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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:44:55 PM | My bad I sort of disregarded the poster you were responding to. He started out just a but harsh and for a minute I thought he might have a point.....then I read further and had to disagree with too much. Either he was out to lunch or not illustrating what he meant, but the tone didn't encourage me to even read further to find out which was the case.
Interesting in a forced pregnancy you think you should still be financially responsible. I find that unusual but a still defensible point provided it is enforced equitably. Maybe I am wrong bit I am pretty sure most women would be rapidly opposed to "forced" parenthood, and every bit as hesitant when it was applied to kids you had nothing to do with creating.
If you have noticed really I am neither for nor against single parents. I just enjoy forums and open debate. At times I have become a bit irritated when valid points were raised much earlier and the common response was "well that isn't me", or "why would i say anything about that since it doesn't affect me". Well like it or not the abusers of the current state of affairs ARE affecting you and yes I agree that too is unfair. But if you too refuse to address the root of the problem then I start losing sympathy.
Best of luck  , now I'm off to decide if I should mount or eat my "fish". | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:21:52 PM | In regards to Loonytunz post When are you ladies going to try to show you are not like the stereotypes and admit those that fit the stereotypes (I have dated them) are the problem?
Why do you not at least understand some have had bad experiences and that causes us to paint with the same brush to aviod a repeat of bad situations?
So why should a man date a single mother? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:51:36 PM |
In regards to Loonytunz post When are you ladies going to try to show you are not like the stereotypes and admit those that fit the stereotypes (I have dated them) are the problem? If we haven't already shown you that we are not the 'stereotype', you're never gonna see it. No matter how many of us you email. And we have admitted for 127 pages that the stereotype is the problem.
Why do you not at least understand some have had bad experiences and that causes us to paint with the same brush to aviod a repeat of bad situations?
We do understand it. We don't care about you or if you want to date us.
So why should a man date a single mother?
You shouldn't. So don't. Now FFS move on. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:08:05 PM | Everyone has the ability to paint brush-strokes so they can avoid a repeat..there are also those out there who realize all people are not the same. That is the most important lesson one can learn in regards to dating. An open mind. There are flags that come up one either sees or ignores...for me one of them is vulgarity. Crass or obnoxious behavior. Now if I was a man who had been burned by a woman of less then honest traits I would avoid women like her. It would not be because she was a mother it would be because her character traits were less then endearing.
A man should date a single mother if he wants to. I am not in the business to tell people why they should date me or anyone. John and all men here: you should date people who make you a better man. Date people who bring out the good in you. Just as you have the ability to bring out the good in another woman. Become friends with people because you like and who knows where this leads? Maybe you end up dating them. Maybe they end up dating your friend. In the end it is not fair to judge others, period. We all have a purpose. We are all here to learn. We are all here to live our lives in the best way we can. One can learn from mistakes and that is not a bad thing. IT is when you don't learn that you repeat it here or in the after.
My family and I are whole as we are. If one day a man steps into our family it will be because it was meant to be. He would be loved and treasured. Not because of his wallet or(darn I forgot what else I am supposed to be chasing him for..) but because he is incredible to me and mine. We all fell in love. Til then I have good guy friends. Like brothers. Some men I have dated and they have become brothers. The thing we understand about each other is that even though we are not intimately involved we have become friends care about each other. Feel each is deserving of someone who is right for that person.
Judge not lest ye be judged. Throwing rocks at glass houses. All of these old as dirt sayings are tried and true ...that is why they are as old as time.
I don't feel the need to berate (acknowledge) a guy who calls himself mangina nor do I get anything in a twist when someone comes to flame/ incite sadness or anger. In the whole scheme of things while I disagree and part of me gets irritated..would I really be interested in dating this person anyways? Do I need to get ruffled feathers because someone I would not even find to my liking doesn't like me? Because I am a mother?
No not so much. Goodnight all and sweet dreams. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:20:07 PM |
Best of luck , now I'm off to decide if I should mount or eat my "fish".
 Possibly the best thing posted in this entire thread. 
So why should a man date a single mother?
A man should date a good woman. Whether or not she has kids, whether or not she has money, whether or not she is highly educated, or whatever isn't the issue. The quality of her character is the real test.
Besides, I think I've already stated that I think all women (single mothers or not) should only date single fathers. Granted, my motivations may be a bit selfish, but at least I'm honest about them.
As far as us "manginas" defending women, there are reasons we might do this other than trying to get some (after all, the women who read this thread are likely to live nowhere near me anyway).
1) As single fathers, it's not much of a stretch to imagine the stereotypes being applied to us.
2) As a friend to several single mothers, we can imagine the stereotypes being applied to my friends.
3) As fathers, sons, brothers, nephews, uncles, cousins, etc., we can imagine the stereotypes being applied to our loved ones.
4) We're just tired of the stereotypes and misinformation going around.
5) ...
The list could go on and on.
As far as the stretch marks, c-section scars, etc., if you were married, and your wife got pregnant and developed these, would you leave? Having been married to a woman who carried 4 of my children, and delivered one by c-section, I'm not put off by these at all. To me, they are similar to hair color, a tattoo, freckles, etc. I notice them, but don't have much of a reaction either way.
Oh, and as far as me being the forum police, I wasn't trying to "police" anybody. I was simply trying to give people a wake-up call and to remind them that (most of them at least) are above such behavior. Believe it or not, it was out of respect. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:44:31 PM |
When are you ladies going to try to show you are not like the stereotypes and admit those that fit the stereotypes (I have dated them) are the problem?
**snorting my beverage out of my nose, while I slap my head dumbfounded by the sheer weight of that statement... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:27:54 PM |
When are you ladies going to try to show you are not like the stereotypes and admit those that fit the stereotypes (I have dated them) are the problem? I finally get it...the women he dates are the problem. That means everyone else is safe since we aren't dating him. Thanks John. I knew there was a reason I kept reading this thread. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:58:46 PM | | You know what I wish all of you women, that are bitter for having kids now because guys dont want the. Its not the guys fault they we dont want a single woman with kids. Blame that shit on other women that have messed it up for you single mothers. Let me tell you why. Men dont want some woman sitting around crying to them about how the last guy ****ed them and left them, or when you had the baby he left. Guys dont want some woman, thats out and looking for some guys to play daddy to your kid, and give her money. By the way the biggist one of all. Single mothers are hell bitter and guys definatly dont want some bitter woman. So sorry ladies, blame on all the boring, bitter, lazy, fake, dull single women out there using men just for money and to take care of their kid, because frankly its not the guys. Its you women. A STOP CRYING | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:04:45 AM | Trying to make sense of that made my brain bleed. Once I figured out what he was trying to say, I think I lost another couple of IQ points.
Well, at least the issue has finally been settled and we can all put this behind us.
  
And just because everybody loves dancing pickles...
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:23:54 AM | | Yes, playa 21 is right. He learned it from his videos and books from the pickup artist guy with the big fuzzy pimp hat. The answer for all of us single moms actually looking for some companionship, is to go to the bar, find the single mother skanks drinking appletini's (high maintenance drink) and slap them down. It's their fault for crying out loud, and they should be punished! Hey it's the weekend, let's all meet up at the nearest TGIFriday's at happy hour and further the cause! We can even wear t-shirts that say the ho-ing stops here. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:00:19 AM | Wow...
Bad grammer/english...
Anyway... Here's one that I saw on the news that really got me to wondering.
There is a High School in the midwest... where apparently there was a pact made by a bunch of girls... to get pregnant. 17 was the number that I heard as I was showering. So, how does this fit in with the general attitude of the single mothers...?? What is to be said in defense of these girls who actively went out of their way to get pregnant... and of course the idiots who Im sure were lined up to help... yeah, guys working with the wrong brain cell...
But here is another example of a bunch of single mothers, that in a few years are going to be reading threads like this one... saying the same exact thing... So, what would your stance be on their actions??? It seems to me, that by making a pact to become pregnant, in high school....they have just shot themselves in the foot when it comes to bytching later on about how terrible the single guys are... What would be there justification?? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:13:59 AM | | Actually that high school was in Mass. Pretty sad situation. Problems there because of religious beliefs and birth control. It is sad when young woman make this decision they are looking for unconditional love. Something must be missing at home. They have no idea the consequences of actions. It is sad really. Almost impossible to get into the mind set of the men and women..actually girls and some men wh0 decided this would be a good idea. Only thing I could think of is they are looking for unconditional love almost like a new kitten or dog. Someone to love and who will love them back. What they don't understand is it is totally not the same thing. There life has now changed forever and they made it on a pact. Wonder what has been going on at home. Too young and to make this decision. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:27:42 AM |
Actually that high school was in Manhattan. Pretty sad situation. Problems there because of religious beliefs and birth control. It is sad when young woman make this decision they are looking for unconditional love. Something must be missing at home. They have no idea the consequences of actions. It is sad really. Almost impossible to get into the mind set of the men and women..actually girls and some men wh0 decided this would be a good idea. Only thing I could think of is they are looking for unconditional love almost like a new kitten or dog. Someone to love and who will love them back. What they don't understand is it is totally not the same thing. There life has now changed forever and they made it on a pact. Wonder what has been going on at home. Too young and to make this decision.
I think the term "unconditional love" is something that is VERY subjective. People dont necessarily love each other 'unconditionally', at least not the romantic type of idealized 'love' .... Everyone has conditions... and Im sure there will be plenty who want to argue the fine points... but none the less.
Going to the OP, and the myriad of single mothers who have posted their opinions, feelings, the good, bad and ugly... all the ones who have said that single mothers didnt do this on purpose, and its not their fault... Im wondering what the words of advice would be... or would it be condemnation?? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:54:28 AM | For God's sake, Smuggler, what do you think we'd say? Go girls? That's ludicrous. Those girls, like mermaid said, are looking for unconditional love for one thing. For another thing they haven't the faintest clue as to what life will be like. Young kids like that have no sense of reality. They do not think of what their life will be like in 10, 15, 20 years if they do not find someone 'to take care of them'. They are foolish and immature, and I hope none of them got pregnant through that pact.
You know, I realized one day a long time ago that a lot of women are flat out stupid. I worked with a girl who had just gotten her associates degree. I congratulated her and asked her what kind of career she had in mind. Her response was...."hopefully none! I'm going to find a man to take care of me so I don't HAVE to work!". She was young, didn't have any children, and obviously regardless of the degree, not a brain in her head. I asked her what might happen to her if in 10 years that man that she found to take care of her decided he didn't want to do that anymore, and then there she'd be trying to reenter the workforce as a single mother with a degree, but no experience. She got mad. I hope that didn't happen to her, but since 50% of married people get divorced, how much you want to bet it did?
I don't know where these people get their frame of reference, I'm just damn glad I figured out early that no one is going to do for you, but you. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:06:48 PM | simmer down there .... simm... LOL! Couldnt resist..
And apparently.. yes, they did get pregnant because of the pact... 17 of them.
Im not naive to think you would suddenly be the rooting/cheering section. I get that..... but for all the vehement that has gone on between people here, within this thread... What are these young ladies going to do when faced with, well, a thread like this one?? Are the single mothers who have been through life, going to stand up and tell these young ladies what they did was stupid, selfish, ignorant and unjustifiable? Or will they too count them within the ranks and fight to the death, anyone that will question their objectives...??
I guess it brings it back to what has already been said... bad decisions, lack of a frame for reference, responsibility... But where does the cycle end? Who is going to stand up and say... QUIT! And what does this abject fantasy of "unconditional love" have to do with the Reality of the situation?? Reality says that life is hard. Granted, not all the time, but its not handed to us either.
Believe me, I get the whole concept... My questions were nominally rhetorical... But even you have to agree that they have made a choice or a mistake. At what time do the points sink in that there are those of the fair side of our species who seem hell bent on creating that stereo type, that some are not willing to accept or pay for? When is the common sense, we, as enlightened people are supposed to have, going to take over? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:54:28 PM | I don't know...I am having a hard time getting past how you seem to be saying that every single mother made bad choices. Of course some did, I might just be one of them. Here's another personal story, I know you hate it when I post these, but too bad.
I dated my ex for a number of months and shortly after we broke up, found out I was pregnant (hardware failure if you must know).
One of my best friends dated a guy for almost the same number of months, got pregnant, and somewhere in the first trimester, they broke up.
I was totally alone for it with no help, no calls, no Dr. appointments, nothing from him. I saw him once when I was four months along, once when I was seven months along, and at the birth.
She had a similar situation, but they saw each other a little more.
When I had the baby, my ex wanted to try again. We did. It didn't work. (Son number two by the same guy is a story for another time).
When she had the baby, her ex wanted to try again. They did. It didn't work. She basically stalked him, harrassed him, and didn't leave him alone. He dated other people and she would show up where they were. It was ugly. Guess what? She is now married to this man. So are her choices better than mine? Is she a better person than me?
Life happens man, it just does. It goes different ways for different people. If you want to tell me I'm stupid and made bad choices, that's your perogative I suppose. It's not like I set out to get myself pregnant to trap this guy, or just for fun. It's what we do after the questionable choices, (or even the well intentioned choices that didn't work out so well) have been made that makes us good or bad people.
Had I decided I was going to spend all my time in the bar like a lot of women I saw when I worked in one trying to trap a stepdad, that would have been a bad choice for me and my son(s). But I chose to work hard, try to get an education, and be the best Mom I can be and give my kids whatever I can give them emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I can't give much monetarily, but so far we've been ok. And I do know a girl that is a single mom who still hangs out at the bar night after night after night. Her son is a nightmare. Like I said, life happens. It is what you make it, nothing more, nothing less. But just because you met my friend who is trying to whore herself into another marriage should not scare you away from someone like me. JMO. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:10:43 PM | | One should not, could not use these poor young girls and common sense in the same sentence. Though what really saddens me is where was the principal, guidance counselor. parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, classmates and all the rest who stood by and watched these girls trainwreck their lives? People use the catch phrase "morally bankrupt society" this would discribe ALL those around these girls. I won't speculate about what motivation was involved behind it, I'm sure it was varied from what some said was unconditional love, low self esteem, peer presure and whatever anyone else could throw in. I know this is over the top but not unlike that Jim Jones thing in Ghiana. On the other side we can find stupid young boys who maybe accountable for a child support situation right out of high school times 17. So now when viewed this way it means there were 34 young people going to change the whole course of their future existance and no one saw, cared enough, opened their mouths or said this is wrong somebody help. Sad, really, really sad. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:29:44 PM |
I am having a hard time getting past how you seem to be saying that every single mother made bad choices
Simm.... get over yourself.. I NEVER said, in any post I have ever made.. that all single mothers have made a bad choice..... Stop wearing that on your shoulder as a badge of honor.
But OBVIOUSLY there are those who have made bad choices... as evidence... My question was simply, since these young ladies have... what would be the take from this group of women, who are so defensive... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:40:48 PM |
But if you too refuse to address the root of the problem then I start losing sympathy.
Please enlighten me as to which problem you are refering to? This subject has many 'roots' to it. I too enjoy debate and challenging others opinions, which is why, sometimes I may be 'inconsistent' in my posts. Those posts, however, do not necessarily reflect my actual views. I agree, other single mothers do behave in unacceptable ways, but I can only account for how I behave. And please note, noone asked for your sympathy. | |
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