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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:57:26 AM | The interesting part of this exchange is that despite Ms. B coming "clean", saying yes indeed at one time in her life she took advantage of men. That she recognized it, stopped it, went to therapy for it and then went so far as seek forgiveness by apologizing to those she injured, she still gets "nailed to the cross".
There is no one on here, I repeat, NO ONE on here that at one time has not done badly by someone. Now before all the Mother Teresa's and Father Tim's of the world explain to me "I am without sin" think about it. The woman you slept with and never called, the man you let date you and led on, the person who just crossed your path as part of the man/woman dating sex thing that happens in life that you were unfair too. No one is guiltless.
As to Ms B., cannot you recognize the courage it took to open herself up to this very judgemental crowd and share her experiences and actions. Cannot you see this is in part what I asked everyone to do, trust and be open with each other. To demonstrate to the male group " I am better than those who hurt you"
You will all do whatever you choose. I myself will applaud a woman who is human, brave enough to tell the truth and explain how she learned lessons from life to help her be the better person she is today. Hoooray for Ms B.!!!!!!!!! Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:03:57 AM | I don't think that if I were to say: "I used to beat women, but I went to therapy and I don't do it anymore", it would be received with a "hoooray".
Anyway, you can change, clean up your act and stuff, but nobody has the duty to believe you. And the fact that you "got over it" doesn't give you the right to demand that others "get over it", too.
Too many people think that a "sorry, I won't do it anymore, now trust me" is enough. It isn't. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:57:01 AM | Maybe some think she doesn't need a hooray for taking a look at her life and realizing it could and should be different and doing something about it, but how many people do you know that own up to things like that? It happens rarely, but when it does, the person is a better person for it. I think all people should take an objective look at their lives and relationsips like Ms. B has and have the guts to admit when you're wrong. So good on her I say. The men she dates from here forward will be glad she did it all.
And there's nothing you can do to change the past, you can only move forward from this moment. It's the people that choose to move forward with their blinders on that have a hard time in life. They complain, blame, and are bitter sad individuals. Your status (kids, divorced, single, childless) has nothing to do with any of that, it comes from within. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:50:02 AM | | Rock what would be enough? First I don't demand anything, I don't have that right, neither does anyone else. We all do what we do, we become who we become, by experience, hopefully by constructive growth. As to "sorry, I won't do it anymore, now trust me", I don't think she seeks that, though again that begs the question, what is enough? It is not in any human to give those assurances to one, who by experience or pain cannot trust. You are only responsible for what you do or not, you must leave to the other person there decision to trust or not. Bob | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:07:11 AM | Rock what would be enough?
I don't know. Perhaps a good start would be an "I understand why you're so wary" instead of a "you're just bitter" or "you're immature" or "you're judgemental" ( Not talking about Ms. B, but in general). What I "do" know, is that most of them are doing nothing but demand "don't judge me". Perhaps that's enough for you, but certainly it's not enough for me.
First I don't demand anything, I don't have that right, neither does anyone else.
Sorry but every time I read a variation of the "men who don't date single moms are scum" discourse, I call that demanding. But you're right: They don't have the right to demand anything from us. They don't have the right to demand us to be blind to the fact that they have children, nor the right to demand us to accept a second place to their children, nor the right to demand being seen as equal to childless women.
So why do they keep demanding that and even worse, calling names and giving tantrums when men don't accomodate?
You are only responsible for what you do or not, you must leave to the other person there decision to trust or not.
Agree. Then why when we make the decision of NOT trusting, they start to call us names and fire the shaming language? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:36:45 AM | Its cuz the men are smart. Women with kids with multiple men are high risk. And besides why should a Man that actually did something with his life, play a role in a childs life who's father is a human wasteland? Perhaps women should make better choices before they lay down with some of these guys. Oh wait, I guess thats just being young and stupid. My message to all the frustrated single mothers out there is this.
You made your bed, now sleep in it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:53:44 AM |
Its cuz the men are smart. Women with kids with multiple men are high risk. And besides why should a Man that actually did something with his life, play a role in a childs life who's father is a human wasteland? Perhaps women should make better choices before they lay down with some of these guys. Oh wait, I guess thats just being young and stupid. My message to all the frustrated single mothers out there is this.
You made your bed, now sleep in it.
I'm interested in hearing what this guy has to say next. Also, I get a count of statements of overt bigotry towards three different groups. Anyone get a different accounting? I could see four, perhaps.
Seriously, I want to see who he slams next. But on the plus side, if ignorance is bliss, this guy has achieved satori, quite aside from the ugly grammatical errors.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:11:59 AM |
Another issue on dates I have had with single mothers...they talk way too much about the ex and other dramas in their life. I want to get to know the lady on a date..not be a therapist.
Johne, again, you're selecting your own problem. Here's a hint for dealing with that particular one:
Don't go out with single mothers who haven't worked through their drama. Prolly shouldn't go out with childless women who haven't worked out their sh!t from the last relationship, either. Oh, and the ones who are openly asking to be taken care of, children or not. "generous man" is a code word for "give me money, honey." "Sugar Daddy" also ain't a good sign.
Or, you could just look at what you're using as selection criteria. If it's "any woman who will write me back," you're going to have trouble. It's inevitable. Or, you could look at that first date as a necessary screening process. Not something you need to get all bitter about, but just figuring out which ones you can get along with and telling the others, "Sorry, I just don't think we're a good match, but good luck!"
Most importantly, though... you need to stop feeding your bitterness. It's really not healthy for you to hang around the single parents forum and get yourself all worked up over single mothers and how they've disappointed, used, abused, and screwed or not screwed you every single day. Grow past it, and your future can't help but improve. Especially your dating future; most "aware" people can smell that kind of issue a mile away. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:16:17 AM | rockhunter
Two forgave me and one never will. I never promised them anything, I was intimate with only one of them and I never told them I cared for them beyond friendship. Since two of them married fairly quickly after knowing me, I guess they recovered.
Actually if you told me beat women and went into therapy and stopped, I would commend you for it.
Anyway, you can change, clean up your act and stuff, but nobody has the duty to believe you. And the fact that you "got over it" doesn't give you the right to demand that others "get over it", too.
I never demanded anyone get over it, I suggested living angry and fearful prevents you from living to your potential.
nor the right to demand being seen as equal to childless women.
lol ok. After all I spend all my time trying to keep up with other people instead of striving for my own success. I curious does that mean, you're not equal to a man who doesn't have children? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:30:51 AM | Two forgave me and one never will. I never promised them anything, I was intimate with only one of them and I never told them I cared for them beyond friendship. Since two of them married fairly quickly after knowing me, I guess they recovered.
Ok. Glad to hear that.
I never demanded anyone get over it, I suggested living angry and fearful prevents you from living to your potential.
As I said, I wasn't talking specifically about you. And one thing is "angry and fearful" and other is "open eyed and wary". The first one prevents you from living your life. The second one prevents you from ruining it. However, too many times people -specially those left out- confuse them.
I curious does that mean, you're not equal to a man who doesn't have children?
In a dating sense, no, I'm not equal. I lack some of the freedoms a childless man has, and have more responsibilities than a childless man. I can't do some of the things a childless man can do when dating. If a woman dates me, she will need to make a larger effort than if I were childless. And I will have to reciprocate that larger effort. Now, "not equal" doesn't mean "worse" nor "inferior". It just means "different".
But I actually meant that in the sense of the "It shouldn't matter if she has children or not" mantra that is so pervasive around here, as if children were just an insignificance or something not worthy of being taken in account at the time of deciding if dating someone or not. It SHOULD matter. It SHOULD be taken in account. Get it now? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:32:04 AM | Bob
I new it was risky to use myself as an example but I hoped it would get my point across. Obviously not lol.
You don't need to defend me but thanks
SimmahDahnNah
Exactly. There a few people in this forum who are good people just off track. That was the point of my post. Thanks for getting me!
You made your bed, now sleep in it.
Hold on let me dust off my degree, finish the project I'm working on that will put me over to top career wise, finish putting a new deck on my house and have a freaking riot with my kids tonight at a friend's bbq, then I will lay in my bed and enjoy it. Not all single mothers are unhappy nor have multiple fathers for their children, I'm curious is this how it is in your family?
BTW is cuz a smart person's word? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:34:43 AM |
But I actually meant that in the sense of the "It shouldn't matter if she has children or not" mantra that is so pervasive around here, as if children were just an insignificance or something not worthy of being taken in account at the time of deciding if dating someone or not. It SHOULD matter. It SHOULD be taken in account. Get it now?
I've always got that, that is why my kids have only met one man in 12 years of being single. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:43:21 AM | No, I don't wonder. When I was a single mother I always knew why.
I wouldn't take it personally.
Look, if someone is not into having a kid in their lives then thank goodness they are clear about it.
Rock hunter - I think this post is so right on:
Sorry but every time I read a variation of the "men who don't date single moms are scum" discourse, I call that demanding. But you're right: They don't have the right to demand anything from us. They don't have the right to demand us to be blind to the fact that they have children, nor the right to demand us to accept a second place to their children, nor the right to demand being seen as equal to childless women.[\quote] and this one's even better imo: In a dating sense, no, I'm not equal. I lack some of the freedoms a childless man has, and have more responsibilities than a childless man. I can't do some of the things a childless man can do when dating. If a woman dates me, she will need to make a larger effort than if I were childless. And I will have to reciprocate that larger effort. Now, "not equal" doesn't mean "worse" nor "inferior". It just means "different".
But I actually meant that in the sense of the "It shouldn't matter if she has children or not" mantra that is so pervasive around here, as if children were just an insignificance or something not worthy of being taken in account at the time of deciding if dating someone or not. It SHOULD matter. It SHOULD be taken in account.[\quote]
Once you have a kid your life is irrevocably changed. If only every parent realised that before they had kids and respected that not everyone wants to deal with it.
I mostly meet single dads in my age group - I dont' date deadbeats. Their kid comes first. If I don't want to deal with that I wouldn't date guys with kids.
Arrgh - can't get the quote thing right. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:51:22 AM | | Just so that I may clarify in case anyone is misunderstanding my pov here, when I say "it shouldn't matter if she has kids or not", I'm not saying children do not factor in to the equation. Obviously they do. I'm saying, if someone is a user, they're going to be a user whether or not they have kids. If someone is a decent person, they're going to treat you kindly whether or not they have kids. I'm sure some of the people posting here saying that they've been used by a single mother to get at their money or to get a father for their children have also run into childless women that have used or hurt them as well. That's all I'm saying. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:52:29 PM |
i think guys who get serious with single moms have mental problems
ilietowomen...nice user name...thats gonna get you lots of dates...
Its cuz the men are smart. Women with kids with multiple men are high risk. And besides why should a Man that actually did something with his life, play a role in a childs life who's father is a human wasteland? Perhaps women should make better choices before they lay down with some of these guys. Oh wait, I guess thats just being young and stupid. My message to all the frustrated single mothers out there is this.
You made your bed, now sleep in it.
First of all, not all single moms have children to multiple fathers.
Second of all, not all the ex's of single mums are human wastelands.
Make better choices? So having a child with your husband, who you have been with for many many years is a bad choice? ok then...
Young and stupid? Not all single moms are in their teens. I was 28 when I had my daughter.
Frustrated? Not me. Im quite content with my life. I have my beautiful daughter, I have a great family and I have many great friends. I have a good social life and I am working towards a degree, so that when my daughter starts full time school, I can get a decent job.
I make my bed every morning, and sleep in it like a baby every night, thanks. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:50:57 PM | it gets me dates with the women I like: young, hot, SLIM(take notice), and not wanting a deep commitment.
Nobody has brought this up, but sex with a woman who has had kids non-surgically is a lot less enjoyable. Ugh.
The reality is, most guys on POF have very low standards and are willing to pick up the scraps and pretend they like it.
If a woman has children other than yours, that is a BIG statement as to her feelings towards you, in general and specifically. She is announcing to all future suitors "I am willing to offer you thoroughly used goods." | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:06:26 PM | And so, ilietowomen, seeing as how you so clearly hate all single mothers, what brings you to the thread today? To tell us how gross we are? How crazy? How we are used goods? And are you also saying you only sleep with virgins?
I wonder if your parents have been married your entire life......just a thought. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:16:56 PM | Nobody has brought this up, but sex with a woman who has had kids non-surgically is a lot less enjoyable. Ugh.
Several people have brought it up. Read.
Let us know how that "women as sex toys" attitude works for you as your looks fade and your entrepreneurship/local band thing doesn't impress them like it used to.
I had a good friend who was much like you in that way, except he had the mitigating factor of being a generally nice guy. He just couldn't figure out how to interact with women in any way other than meeting them at a club, having sex with them, maybe a few times, and then looking for another score. When it started getting harder to dupe the young ones, and the older ones were wise to his type, he bought a corvette and that supposedly helped a little.
Two summers ago, though, he took a whole lot (like 3 months' worth of several scrips) of painkillers and muscle relaxants, all ground up in a little water and vodka, and hung himself in his garage.
Too bad, too. He was a nice guy. Just kind of screwed up. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:31:24 PM | Reasons they do like single moms...
They already know we're strong because we have to handle the responsibilities of single parenthood.
There is nothing like a mother. She is a woman that is responsible and focused on life. She knows what she wants out of life and will not sacrifice the happiness of her child for just any man. So, if she decides to date you, feel lucky.
Single moms know what they are looking for and are independent. Any man or woman can appreciate dating someone who has confidence in themselves. Face it, great moms are sexy!
A single mom isn't just filling time dating - she's had to make a choice to do something for herself while fulfilling the full-time responsibility of being a mom. For a man seeking a real and lasting relationship, this is ideal.
They appreciate quality not quantity of time. It isn't always an option to see someone everyday, so making sure the time together is of value is important.
Single moms are more open to long-term relationships. For single dads that are also looking for a romantic relationship, it is ideal to date someone with the same end goals.
They're done being a "party girl" and tend to be more selective and thoughtful in their approach to dating. With single moms, we know our romantic relationship is valued and not just part of a series of meaningless dates or something that stems from the fear of being alone.
You get to see how they relate to their children and how they relate to people they love. And for single dads looking for their own "play date," this also provides insight on how she might interact with our kids and her attitude about important life issues.
Single moms enjoy their time out more and can appreciate a simpler evening of just spending time together. People with a fun, positive attitude and outlook are always more fun to date.
They realize what it costs to raise a family - and don't require flashy dates. They are impressed more by substance than a big price tag both in dating and in life.
Single moms won't smother a guy because we have too much stuff to worry about then waiting for him to call us. Most of the time we won't even hear the phone ring.
We know the real meaning of love. Seeing the love in your child's eyes is all the love we really need (but we like the attention from someone our age...)
We're better in bed then single girls. We know what we like and what we don't like and how to make a guy happy.
If we take the time to find a babysitter for the night, the guy knows we are willing to focus on him instead of our child for a change. The date is more special.
We tell it like it is. We have way too much on our plates to be plagued by the stupid games people play. If we do end up playing those stupid games we play by our rules.
Heck we're good cooks! We have to keep our kids fed well so we know how to cook.
We're MILFs for crying out loud. Need I say more? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:55:17 PM |
And so, ilietowomen, seeing as how you so clearly hate all single mothers, what brings you to the thread today?
I don't HATE them. I just won't consider getting serious with them. I feel that way about all women, but single moms especially. I don't want to be second place to any kids except my own. But I've had a vasectomy, so that's unlikely.
And are you also saying you only sleep with virgins?
Not at all. I sleep with a lot of single moms. But having sex with an marriage are very far apart. A lot of jews will date and have sex with other denominations, but many want to marry jews, etc.
Let us know how that "women as sex toys" attitude works for you as your looks fade and your entrepreneurship/local band thing doesn't impress them like it used to.
I'm getting better looking as I get older. My pops blessed me with some good genetics. Women aren't that looks shallow anyway. Thank you for the compliment, however. I don't indulge in any groupie stuff, I don't invite chicks to my shows or anything. I keep women away from my hobbies and passions.
I'm a very nice guy especially to other men. I'm rarely called mean or similar. I just don't have any interest in settling down with a single mom. It's not the mark of the beast. Have some standards.
Sucks for your friend. Hanging yourself over a lack of women is kind of crazy though. I don't even fight or cry over women. I've experienced friends dying near me in combat(veteran Marine) and things I think are far more deserving of depression. WOmen are an also-ran.
If you are implying I'll end up commiting suicide over that, you're nuts. GO listen to Snoop Dogg's first album and get some mack in you.
I dunno if single moms are 'strong' in any way other than being experienced in parenting. Strong women don't end up with that kind of baggage, IMO. Women often have kids early as a plea for attention, not a show of force.
A man seeking a relationship seriously is doing himself a disservice dating a single mom where he will ALWAYS BE SECOND PLACE. Not all men(most) are that desperate. ALl else being equal, I bet most men go for the childless. This thread has had numerous examples of women explaining how after they brought up kids, their dates basically left the dinner table, hehe.
I like party girls. I'd rather my wife burn out on partying with me, rather than meeting some chick who is all used up and is now ready to 'settle'. That's the eternal joke you hear on masculine talk shows, making fun of personal ads where ex-sluts rant about being ready to settle down.
Not all moms are milfs, believe me. Most aren't. Most single moms aren't good cooks either, unless calling Dominos or whatever other food you are feeding your kids to make them fat counts | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:07:14 PM |
Nobody has brought this up, but sex with a woman who has had kids non-surgically is a lot less enjoyable. Ugh.
I never said anything about marriage. You were the one who brought this up, so I wondered if you only had sex with untouched creatures. Obviously I was wrong. It's gross to you but you have sex with a lot of them. lol Says a lot about you and your own standards, doesn't it?
I dunno if single moms are 'strong' in any way other than being experienced in parenting If you think you can read a book on it and be an expert, think again. You never know what strength you have until you are called on to use it. I won't even go into anything personal, but trust me. I'm a much stronger person now that I have a little life behind me and my kids in that life than I ever thought I could be before.
A man seeking a relationship seriously is doing himself a disservice dating a single mom where he will ALWAYS BE SECOND PLACE. Not all men(most) are that desperate. On the contrary, it sounds like you ARE desperate, for attention if you feel the need to be #1 priority all the time. I wonder how often you put the girl you're dating as #1 priority, single mom or not. Somehow, I'm thinking not so often.
But thanks for playing today, and best of luck to you, Romeo! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:19:39 PM |
It's gross to you but you have sex with a lot of them. lol Says a lot about you and your own standards, doesn't it?
As sex buddies, single moms can be just dandy. Many are still very attractive. But it's understood here that most are looking for something serious, that is, not just casual sex.
You never know what strength you have until you are called on to use it. I won't even go into anything personal, but trust me. I'm a much stronger person now that I have a little life behind me and my kids in that life than I ever thought I could be before.
I'm sure parenting requires a lot of time and patience, I have no interest in it yet.AS far as strength, I dunno. babies aren't particularly heavy, they don't shoot at you, they pretty much just look at you with loving eyes, smile at you, cry a lot, eat a lot, etc. Even the most medicore in our society manage to have kids. That alone tells me it's not that remarkable
On the contrary, it sounds like you ARE desperate, for attention if you feel the need to be #1 priority all the time. I wonder how often you put the girl you're dating as #1 priority, single mom or not. Somehow, I'm thinking not so often.
I'm not desperate to be #1 to anybody. I just like to date around an have meaningless sex. But if you are going to settle down with somebody, I think it's important to exchange being each other's #1 priority. I'd put my woman first above my other concerns. The only exception would be her putting MY kids first.
To me, the single mom problem is the same as the recent popularity of the BBW. Guys reaching low and then trying to turn it around and pretend it's a fetish or something. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:30:37 PM | AS far as strength, I dunno. babies aren't particularly heavy, they don't shoot at you, they pretty much just look at you with loving eyes, smile at you, cry a lot, eat a lot, etc. Even the most medicore in our society manage to have kids. That alone tells me it's not that remarkable
You say this because you have not one clue as to what being a parent is all about. You think you have knowledge because you have a perspective of observation only....but I hope you will remember these words when you do have your own children. Because life totally changes, and only then will you see that your observation is ridiculous.
the single mom problem
What problem might that be?
The men I've dated since I've been a single mom have had much more respect for me than the men I dated before. They were not into it for the thrill of bagging a MILF.
I've said it before on this thread and I'll say it again....thank God the voices in these posts are not indicative of general society. If that were the case I might be seeking shelter in a commune. | |
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