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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:31:23 PM |
@ motley Maiden
I find your flaunting of your new found luck in life truly insulting to men but even moreso to the struggling moms out there who barely make ends meet.
You might have some who as women applaud your success and hard work but I would imagine they wouldn't mind if you took it down a notch or two and keep it to yourself. Show a little class and maybe earn a little of that respect you think you deserve.
How is it insulting to men??
However I am not going to apologise to anyone at all, why on earth should I?? Ive worked very hard, and I (and my son) deserve it. Ive put the hours in, and Ive put the study in so what I get in return is what I deserve, Ive earnt it.
I'm not going to pretend we live off a cabbage leaf and water just to make you happy, we have a great life and I have provided that for my family.
I spent time struggling to make ends meet (and Im not even going into my history on that side of things), and then I got up off my ass and did something about it.
And as far as respect from POF goes, I dont care a hoot, when I worked in the labs I got all the respect I deserved from patients of the hundreds of thousands of cancer cases I worked on. And now, I sell that equipment so Im still doing something for those patients, just in a different way. And that is good enough for me.
All in all, bollocks. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:35:37 PM |
I have posted many times that I have cerebral palsy. What if there was a law that would force any woman who marrie or lived common law with me to pay support to/for me for the rest of your lives. Would it not be a reason to consider not to date me?
OK, john, for the sake of argument, let's imagine that you were a woman, I was attracted to you, and that law was in place. (I know; of the 3, the law is by far the most likely to actually happen.) In short, no, the law would not come in to play at all in my decision to date or not to date you. The only point where such a law would come into play would be in deciding to move in or propose marriage. However, since the law doesn't apply to people who are dating, I wouldn't worry about it.
OK, now to get that disturbing thought process out of my head...
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:39:44 PM |
This is a contradiction I have to take offence with. I have said it before, why isn't this the norm before getting married or engaging in sex.. When I see how picky SM's are after having a child and not before it is a bit late to suddenly raise your standards of who they will choose to date.
This just says to me I was just having as much fun with the hottest guy I could or they married for all the wrong reasons. Take a look at most profiles and a common theme is I want butterflies, chills when you touch me.
Great so do I but I know that never lasts forever and will fade when real life kicks in. So who's really delusional here because eventually they will be back here trying again.
But as you jump in here to be yet another shining knight guy hoping to look cool and mature. You again bring up what I and a couple of other men have stated before of WHY is it a FLAW that we do not want to date a SM with young kids?
I remember my younger days of 20 to 30 and yes other than golfing as much as I could, getting some was priority one but I was never stupid enough to get someone pregnant until I got married.
And the only reason that failed was I was the same guy after we had a child.
I do not see that as a flaw in myself because I didn't change, I see it as flaw of most women because they expected it and it didn't happen.
I'm sorry, but this is a perfect example of the attitude that's really annoying me lately. You cricize single mothers for their choices in significant others, but don't hold yourself to the same standard. I'm sorry, but in my opinion, that's just pathetic. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:52:16 PM | Steve, you are really great, I like your posts. BUT, that last post to Johne, Steve, your scaring me, LOL.
As for kidding, you hit them sometimes, but I think, not unlike myself, your anger takes over. As I am want to say, "life is not fair". Things happen to us all, and you must try, to not let it color who you become. I'm sorry, but you will have to believe me on this. Your road is solitary and tough to walk. But if your true to yourself and don't let it change you, you'll come out better for it. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:00:25 PM |
I hate the system and the fact that none of the ladies here truly understand how good they have it and yet still come here to moan about how hard it is to date.
Assume much???
I am perplexed that of the hatred of single moms that you have not even met, nor know a clue about their situations. Not all single moms are your ex wife. We do not ALL sit here and not realize how good we have it. Most of us have had bad experiences in our divorce. Single moms are certainly not immune to it, and I speak from personal experience. But, I am a big girl and do not feel the need to come on and whine about how bad my divorce was and how unfair it was. Life is not fair. Sometimes you win, sometimes you get out the best you can with some of what was left of your spirit in tact and you work on rebuilding. Hatred gets you nowhere but an ulcer.
So now after being railroaded through our court system am living in a blah apartment, pay more aupport than I can afford and do not get to see my own son...
Hate the system. I am sorry that it failed you. Though at times, I wonder what the other side of the story is. The system did not fail my ex so it is hard for me to relate, but I try. If you pay too much than you can afford, then petition to have it lowered.
If you did not get custody of your son, then there has to be more of a reason than a judge saying he did not like your hair color therfore taking all rights away from you to see your child. They normally do not just unilaterally "decide" that a competent parent will have no time with thier child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:08:29 PM | ^^^My ex and I have joint legal custody. My lawyer told me that I would have to be severely mentally impared, serious drug addict, a danger to my child, etc. before a judge would hand over sole custody rights to my ex husband. Yet, it seems fathers get their rights stripped for nothing all the time from the way some talk...interesting.
This thread is full of assumptions, stereotypes, anger, bitterness, etc...really gets us nowhere. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:22:23 PM | When my ex and I split, we went to mediation and cooperatively worked to reach an agreement as to what was best for the kids. To those guys who have ex's who raked you over the coals, I have to wonder, did you go chasing after the "hot women", the "bad girls"? Did you have a fling or get married for the wrong reasons?
See. Cuts both ways, don't it? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:28:12 PM | I know this is going to open a whole can of worms here, but I really don't know and I'd like to. What is the average ratio of male and female judges? They are the ones granting the divorces, granting custody and whatever else. Are all the guys that are getting screwing in their divorces all getting female judges that are against men? Are they getting male judges that don't believe the men? I wouldn't ask if I knew. Does anyone have any idea?
edit: My ex and I had a male judge but our divorce was in chambers with no oral representation. Just paperwork (reports, statements and previous years tax assessments) for him to look over. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:37:02 PM | Steve, I'm going to go out on a limb here. Let's see how much controversy we can cause in this thread. Here's my story(no details, well no major ones) My wife cheated first, then again. I withdrew, subsequent divorce, no fault NY. Judgement without to many details, I paid $72,000 a year for first eight years, then a a further sum till my youngest was 21. There was other money involved but let's start here. I wanted to make sure my daughters were OK, so as long as most of it was child support I was Ok with it. Questions? Bob
PS CG my judge was a male, her blood sucking lawyer was a female, although in honesty all lawyers are blood suckers, sorry personal opinion.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:43:20 PM | | I am the same way, i have 2 daughters and i dont introduce them to anyone unless i know for sure that it is someone that will stick around...in the past few years i have only let one man meet my children, we started out as dating but it didnt work out..nice thing is that he still comes around. i think its best to put it out there that you have children right away then they know that before chatting or going on a date. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:52:08 PM | I did not even have a judge...My ex and I were (gasp) able to settle out of court.
Split the debt in half, he got visitation (which is what he requested) and I got child support based on income he was making at time in an entry level position, though he did fight the amount for months (even though it was based on a straight formula) costing me thousands of dollars in lawyers bills, for what was supposed to be a "simple on paper" divorce. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:53:15 PM | | Wow...as a single mom i am extremely offended about your accusations ( malibusteve). I certainly didnt get pregnant on porpose and i wasnt out screwing every hot guy i saw..sometimes birth control just isnt effective. I think you need to stereotype a little less and realize that not all single moms are looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue them. As for myself, since having my children have worked hard to put myself through College and University and am on here just looking for someone to share the good times with, someone who appreciates the joys of having children and isnt scared of commitment. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:58:56 PM | Sorry Jessica, Steve is one of the good guys, your way off base. Before you go jumping to conclusions, go back 10 pages or so and check it out.
Quirky, sorry on fees, I paid my lawyers fees and all of($38,000) my ex's. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:06:38 PM | I always giggle and laugh when I hear or read a phrase like "single mom firmly believes her child can do no wrong." Most parents know (but there are some still in denial) that their "perfect little angles" usually have hidden horns at times or at the very least a tarnished halo. Unless I'm the only one on here who has kids the squabble with each other or bicker with their friends.
I must have been a sucker then, I paid the fees but I think I got off lucky compared to some. It was around 6 grand. No lawyers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:11:43 PM | Before you think I'm crazy. First off, and I know it's not how most of you feel. "It's only money", you have to get to what's important in life. My daughters well being, because dad's don't get custody of females, was more important to me. I could always make more money, I could not make my daughters again, hope you understand that. Bob
PS CG, who said they hide their horns, my girls never did, nor would I want them too. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:22:47 PM | You did what you felt was right for you and your girls Bob, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still puzzled as to why some feel that dad's don't get custody of females. I know several single fathers with custody of their daughters. One of them has three daughters, all teens (13-16).
I used to (and still do actually) say that I had to take my son in for surgery to have his horns and tail removed. That kid has energy....haha | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:34:39 PM | | Can't explain the feelings, just to let you know in NY, fathers don't as a rule get custody. Courts feel that the girls should wind up with the mother. Hard lesson, I spent an additional $100,000 trying to get custody, to no avail. Frankly, aside from one other incident, it was the worst moment in my life.Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:46:13 PM | | New to this thread and probably spinning things in a strange direction but I have to ask the reverse question. Why are so many women afraid of a relationship with a single father with custody of their kids? This may have been talked about earlier....I didn't read all 122 pages....I just can't figure it out. It may just be me, but things seem to be going OK until they hear about my kids. Once can be a fluke, twice could be a stranger than fiction coincedence, but three times is a pattern. I really don't understand it and maybe someone out there has some insights other than "they don't want to be instant mom" or "they want the freedom to go out". Hopefully not speaking out of turn here :) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:51:16 PM |
Can I also say to all those who are whingeing about the laws in their country; if you dont like it, move!!!!
Well that is helpful. Anyone else guessing that the UK has similar laws and a otential abuser of those laws may have a really poor poker-face?
OK, john, for the sake of argument, let's imagine that you were a woman, I was attracted to you, and that law was in place. (I know; of the 3, the law is by far the most likely to actually happen.) In short, no, the law would not come in to play at all in my decision to date or not to date you. The only point where such a law would come into play would be in deciding to move in or propose marriage. However, since the law doesn't apply to people who are dating, I wouldn't worry about it.
Besides the disturbing imagery, I see a flaw here. Someone that truly is seeking "Long-term" may already know they want something they think might lead to co-habitation or marriage eventually. So knowing that, right off the hop potential repercussions will be looked at. And if they are big enough then you would be less likely to waste your time and the dates. After all you don't know the person well enough to make a call on whether they are somehow less likely to pose an additional risk if things go great long enough then cool off, so many I would think are more inclined to just look elsewhere. It isn't like most people have time for a dozen dates every week. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:56:42 PM | | Hey Mike, we went in a different direction tonight. Some of the ladies may speak to this. My impression as a guy is women coming out of a relationship where they put in all the house work and a job , took care of the kid. Feel single dads want a new housekeeper/sex partner. They are looking for a partner, demonstrate your ability to be that, and all will be welll, Bob | |
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