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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:57:37 AM |
When what all of these guys want, is for a few of these or any women to prove them wrong. To prove that there are real, caring women who won't try and cut their legs out from under them or their collective b*lls off. They probably won't admit it, but they really want a woman to show them, prove to them in some way "hey, I'm not those women who did this to you, I care for you, you can trust me.
The sad thing is, lots of times when people have someone like this saying this to them in words or actions, they don't know what they've got till it's gone. I've been on both sides of this coin and both relationships failed because I didn't see it when it was happening for me, and they guy I was offering this to was not ready to see it, because he was too busy being mad at women. Oh well. We do what we do and hopefully bring our lessons with us. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:14:36 AM | | Apology's around to laney, CG and Looney,Steve, I did not mean to leave people out. I was in a certain place with a point to make and kinda just let it all hang out as it came. I think I should share one more thing, I wrote that 3 days after a bitter disappointment at the hands of what turned out to be a person with less than desirable motivations. It was coming for almost a month. I had begun to pull back a month before, but ignored the red flags, warnings by friends, and my own common sense. I led with my heart not my brain, my own fault. Still I want what I want, and will go back to square one and try again. I will leave bitterness to others, it wouldn't make me happy and that is REALLY all I am about. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:53:56 PM | | First I am sorry to hear about Bob's misfortune... no one should have less than desirable motives. That being said do you not see how in the early stages of dating (with my experiences and with the legal system we have in Canada) that a man may say no to dating a single mom to aviod a women with less than desirable motives who has children as not only could we men get our hearts "ripped out" so to speak but our wallets too should it turn into a long term relationship leading to marriage/co-hibitation? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:02:28 PM |
Quoth Johne: Sometimes we can not tell someone does not have good intentions until it is too late.
Ummm, johne... did your irony meter just explode? Because if you apply that to the single parents' side of the debate... which I'm going to assume you will, being the fair and just person you are... you can pretty much stop assuming such negative things about them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:22:34 PM | | You are missing the point, don't concentrate on the back story, seek your answers in the initial post. I'm not great, nor heroic, nor mundane just human and flawed. My error in judgement is not the answer, it is found in the post that reflects what we seek not the trivial banalities of one woman's mistakes or the urges or desires that represents my humanity. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:30:16 AM |
But I do believe there are way to many people trying to paint in complete gray... What, at one time was considered "shameful" is now pretty much accepted by the general populace... because now, we dont want to hurt the fragile "esteem" that one may have... Please... I think that in many cases we should bring back the days of Mayberry... When people felt bad for doing stupid, wrong or hatefull things to someone else. Good example of this... guys running around without any concience about making kids right and left. Watching the Maury Povich (spelling??) is a HOOT! People accept it as entertainment, but it seems that if you look at it from a sociological perspective, what is it saying about people in general? Some gal, who has tested 20+ guys to find out if they are the father of the kidlet....?? What ever happened to the morality we used to have??
I could go with back to Mayberry in a heartbeat - when wrong was wrong and right was right.
These days, this shade of gray mentality (IMO) has perverted absolute truths into relative truths. In other words, "anyone doing stupid, wrong and hateful things to me" is shameful yet "it is my right to do anything I want that makes me happy and if someone gets hurt in the process that's their problem" is acceptable. The latest show I fell on one evening was that truth show - forgot the name. What some people will do for money, including who they are willing to "sell out" for money is outrageous. That it's done in public on national TV is even more appalling.
I haven't read the whole thread, by the way...too many pages! lol | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:03:05 PM | In the early stages of dating(even with canadian laws and your experiences) this is the time one finds out the motives of another. In the early stages of dating I would imagine at least for myself I would not be going into a LTR nor decide to marry or live in with them.
When the red flags arise or even knock you in the head is when you should listen to your intuition. I have made the mistake of ignoring it and now I have learned that it is a gift. We each have within us this gift. Listen because it is there no matter how "good" another person is at deception. My ex once told me if he had told me the truth about his past and him in general I might not have married him. Not sure about that as when the red flags were flying I at that time in my life ignored them. Everything happens for a reason in my opinion and I bear him no hatred. I just learned to listen and not ignore these signs for future.
Another thing he said to me was that he taught me to not be so trusting in others. Not really true for me. I do listen to my intuition but decided I was not going to change my personality or trustful nature and become bitter because of one guy. That is just not who I am.
Opening myself up for slams or judging of others here I suppose but I am trying to show another side to this.
In this relationship I became responsible for half of his monetary mistakes. In the US it works like that whether your male or female. I ran his business which was in a male dominated area until everything was paid off and clients had there jobs finished and the threat of suit was over. Then I folded it and got out.
I did learn for myself that I was stronger then I knew. Physically mentally and emotionally. I also learned I like the fact that I am a trusting person. Not everyone deserves to be looked at as a someone out to get you type.
I listen to intuition but I am not looking at every man or woman who crosses my path as a jerk until he/she shows me that they are. People usually show there true self at some point.
Like simm mentioned a coin has two sides.
We live and we learn. It is when one doesn't learn the lessons life has for us we are destined to repeat it. (no offense John but maybe you keep finding these women because your still learning this) I would never have known what I was capable of if I did not have the harsh lesson of this relationship. It was painful and it was hard but I grew as a person.
Let people show you what they are made of as they will for good or for bad. Just don't rush things. Let time heal all wounds and let time tell about another persons motives. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:09:26 PM | | Iam a single parent as well. And I think alot of it is its hard to be with someone who has kids. Just cause your moving in on someones family. I am find my self sometimes scares to date a woman with a child cause how do you know she wont get back with her ex. And its kinda hard to raise someone elses child. Cause for one you cant really spank the child if he or she is deserving cause its not your place. Its over all hard to over come. Because really no one want to help raise a child for 16 or 17 years and that child get older and yell at that them there not the parent or anything else its just a touchy issue. I mean I could be with a women who has a child. But 1 the father has to be out of the childs life cause I dont want the drama. 2 If you dont get along with the child it puts a strain on your relationship. 3 Every woman knows that if there with a man and the man and her child doesnt get along she really wants out. I dont mean bickering either. and honestly who wants to go through that. I used to look at it that way before I had my child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:09:41 PM | | Iam a single parent as well. And I think alot of it is its hard to be with someone who has kids. Just cause your moving in on someones family. I am find my self sometimes scares to date a woman with a child cause how do you know she wont get back with her ex. And its kinda hard to raise someone elses child. Cause for one you cant really spank the child if he or she is deserving cause its not your place. Its over all hard to over come. Because really no one want to help raise a child for 16 or 17 years and that child get older and yell at that them there not the parent or anything else its just a touchy issue. I mean I could be with a women who has a child. But 1 the father has to be out of the childs life cause I dont want the drama. 2 If you dont get along with the child it puts a strain on your relationship. 3 Every woman knows that if there with a man and the man and her child doesnt get along she really wants out. I dont mean bickering either. and honestly who wants to go through that. I used to look at it that way before I had my child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:21:17 PM | I've been really busy but take breaks to read the thread. The common theme is that the opposite sex betrays/hurts more often then not. My ex-husband did many things wrong, he hurt my children and me, then disappeared to leave me holding everything and my sons wonder why he didn't love them enough to stay. My extended family is evil, I grew up watching and experiencing the evils of men and the weakness of women.
Up until 10 years ago I punished men for the sins of all the men who hurt me. I never took from them materially but I seduced them into deep infatuation with no intention of a having a relationship with them. It wasn't until I realized my negative feelings towards men were spilling over into my relationship with my sons and brothers, that I decided to work on changing. I stopped dating and went into therapy to resolve my angry. I spent a great deal of time forgiving and asking to be forgiven by those I hurt.
Two years ago I fell in real love for my first time, with a man who I love as much as my children. We broke up for reason involving common sense and not a lack of love or friendship.
Now to my point.
You can make the choice to allow your past to destroy your future or you can be brave and believe in people. There is being cautious and then just being damn bitter.
In the last few years I haven't had any bad dating experiences (well other then the funny bad ones) and have dated a varied type of men. I think the reason for this is I trust my judgment and stop dating anyone who doesn't meet my moral or relationship criteria within a few dates. Other then my shallowness when it comes to attractive men, I will date someone with a limited bad history because people change and why exclude them, maybe they really did travel down the road to being a better person. I'd rather be with person who can admit they have done wrong and changed then with a person who needs to place blame to justify their bad choices.
Men not wanting to date single mothers doesn't hurt most responsible single mothers because we don't really care, we don't need a knight or daddy. I find it amusing when men site not wanting to date single mothers because they will be left with financial burden, I actually have more to risk them most of the "single mothers are gold diggers" crew, which I think applies to many single mothers, well at least the ones I know.
I think there would be less conflict in this thread if more men who don't want to date single mothers stated it's not their preference then siting the evils of them. I had a bad marriage to a musician with a low rider (yeah my mom saw that one ending lol) and they aren't my preference to date because of the hours they keep but I wouldn't say I would never date one again. I don't blame all musician for my bad choice in a man.
If you're afraid of being hurt by someone similar to your past, then own that fear and stop casting blame and accept you've made poor choices. Otherwise you risk living in fear of your own judgment and never getting what you really want out of life.
In the words of the most depressed and cynical man in history...
“Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Alrighty I'm done being bossy and preachy, I have a tail gate party to attend and like any good Canadian need to hit the beer store for the holiday weekend.
BTW Quirky sorry to see you leave and best wishes. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:55:01 PM | Ms. B. , I happen to like Nietzsche, as to bossy and preachy, I don't know. I certainly have occupied the pulpit more than once lately. As to your transgressions on men, I forgive you, I can't speak for all men, each must seek their own path to walk. None of those are easy, but the one that holds forgiveness has less stones. What you did, was more an extension of your experience and the men in it, than any judgement you made. Go forth and live your life, do not punish men or yourself, for that is what you did, whether you see it or not. Save seduction for the bedroom where it belongs. I am truly sorry you tasted the bitter taste of love gone awry, I know it well right now. As to the musicians and stone throwers of this site, they will be with us no matter. As to knights, daddies and men who wish to avoid financial ruin, who cares, just like those who cast the stones, hopefully their eyes may open to see the possibilities of love. But just as the man who cannot see, or taste, or touch and worst possibly cannot feel, he will be left to roam in darkness, cold and away from the light.
As to yourself, attend the beer, enjoy the game and know somehow it always comes out right. By the way quirky is back in a reincarnated form, I'm sure we will hear from her at some point. Have a great night, enjoy the stars and dream, Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:53:17 PM |
I did not read all 135 pages.
Lawyer, I'm sorry to say this, but it is a thread requirement that you must read each and every post in a thread over 100 pages to fully understand the situation. So go ahead and start at page one, and we'll see you in six months or so.
Just kidding. :) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:18:19 PM | | Now wait a minute, he's a lawyer, they read fast, he should have to read the whole thing. Besides, if it wasn't for them most of us wouldn't be here..... Well maybe that's wrong, some of us wouldn't be here, some of us would be in prison,..yeah that's about right.....Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:19:25 PM | Haven't been on this post in ages, but have to say Bravo to Bob
And Smuggler, I couldn't agree more about the way you described the way boys are being raised these days. I am a single mom. I have 2 boys. I think between myself and their father, as well as other role models in their lives (Family, friends, Scouts), we have found a great balance to teach them, not only of what it means to grow up and be a man (ie: be responsible for your own actions, admit your mistakes, own your accomplishments, etc), but to be a good person. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:06:46 AM | Up until 10 years ago I punished men for the sins of all the men who hurt me.
You know, that's something many men are aware of. That's one of the reasons some of us avoid women who have been abused/taken advantage of/abandoned with kids/etc.
I think there would be less conflict in this thread if more men who don't want to date single mothers stated it's not their preference then siting the evils of them.
You forget that most threads of this type are started by single mothers asking "WHY". Single guys normally don't start to "cite the evils of them" out of the blue, it's always an answer to some single mom's question. Stop asking, and answering will stop, too. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:53:54 AM |
You know, that's something many men are aware of. That's one of the reasons some of us avoid women who have been abused/taken advantage of/abandoned with kids/etc.
And that is the judgment I was referring too, it makes me wonder how much you're getting out of life. Obviously my suggestion to live life too the fullest and not allow the past hold you back is too radical for you since the only response you could come up with was a regurgitation of the same old crap.
Also the abused and take advantage part, was that a bit of transference on your part? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:13:13 AM | Bob
Thank you. Forgiveness truly sets you free but man it's not easy to get there.
Until I had serious heart break I never objected to that saying "its better to have lost at love.." but now I ptff at it lol. But I don't regret a moment of my relationship or the pain I felt after.
Glad to hear quirky is still around. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:36:30 AM | And that is the judgment I was referring too, it makes me wonder how much you're getting out of life.
You said you punished men by things they hadn't done. I suppose none of those men "judged" you. What did they got out from life? YOU PUNISHED THEM. Not a great reward for being "non-judgemental", don't you think?
Obviously my suggestion to live life too the fullest and not allow the past hold you back is too radical for you since the only response you could come up with was a regurgitation of the same old crap.
I don't allow my past to hold me back. Now tell me why should I allow "her" past to hold me back. Get what I mean?
Now you're over it, I suppose, and your life is all yummy, but those men in your past still were unfairly punished, unfairly hurt, and suffered because of you. Have you ever tried to apologize with them or something? Or that would be "allowing your past to hold you back"?
Also the abused and take advantage part, was that a bit of transference on your part?
If you wish to imply that I'm an abuser or have taken advantage of women, you're wrong. When you said "the sins of the man who hurt me" I simply gave some examples of those sins women like to make others pay, that's all. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:54:54 AM | I did state in my post that I asked for forgiveness. They were not innocent men, they went through women like some men go through shoes, they had their own ill intentions.
Well how does that work? You can have a past you worked through but a woman can't?
I wasn't implying you're an abuser or take advantage of women, I was imply that you have been abused or take advantage. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:13:18 AM |
I did state in my post that I asked for forgiveness.
Ok, I didn't see that, my apologies. I'm curious: What was their reaction?
They were not innocent men, they went through women like some men go through shoes, they had their own ill intentions.
It doesn't mean that them "paying for a crime they did not commit" is less unfair.
Well how does that work? You can have a past you worked through but a woman can't?
Of course she can. The thing is, I don't want to be the schmuck who pays for other guy's sins while she works through her past. I've been there, and I won't go back. And I'd say most of those "judgemental guys" are judgemental precisely because when they weren't, they got burned for their efforts.
I was imply that you have been abused or take advantage.
To say the truth, yes, I've been. However, I don't make others pay for that, unless "not putting yourself in the same position again" is considered "making them pay". | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:34:02 AM | | The fact is that dad will always be dad and mom will always be mom...the second,third,fourth party,ect ,will always face that fact and depending on mom or dad will always feel expendable and replaceable...single parenting and step parenting goes against all natural instincts...with the right people however it can work...the chances of the right people meeting is very slim. | |
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