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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:20:43 PM | My own reason is perfectly simple: Most women that already have a child won't allow a man in their life that isn't the child's biological father to have anything really to do with raising the child. I am not saying this is wrong, but for me it would be a hindrance.
I just got done reading another thread in another forum where the mother raised her daughter to be a total nightmare and the now grown child is completely disrespectful to the mother and to her boyfriend of 4 years. My own children were raised to be respectful to me and if I had to deal with a child that was being disrespectful and I wasn't allowed to discipline them then I wouldn't feel as though I was part of the family.
Very seldom does a man who joins into a relationship with a woman who already has kids have any say at all in the way they are raised. I am not saying this is always the case as I have examples of both types of relationships within my own family. 1 of my brothers married a lady that had 4 kids and had no say at all in the raising of the kids even though he worked and paid all the bills and provided a home for them all to live in, while my other brother married a lady that had 1 boy who to this day still calls my brother "Dad". | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:37:09 PM | | I just wanted to say that I know a couple single dad's. I have nothing but respect for them, bcuz it's harder on dad's. Work's tougher to arrange for instance, cuz the boss usually thinks mom will handle it. I personally think single dad's are sexy, they're willing to fight for their kids, which is alot more than most guys. So here's my nod to the single dad's out there! You guys rock! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:51:18 PM | | Johne; I know I'm jumping in here late in the game, so I don't know if someone has said this yet or not, but if she doesn't have custody of her kid, she's NOT a single mom. She's just a girl/lady/woman with a kid. We do not call men that have kids, single dads unless they have custody and/or actively raising their children. I think you need to check your definitions. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:20:02 PM |
We do not call men that have kids, single dads unless they have custody and/or actively raising their children. I think you need to check your definitions.
Oh geez, that's gonna start a fire or two.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:43:45 PM | | I know a few men who actively raise their children while not living with them. My sister's ex being one. Now I know since she is my sister's ex, I should just naturally side with my sister right? Well, In my opinion, he goes out of his way to take the kids, and to involve them with their new baby brother. He may not alway pay his support on time, but he Never misses his weekends or support payment. Unfortunately, he also keeps bringing the crap back to court,so i suppose there's good and bad. But, if he really thinks that he's doing what's right for his kids, who can blame him for going back to court? At least he's fighting for his kids, which is a lot more than some guys. (and in case you're wondering the kids would be happy and healthy in either household) Also, this is second hand, since I'm only peripherally involved. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:51:16 AM | I am actually pmsl!!!!
<div class="quote">yes really, if a man so chooses he has the right to fornicate with as many women as he wants, provided they consent of course! It's up to the women to decide to be pregnant or not.
Wrong. Not just the woman's decision. CONDOMS. Male pill. Even the withdrawal method. My God, some people really do live in the stone age still.
Malibu, who made you the debate police??!!
Smuggler, now sir, i have come to the conclusion that you are SEXIST. Through and through. If Bob was a woman (which you may well be, no offence Bob) you'd be 'flaming' him as much as you do any other woman on here. What did some woman do to you to make you so damn angry? (That is a rhetorical question, answers on a postcard.) Desert and Bob (and to some extent Johne, or should I say Jerry?), you make reading this thread THE most hillarious entertainment! Love it!
To the above poster, who on earth said that single dads have it harder??? Really? Just the fact that they get the sympathy vote from people like you says it all! Apparently, men dont have a maternal instinct, but as soon as someone says that they find it easy to walk away from their kids, they start kicking off about how they could never do that! Ironic, isnt it?! Or maybe moronic. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:11:53 AM | I am not finding it hard to find a guy that is willing to accept my kids are apart of my life, this is because I am upfront about having them to start with. I think it is deceitful to go into a relationship and then drop the bombshell after months of dating.
My problem is that I can't find a guy that is willing to take it slow. I have two little ones to think about and I cant just drop everything to go away for a night out, a weekend away. And there is definately no way I am introducing you to my kids till I now for sure whether we are even going to stay in each others lives, whether that be as friends or partners. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:26:54 AM | This is a quote that really will answer all the issues and put an end to all criticisms and thoughts to rest
I saw the response somewhere online and thought it really specifies the painful yet truthful reason of why single men DO NOT LIKE SINGLE MOTHERS?
Whoever answered this has really hands on experience -- anti-single mum syndrome
Great quote -- Redefinition of all the points summed up neatly and sincerely EVEN THOUGH I do not fully agree with some points made out but you get the idea.
QUOTE -
"In my opinion when you say "single mom" it means something. It's like moving into a house and the previous owner is selling only for 10 grand. The first thing you think of is "What the hell's wrong with this house?!?!?!" "Why is it so dirt cheap?" "Does it have roaches / ghosts etc?"
Men who want serious relationships proceed with caution when approaching single moms because of two main reasons 1.) This women is beautiful, how come the knocker-upper didn't keep her, and 2.) Am I in the long run going to experience the same problems in the future that the first baby daddy had.
Honestly, I only see single moms as for sexual purposes only, and never as a serious relationship, and that may be the reason why guys might want to drink your milk without buying the cow.
Just so you know these are not stereotypes. These are problems I've dealt with dealing with women with baggage. This may help you identify why men don't stay after they hit and play.
1.) The kids will always come first, and men in your life may not be comfortable playing second fiddle for attention.
2.) Always needy - Most of the single mother I knew started bagging children in their teens, when their bodies developed faster than their minds. No man (in his right mind) wants to be helping out an financially unstable women and somebody else's kids.
3.) Stretch marks - c-section scars. When you ask a man what type of shoes he desires to buy, he'll tell you preferrably shoes that are brand new. No man wants to buy shoes already broken in. When he looks at your bloated assed stomach full of stretch marks and c-section scars, it's like looking at a used car...you drive it for now, but you'll dream of getting behind the wheel of a newer one.
4.) Baby daddy still in picture. It's not jealousy, but awareness. A new man in the picture will always be aware that there is always a bond between former baby daddy and mom. Many men including myself are not comfortable with this. Because there may be lots of issues that can strain a new relationship. The baby daddy might not want to let go, or he may still be sexing the mom under the nose of the new boyfriend. Trust me, I have a lot of single dad friends..and half of them have still sexed their baby mothers while they were in new relationships.
5.) Hell..I can do better - A man might see a women with kids as that used car with mileage that he can get around with until he can afford a brand new car. He'll be with you until something better with less kids and less stretch marks and c-section scars arrives.
6.) Sour *** breast milk. When a women has kids, she develops breast milk. And if not atttended regularly..it can become quite sour and nasty. This will skyrocket a man to leave you if he gets a mouthful.
7.) Bad *** kids, delayed sex. Keep it real, when a man wants to make love to you now, he does'nt want to wait until your kids are sound asleep. That can take hours, and by the time they do KO, it could be too late and either one of you may no longer be in the mood. Delayed sex in a childless women is much more unlikely and more pleasent to a man.
Also, the man may not like your kids, and vice versa. Not all kids are cute and well behaved. And the thought of a nasty, unappreciative, ugly child may give that man nightmares at the thought of being that kid's stepdad. " | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:09:29 AM |
This is a quote that really will answer all the issues and put an end to all criticisms and thoughts to rest
Horse-hockey. It's flame-bait, and you either know it, or you're the most ignorant thing to come down the pike. ...just like the LAST post you made in this forum, which everyone fortunately ignored. (Yes, I know. Get over it.)
I can also put that whole post to rest with one line: It's predicated on using women primarily as sex toys. Grow up. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:26:08 AM | I dont know about that princess... LOL...
Anyone that sets themselves up on a pedistal, then harps to the rest of us, kind of makes you look bad..
Im not a sexist, and I dont believe in sexism. I do, however, believe that there is a root cause to many of the social problems we currently face. Wether you like it or not, the truth is out there. Look for it. I'll give you a hint... it started around the 60's here in this country... (from what Ive read, much earlier than that on your side of the pond)
You want to sit there, and berate every man for posting thier opinion, that makes you no better than anyone else. I may not like Desertrihno very much, but he at least keeps things consistant.... Same with Bob.
You on the other hand, are a completely different story. You want your cake and want to eat it too. You cant have it both ways. You are EXACTLY the type of woman that creates a common stereo type. You want to scream equality, then expect your date to pick up the check.... You want sympathy for being a single mother working on your own, yet, admiration for being so strong and doing it on your own...
If you want to call me a sexist for pointing out the flaws in your logic, or the fact that you, in many cases, are flat out WRONG... then go ahead! If it makes you feel better in that self absorbed world of yours... enjoy it.
As for Desertrhino, Bob, and myself... We all have opinions... You dont have to read them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:44:24 AM | Good morning to all, just some general observations,
Princess, I'm afraid to disappoint but a woman I am not. Although with my legs I'm sure I'd look good in heels.
Smuggler is not such a bad sort. So what if he's angry, even bitter. Have you seen (as he says also) some of the rants of some women on this and other issues? We ALL bring whatever baggage along to where ever we are, we should just try to reduce it along the way.
As too men having it harder, it maybe true, think on these 1. many single moms won't date them(issues with kids, former relationships, don't want the additional work) single women cite they want their own kids, not a ready made family. 2.When an employer hires a single mom, they know going in the issues. When they hire a guy, they think just another guy. Since loosely, the numbers are like 1 in 10 guys wind up with custody they don't see it that often. Most often when things happen in the work place guys are told "suck it up"(gender bias thing from guy's side, well taught role) 3. As YOU said men were not taught to nuture, so it takes a special man to do it. Don't you think with all the above and these feelings he will be ostrisized to some degree. Think on it, don't react, as I said some thoughts.
Finally I'm happy your entertained by me. But would really prefer to add balance to get to the meat of the discussion. Although I must admit, I can be emotional too. My reaction yesterday, was somewhat emotional. I recognize, better than most, the plight of both sides and get visceral, when I see a purely derogatory statement on either side. While I have to apoligize to all for flaming, I think you see my intentions come from a good place.
Parkerkimm, I think most of that quote has been talked about in one way or another. Maybe the ladies will comment on it, their choice. Much of it is sterotyping and myths. When you look at the profiles of this group of moms I think 85% would not apply. My thoughts anyway.
Well I've made my apology, mea culpa, I guess it's on with the show. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:08:33 AM |
Wrong. Not just the woman's decision. CONDOMS. Male pill. Even the withdrawal method. My God, some people really do live in the stone age still.
First there is NO male pill on the market. Secondly, "withdrawl"...... holy hell are you in high school still in an area with no sex education?
Now as for condoms, they can fail. Now both took that risk, so both should be accountable for consequences correct? Yet, legally who has 100% control over whether or not the child comes to term? So, the guy has NO say in whether or not he becomes a father(or that he WON'T even if both were he was very open in the beginning of the relationship about religious convictions which do not condone abortion) other than being abstinent which really is not a realistic choice. Then add in that legally a guy can be TOLD he is a father of children which are known to not be his and held responsible.
You've inadvertent hit on something very relevant here. The current system is inherently biased and patently unfair, and frankly I think the legal process can still do better. There is no reason not to attribute responsibility proportionally to "rights" and still protect those that need it while being much more equitable.
You may be mis-reading frustration with unfairness/injustice as sexism. Reverse the roles for a second, how pleased would you be if contraception failed but the guy could force you to carry the child to term even if you didn't want a child, and then have you pay him to care for it?
OT: knowing the score on rights, liabilities, responsibilities could be reason enough for some to avoid a potentially disastrous situation. And that in turn becomes unfair to the decent single parents by limiting opportunities. I've said it before and I'll say it again, instead of starting all of these threads, get involved in removing these obstacles. Just your action toward true equity will set you apart from the masses.
Note: I would think this would have more impact on the younger set, since 20 years of forced responsibility is much harder to swallow than 4 or 6 years. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:00:42 PM | Ladies, Gentlemen, and Manginas
Recently, several single mothers have shown a romantic interest, to which I was reflexively put off. In an effort to understand this reaction, I took a moment to think about it. I worked out my impressions, thoughts, concerns, stereotypes etc. Reasoned it through and wrote it down. I was going to start a new discussion thread in here, but then I discovered a very active one already existed. The question presented in a public forum:
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
The Original Poster then goes on to write: “I really don't understand (it) at all”
It struck me as baffling that the answer to this question could remain a mystery to none but the most deliberately obtuse. So I decided to answer the question in the most clear, unambiguous manner possible. As a single man, I am infinitely more qualified to provide a definitive answer then any female from whom the only product would be speculation and conjecture.
Likewise, the opinions of offensive Captain Mangina Save-A-Ho are unreliable as he is desperately seeking female validation and approval; his motives rendered transparent by championing the feminist agenda under the mistaken believe that doing so will improve his prospects. In actuality, such duplicitous servile groveling is nothing short of revolting – to both sexes.
123 pages is quite a backlog to sift through, so I just threw the answer right on up there. If this backlash is representative of the general population, the following items can be added to the list:
5) Single Mothers are: - Close minded.
- Belligerently hostile.
- Delusional.
- Hypersensitive.
Rather then addressing the genuine and legitimate concerns raised in the original post, the response was a defensive (and quite immature) mocking, scorn and name calling strike. This is a classic weapon in the female argument arsenal, to try to de-legitimize the position of the other party and deflect/redirect the focus back on to them. Denial is a defense mechanism, but it is ultimately harmful as the root cause remains unattended. Ladies, if you are a single mother, and have any interest in improving your dating prospects, find a way to address and assuage these concerns. Ignoring them and stamping your little feet and huffing and puffing and expecting, nay, demanding the world conform to an image you deem fit is not a constructive way to deal with this problem. Your problem.
As an empathy exercise, to help you better understand the male position, I’m going to reframe the question as follows:
Why should single guys go out with single mothers?
Or, more precisely, Since there are plenty of single women around without a little crumb-cruncher to get in the way, why should a single guy go out with a single mother if he doesn't have to deal with all that BS?
Go ahead single Moms, I’m listening. Enlighten me.
As for you Captain Mangina, go knit me a tea-cozy. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:30:59 PM | Parkerkimm, I think most of that quote has been talked about in one way or another. Maybe the ladies will comment on it, their choice. Much of it is sterotyping and myths. When you look at the profiles of this group of moms I think 85% would not apply. My thoughts anyway.
It is his personal choice..to date or not..whatever. As for the derogatory blanket statements there just lame..no reason to even acknowledge them. Just a guy out there who feels the need to berate or condemn or judge..he is not part of my world so personally I am not so vested in his opinion..one mans opinion and truthfully he sounds like its a possibility he might have been burned by a woman who happened to be a mother...or perhaps its his own mother he is upset with. One can never really know about another person until you know them.
There is light and there is darkness..Good and bad and the in between.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:32:27 PM |
Or, more precisely, Since there are plenty of single women around without a little crumb-cruncher to get in the way, why should a single guy go out with a single mother if he doesn't have to deal with all that BS?
Go ahead single Moms, I’m listening. Enlighten me.
ROFL!!!
Oh boy... 
Another 125 pages to go! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:11:58 PM | Not all single mothers are ignorant, irresponsible, and delusional. Maybe delusional, if you believe in love forever. I was married when I became pregnant with my only child, in the course of events, I was forced to leave my husband to protect my child... another story, not meant for here, but how does that make me ignorant, irresponsible ot delusional?!?!
I think the whole point of that comment was to incite a riot. Well, I'll tell you. It certainly pissed me off! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:15:53 PM |
I think the whole point of that comment was to incite a riot. Well, I'll tell you. It certainly pissed me off!
You shouldnt let little comments like that piss you off, thats exactly what the poster intended. I read it, shook my head and laughed  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:26:24 PM | Manducati, you certainly are full of yourself, aren't you? I'm not going to take any bait that you flung out there so you can come back and tell me I'm delusional or closed minded, or one of the other dismissive terms you used. But I do have some questions for you.
Why is it that of the few men who are posting on this thread who do not have children and do not want to date women with children do not have listed on their profile that this is their wish? Why not just get your cards out on the table? It certainly would save you the headache of journaling your thoughts on paper now, wouldn't it? And it certainly would keep the wolves at bay, don't you agree?
If you are so against dating a single mother, and do not really wish to interact with them either (this is just a guess here by the dismissive tone of your two posts I've read), why would you want to participate in a forum board with them? I have said this to other posters too; I'm not a star trek fan. I know nothing about star trek. If you like it, fine. But I'm not about to log on (daily for most) and post (incessantly for most) that star trek fans don't know what they're talking about, that Magnum P.I. is such a better show they really should follow that one. I'm not going to get on there and debate how Spock was really born, what the cast is doing now, how many episodes there were, you get the idea. Why do you feel the need to come on here and tell us collectively that you do not wish to date us because you obviously dislike children and what they've done to our bodies and our social lives? Why not just address the select few that have written you and say "thanks, but I'm just not interested in dating a woman with children, I hope you understand"?
I .......just.......don't........understand. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:33:08 PM | Oh God, I've got a fanboi.
(and yeah, it's pretty telling that he likes to come here to start a flame-war, but doesn't include something so basic to his preferences and desires in his profile.) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:43:18 PM | Captain Mangina Save-A-Ho
Enlighten you? Why would we bother. Obviously you have respect issues with women in general. Mangina? So being like a woman is a negative? Save-a_ho? Wow I can't even find anything moderate to say.
Most of us don't give a rat's bum if a single man without children would or would not date us. What gets our panties in a bunch is the negative stereotypes, they grow tiresome since most of us do not fit the traditional behaviors of single mothers.
Hopefully that very articulate rant of recycled information will make you feel superior enough to overcome your fear and you'll go find yourself a nice single girl, instead of lurking in single parents threads begging for attention. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:50:19 PM | | I don't mind your jibe. I guess in retrospect given my rant I deserve it. I will however compliment you on a some what more balanced post. As to your attitude it speaks for itself. I will leave it to the ladies to react too. I will correct you on one thing, I do not curry favor to seek dates, I do all right on my own. I have neither been contacted nor contacted anyone on this thread seeking a date. I post out of interest, some personal, some curiousity, some just seeking fair play, you don't like it, tough. From the perspective you put forth though, do you really expect a rational, balanced answer? It is said riding motorcycles is dangerous. I don't think that will stop you. You enjoy it. But if most women in the world said they wouldn't date you because you ride a motorcycle wouldn't you seek to understand that? Then if the answers came back "your worth sh*t, because you ride one" would that make you feel all warm and fuzzy? You can deliver the same message with condescension or diplomacy. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:58:52 PM | You on the other hand, are a completely different story. You want your cake and want to eat it too. You cant have it both ways. You are EXACTLY the type of woman that creates a common stereo type. You want to scream equality, then expect your date to pick up the check.... You want sympathy for being a single mother working on your own, yet, admiration for being so strong and doing it on your own...
Please, feel free to quote me here. I have NEVER asked a man for anything. Especially not sympathy. My love, you live in the dark ages. It is equality now and that is the way it is. My point about sigle dads is that hey should get the same treatment as single mothers! An employer knows if you have children, male or female. If they treat a man as you say they do, Bob, that is purely the fault of men as a gender and the image they create for themselves.
If you want to call me a sexist for pointing out the flaws in your logic, or the fact that you, in many cases, are flat out WRONG... then go ahead! If it makes you feel better in that self absorbed world of yours... enjoy it.
In your opinion. I do, thankyou. It is a very happy self-absorbed one.
As for Desertrhino, Bob, and myself... We all have opinions... You dont have to read them
At what point did I indicate that I was being sarcastic? You are waaaaay too sceptical. I was being genuine, some posts have actually made me laugh.
Reverse the roles for a second, how pleased would you be if contraception failed but the guy could force you to carry the child to term even if you didn't want a child, and then have you pay him to care for it?
It would help if you read previous posts. Probably p!ssed off, but I would make damn sure that I was in that child's life or at the very least paying to ensure its survival.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:26:46 PM | Crumb-cruncher? ROFL can I use that, please?? I'm always looking for a new term of endearment for my three year-old daughter. "C'mere, ya little crumb-cruncher.."
Manducati, I really hate to insult another motorcycle-lover, but I do hope you love your bike dearly, because with that attitude, it's probably the only Italian girl you're ever going to ride :P
There are all different flavors of "BS" out there, you know. Baggage is not restricted solely to single parenthood. Find me anyone, man or woman, who has zero trouble finding a date with a perfect body, flawless credit, a high-paying job, unlimited free time, and not a care in the world...and I'll show you someone who has never had to use a dating site. Life bats everyone around and dents them a little, and I for one would much rather meet someone who's come through it with their positive attitude intact, than seek someone who's never had to grow up. Who do you really want by your side at the end of your long day? Someone who understands the crap you're going through, or a pretty face who'll dump you the minute *your* life has more "BS" than they feel they have to deal with?
It *almost* makes me not want to tell any men I might encounter that I have a child, just to hear his honest opinion of single mothers, first. I suspect (and fear) the results will be eye-opening. For the record, I'm a busy single mom with tons on her plate, I'm not beautiful or rich, and I don't seem to have a problem attracting anyone. The day I do, it will be for a rotten attitude, not my little crumb-cruncher...and if that unlikely day ever comes, I'll eat that tea-cozy. | |
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