| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:07:12 PM | | Yes Mike it has been covered. I'm not sure where it is back there but it has popped up a few times. I am only guessing here but it might be that those women had no children and either were afraid of what children involve or just don't want children (bio or otherwise). They may not want to take the chance of hurting the children down the road possibly. They may not want to become too attached to the children. It could be any number of reasons. Most of them are probably the same reasons the guys give. I honestly don't know. Whatever they are, they know what is best for them. There are quite a few women that do prefer single dad's though. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:08:08 PM | | It's pretty hard to demonstrate that though when you never get to that point in the relationship.....I'm up front about having custody of my kids....Nothing like a 5th date surprise "oh by the way I have to get home and put the kids to bed"...lol. I can see your point though and why that would be a scary thing for a woman. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:10:57 PM |
Why are so many women afraid of a relationship with a single father with custody of their kids?
Just as some men do, they have their reasons...Could be from past experiences, their lack of desire for children, inluding anyone else's, etc. It just is what it is..
It's pretty hard to demonstrate that though when you never get to that point in the relationship
Uh, yes, some of us single moms concur fully though the "that" is different... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:22:29 PM | | Mike, your lucky though, these women on this thread are smart and insightful. Ultimately they will give you the answers you need to proceed. My thoughts are my own, guy thing, they will lead you in the right direction. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:28:17 PM | LOL....too right Bob. I appreciate the input. Was recently shut down for revealing my situation to a woman I met IRL. was beginning to think there was some king of common theme or something. Starting to see it's not. I guess that's why God gave fisherman patience... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:19:46 AM | Jessica Theyers,
Wow...as a single mom i am extremely offended about your accusations ( malibusteve). I certainly didnt get pregnant on porpose and i wasnt out screwing every hot guy i saw..sometimes birth control just isnt effective. I think you need to stereotype a little less and realize that not all single moms are looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue them. As for myself, since having my children have worked hard to put myself through College and University and am on here just looking for someone to share the good times with, someone who appreciates the joys of having children and isnt scared of commitment.
I'm sorry if I didn't make my point clear. My point was that people shouldn't make such assumptions about single mothers. If you read back a few pages, you'll see that this stereotype of single mothers having "bad boys" as ex's offends me because I have an ex who is a single mother.
I could always make more money, I could not make my daughters again, hope you understand that.
Exactly! This is what I wish more people could understand. I think far too many people in this world value money far too highly.
I may have posted this many pages back, but I honestly can't remember. I read something on a divorce website (for men) that took the question "How much would you pay to make your children happy?" and turned it around into "How much are you willing to put your children through in order to save some money?" I've made the decision that I would rather keep the peace and have less money than to put my kids in the middle of a messy divorce. There are issues that I'm willing to fight over (such as decisions that affect their health and safety), but I choose not to fight over money.
Anyway, back to the thread topic, as a single man, I have no problem dating single women. Well, other than getting them to agree. (I recently offered to buy a single mother dinner, from the drive through of her choice, but I still can't get her to relocate to my area.) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:17:30 PM | | I've stopped in tonight to say good bye to all the good people I've met on this thread. While I am not leaving POF, I've thought through my posting on here. Most if not all of you are 10 years or more my junior. The issues that concern you, are mostly not mine. While it is true I am dating a single mom, my perspectives come from life experience, and not any issue with her or dating single moms. I hope that I added something to the mix to make it better and more informative. The issues you face are many faceted, who, when to date, how, where. Baby sitters, discrimination, name calling, just trying to recognize each other not as single moms/dads or single guys/women. More just as fellow single human beings trying to connect with that one special person who brings the light into your life. No one group or person should be excluded from seeking a meaningful, rewarding relationship by anyone or any group. Having said all this I will look in from time to time to see if this will wind up the longest POF thread ever. God bless and good fishing, Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:59:59 PM | I mean thghis in a humorous way:
Malibu Steve the thought of me being a female I do not find appealing and if I was you would not be my time...lol
A serious post now.
Alimony can be in place for either a man or women who makes less money than the other partner...I would have no issues with paying alimony in the event of divorce. I do however look at a situation such as potential child support for a child that is not mine as unfair. I feel it (the legal system) is slanted to far in favour of the parent for my liking. So yes I look at that situation when dating and rather than string out some dates, wasting her time and mine I just try to aviod the situation in the "getting to know you stage" and stay friends with the single mom.
I am looking for a long term life partner not just casual dating so why would I waste my time.
For those of you with such laws in your country/state do something to help get the laws changed..if you ddo nothing you approve with your silence. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:18:56 PM | I am with you sweetestthang, I've had the same deal , lack of time etc...at the end of the day, there are real cool guys out there and I don't believe they all hate single moms!
I will never hide the fact that I have a child, I usually don't introduce my child to the guys anyway so if they don't want anything serious or if I don't think they are good enough for me then the child is spared...
I'd rather be a single mum then married to an idiot...get to date and have fun more then them anyway!!!
My child will be 10 this year and yeah I'm happy to know that I will have more freedom soon but then again it hasn't been a major problem to find a guy, so far , so good....
Good luck to you 2! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:52:49 AM | Have to like yourself and your situation before men or anyone else can like you. I do not believe its to do with if someone is a single mother. Single fathers have the same dilema, women that have had their families not necessarily wanting anymore let alone someone elses. People are different and so are what they want from a person and better someone honest about what the do not want then lead you on about what they want.
Juat my humble opinion  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:18:36 PM | You made some good points in your post....but I must say that women are very quick to bash single men who would not date single moms........men are entitled to their dating choice even if the reasons behind them may not always be considered reasonable........at least you have admitted that many single women hesitate to date single dads..............which I find very strange......particularly since in most cases, the men do not have custody of their children (in most cases).......so there is no ready made family unit for the woman to contend with (in most cases).
Correct me if I am wrong but I get a sense that most single women think that it is perfectly acceptable for them to pass on a single father....but that there is something negative about a single guy who passes on a single mother. Why the double standard????
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:01:15 PM | | Not sure hot chocolate but in my circle of friends who are single moms they say they do not want to be a mom or step mom to another women's child, they say more chilren brings more drama, they do not want time, attention or financial resources taken away from their child(ren) they say they fear loco parentus laws and say single dads are looking for a mother for his child. I am not saying all single mom's say that but I know a few who do. They also complain men have criteria and if they do not meet the criteria of the man they want he should change his criteria so she can fit it or else he would be shallow. If a man will not date a single mom some consider him scum. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:20:16 PM |
Correct me if I am wrong but I get a sense that most single women think that it is perfectly acceptable for them to pass on a single father....but that there is something negative about a single guy who passes on a single mother. Why the double standard????
I see a bit of the contention here seems to be rooted in a common human trait. We as a species love to "group" things. It makes them easier to understand.
The posters here by majority do not seem to be the types of single parents that most hesitate to date. Sadly, I still see these fine people as being in the minority.
So what I see is these people here getting annoyed with being "grouped" with a bunch of undesirables based on parental status. Can't blame them on that any injustice is bad, and really chafes when it affects you personally. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:33:34 PM | YEP! I hear ya! Just tonight a guy called me and we chatted for a few minutes then he says that Kids scare him. (What?!) I know that my profile clearly states that I have children... so WHY did he bother calling me?? and since I have been doing great raising them on my own for the last three years, its not like I'm looking for somebody to take care of them! They are really cool and down to earth kids.
Ugh... Oh well, better to find out NOW that he's a fruit cake then after going out with him. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:38:09 PM |
You made some good points in your post....but I must say that women are very quick to bash single men who would not date single moms........men are entitled to their dating choice even if the reasons behind them may not always be considered reasonable........at least you have admitted that many single women hesitate to date single dads..............which I find very strange......particularly since in most cases, the men do not have custody of their children (in most cases).......so there is no ready made family unit for the woman to contend with (in most cases).
Correct me if I am wrong but I get a sense that most single women think that it is perfectly acceptable for them to pass on a single father....but that there is something negative about a single guy who passes on a single mother. Why the double standard???? I know this is a lot to quote but I don't want anyone to say I'm only taking a portion and using it out of context.
I have to agree with Loonytunz but want to expand it a bit.
Some women, not all, are very quick to bash single men who would not date single moms. Just as some men, single fathers say the same about single women. People will always have their preferences. It's just the way it is. Everyone is entitled to their dating choices regardless of which gender they are.
I will correct you because I do believe you are mistaken. I do not believe that most single women think that it is acceptable for them to pass on a man just because he is a single father or even a non custodial father. I still believe that most men and women pass on someone because of the person and or lack of attraction. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:27:51 PM | **What I continue to find interesting is that in reading a few of the profiles of these men that are so vehemently against dating single moms, it is mentioned nowhere in their profile...Why is that fellas?
So what I see is these people here getting annoyed with being "grouped" with a bunch of undesirables based on parental status. Can't blame them on that any injustice is bad, and really chafes when it affects you personally.
Pretty much sums up my feelings about it.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:56:41 AM | Just to dispel any confusion or misunderstanding, here is the answer to the original question.
1) If you get pregnant, you're going to keep it. You've already demonstrated that; your little bundle of joy is living proof that you're pro-life, and I will have no choice or say in the matter. Up to 1/3 of my gross pay will be automatically removed from my paycheck for 18 years. If I lose my job, or can't pay, then I get labeled a deadbeat dad, and the cops come and throw me in jail.
I am single and without children by choice. I don't want them. Perhaps in the future when I am in a better position financially and in my career, but right now a child would destroy my life. Dating a single mother is a huge liability, and there are plenty of women around that I don't need to take that risk.
2) Your child will always come first. It's stated right there in the original post "she is my number one priority".
Why in the world would I ever want to date someone who places me second in line to another man's litter? I want my significant other to be available to me, and not have to schedule our time around some kid.
I want to jump in the car and get away for the weekend, not watch Barney videos. I want to have dinner at a nice restaurant. Not eat micro waved pizza at Chuck E. Cheeses while a mob of screaming children is tearing around the joint.
And I don't have to. There are plenty of women around where I don't need to put up with that crap.
3) A woman's body changes after she gives birth which makes the intimacy less satisfying for men.
It's a fact. It's a concern. It's something I don't have to deal with.
4) If you are a single mother, it shows that you are reckless and irresponsible.
Where is the father? How come you're not with him? If you have a child and the father isn't around, it projects that either you couldn't make the relationship work, or had poor judgment in choosing a mate. In either case, you were deliberately negligent about your contraception. Having a child now is a choice, one that you made. You could have exercised better judgment, a bit of restraint until you found a good, solid relationship but you didn't.
I don't want to be with someone who has poor judgment, is irresponsible, and/or can't make a relationship work. And I don't have to.
There you have it single mothers of the world. Direct, honest and straightforward from a single guy who refuses to date single mothers. You might not like it, but it's the truth, and sometimes the truth is hard to take. | |
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