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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:11:13 PM |
Though what really saddens me is where was the principal, guidance counselor. parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, classmates and all the rest who stood by and watched these girls trainwreck their lives?
Exactly what could any of them do to avoid it? Yes, they stood by and watched. They couldn't do anything else. "My body, my choice", or something like that. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:40:16 PM | Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Answering the opening post only, I have to say no...I don't wonder why certain people, whether they're men or women, don't like me.
It's their choice not to like me for whatever reason they see fit. It doesn't and will never stop me from continuing to try my best to treat everyone I meet with respect and kindness, regardless of the possibility of them liking me or not.
And once I'm sure I've done that, their reason(s) for not liking me is of little or no concern to me .
Whether it's because they think I talk too much, or laugh too loudly, or if it's because of my political or religious views, OR if it's because I'm a single mom (or in my case a single grandma) makes little difference to me.
There are enough people who DO like and accept me just the way I am that I don't have to wonder about those who don't. If no one liked me, then I might wonder if it's me after all, but since this isn't the case, I prefer to live and let live and to leave everybody to their own.
JMHO | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:51:31 PM | Why do some of the single mom's that post on this thread think the world revolves around what men who will not date single mothers think? The OP asked a question and who better to answer it then men who will not date single moms?
I have seen a few posters who only post once about why they will not date single moms and the response from some of you is I have someone else on my side or it is only one person and not representative of all men.. The reality is many men have the same reasons for not dating single mothers. A better way to phrase this question would be "How does a single mom attract a man willing to date her?" or "Where does a single mom find a man to date her?" or "Men under what circimstances would you date a single mother"
Rather than a few of you getting your "panties in a bunch" (This goes for the "men" who defend single moms and bash men who will not date them) why do you just accept that the situation a single mom has to deal with and will bring a man into is not for everyone? You can't deny that there are some single moms who are out to just find a man to support her and her children. Not all do this but enough do to create a stereotype. Not all single moms fit into the stereotype but enough do to keep the stereotype going. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:52:07 PM |
Hey it's the weekend, let's all meet up at the nearest TGIFriday's at happy hour and further the cause!
Hmmm, but which of these men on this thread are is willing to babysit? Any takers? :)
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:25:35 PM | As far as the girls with the pregnancy pact, I am disgusted by their actions. I cannot even follow the story as it makes me ill. If the boys involved knew that this was the plan, then I am disgusted with them too. (regardless, they should take responsibility for no birth control as well)
I am sad for those babies...I hope at least a few of the girls realize the whole picture and pass them on to a family that have been aching for them for a long time... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:36:33 PM | ^^Only speaking for myself, but no diapers, and is afraid of flames..
A good cable TV provider, some snacks, and hand held video game and we are good to go for many hours...
What time is the limo picking me up? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:44:20 PM |
Please enlighten me as to which problem you are refering to? This subject has many 'roots' to it. I too enjoy debate and challenging others opinions, which is why, sometimes I may be 'inconsistent' in my posts. Those posts, however, do not necessarily reflect my actual views. I agree, other single mothers do behave in unacceptable ways, but I can only account for how I behave. And please note, noone asked for your sympathy
ROFL... Okay.. the TRUTH comes out.. and it shall set you free...
So... based on this glimmering hint of 'truth'.... Your posts are basically inconsequential... because you dont actually have a 'core' of values, that most people here seem to be posting from. By your own admittance, you enjoy a debate, and challenging others opinions.... not necessarily based from any sort of personal framework or reasoning... which accounts for your "inconsistent" posts... Got it! And, nothing you post reflects your "actual views"
LOL.... wow.... Glad to know that in blowing you off, as a woman who patterns her life after a flake, I wasnt wrong.. You have No credibility.
I don't know...I am having a hard time getting past how you seem to be saying that every single mother made bad choices.
I was thinking about this on the way home. And I just had this wild thought... and noticed that it seems to run the course. I posted the situation about these young ladies, the 17 who made the PACT to get PREGNANT, questioning what the single mothers of this threads take would be on the situation. Since, on several posts the Single Mothers here have made, stating that "women dont do things like this intentionally" or some variance of indignation that men would even consider that what they would have done was a mistake.
I made no direct accusations, implications nor did I do any finger pointing.... But it seems that, although blatent in the error of their mis-directed ways as these young ladies were... The above QUOTE was thrown at me...
Now this really makes me wonder about Single Mothers posting here... Once again, the quote is from one of the more vocal of the group. Was this some sort of half hearted attempt to cloud a blatent FACT that these (HS Pact 17)ladies are the very example of what most single guys have posted about?? That the generalization of what we see DOES INDEED EXIST!
So in that regard, the many pages of Single Mother Rants about guys generalizing, become a moot point. The very foundation on which these rants were built, that no women ever does this sort of thing intentionally, that women dont intentionally become single mothers, that its not our fault... was and is a house of cards built on a foundation of nothing...
Take heed gentlemen... the deafening silence. We have here, a living example in todays time, that shows there are those very women that we said DO EXIST, who are now going to be expecting someone to step up... One way or another...
I cant wait to see the posts of the Single Mothers who are going to make the attempt to bring about the Shining Knights waving thier swords to do battle against someone making a query into the reality of this situation.....
Something to be very proud of..... very, very proud.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:35:09 PM | They made a pact and it was a dumb one. They were looking for something they don't seem to have. Unconditional love. Period. However it might come romantic or parental or whatever. They were looking. Went to the wrong place to find it and now they are going to have to live with there choices as will the innocent children who will now be brought to the planet.
Where were the parents and friends?? What about the guys? I have heard at least one was a grown man..all of it was a sad choice. Those guys are as much to blame as the girls. No one is immune to the choices each individual made. Started with a pact but in the end each person will have to be responsible for there own choice. Some will succeed and sadly some will not. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:00:52 PM | | I will neither attack or defend. I will however question. One poster retorted in answer to my post about parents, teachers, counselors, etc. "what could they do but watch". I can't and won't speak for the moms in this, I will speak for me. I raised my 2 daughters and COMMUNICATED constantly in the process. Their mother had custody, but I was integral in raising them. You should always know what's going on, you should always question, discuss, even debate from time to time, behaviors, changes there to and anything out of the ordinary. Does anybody believe they simply went out on the same night did it, and were ALL pregnant the same day? You can't get three people under ordinary circumstances to agree on a single course of action. Now you tell me 17 separate young women, got together met, discussed and voted to make a pact in and execute it, in such a short time frame that it could not be stopped? These people with supervision over this group were asleep at the switch. I know some of you have had problems with your older children in this age group with drugs, for the record I did. Then when I noticed changes in behavior ie:eating habits, friends, moods. I questioned and took action. It was successful, BECAUSE I caught it early. I'm no superman, but these people had to be zombies. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:32:00 PM |
Simm.... get over yourself.. I NEVER said, in any post I have ever made.. that all single mothers have made a bad choice..... Stop wearing that on your shoulder as a badge of honor
I don't need to get over anything. You have said it enough times, inferred it in the post I responded to that we have made bad choices. I don't wear my past on my shoulder like a badge of honor. I do use it to move forward though, something not many people on this thread seem to know how to do. You don't know me so don't pretend you do. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:53:57 PM |
all single mothers have made a bad choice
had they made all the right choices they would not be in the situation they ARE in.
your situation, you deal with it.
my situations, I deal with it.
I can understand a lot of women's wish for full involvement and interaction in a relationship which includes the extensions of themselves, their children. I refuse to meet their children until I'm comfortable with where the relationship is at. it's been a few years since I've met any of my dates kids. over 10 for sure. personally, the big issue for me is understanding how inconsequential longterm monogamy is in today's society and the emotional liability and impact on those poor kids. that's why i have ground rules. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:07:20 PM |
I made no direct accusations, implications nor did I do any finger pointing.... But it seems that, although blatent in the error of their mis-directed ways as these young ladies were... The above QUOTE was thrown at me...
Now this really makes me wonder about Single Mothers posting here... Once again, the quote is from one of the more vocal of the group. Was this some sort of half hearted attempt to cloud a blatent FACT that these (HS Pact 17)ladies are the very example of what most single guys have posted about?? That the generalization of what we see DOES INDEED EXIST!
So in that regard, the many pages of Single Mother Rants about guys generalizing, become a moot point. The very foundation on which these rants were built, that no women ever does this sort of thing intentionally, that women dont intentionally become single mothers, that its not our fault... was and is a house of cards built on a foundation of nothing...
I'm not quite sure what the hell that's all supposed to mean, but it looks like direct accusations garbled to look like a non direct accusation to me. You generalize too, you did it in an email directly to me, supposing how I'd react to something by saying basically "it's always the man's fault".
I have said a million times here and I'll say it again....people are people and need to be taken on a case by case basis. If you are inferring that I think the teenage girls deliberately getting pregnant are not setting themselves and their kids up for a tough life that could be avoided, you are wrong. If you are inferring that I do not own up to my choices and am looking for someone to save us....well let's see. My kids are 11 and 12 now, I've not been married, but have had several relationships over the years, in which none of them I have ever asked to be saved. If that's what I was looking for, I'm sure I could have found a poor sucker such as yourself (by your own admission of your past relationship) to "save us". Yeah, that works out well, doesn't it though?
I am sick of this thread. It's pointless. If you don't like women with children, don't date them. I personally do not care if someone is put off by the fact that I have children. I have better things to do than to wonder why that might be. I have learned something here though. There are some people who will take the fact that I have two children to mean that I am a bad person who is looking to be saved and/or have my bills paid by the 'night in shining armor'. That's honestly surprising to me, that I would be judged like that simply because I am a mother. But I also know from my own life's experience, that there are people who will see me as a person just like they are. Those are the people I'd rather hang with anyway, judgemental people suck. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:10:01 PM |
I don't need to get over anything. You have said it enough times, inferred it in the post I responded to that we have made bad choices. I don't wear my past on my shoulder like a badge of honor. I do use it to move forward though, something not many people on this thread seem to know how to do. You don't know me so don't pretend you do.
No... Simm.. I have not said, nor have I ever inferred that ALL Single Mothers have made a bad choice... But, by the knee jerk reaction you are giving me... I can see where, just maybe, someone else may have hit your nerve a bit hard, thereby inciting this natural reaction that you seem to have about jumping up and down with ruffled feathers... pointing at the bad man who has made a generality that you can identify with.
But, with the apparent evidence of these 17 year old ladies who made the Pact to get Pregnant.... THEY Chose poorley... THEY made a bad decision.... LOL... Your arguement is house of cards falling apart. And just so no one thinks Im being one sided on this.... the idiots working with the small head should be held responsible as well... Their lack of foresight is OBVIOUS as well.
You're correct, I dont know you any further than this thread.... from this thread, I know you seem to like the victim role. You take things that were not in any way directed towards you, or single mothers.... and make it about you, so you can have another chance at the soap box... Much like you are doing NOW.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:17:09 PM | No... Simm.. I have not said, nor have I ever inferred that ALL Single Mothers have made a bad choice... But, by the knee jerk reaction you are giving me... I can see where, just maybe, someone else may have hit your nerve a bit hard, thereby inciting this natural reaction that you seem to have about jumping up and down with ruffled feathers... pointing at the bad man who has made a generality that you can identify with.
But, with the apparent evidence of these 17 year old ladies who made the Pact to get Pregnant.... THEY Chose poorley... THEY made a bad decision.... LOL... Your arguement is house of cards falling apart. And just so no one thinks Im being one sided on this.... the idiots working with the small head should be held responsible as well... Their lack of foresight is OBVIOUS as well.
You're correct, I dont know you any further than this thread.... from this thread, I know you seem to like the victim role. You take things that were not in any way directed towards you, or single mothers.... and make it about you, so you can have another chance at the soap box... Much like you are doing NOW....
You're full of s h i t. I've got ruffled feathers because I'm tired of all of the accusatory posts on here, by both sides. Some of the women earlier in the thread said men who won't date single mothers are losers. I don't believe that. Some of the men here are still saying that single mothers are gold diggers who should have kept their legs shut. I don't believe that either. If you knew me in real life, you'd know I'm the furthest thing from the victim you could find. But you think just because I don't agree with people thinking single mothers...a group which I belong to for whatever reason.....are scumbags, makes me look like I want to be the victim, I say you are dead wrong. You keep saying it's not personal. But it is. It's my life you're talking about and quirky's life, and mermaid's life, and all of us here posting who have children. It's not like we're talking about cars here.
Do you spread that judgment liberally across the board... from men to women... or is that judgement in and of itself, only directed to men???
Yep, I think ALL judgemental people suck, not just you.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:27:39 PM |
You're full of s h i t. I've got ruffled feathers because I'm tired of all of the accusatory posts on here, by both sides. Some of the women earlier in the thread said men who won't date single mothers are losers. I don't believe that. Some of the men here are still saying that single mothers are gold diggers who should have kept their legs shut. I don't believe that either. If you knew me in real life, you'd know I'm the furthest thing from the victim you could find. But you think just because I don't agree with people thinking single mothers...a group which I belong to for whatever reason.....are scumbags, makes me look like I want to be the victim, I say you are dead wrong. You keep saying it's not personal. But it is. It's my life you're talking about and quirky's life, and mermaid's life, and all of us here posting who have children. It's not like we're talking about cars here.
NOPE!! You are proving my point...
I opened the discussion about these young ladies... and you immediatly took it as a personal affront... Acting as if I were asking for single mothers to be a cheering section for thier mis-guided actions.... much the way you are doing with this now.
Soap box. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:37:37 PM | WTFever. I'm not changing anybody's minds here, not yours, not john's, not chubby seasirens, no ones. That's what I was hoping to do anyway, put an end to the negative attitudes some people have toward single moms. So I'm gonna call it good here. I tried like heck, tried to show people things from a different perspective, but it's not working and it's effing up my whole zen buddhism thing I am trying to get going. So sayonara evil thread  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:45:58 PM | Best to let people know you have a daughter initially and with online dating the questionnaire they give you does ask this.
My daughter is 20 and lives at home while she attends college. What I find extremely annoying are men who "judge" me for still having my daughter at home. 1.) She is 20 and 2.) I come from a Hispanic background and we simply don't kick out our children when they turn 18. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:04:24 PM | You keep saying it's not personal. But it is. It's my life you're talking about and quirky's life, and mermaid's life, and all of us here posting who have children...
*ahem* sneaking in quietly amongst the fray.
Yes, some of us started to take all this personally. Yes, perhaps we should have left this thread alone a long time ago, walking away with the attitude of Well, F*** them, they can think what they want.
But, some of us had genuine intentions to try to show some single moms in a different light as we KNOW some of the bad experiences men have had with single moms (the rest I learned about right here in this thread) and wanted to illustrate that not ALL single moms are like the OP, or some of the other women that feel they are owed something because they are a single mom.
And no, I did not come here looking to change men's minds, so that they would date me. That was NEVER my intention....Johne....
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:07:36 PM | The 17 knocked up twits in Manhattan: The parents need a good ass kicking for not teaching their daughters and sons respect for life or their bodies .
And what about the one boy who knocked them all up, since according to this thread very few men make mistakes, it could have only been 1 or 2 poor boys who are now trapped into parenthood.
If it was my son, I'd pack his bags and kick his ass out to door, if he is old enough to knock up a girl intentionally, he is old enough to support himself. Believe it or not, I have been very clear with my sons about girls who are trying to marry up or out of a situation. They have all be warned bring home a dirty girl and I'll be making the special kool aid with dinner.
johne,
"Panties in a bunch" is a cool kids saying, and you are not cool in any way.
Hey it's the weekend, let's all meet up at the nearest TGIFriday's at happy hour and further the cause!
^^I think that is a great idea! Because I'd love to start a betting pool on which big mouths would actually be able to live up to their big talk.
Holy Moly the single mothers made a mistake and they get what they deserve shit is pathetic. I pity judgmental people, they must be very unhappy in their lives or limited intellectually.
I did make a mistake, married the wrong man and had my children too young. What about it? My kids contribute to society, they volunteer, work and my oldest is working his ass off for university. Even my disabled son volunteers and is attending a job placement program. Those mistakes have more potential to contribute to society then most of the narrow minded crusty dudes hating on their mother for a "mistake" she made 17 years ago. Actually I think it would be pretty f'ing amusing if one of you big men told my two six foot athletics sons their mother is a slut and gold digger because she had them.
To most of you these are only words but some of us single mothers actually have to deal with these misconception in real life on a daily basis. I'm not talking about dating either. I could give a flying fig who wants to date me or not. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:43:18 PM | Hey there Ms.Beavenhouse ....
My intent, as I thought I stated in the original post of mine about this particular incident... was not to try and pass judgement on single mothers... but to get a clue from the single mothers here, who have stated ... Well enough and time again... their positions... As to the legitimacy of their arguements when applied to 17 of these High Schoolers who made the pact to get pregnant.
Barring those who have made flagrant accusations... I think we can all stipulate that there are Single Mothers who are that way for reasons beyond control. But these 17 seem to exemplify, that which many of the single men have said are out there. And of course, within the pages of this thread, several single mothers vehemently denied that it was conceivable... Here is evidence, that in todays time, we find 17 women who are, at some point, going to contribute to this, or some other thread at some other time.
Im not excusing the inexcusable behavior of their Male counterparts... it takes two to tango... but much like Simm... it seems that when this subject is brought up, as a topic of discussion amongst a passionate group of adults... and I brought it here, because these are soon to be single mothers, and I wanted to show that the previously challenged thought that a woman would never in any way do something like this... to become a single mother by choice... Is falible. These 17 made the choice.
But, many want to draw focus to themselves, and start, seemingly blindly, lashing out... as if it were a direct attack, to those who we've already discussed adnausium the ups and downs of Single Motherhood.... But it is NOT such an Attack..... I bring it forward to get perspective... because I well recall listening to the many SM's tell about how women just dont do this type of thing. And all men are wrong for assuming that this type of behavior exists.. Now, we find that it not only DOES happen.. but it DOES exist.. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:51:57 PM |
And what about the one boy who knocked them all up, since according to this thread very few men make mistakes, it could have only been 1 or 2 poor boys who are now trapped into parenthood.
Do those irresponsible boys get a 50% vote in whether or not the pregnancy should be terminated? No. Then yes they were trapped since something that takes two to start ultimately is the decision of only one of those two people.
I haven't read the story yet, but did these guys actually knock these girls up intentionally or were they misled into believing it was "safe". A single mom I worked with at my last job told me about her 14 y/o daughter poking her boyfriends condoms with needles to get pregnant on purpose. And I seriously can't see teenage boys lining up to be dads if they wanted something cute and cuddly they'd be more inclined to opt for a puppy I would think.
Hey it's the weekend, let's all meet up at the nearest TGIFriday's at happy hour and further the cause!
^^I think that is a great idea! Because I'd love to start a betting pool on which big mouths would actually be able to live up to their big talk.
This big mouth can and does express his opinions quite freely in person. If you dislike it you are free to not listen or to use reason if you really believe I am wrong to correct my error.
I pity judgmental people, they must be very unhappy in their lives or limited intellectually.
The 17 knocked up twits in Manhattan: The parents need a good ass kicking for not teaching their daughters and sons respect for life or their bodies .
If it was my son, I'd pack his bags and kick his ass out to door, if he is old enough to knock up a girl intentionally, he is old enough to support himself. Believe it or not, I have been very clear with my sons about girls who are trying to marry up or out of a situation. They have all be warned bring home a dirty girl and I'll be making the special kool aid with dinner.
Hypocritical much?
I reserve the right to my judgments, and am not unintelligent. In my judgment these 17 young "ladies" are stupid and destined to be for the most part unsuccessful in life. That is the cold hard reality. Maybe 1 or 2 will make something of herself but that still leaves the majority being a very poor choice for any young man to date doesn't it?
Flame away, but I stand by it the majority of young single parents are a poor dating choice, and making excuses for them and their behavior only makes it harder on the decent single parents. As I've stated previously I do think age has something to do with it. Older single parents (with younger kids) are less likely to be in that group, although the younger kids and potential liabilities if it doesn't work out still exist.
By the time one reaches Bob's age you are interacting with single parents from an entirely different set of circumstances(which I think accounts for much of the more relaxed attitude). And in between it stands to reason the circumstances shift gradually, although I'm not sure there is a magic age at which the decent single parent out number the dross and chafe. But that still doesn't provide options for the fewer decent parents in the much younger set. "Get to know me" isn't realistic in the dating realm, getting to know you personally OUTSIDE of the dating realm first might work though. But among the younger set alot of guys won't try by that point because of prior experiences in the "friend zone". So then we'd have to address at what point women general mature enough to be out of that never date a friend thing. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:55:28 PM | Smuggler... just a teeny debate pointer:
Even if such rash statements were made in earnest (the "no woman would EVER do that, never, uh-uh, no way..."), THEIR argument can be salvaged with a fairly simple adjective. "Most" "no SANE" "the vast majority" and so forth. YOUR argument depends entirely upon finding a single exception to an absolutely-adhered-to ABSOLUTE rule.
Single or limited exceptions are rarely used as the core attack in any sort of real debate for that reason. They can be turned off completely by a very limited alteration in stance.
*never mind, I withdraw the question* | |
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