| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 12:28:38 AM | | I am a single mom...I have 2 kids, 17 & 13....I do NOT know what I would do if they were not in my life. I agree with so many on this thread...it is the guys loss if he runs when told there are kids. Like me....my kids have a father, I have no intentions of finding a replacement. If they are going to run, let them...but stand your ground in case they decide they want to come back...they ran once, they will run again. Happens more the we think. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:12:37 AM | | I had an ex who was jealous of my son. he was 5 at the time, and called my son a liar like his dad. This was a man I was engaged too but no one picks on my kids, soo he was out the door before his feet could touch the ground | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:35:59 AM | | Because they are stupid and do not realize children make the world go around. Without children things would be so plain....Don't give up. If the guy does not want your children, HE is not worth having. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 6:29:21 AM | Look at it this way IT IS STATED on your profile very clearly that you have children, so why do men even bother asking you for a date if they dont want a ready made family; to you and all the other single mums and dads out there doing a fantastic job bringing up there families. I know its not easy, been there done that. but keep trying there is someone for everyone and you never know where you might meet them, strange thing LIFE..... HAVE FUN ALONG THE WAY AND ITS NOT ALL BAD.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:12:43 AM | passioncove: men who do not date single mother's are not stupid..they are exercising their choice...plus in Canada there is a financially risk if you get involved with a single parent in a common-law or marriage situation. I live in Ontario and a custodial parent can colect child support from anyone they have a common-law or marriage relationship with for 6 months if things do not work out. There are some that will attempt to hold someone "inloco parentis" if you date them long enough and some judges agree with it.
I say it is financially responsible if you choose not to date single mother's..if you choose to date them...beware of the risk involved you may be paying suport for her childen until they finish university. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 381 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:01:48 PM | Rosarie: Good for you for putting your child's welfare above this man.
Passioncove: Give me a break...men are "stupid" because some of them won't date a single mother? What would your reaction be if a man wrote: "Single mothers are stupid, that's why I won't date them"? I'm thinking you'd be pissed off. It's their CHOICE...ever hear of that? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 4:14:46 PM | Well said Enchantress!
I am a 46 year old single mom of 2(7 and 11). Can you imagine being my age and trying to find a significant other? My children fully understand about Mom wanting a special someone in her life. Their Dad has been with someone else for many years now.
I believe that good communication is the key to being in any relationship but especially important when there are children involved.
Here's hoping I'm not still here 10 years from now!lol | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 384 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/26/2007 9:59:59 PM | Disneymom: That's a good attitude (I just realized that sounded sarcastic...I'm being serious). The thing women need to remember is that there ARE men who will date single mom's. I understand it can be more difficult but I don't think it's THAT rare.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:08:07 AM | Disneymom : I agree with that also.
Any male who will not date a single mum - is therefore not suitable partner material for her, so don't waste sleep over him and what might have been.
We can't expect every man to see us as potential mates, especially not if they aren't ready to settle down and have a family.
Even if they do want kids - it doesn't mean that they want someone elses.
I grew up with 15 guys in a youth house and I can see where they are coming from as to why they don't want to do so.
I'm also a single mum so I can see where we are coming from.
But seriously girls - would any of you want to settle for the first guy who came along and accepted your 'ready made family'? I don't think so.
It's best for us if the ones who aren't ready/mature enough to settle down tell us so up front rather than get us settled into a relationship only to terminate it a few months later.
I'd personally rather be single for the next ten years than have that sort of upheavel brought upon my kids. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:35:58 AM | I can live with someone not dating a single parent also. Its fine There are tons that will, so its no skin off my back.
These threads get tiring, because most of the time, they are generated by one poster, or that poster who wants to claim their undying disgust and confusion for one; which only further provokes backlash and becomes rather obvious that they, themselves, are still hung up on SP's. IMO, they only exude bitterness and it becomes evident that they were once burned, and wont truely STOP dating them because of their title alone. They are just "venting" a little. Which is fine, we ALL do it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/27/2007 7:00:58 AM | Its hard to try to understand wot u have been through. I am a single mum myself from the UK. I split up from my partner in 2001 and even though it has been hard it has been worthwhile. I am currently attending my 4th year in college studying Office Technology. This means that I take my son to school then go to school myself.
I cannot understand women who do not allow their children to visit their dad. At the end of the day every child has the right to make up their own minds on seeing their parents when they are old enough but I honestly think that these parents should think about wot they are doing to their children and their futures. Its the child's heads and hearts that they are playing with and all the emotions that a child shows will soon come out in the open eventually. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:22:49 AM | Honestly why wonder really?
I'm a single mom of a very active 5 yr old boy who is my life! If a guy I found was not accepting of me being a single mom he is not worth the time of day no matter how "great" I thought he was. I agree with all you other single moms, parenting is a challange but has many rewards!
As a single mom I'm not looking for a replacement dad or financial support......I'm simply looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together and if he is not mature enough to understand that I can make it without a man as I have been doing for the past 6 yrs then he is not the right one I want.
I think the reason single moms like us have troubles finding men is we don't play the games, and we also dn't need another chld to take care of......we are so strong and independent we literly intimidate men...plain and simple. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:42:18 AM | | Its not only with single mom's I have had this problem being a single dad. But like what was sadi befor it is their loss Im a decent guy and my son is a Kick A** kid so it is their loss. someone is out there for us untill then.. " It's me and you kid" !! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:59:56 PM | Tazmarie30
"As a single mom I'm not looking for a replacement dad or financial support......I'm simply looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together and if he is not mature enough to understand that I can make it without a man as I have been doing for the past 6 yrs then he is not the right one I want."
YOU are 100% right when you say you are not and should not by default look for a replacement dad but the FINANCIAL SUPPORT is the risky issue.
I used to date a single mom and the kid was 4 years old and I was promised that I would not have to contribute any financial support to her/the kid but turns out all wrong. What happens when you live together you share the bills -- the bills for the kid activities are included. Every f*cking weekend is spent at f*cking CHUCKY CHEESE and FUN FACTORY and the kid @ 6 years old already contend for shopping? GUESS WHAT who is paying? I do not pay directly but indirectly through the share of bills and I as a good motherf*cker as I am did not complain but I do not want to hear motherf*cking sh*t about not having to PAY FOR FINANCIAL SUPPORT. YOU pay for it but indirectly - so for people willing to give it a try, you can be my guest but a simple forewarning is good enough so that you do not regret and reach the HOLY GRAIL of paying for an involuntary contract of 18 years or less - I CALL IT AN 18-YEAR OLD LEASE with no option for a car that you wanted to drive but do not want to keep.
Bottom line is once you get involved with a MILF, YOU always have to contribute somewhat in the financial part for the kid. PLUS YOU go to those kids' carnivals and sh*t like that -- I would prefer to go to clubbing rather than kids' stuff - babysitting and sh*t like that.
I would take a MILF if she has the following conditions:
-Good relationship with the sperminator of the KIDDO aka THE LUCKY **stard WHo pop the CHERRY AKA the motherf*cking father
-Has a professional job such as lawyer, pharmacist or any stable
-Has only 1 well behaved kid
Any decently young looking educated man with a stable job will not certainly not date a single mom out of the blues UNLESS the biatch look like JESSICA ALBA or MEGAN FOX....Been there -- done that -- do not want to do it again anytime soon - maybe 20 years down the line when age is no longer on my side but for NOW, I AM TOO YOUNG TO WASTE MY TIME AND MONEY FOR PAYING SOMEONE ELSE MISTAKE
Life deserves better than paying for someone's mistakes or poor decision making.
Peace | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/30/2007 7:55:04 PM | I have to disagree dhcracker. I don't think single women run from single fathers as much as the reverse. In fact, being a single mom myself, I try and meet single fathers, because then I'll know that they'll understand the difficulties of parenting and they'll accept that my children come first. IMHO  RILY | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 1:20:11 AM | | Don't be discouraged Cntrygrl101, I have many guy friends who have raised children that are not theirs. In two cases the children didn't know their dad was not their real dad until they asked why the last names were different. One of my best friends John, has no children of his own, but his wife's children call him "dad" over their real father. Chin up girl! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:20:08 AM | | I would date a single mother but only if she would not have to spend every single moment with her kids and not have time to have relationship with me. I know to her kids are the most important thing to her and that is cool but i do not want my time wasted. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 1:49:49 PM | | i feel the same way.it sucks i know.i dont understand why guys are this way either, but we will never be completly alone. i have a daughter too shes 3. i left her dad last year. we were together for 5 years. he was my best friend. we decided together to have a baby. so we did. the more my belly grew the worse he got. meaning more distant. goin out and partying all the time. when she was born he tried to do the right things at first then slowly gave up. we became roommates living on seperate floors of the house. on her 2nd bday i decided that if i was gonna do this alone i may as well just not at his house. so now im out and back at my moms. it sucks and i have trouble with the dating scene being a single mother too. just like me try not to give up hope. someone worth my time and yours will eventually come around. i have found that when im not looking for love it finds me. good luck | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 2:42:23 PM | Something I discovered a few years back is most single mothers out there are strapped for time all the time. Some want to date but they just don't make the time to effectively date. The time issue is a little fuzzy. I always believe that the answer "I don't have enough time" is not a valid one. If something is important to you, you will find a way to make the time. Unfortunately if you are strapped for time, making that time means you are trading away something else in exchange for it. For busy people, that usually means sleep.
My experience with single mothers is most want to rush into dating very very quickly. They may not rush into having you meet their kids, but as soon as it's clear they like the way you look and you have a job, many want a commitment from you as fast as possible.
If you don't take the time to really get to know the person you are dating, it's going to fail. Single parent or not. And unfortunately single parents are always under the gun for time ( but to be honest, lots of single people without kids can be under the gun for time too)
Another issue I've found is single mother can be very very rigid. Many let you know upfront that they only have this slot of time here and here and here and you can take it or leave it. I sympathize that single parents have specific commitments they have to honor and things they have to do, but single guys have life issues and commitments too. There is no bigger turn off than someone who won't compromise at all. And unfortunately, I think a lot of single mothers like to compromise very little in the beginning because it's part of their "test" to see if a guy is worthy or not. When you are thinking about dating a single mother, a very complex power dynamic is happening even if you don't notice it at first. I think that's one of the reasons single men don't date single mothers. No one wants to walk into a situation and have to prove that they weren't like the last guy, unfortunately that happens way way more than most people want to admit. | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 396 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 3:23:25 PM | There are a couple of things you forgot in your generalisation of single mothers, if like me they dont have family living near. Few friends, that you dont want to feel like they have your children more times than you have theirs, then factor in some do have jobs or are actively seeking work.
Yes it is hard to find the time, it's not impossible but its a LOT harder than a single person with NO children.
Why should any one want to rush into dating, getting to know someone is the first and most important step, whether or not they have a job should be unimportant but sadly for some its a must.
Your experience was a bad one, please dont tar all us single mothers with the same brush. Some of us can multi task, trying to weed out the dips from the real guys is going to have what you call a test. Some males give us a test as well, the are you willing to drop the child for me test and frankly between a child who NEEDS their parent and a male/female acting like a child to get your attention; I think most would pick the REAL child over the adult acting like one.
Most people can tell if someone is acting like their ex to someone who is serious about wanting to take things slowly and get to know them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 5:36:06 PM | My 2 pence worth...
It's not that men don't like single women. Here are some of the main points which I think affect the single mum/man dynamic...
Availability/time : A single man dating a single woman withouts kids can expect to spend any amount of time with her. If he gives her 10 minutes notice, he can reasonbly expect her to say yes I'll be there. Not so with single mums. Unless they have a very good supporting network then any such "surprises" have to planned in advance so that arrangements can be made. Things are further complicated if the mum works...she needs to spend quality time with her kid(s). Most single males have no apreciation of this, or see it as too great an obstacle. Why bother with all this fuss when there are easier women to date?
Perceived competition with children: Men by design when it comes to they're women are quite selfish (it's mother nature at work). How ever I do believe that any mature human male should have some basic understanding of the mother-child relationship. Any half decent mom should give precedence to their child. A mature human male will see this for what it is and shouldn't take offence.
Evolution : man evolved to maximise the chances of propagating his own genes. It's counter productive if he spends his resources on the offspring of another man. This is a natural barrier which most men have to overcome before they can fully commit themselves to a woman with kids. In the initial stages of a relationship a single mum should not expect too much from the interaction between her new man and her kids.
Courtesy and kindness would be a good start.
In the end it's all about expectations before things get too serious both parties should have a frank discussion about each others expectations.
Father of 2 | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:21:42 PM | Uhm... I am always upfront and honest about her if the guy stays fine- if he leaves then fine again. It takes time for the guy to accept you and your child unless he only wants a booty call then he is out as soon as he gets what he wants nevermind the child.
Some guys get frustrated becuase we cant go out all the time due to we have to take care of our own, if he doesnt understand this then he is not worth it, but anyways who cares? ... I dont I continue with my life . Like some moms mentioned on here our kids are #1! Like it or leave it!!
P.S. unless you want to get rid of him then you present the child to him hehehehe j/k | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 12:53:27 AM | Uhm... I am always upfront and honest about her if the guy stays fine- if he leaves then fine again. It takes time for the guy to accept you and your child unless he only wants a booty call then he is out as soon as he gets what he wants nevermind the child.
Some guys get frustrated becuase we cant go out all the time due to we have to take care of our own, if he doesnt understand this then he is not worth it, but anyways who cares? ... I dont I continue with my life . Like some moms mentioned on here our kids are #1! Like it or leave it!!
P.S. unless you want to get rid of him then you present the child to him hehehehe j/k
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Hey there,
He leaves for a better reason - the booty call is not worth it - what happen if the single mother gets pregnant - then you end up paying two bills - one previous child that is not yours and one that is yours - double jeopardized
Only decent guys will leave a single mom..unless the guy is a ****ing loser -- cannot get laid or has not been laid for the last 20 years - otherwise noone in his right mind would want to enter into a long term relationship with a single mom - the bills are real and you end up paying more than your fair share
On top of that, you get to see the mom past - along with the exboyfriend or husband - there is ALSO NOT MUCH OF A FUTURE WITH A SINGLE MOM - MANY OF THEM DO NOT WANT ANOTHER KID AGAIN - SO YOU end up having to support another man's kid without even having the chance to have your own..
ON a side note , many teenage mothers have huge loans because they took loans to get back to college and now you have to help to pay for the student loans - all of these loans are indirect cost of having sex too early with the WRONG GUY ans now YOU HAVE TO HELP THEM TO REBUILD THEIR FUTURE AND PAYING THEIR BILLS -- **** THAT shit -- i do not care what people say - there are 2 sides to the story but truth be told, EXPENSES ARE REAL and SOMETIMES INESCAPABLE-- SO before it is too late, one has to think well before LIVING TOGETHER WITH A SINGLE MOM, FINANCIAL ISSUES aside, you have to overcome the EMOTIONAL aspects to accommodate the KIDS and might get ARGUMENTS WITH the biological father -- All that Shit for A BOOTY CALL -- NOT WORTH A DAMN
I rather take a single girl older than me than a single mom younger than me in GENERAL because I do not want to pay bills - PEriod. FACTS do not lie..Bills are for real. For example, YOU CANNOT LIVE IN A 1BEDROOM APARTMENT IF YOU TAKE A SINGLE MOM, YOU NEED TO GET AT LEAST A 2-BEDROOM APARTMENT OR HOUSE because the kid /parents need their privacy... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:07:17 AM | WUGYAL
You ****ing right ---
Reasons are:
1. Single moms after giving vaginal birth are not as "Tight" as girls who never gave birth (LEYKIS 101)
2. Not ENOUGH TIME to daTE - always have the kids bullshit activities - I dated one single mom once - we were compatible - but she always does not have time to go out to clubs in weekends and ****, sometimes I become the mother****ing babysitter
3. Compete with kids for attention
4. Look at the PRIDE OF LIONS - a male lione will always destroys cubs that are not of his genes. This might be extreme but somewhat portrays human nature - noone wants to spend all their time to someone else kids. YOU ****ing bust you ass to go to college - get educated - get a job - save money by leading a shitty life - only ending to have to pay for someone else little ****edness - hey not in my books.. THIS shit is like CHARITY WORK TO ME - ONLY THAT YOU DO NOT VOLUNTEER - YOU ARE FORCED BY The law to pay for your ignorance and stupidity to enter into long term with a single mom -
5. A single mom is mostly a sign of mistake - if the father of the kid does not want to assume responsibility why would another mother****er be involved and trying to solve a situation with no end and no solution. The other guy ****ed up and you do not want to clean off his shit.. if he ****ed, he should be able to take responsibility - not only a sperm donor and leave some dumb losers to pay for the mess...
ALL FOR all, you lose more than win when dating single moms most of the time, if not all the time...you ALWAYS PAY up more bills for SOME kids THAT might not even be grateful to you - ALL they see in you is a COMPETITOR FOR ATTENTION when in fact, you support them along their mom to put food on the table..THAT IS NOT GENERAL but there is a high likelihood that it will happen. Good LUCK if you would want to give it a try but I know you will mostly regret
Finding a good single mom is like winning the jackpot at LASVEGAS - you can win but chances to lose are higher though .... | |
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