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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:11:47 AM | Steve,
I don't think the draft is fair period. I was asked a question about why I think there is inequality and provided an answer. That answer is based on what is perceived best for society not on what I think is fair for either gender.
Bob,
That is not me being venomous, that is me stating I have lost respect. I was asked a question thinking it was a desire to understand my point of view and responded into a trap filled with angry agenda. My mistake was to state my politics in a POF forum.
Just as you love your daughters, I love my sons, my want for equality is not based on greed or the desire to have power over another. I want my sons to feel pride in their family, to know they are equal in society and not tainted because they were raised by a single mother.
According to this forum it doesn't matter how hard I've worked or the sacrifices I've made to set a good example for my children. I'm still ultimately seen as a single mother looking for a good humping from a bad boy who I can borrow money from while waiting for my welfare cheque  Or even worse a hard core feminist looking to crunch testicles. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:34:14 AM | The truth of the matter is that it all boils down to character and lack thereof. There are many single men out there that seem to be seeking sex as there number one priority, then there are guys out there that are seeking their next possible mate of the heart as well as the body, who can forget the guys that are out there testing the water in hopes of finding "the one" who they will start a family with, so on and so forth. Character can be built from the environment we grow up in and by the choices we make, good or bad, most importantly from the lessons we learn from our choices and experiences.
Some men will run from a single mom because they fear taking on a "pre-formed" family unit. Maybe they get frightened off by the thought that once they find a spot in that family unit then they will have to deal with resposibilities that come along with it, child rearing of someone else's child, ex-husband/s, family of the woman scrutinizing their every move, Grandparents of the child making him feel like he's intruding where he should not be simply because they believe somehowthat their Grandchild's mother should not be bringing another man into her and her child's life. A load of crap, as most of us know, but these thoughts and more go through their heads just the same.
Some view children as baggage, some are looking for a "fresh" start on their own family and don't view that child as a chance at learning how to parent. Disgusting and short, some are looking for a "fresh womb" or even worse some even think that the female giving birth stretches......... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!.... You'd think that thoughts like that wouldn't go through a man's head but try sitting at a table and tossing in such suggestions to a bunch of young, single guys and you'll be surprised at the idiotic answers or moronic views you will hear. Men can be quite childish, ignorant or even arrogant about such things and if at the age of 20, 25,30 or whatever they haven't learned by now they aren't going to learn anytime soon if they keep running from such subjects or the women they are manifested from.
If they run, move on, they aren't worth it and aren't going to be until they start reading more than Automotive Weekly or Penthouse pictorials, even getting out and giving those single moms the chance they could learn from. I listed alot of moronic thoughts that they have and it's a limited list, they things is that they won't communicate their fears because they are frightened of the answers or the view people in general will have of them, this makes them shallow just as well as ignorant.
Women on the other hand, and yes I realize women run just as much from single dads, seem to run because of seemingly less silly reasons, which doesn't make them any less silly, really.... Single dads; they have too much baggage, they're overly emotional making them lesser men and too much of a drag at a party or they are only looking for a weekend warrior to ride their pony OR they are looking for a glorified babysitter..... Amazing what you can hear when you listen to the thoughts that can and DO come out of people's mouths.
There ARE people out there that are more than willing to date and start anew with single parents, male and female both, unfortunately those single parents that are looking have to look a bit harder and be VERY selective, learning through trial and error. Trial and error might end up hurting us more than one would think but atleast we can eventually find what we are looking for without settling for what we know is worse for us.
Best advice; keep trying. Protect yourself with durable walls and keep the latch to the gate readily at hand. Don't build the walls too high or you might not see everyone clammering to get your attention. Accept and give critism as it is, just that, take it in stride, consider what you eed to change in yourself and in your search to find what you're seeking. Be honest in your expectations and intentions, announce them clearly. You'll weed out alot of hurt and trouble beforehand and don't fear what you "may have" missed out on. Mr./Mrs. Rightforyou is out there and searching the right way will find them for you. Expect failed dates, ignorance, arrogance and idiocy, at the same time don't let it narrow your view or locking the gate pre-maturely.
Just my two cents......... hopefully helps you feel a bit stronger to keep going. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:46:07 AM | | Mmmmmm, one thing I forgot to mention was that BOTH men and women feel that when they are starting a relationship (dating) that time for each other is very important in development of a bond, at the same time they also seem to blow off a potential mate because they feel that they are NOT going to get as much of the other's time as the kids will. Another character flaw to watch out for. It ALMOST seems like a sibling rivalry for Mom or Dad's attention. Do you seriously want to find a mate/lover AND raise another child all in one package? If he or she is more intent on the amount of time you will be able to spend with them over the time you spend with your kids, are they ever going to be more than a sibling to your baby/ies? If he/she can get jealous over your child/ren then how will they be around your friends, your family beyond the kids, the rest of your social circles? Jealousy is a flaw that 90% of people can or will not admit to.......... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:04:51 AM | I think I'm taking a break from this tired old beast as well. I do have something to say to Smuggler in reference to the whole women's rights arguments though. Sorry Smuggler, I'm jumping in to one of your conversations again~
There were rules against letting women vote, letting them own property, letting them drive.... Who changed it, or pushed for the change?? I dont see any women lining up to get the laws changed, when it doesnt favor them... again, so much for the Equality part.
The next time you have a couple free hours, check out the movie Iron Jawed Angels. It's about the women's sufferage movement, and it is very, very good. (Hillary Swank is in it, maybe that will get your attention?) I know it opened my eyes to how difficult it really was for women to get the vote. They sure didn't talk about any of this stuff in history class. If nothing else, the struggle they portrayed in class was "women fought for the right to vote". They didn't talk about nearly the true struggle these women (and some men) went through. Honestly, it really was good and I think anyone interested should watch it.
And that's all I have ta say about thayat. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:56:02 AM | I don't really have that problem too much and if I do I guess I don't notice b/c I filter my men SUPER hard before I consider dating them :D The losers get rejected before they even have 3 minutes to try with me :D  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:54:06 AM | | Lets get a few things straight. Not all single mothers hate men. Period. Do not cast them all in the same dye. Not all men that have had bad experiences with single mums hate single mums. Period. Who cares anymore?????????????????? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:22:34 AM | You know casper, while I might agree about some of what you have said concerning the private discussions young men will amongst themselves but is it really their fault. Who prepares them to be men anyway. Health and sex education in the school systems suck because there are always parents who keep on sheltering them from the true realities of life.
So can you blame them for this, really? Sure they may tell them about std's in school but in such a way that doesn't really sink in and make absolutely no references to the lagalities they may face.
But if you look at young ladies who have had the experience of pregnancies, they are fully aware of the social network that is available to them, maybe not all but be sure a much higher % are very in tune with what backup systems they have.
"" There ARE people out there that are more than willing to date and start anew with single parents, male and female both, unfortunately those single parents that are looking have to look a bit harder and be VERY selective, learning through trial and error. Trial and error might end up hurting us more than one would think but atleast we can eventually find what we are looking for without settling for what we know is worse for us. ""
This is a contradiction I have to take offence with. I have said it before, why isn't this the norm before getting married or engaging in sex.. When I see how picky SM's are after having a child and not before it is a bit late to suddenly raise your standards of who they will choose to date.
This just says to me I was just having as much fun with the hottest guy I could or they married for all the wrong reasons. Take a look at most profiles and a common theme is I want butterflies, chills when you touch me.
Great so do I but I know that never lasts forever and will fade when real life kicks in. So who's really delusional here because eventually they will be back here trying again.
But as you jump in here to be yet another shining knight guy hoping to look cool and mature. You again bring up what I and a couple of other men have stated before of WHY is it a FLAW that we do not want to date a SM with young kids?
I remember my younger days of 20 to 30 and yes other than golfing as much as I could, getting some was priority one but I was never stupid enough to get someone pregnant until I got married.
And the only reason that failed was I was the same guy after we had a child.
I do not see that as a flaw in myself because I didn't change, I see it as flaw of most women because they expected it and it didn't happen. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:24:20 AM | | well i am dating someone now and he knows i have a son, and he is fine with it. i just stated when i put my profile that i am not looking for a dad or a supporting him.. its a little rough but it gets easier with time, just make sure the person you are with is understanding! good luck! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:59:42 AM | Oh and princess seeing as how you think you know me and what happened in my life. Let me just say unlike the cheating abusive ex you were so wise in choosing to donate sperm.
I paid off her 10,000 school loan she forgot about. I wrote her last two finals online for her to finish her accounting certificate. I didn't allow her to do laundry while she was pregnant or grocery shop alone or lift anything heavy for that matter.
Because we suffered a previous miscarraige, we abstained from sex and I was cool with it. My son was born during the SARS epidemic and the aftermath of 911 in Toronto which killed my career in hospitality and tourism. I took a crappy job and worked 11 hours a day. Trouble with that was she realized upon returning to work after her year long mat leave that she really wanted a 9 to 5 guy all along.
I was the the one who woke up at 530 in the morning with my son and tended to him until her mom could come later in the day to watch when I had to go.
We hardly saw each other so she insisted I switch careers to find a day job. All the while I was still cool with the no sex part and didn't like so many others here find some on the side. Trust me I had plenty of chances to put my overalls on and pick up some trash but unlike the loser you were with had more class than that and actually lived up to the vows I made at the alter.
So now after being railroaded through our court system am living in a blah apartment, pay more aupport than I can afford and do not get to see my own son.
Am faced with burying myself even further in debt to try and get that changedwhile she lives in OUR house. So if I seem a little bitter about what I see here being spewed out by posh wannabee students on the dole and child support, without which would be just another uneducated clubber or chav, I suggest you step off your self built podium and be glad for what you have.
Because in all reality I do not hate my ex, I hate the system and the fact that none of the ladies here truly understand how good they have it and yet still come here to moan about how hard it is to date. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:09:42 AM | Andrea, you can not say that a person, man or woman is selfish for choosing not to date someone. It is just that you or your situation (with or without kids) is not what the other wants. It's preferences plain and simple. There's really nothing wrong with that. Most people know who they are and what they want. They know their limitations, their standards and their potential. These are not flaws. Yes they are part of their character, but some will find them to be either an attractor or detractor. It all comes down to simple "likes" and "dislikes".
Kiddingmyself, many ladies on here do understand how good they/we have it. Quite a few of them do not complain about not being able to date. Many on here have more offers than they could ever reply to. Yes there are some out there that do complain. Yes there will always be PEOPLE that will let their pasts take over and become their present because they can't let go or get past it. It is sad but it is reality. It is also not the majority, I feel at least. The reason so many people feel that it is is because everyone hears and pays attention to the doom and gloom types because that takes their minds off of them. The doom and gloom types scream louder and post more often because they want to be heard and they want everyone to listen. They are hurt and this is how they deal with it. Some need to make themselves feel better and more than they are by doing this. Yes past experiences can hurt. But it is up to us to decide if we will let those experiences continue to hurt us or move on. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:56:14 AM | I do not see how not wanting a ready made family and all of the issues that go with that (trying to fit into that new family, legal and financial issues) is a character flaw?
DesertRhino (or however he spells his screen name) does not seem to grasp that in many ways the courts in Canada are some what slanted in the direction of the single mom. So if money is not important to the single mother why not lobby for change. While not all single moms would do that the threat or possibility that it could happen is a deterrant. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:58:50 AM | Well I would get that impression from you and possibly a couple others but there are a few that are just shoving it into peoples faces around here.
It's as if they think we don't already see what's happening in our own economy as we shift further away from a producing nation into a service based one.
So many of the opprtunities that men took for granted as far as a decent wage for hard work has eroded that yes there is good chance they may actually search for love and commitment instead of someone who still makes more than they do. This pertains to most women here.
Finances already ruin most marraiges and how is the average guy who is strapped down with support payments he can't adjust supposed to cope with that.
It is proven time and time again that women want a taller more successful guy who is good looking and loves kids and has memorized the words to all those sappy love songs and actually enjoys reading fantasy romance novels. Real commitment is very low on the list.
Let me use the the recent closing of the GM plant in Windsor as an example.
Given the divorce rate as we all know there are obviously going to examples of both that I will mention below.
Two families both of which are employed at GM, both men earn (lowball fig.) 27 dollars an hour plus overtime roughly 65000 a year.
One guy is divorced while still woking there and paying support for two kids.
One the typical two kids two cars ( both GM's ) and a modest house.
Gm closes plant. Divorced guy will still have to pay high rate of support unless he spends his severance to lawyers to fight to have it adjusted.
Married guy's family adjusts as a family to his new lower income and in both cases the chances of either man making the same money is remote.
Divorced guy loses court case and still pays high rate eventually can't and step one loses his liscense further reducing his earning power. Step two is thrown in jail for nonpayment all the while acrues even more debt because he is still liable for it.
Married guy 's family vacations here instead of florida, orders takeout a little less and maybe sells off one car to purchase something cheaper. All in all married guy isn't thrown in jail or held to the same aspects of divorced guy.
The system isn't interested in the kids of the divorced guy and if he has a bitter ex the chances of him getting any co operation or help is slim.
Taking this further married guy's wife suddenly isn't happy with their lower standard of living and files for divorce to search for greener pastures.
So if either of these guys seem a little hesitant about dating a single mom could you blame them? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:20:22 AM | | Kiddingmyself, I think there are a few on here that are using this thread as a form of "free therapy." They appear to thrive on conflict. As I said before, it's how they deal with their hurt and anger. They're not happy and they don't want anyone else to be either. Have you ever been in a room with a group of people or at a function where everyone was enjoying themselves. A new person could walk into the room and suddenly the whole atmosphere in the room changes. It's like the "life" has been sucked out of the room. That's how this thread feels at times. Everyone exchanges views and diaglog, a bit of teasing and joking and then ... WHAM...an angry bitter person has to rant. Causing conflict and gets everyone's back up. It smoothes over and then repeats. There will always be people (here or "out there") that can not or will not get over their past. Life tends to throw curve balls every so often, we can either go with it, deal with it or wallow in it. If this causes someone to be hesitant about dating someone, no I wouldn't blame them. But letting something or someone control and dictate your future is not living your life, it's dictating it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:26:07 AM | @ motley Maiden
I find your flaunting of your new found luck in life truly insulting to men but even moreso to the struggling moms out there who barely make ends meet.
You might have some who as women applaud your success and hard work but I would imagine they wouldn't mind if you took it down a notch or two and keep it to yourself. Show a little class and maybe earn a little of that respect you think you deserve. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:52:10 AM | | I'm not sure how my attitude has anything to do with flaunting supposed new found luck in life or how it's insulting to men or struggling moms? I have just as many struggles to get through, obstacles to overcome as everyone else. The difference is my outlook. That and the fact that I haven't spilled all the gory details (and there are many) into the thread. Because I can see both sides of an issue. Because I have four diplomas but no degree? Because I have two jobs, two kids, go to night school, do volunteer work, train my dogs, receive no child support consistently and not bash a bipolar ex I have no struggle? Because I've never listed the number of trips to the emergency room? The number of years of counseling and therapy my children and I have gone through to get to this point? Because I don't complain? Because I prefer to adapt and move forward rather than wallow in self pity? Because I choose to accept responsibility for my choices? I have no class because I what? Didn't agree with something or because I can be impartial? My aren't you in a chipper mood today. I have respect, I've earned respect and I've lost respect. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:05:19 AM | Sorry cg, in my haste I forgot to direct that particular post at who it was meant for.
Please accept my apology for being too quick to post. Man I must be really having a bad day but it isn't just what I read here that gets to me. Because of my quest to seek out an answer to why our society is having such a hard time adjusting I tend to see more and more examples of injustices in my every day life also.
Avoiding these forums would not solve that but it tends to be frustrating looking at the big picture when all or most here can only view it from a narrow vision. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:14:44 AM | | No worries Kidding. We all have bad days. There will always be people that can only view things as they relate to themselves. It's all they know and all they want to know. You can not change people. People have to want to change and do it themselves. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:44:03 AM | Johne
So if money is not important to the single mother why not lobby for change.
John because I'd rather fight for the rights of the disabled, child poverty, elder abuse, the many people who are soon to be unemployed in Ontario. I would much rather spend my time supporting my kids amateur sports organization then fighting to change a law that has no purpose to me.
Dating and relationship are not the end all be all to everyone! Some of us live our lives and relationship happen. Some of don't care if we ever have a relationship.
I have no problem dating, I'm approached by single men, single fathers, married fathers, (yeah that is special) and the occasional woman lol. I'm not incredible beautiful, rich or have a great rack but I do have a love for life. Maybe that is what attracts people to me.
Maybe the fact I chose not to date when I felt I wasn't able to make good choices, is what saved me from the bitterness I see to often in these threads. Everyone has flaws, to me some people's flaws make them more endearing to me. I'm not looking for a father for my children or someone I can have children with, I'm looking for someone I can enjoy my life with after my kids are gone.
I might die alone as the local cat lady because I don't have a need to be in a relationship but at least when I'm sitting alone in that rocking chair, abusing prescription narcotics, I'll be able to look back and think wow what a ride! "Carp diem" dude! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:59:20 AM | Ms Beavenhouse:
First let me say I respect you for all of your volunteer work. While such legislation that I have outlined can be a deterrant to dating single moms, my point is those single mom's who bash men on here for not dating single moms or who start threads complaining men will not date them shuld do something to make themselves and the situation they are in more marketable to single men. Maybe then guys like me might date single moms.
A General post:
I have posted many times that I have cerebral palsy. What if there was a law that would force any woman who marrie or lived common law with me to pay support to/for me for the rest of your lives. Would it not be a reason to consider not to date me? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:16:06 PM | @ms. beavenhouse
As much as you believe those laws may affect you you state that are raising two boys, it affects them. You cannot tell me that they may never run into that possibility. Even after all you may have taught them, they may find themselves in a situation that your beliefs and apathy will not save them from unjust laws.
It happens more and more each day. Will you tell them to marry? Would you encourage them to date a single mom with three kids?
So seize your day and keep your fingers crossed that ignoring the neccessary changes that are long overdue won't one day bite you in the proverbial tush. | |
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