!!! Someone, somewhere, some day will know it, accept it, embrace it and love it as well.
Everyone keep your chin up!!! All will work out in the end. It usually does!!!
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:43:49 AM | i don't have this issue anymore i have a 3yr old well almost and i have no problem getin a man. my problem is finding one that is good enough to be in my sons life. cause in the end hes the one that will get hurt more then anyone else.
if ppl know from the start u got a kid theres is nothing to run from. ur there ur upfront so ppl can except that well others r just afarid of being a instant daddy/ mommy. its not like havein ur own kid u know its comein u got 9 months to deal with it or run right. but not so when u date someone with a kid ur instant daddy/mommy over night.
it anit only the guys that run from single parents us women do it do hell i've done it i won't lie. oh u got a kid im gone atleast i use to now i think hay someone for my son to play with. why do they run who cares if they do they wherent worth the time anyways so let em go  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 1:07:31 PM | "Go back to your ex-husband"
Karl is that your answer for everything? I think you need to get a life....I would not go back to my ex just because of a child. A Loveless relationship is not worth it. Sorry.
Maybe you need to go back to your ex. | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 290 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 1:30:12 PM |
A Loveless relationship is not worth it. Sorry.
Chick, that dog won't hunt. You have a child so obviously there was love. You are young and you saw something about him to love or you would not have married him. You shouldn't give up on love so quickly. It is your responsibility to make your husband love you. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 1:49:13 PM | First off I was not married, I can't make a selfish man love me if he doesn't want to. And I WILL NOT go back to him AGAIN. I did it too many times. He leaves me then he crawls back, well i have been hurt enough by him these last 4 years and now that I have a daughter I will not let him hurt her by coming in and out of our lives...He is in hers yes, whenever he wants her he comes pick her up. Every other weekend and one evening a week after work. Sometimes more. But there is nothing left for me with him. Hence the reason he is an EX.
Yes I still LOVE him but I'd never be able to be IN LOVE with him ever again. He told me twice that he didn't love me anymore. The first time I found out I was pregnant, so we worked it out I lived with him, I moved in, were planning on getting married last year. THEN his coworkers daughter/ was having bf problems so he was there for her. So now he doesn't love me anymore again or should i say "I still love you or you wouldn't be here" "I just don't love you like you need to be loved" His words.
Now she can have his sorry ass. I love him and I appreciate everything he does. He is an awesome father and a great friend but NEVER will I go back with him as anything more. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:26:49 PM | | As a single dad of four wounderful girsl I have to say I welcome and apreciate single mothers. You realy dont know what its like to raise kids on your own untill you`ve been put into that position. Its very challenging and I seem to be going greay at a much faster pace than when I was still married. lol Single moms are GREAT!!!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:32:40 PM | For sure.....I find women with or without kids just dont want to get involved with single dads.
Weird isnt it.You would think they would apreciate the qualities it takes to be a single dad ..... ( parent).I know I have much more respect for the single moms out there.Its hard work....endless and thankless but we do it because we love our kids and want to be a fulltime parent.....not a part time everyother weekend parent.
3 cheers for all the single parents!!!
Tim | |
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Karl73
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Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 294 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:36:07 PM | Chick, I guess 4 years is long enough to put up with someone that is hot and cold--that keeps leaving and returning. You must have been no older than 18 when you met him and no doubt in the last four years you have learned a lot about what you expect from a guy.
The things you have going for you are you are young and pretty enough to be highly sought after and best of all you speak well of your ex. That shows a lack of bitterness that turns men off and is a big handicap to forming new relationships. I wouldn't write him off completely in the event, that as he matures, he might change. However, I wouldn't wait for him to change and you should certainly date other guys and if you find someone perfect for you before (and if) he changes then too bad for him. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2006 2:48:19 PM | "go back to your ex"......... hmmmmm THATS BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP IVE EVER HEARD....
if I Ever had the scatterbrained idea to go back to my ex i would need a straightjacket and lockup for life.
some lucky woman smell the coffee and some dont.I had enough self respect....selfworth and respect for my kids to let my ex husband go and not reach my hands out to grab him back. Hell I SHOVED HIM OUT!!!
When us woman met our exes yrs ago...we could not predict the future...we saw roses and wedding bells and baby carriages not screaming crying and lonely nights. I NEVER knew my ex would turn out to a cold hearted selfish prik.
WE chose to leave or let them go for our own reasons...and Im a 100% happier person without him in my life.Im happy and successful while hes eating my dust and miserable.
Im glad the moms here respect and care about themselves and thier kids enough to know they deserve better and will stop and nothing to find THE ONE... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:10:24 AM | this is the first time i noticed this messg place on here. i am sorry for the way guys have treated u. if u r a great catch then it's there loss that they can't deal with ur family situation.
i have no answer 4 those who left after a while but if u like 2 chat i haven't even looked at ur profile and i would just no we can b great friends. oh yea plez don't switch to the other side or whatever that is. we need all the intelligent good looking girls 2 stay hetro | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 1/20/2007 12:30:58 PM | too much presumed responsibilty .....in a nut shell. someone actually said that to me , he felt like it was a burden, burden my a***(excuse my french). i dont expect ANYMORE to take responsiblity for my kids or pay for anything. i do it all. u gotto have a thick skin out there (so i found out through a few well learned lessons). im completely honest with people and if they dont like it then ...tough s**t. i get all the pleasure and none of the pain in raising my kids. they have grown up without any help from the ex(even when he was living with us). rant over...good luck everyone!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 1/20/2007 1:55:41 PM | Best part about these threads is how the man "changed" ... never the woman ... BOTH people change ... especially after kids ... maybe he liked you... you liked him BEFORE kids ... maybe you both changed into something the other didnt like AFTER KIDS .... jesus people ... get some balls and own up to your side of the downfall.. it takes two !!
Theres many reason that men AND WOMEN dont want to date single parents ... not JUST single moms.... single parents generally are a lot more protective, and tend to give their kids more "freedom" as they are trying to make up for the fact that one parent is missing or its a broken family .... when a partner walks into that situation and the children are over running, and they try and intervene (being that the are a PARTNER) and the single parent lashes out that they are not to get involved .... make up your mind ... partner or not. If they are not a partner in all aspects, then dont introduce them to your kids... its a 2 way street, not a one way.
Case in point ... if your child is in the back seat screaming and yelling and throwing a tantrum as we are driving.... damn straight Im gonna say something... if your teen comes in drunk at 2am covered in hickeys ... same thing .. dont expect me to sit there quietly.... and the same goes if it was my kids acting like that.
Thats just one of several reasons, and everyone has their own ... so what ?! ..stop complaining and move on. Do you complain like this because the partner you wanted to date eats sushi and you dont like it? People change, BOTH sexes, and each and every one of us have things that they want and dont want ... put down the cry towel and deal with life. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 1/20/2007 3:04:46 PM | sorry for mispelling in my last thingy......i meant ANYONE not ANYMORE....doh...!!
Anyway i totally agree with letting the partner have a say in disciplining or generally having input, thats part of being in a partnership isnt it? i treat my friends kids the same as my own , which means me teling them off if they are out of control in my house so i would have no problem in letting someone else chip in and help.
And everyone changes over the years whether u have children or not, its only natural that we grow up. but kids do add to the ...was gonna say problem but thats the wrong word....changing(think thats better word). and if one person decides they feel like moving on then thats natural as well. and i am dealing with whatever life throws at me....and life has been generous !!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 3/12/2007 3:03:52 PM | Dear Singles,
I have two wonderful boys. I have children and love 'em. I think the problem with dating single moms, is that once the children are introduced to the new guy, it becomes a matter of how well are THE CHILDREN going to accept them? I think it's NOT really up to them by then, don't you think? I mean correct me if I'm wrong, why would you introduce a stranger to a child if you don't feel that they are going to be comfortable with them anyways? Perhaps the question is,not the matter of the children, it's still the mother. She greets them and than second guess' her own instinct. Which than makes him feel unconfortable. I have had similiar instances where we as parents hit it off like Red go with Roses, however, when it came time to interact with the children it was, I felt I was under close judgement (which than said to me your looking for a daddy and not a partner) or on test. I was quite offended to think that she would invite me to meet her precious little one's and than make me feel uncomfortable in there presents. In other word's why should have I felt like I needed to be something other than I was. I just wanted to be me. The "KIDS" by the way is a name given to small, goats, they are children; where not the reason you split up in the first place, it was the adults. If there are any reasons why you feel the children should test run the Male, I would suggest seeking another male and not even bringing the innocense into it. If you thought I would make a great Friend, why would a child's reaction to first meeting a person have enough impact on your ability to chose a Friend, because everyone is a little uncomfortable in the first meetings anyways right? Just my opinion. | |
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