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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 401 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:13:03 AM | These are all things you should be talking about if you dont want just a leg over, if you just want a leg over then say so from the start dont lead the single parent along just to get it and then leave.
Most single mothers DO NOT want a man to pay the bills unless they are that shallow you can see it a mile away, i.e on the date you end up paying for every single drink/food etc.
If money is tight and the single parent suggests and alternative to an expensive date take it, the real single parents WONT want you to fork out for their bills etc, they will juggle the money till they are sorted. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:27:12 AM | | Duckys you would be surprised at the "sob" stories and "hardship stories" I have heard from single mother's as to why they can not pay for a date. When I suggested we do something cheaper most said they would move on anbd find a guy who can afford to support them in the lifestyle they wanted for themselves and their kids. Yet they want a lifestyle they could not afford on their own!!! | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 403 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:03:43 AM | I'm a single mother,been in a sob story and hardship yet NEVER asked nor wanted a man to pay my bills, except my ex who would never pay. Having my ex put me in debt made me realise if I wanted a man in my life, I pay MY own way and I enjoy the cheap things i.e picnic cheap train fares etc.
As I said in another post dont tar all single mothers with the same brush, we're not all bad.
I've even known women in relationships/marriage moan and witch about their partner not giving them enough money, or working all the hours to pay and not spending enough time with them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:13:31 AM | | I agree Ducky but a few bad apples spoils the whole bunch. So to protect ourselves some men choose to avoid dating single mothers. We all work hard for our money and when someone else manipulates a person to get free dinners, movies or money it makes many look bad. And yes I said we all work hard for our money that includes single mom's as well. | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 405 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/1/2007 9:26:37 AM | | yeah both males and females need to get a life if they have to scrounge and live off of others. It makes it so much harder for the rest of us who want to make changes in their lives and find someone who is willing to give them a chance. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:17:14 PM | | I have to say my experience with two men was very different, both were very accepting of the idea that I had children. I was upfront about wanting to keep them separate from any relationship until the time was right, and both are amazing guys. However after starting to see them and after feelings started to grow, both said the same thing to me, in almost the same words. They felt pressured by the idea of any long term future with three kids in it, the financial aspects were daunting and they had a hard time getting past what thier own ideas of what they would want for a future and their ability to live up to THEIR own expectations, not mine! And both went on to say that I'm a great person, that its not me, that I'm everything they were looking for but in ones cases he coudlnt get past what he wasnt able to provide based on his own expectations. So men are willing to give up a great relationship because of children yes, but if both were being truthful, it would seem a pretty noble reason, even if it left me hurt in the end. And in their defence not having kids and not being able to even fathom where I'm coming from, for some it can be mind boggling to love someone with children. And not out of laziness or selfishness, but because they feel they themselves arent able to live up to a standard they feel you as a woman are worth. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/2/2007 10:33:02 PM | johne102 as single mom, i agree totally and i appreciate a man who's open about it, if i read a profile that says hes not interested i move on, and dont get bitter.
On the flip side of the coin not all men are upfront, however there are women on here that are only out to make the rest of us look bad by offering up a purely physical relationship. then some men assume thats what the rest of us are like. bottom line is if you not interested in a woman with kids and you're upfront then there's nothing wrong with that. but you could be missing out on a lot too. not all single moms are looking for finacial support or a man to tame thier children. but freedom of choice is yours and no one should persecute you for it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/3/2007 3:14:42 AM | i know where you are comin from ive got two adorable children both form different dads and i love them to bits but they can sometimes drive me crazy.but you know when you get chatting to a bloke and u mention the word kids they do a runner.i guess you could say just what my two kids dads did!r they really worth it? i know its hard but i try my best to get on with life and i guess you could say its the night times that get so lonely u just wish you could have your perfect man lying next to you in bed but no u wake up the next day and both your kids are in your bed.
what a life.!lol | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:08:52 PM | I am a single Dad, and I know I have not been on dates because of my kids. However, those are not dates I missed out on, that was their loss.
I am always very up front about my girls, and I will stay single forever rather than ever compromise them.
OP: You should be the same. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:36:42 PM | | I was waiting for someone to say that!!!! i have a 2yr old and thats the first thing i tell a guy. he can than deside on if he still wants to hang out and if not...NEXT!!! and with a 2yr old and a full time job i dont have time for anything really deep right now. hang out go for coffee whatever therefore no need to even fix on that i have a daughter...and for that matter when i am looking for a guy im not looking for a dad she has one already and doesnt need another. i wouldnt expect a guy to come in my life and take over the father role. i dont think u can go into something like this and think long term right off...life doesnt work that way. look for friends first, love/family later. i dont know i think this is a very touchy subject and everyones going to have a lot to say, this is just 1 single moms outlook. good luck to everyone and relax take a deep breath and things will happen! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:49:09 PM | being a single mom and trying to find someone compatible while raising your is prpobably the most difficult thing to do. maybe im wrong but i think that it would take a very special guy to make me want to bring aound my kids. I just recently started thinking about finding the special person now tat my life is getting alot more settled.
but honestly online dating not sure if thes is the place where it will happen | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:00:41 PM | | WOW!!! why r u even writing anything on here. uve made it clear that u dont want to be with a woman who has children. and really i dont want another man taking care of my child!! im not looking for a dad im looking for a friend. dating me doesnt mean that ur now my daughters new dad. money isnt everything in life and im sorry u havent realized that yet...i think that maybe uve grown up with a single parent or had a really bad realtionship with a single mom and u said ur self that u were with her for 6 yrs, well i think that u should have known after at least the first or second yr that it wasnt for u so y did u continue to stay in that situation...i dont get it. i dont think that u should be so nagitive/rude...all women arnt the same and we're not all lookin for someone to pay the bills!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/5/2007 1:09:50 AM | XOX - FLUTTERBY - XOX
Message: WOW!!! why r u even writing anything on here. uve made it clear that u dont want to be with a woman who has children. and really i dont want another man taking care of my child!! im not looking for a dad im looking for a friend. dating me doesnt mean that ur now my daughters new dad. money isnt everything in life and im sorry u havent realized that yet...i think that maybe uve grown up with a single parent or had a really bad realtionship with a single mom and u said ur self that u were with her for 6 yrs, well i think that u should have known after at least the first or second yr that it wasnt for u so y did u continue to stay in that situation...i dont get it. i dont think that u should be so nagitive/rude...all women arnt the same and we're not all lookin for someone to pay the bills!!
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i have to agree with you that money is not everything but it is something that cannot be overlooked either. Many times, divorce or disagreeements happen because of money directly and indirectly. You hear about the gazillion of reasons why some single men would not date single mom but we all know the root of the problem - they DO NOT WANT TO SPEND money on offspring that are not theirs - they give all the indirect reasons but we all know down the REAL cause and I do not blame them because hard earned money is wasted too easily for a non guaranteed cause.
Do not get me wrong ... You might be a good apple among the bunch but UNFORTUNATELY, you are most likely the minority. All these threads do not lie. Most people who date single mom end up for less that they were intially promised for. Sex to me is minor when it comes to single moms
Moreover, there is NO MUCH OF A FUTURE WITH A SINGLE MOM. most of them already got 1 or 2 or more kids and do not want anymore. The lifelong dream of getting a nice childless girl to start a family from start becomes your worst nightmare. Many of them do not want KIDS anymore and you end up paying for kids that are even yours without even getting a chance to have your own. What is the whole cause of starting a family if you went to college save up some ****ing money and go to college to end up GOING to a single mom. Give me a decent reason to decide otherwise. I do not hate single mom but I hate their ****ing situation and they cannot do shit about it and I want to warn to many innocent single men - PLEASE do not fall into the same trap - VAGIMONY - PAYING child support.. The risk is and will always be there be it the single mom wants it or not.
Your theory is flawed when a single guy comes to live with you - You share the bills. I was told the same shit before we get to live together that we share our own bills. I do not MIND TO PAY KIDS LUNCHES AND ACTIVITIES once in a while but not make my ass become an integral part of the kid. The kid is not mine - will never be mine by default. ADOPTION is another issue and is beyond the scope of this forum.
Going to a single mom is like adopt a kid which is not that bad BUT I HATE when single mom do not accept that there IS NO FINANCIAL RISK involved. That is ****ing bullshit -- you can escape everything but you cannot escape money - THAT is all I WANT you to agree with me.....Trust me .. I am talking from real shitty experience I got and shit, I would make sure I do not repeat this same mistake . i was luck the last time and might not be the next time..Before I am ****ed all over again, I rather not repeat the same mistake..Once was more than enough...Good experience though...anything is good to try at least once...
On a final note, I do not mind going out with a SINGLE mom but I would never live together - regular date/clubbing is fine with me BUT please do not linestep with the living together or longterm shit -- i do not buy it . | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/5/2007 10:58:12 AM | Parkerkimm has some good points , many men on these forums are worried abiuyt having tro pay child support for children that are not their children if they marry or live common law with a woman who already has children. We keep hearing from many do not wory about it dating a single mother is not risky..if your end goal is marriage and a family...yes dating single mothers can be risky as what if it gerts serious and you move in with her and it does not workout?
Unfortunately that is causing some men to choose not to date single mothers. Maybe if you single pasrents got the law changed so it was based on comon sense not just what is best for the parent and child, you might get more options for dating. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/5/2007 11:47:27 AM | | I don't know yankee belle...could be they just do not want to raise someone else's children..could be any number of reasons and some states do have similar laws to the one we have in Canda on this issue. You would have to ask American men. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/6/2007 8:53:41 PM | johne...
so i understand that a man might feel traped but i know for me im not looking for a man to pay my way. my daughter has a dad and hes there and as for another man paying for her if things didnt work out... NEVER!! im sure that in this BIG world we live in there r some women that may be looking for someone to help them out but by posting that all or most single moms are more or less gold diggers i dont think thats right. so now u guys have these postes that badmouth single moms and say that we want MONEY MONEY MONEY which isnt the case at all( we're looking for a nice guy to start a friendship with and then maybe a relationship) and making us look bad for those nice men that are willing to give us a chance. i cant stress enough that we r not all lookin for a knight in shining armor someone to pay the bills and take over the father role we're looking for a kind understanding man to spend time with!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/6/2007 9:17:23 PM | flyby: Everyone is entitled to look for friendship and for a significant other. I have no issue with that. In most of Canada if you marry and/or live common law with a person who has custody of children from a previous relationship you can be forced by the courts to pay child support for step children if the relationship breaks down. While not all single moms are gold diggers, this law puts a risk into a relationship with a single parent that is not there when you date someone without kids or someone who's childen are over 18 yrs of age.
I feel it is unfortunate but it does make dating difficult for single mother's as many men will choose to aviod dating them as it could be risky financially.
Depending on the province you live in a siungle parent may be able to collect support from more than one ex. You live in Nova Scotia so you need to check the laws there. In Ontario a single parent can collect child support from anyone they have been married to or live common law with for 6 months. Let me give you an example. I am not saying all single parents do this but with the way the law is written in Ontario it is happenning in many cases:
A couple meets and falls in love, they get married, have a child and after 5 years of marriage get divorced. Mom gets custody of the child. She meets a nice man they live in a common law relationship for a year. The relationship does not workout, the courts force step dad to pay child support while dad is also paying support. Mom meets another man, they get married but it does not work out. Mom gets laid off from her job and has to go on welfare as her EI runs out, even if she tries to refuse support from the most recent ex or the second husband welfare will go after them to pay child support so the syatem does not give her as much money. If mom refuess to sign documents allowing family services to get child support from ex's she is refused assistance.
This may not be the fault of single mom's but it is causing many men tro think twice about dating a single mom as financially it could be very risky. I do not blame single mother's but if enough get lonely and complain to politicians maybe these laws will change. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/7/2007 5:49:38 AM | 1. I've been working and raising my son and paying our expenses since he turned a year old. I don't need a man to do something that I can do for myself and to an extent enjoy when its not taking time from my kid.
2. Yes my son does need a father figure but hes got men in my family to provide that so I'm not going to chase a man solely for that purpose.
3. Single for four years now, raised my son on my own since birth. Do I need a man at all? Not really, I miss the companionship but I'm not reliant or co-dependant.
4. I am not opposed to having another child. I'd actually like to have one in the near future but I'd have to find the ideal partner for that.
....nope..definately not fitting that stereotype..sorry guys sounds like you got a raw deal. Why not just layout it out on the line when the relationship is looking like it might serious? Honesty goes along way and if you find someone with a child that you've been dating for a while and you're afraid for your pocketbook that much sign a prenup, arrange some form of legal documentation that protects you if it scares you that much. I'm sure theres loopholes to wiggle your way out, there always is. As I said before I pay for everything myself. I would never expect another man to pay for anything that shouldnt naturally be payed for when and if the relationship goes LT - you're darn right if we're living together that you're going to help pay the bills, if you're living with me you should be but up until it becomes that serious theres nothing to worry about. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:02:05 AM | ^^I hear alot of single mothers state this, and Im glad to read this, as I am in the same category as you.
I have to admit, I was scared of the unknown when I became a single parent. Even though Im the one who divorced, sometimes its a big scary world out there. But some are astonished to hear that it was not hard at all raising her on my own, with no state assistance/welfare. I can remember one time my ex's wife being shocked to hear that she wasnt on any medi-cal. As if to assume all single mothers need 'guidance'. Men have given me "props" as well, and seem a bit surprised, and Im not even sure why?!
I bust my ass 40 hrs. a wk, pay my rent, bills, (ok, sometimes they are late..hehe), and my daughters needs are met. Her bio. father is not in the picture, and when it is told to potential men, they shake their heads and say thats sad. Well, in a perfect world, yes, but to our little family, given his addictions, no, it is not. Men that know me, know that I am not this woman who is looking for any form of a replacement. I cant help what they THINK in their minds, but, when they get to know me, they see me as an independent, fun loving woman, raising a daughter on my own. Naturally, the man that becomes my partner forever, will fill that role, but that takes nurturing for the relationship to form.
This past weekend, I was at the river with cousins, my brother, and friends. My brother and I got to talking one night, and he simply found it amazing how well rounded of a child she is, and told me that I did a great job. I told him that him and my dad have filled that male role, and although as she gets older (just wks. shy of 5) she will be curious about the whole real father thing, because she has such great male role models and influences, everything else will be fused together. Yes, I know there is a huge difference between a male role model and a bio father, but, shes never been raised to know any different.
As Ive stated before, if a single childless man turns away simply due to "status" then he is not worth my time anyway. I wont spend a micro second trying to figure out why. Where one walks away, there are 3 more at my doorstep. (no, Im not being concieted, just giving an analogy to see how much wasted time it would be to pine over one who obviously wouldnt be the one anyhow)
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/7/2007 9:19:31 AM | Earhen Angel:
You can not negotiate away a childs rights in Canada, child support is supposed to be for the child so a pre-nup can not contain a clause stating child support is not to be paid if the relationship breaks down. So in Canada there is no way around the child support issue. Of course if you are married you should help pay bills (both parties that is) but with my last post on this thread do you see why some men hesitate to date single moms?
Disney:
You are a great example of what a single mom should be anbd I hope that you find your MR. RIGHT. | |
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