| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:19:04 AM | | sure you can. its a matter of divorce settlement. When I was seeking custody of my son I had the option of pursuing his father for support but I knew his father had difficulty holding down a job so I chose not to pursue it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:25:02 PM | | What year was this earthen Angel? Check the divorce act it clearly states child support can not be negiotiated away. Even if it could if you applied for welfare, in Ontario you would have to allow social services to go after your ex's for support or you woould not get a cheque from welfare. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:47:19 PM | > Ok, Why is it I always find the guys that turn around and run when they find out I have a daughter?
I divorced my wife when my daughter was approximately 2 years old, and my daughter went with me,
not her mother. In the last 20 years, I've dated two different women -- neither of whom had children and
both just seemed to assume I'd pack the daughter off to her mother's for them. Even when she went to
college, the last one complained if I'd take the daughter out to dinner once a week or so. So, let's not
complain too much about men and children, beause there are lots of women who are the same. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/8/2007 2:59:00 PM | last year to be exact..september of 2006
and if it had to be paid then it would be something minor like child support would constitute contributing to resps or something if i had them..some women dont need a man to take care of them john, some of us do very well taking care of our without a man.. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:56:07 PM | That is my point earthenangel: you take care of them on your own. A single parent takes care of the child before they meet their new love and if they marry (step parent to the child) and get divored the step parent has to pay to support the child. Why should someone who is not the child's biological parent have to pay to support that child? It does not make common sense. I read some comments from narrow minded single mothers and women without children who think men should support them just because they are women and from looking at some of the profiles some (not all but some) are lookingfor a man to support them again.
What happened to a boilogical parents responsibilty to raise a child? Why should someone else take on that responsibilty.
As for those who do not have children who expect someone to support them that is wrong too, but that is a differant thread. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:55:59 PM | | John there are things in life that are more important than money. That's not to say that I don't understand what you're saying, but the point is the money is not for the mom its for a child. For a child that is going to love you regardless of whether or not you share the same genetic code. A child that is going to love regardless of whether or not you have you illness, regardless of whether or not you are its father. A child will not reject you simply because you don't share the same blood. Especially if this child has not known anyone but you its entire life, it will adopt you as its father, love you as its father and respect you as its father. Genes or not. And if you're money is more important that unconditional love, when that child will be there long after your money is gone and your friends are no longer around, then I really truly and deeply feel sorry for you because you're missing out on the most enriching and rewarding experience life can offer all for a few dollars, enjoy your money john, but it wont keep you warm at night nor will offer an embrace when you're down or make you laugh when you feel like crying. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/9/2007 3:12:20 PM | "In Ontario a single parent can collect child support from anyone they have been married to or live common law with for 6 months. "
Um no, they can't and it absolutely is not a law. There may be one-off cases where it happens that a step-parent pays CS, but I guarantee there are compelling reasons for it.
FYI, Ontario does not recognize "common-law" until after 3 years of co-habitation. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/9/2007 9:32:56 PM | luvinglife2: check your facts.
Earthenangel:
While I agree that the love of a child is more valuable then money. I have seen first hand how sometimes (not always but sometimes) an older child will dis-obey and dis-respect a step parent with the same line"You are not my mother/father get lost I do not have to listen to you." The bio parent sides with the child in most cases and when step parent is expected to enforce the rules but bio-parent says "If my child is not happy you are out." It makes for a difficult situation. One I would rather not get involved in. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:29:32 AM | Lol, I have. If this is a law, as you say, why don't you post a reference to the section of the Act? You're talking off the top of your head and giving isolated anecdotes with absolutely nothing concrete to support what you claim.
6 months is NOT common-law. Not in Ontario and not in any other province in this country.
There is no legislation or law that compels a step-parent to pay CS. Hoever, as I said before, the courts have discretion in this area and may interpret existing CS laws to include a step-parent in certain situations. Living with someone for 6 months IS NOT one of those situations. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:36:29 AM | | Why not look up family law and loco parentis...yes that is law in many provinces. Many posters on here are being held in loco parentis. My friend has to pay child suport for a child that is not biologically his child, he lived with the child and the child's mother in a common-law relationship fpr 8 months..guess what the judge said? Lived together 6 months? Pay support. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:42:04 AM | here is what the law says luvinlife:
Standing in the place of a parent
48(1) A person is standing in the place of a parent if the person
(a) is the spouse of the mother or father of the child or is or was in a relationship of interdependence of some permanence with the mother or father of the child, and
(b) has demonstrated a settled intention to treat the child as the person’s own child.
(2) In determining whether a person has demonstrated a settled intention to treat the child as the person’s own child, the court may consider any or all of the following factors:
(a) the child’s age;
(b) the duration of the child’s relationship with the person;
(c) the nature of the child’s relationship with the person, including
(i) the child’s perception of the person as a parental figure,
(ii) the extent to which the person is involved in the child’s care, discipline, education and recreational activities, and
(iii) any continuing contact or attempts at contact between the person and the child if the person is living separate and apart from the child’s father or mother;
(d) whether the person has considered
(i) applying for guardianship of the child,
(ii) adopting the child, or
(iii) changing the child’s surname to that person’s surname;
(e) whether the person has provided direct or indirect financial support for the child;
(f) the nature of the child’s relationship with any other parent of the child;
(g) any other factor that the court considers relevant. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:49:48 AM | YOU KNOW I HAVE 4 KIDS AND I OFTEN FIND THE SAME THING BUT THE THING THAT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS THAT IF THATS HOW THEY ARE THEN YOU DON'T NEED THEM IN YOUR LIFE ANYWAYS OR WANT THEM IN IT FOR THAT MATTER LOL AND YOU'RE NOT DESTINED TO BE SINGLE JUST DESTINED TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE AND IF YOU'RE PATIENT IT WILL HAPPEN GOOD LUCK! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 12:36:13 PM | I hate to say it but I think you have it all wrong. I have no problem what so ever dating a woman with children. I have kids so how unfair is that not to date soemone with a child or children. Your'e right, it's a package deal and it works both ways.
I was dating a woman that I absolutley adored that had children. The son is growing up angry and the daughter was all joy, so you take the good with the tough.
She knew the son was going to present a a problem so instead of pushing ahead and letting me be a positive role model in his life unlike his dad she decided it would be easier for her to stay alone and give up on a man that she said gave her everything she dreamed of in a man.
So we are out there ready, willing and able to date women with kids. The more respectable the kids the easier it is, it's just that simple. Treat people the you want to be treated and it eventually works out.
The problem here is you and I are across country from each other and I am out of your age category. So maybe a single mom in S. Florida will see this and contact me. I like kids, have kids and look forward to being around kids so I can be with their mom.
Have a great, great day! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 12:44:39 PM | Maybe the men you are dating are too young. I hate to say it but you may find what you are looking for in a man a little older than what you say you want.
I make no bones about it when a woman asks me if I have kids. Hell yeah I do and proud of it. That should make her feel like we are not afraid of resposibility and like the those up and coming people. Kids are a challenge but so is every other aspect of life. Grab it and run with it. If we shy away we may miss the opportunity of a life time.
I don't know where the part of Texas is you are from, but maybe you need to expand a bit more. Is it close to Houston? I have relatives there and worked in the city many years ago, loved it! Just because some of us are in our 40's does not mean we can't keep up with the younger crowd. We simply have a different view of the world and that may be a good thing.
You go country girl, stop looking so hard and let love hit you right between the eyes when you least expect it. That's when it is so much fun. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 3:05:29 PM | | I am a single father of 2 and I know every woman that I have found as soon as she learns that my kids live wit me full time she doesn't want anything to do with me. I am a very loving person and I have a lot of love to give. I have never turned my back and ran out on a woman just because she has kids. It's not my fault my kids mom locked them in a room and decided her drugs were more important. I would do anything for my kids and if I was with a woman who had kids I would do anything for her kids too. I am not a selfish person. Just thought I would add my two cents. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:24:40 PM | You've only reinforced what I said about there be no law that compels a step-parent to pay CS in Ontario (or elsewhere). First, you are quoting from Alberta family law. Second, every factor listed just proves my point. In every instance the nature of the relationship is a huge factor. "has demonstrated a settled intention to treat the child as the person’s own child." Everything that follows clearly lays the foundation for a any situation where the 3rd party would be considered a "parent".
Just moving in, and even marrying a single parent, is obviously not grounds for being on the hook for CS going by your reference.
You really should climb off your soapbox and quit trying to pass off your uneducated and biased opinions as fact or law, when clearly they are not. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:29:49 PM |
luvinglife2 look up the threads paying child support for a child that is not mine.
Um, no. I don't rely on messageboard forums to get facts.
My friend has to pay child suport for a child that is not biologically his child, he lived with the child and the child's mother in a common-law relationship fpr 8 months..guess what the judge said? Lived together 6 months? Pay support.
If that's true, there is way more to the story than what you're saying. I call bs on that one. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:45:47 PM | Mr.Mom2...that was a good two cents you added there. Let me add mine, as well...
Whether you are a single mom or single dad, if you have someone who does not want to see you because of your kids, its better to get that out of the way before you even meet the person. Let's face it, we don't have much time to go out now do we? Why waste it on someone who is not going to see you again! Tell them upfront. Get it out in the open and if they decide its not for them, no need to blame them.
Everyone has their preferences on everything from looks, to personality types, and yes, unforunately for us single parents, kids in the picture, too. And that includes us single parents, too. I am sure you have not gone out with someone because there was something about them you did not like. To me it is no different. I just move on... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/10/2007 11:42:33 PM | luvinglife: I used to live in Alberta and now live in Ontario as does my friend tryhat pays child support to his ex for step kids after living together for 8 months.
Do some research yourself | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:40:31 AM | johne i didnt get time to reply to you yesterday but if a child is giving attitute while the mother is in a serious relationship/or after marriage and doing the you're not my father routine..then 2 things need to be remembered - this child probably (a) has a close relationship with its father already or resents your presents - they'll grow out of this and the bond you form later will outweigh any monetary costs and probably wont be necessary if the bio father is paying support (b) is not ready to have a father figure involved and the other man has been either poorly introduced into the family setting or just introduced much too early into the relationship..
either way its nothing a little discipline and understanding would not cure and also, if you met a woman and saw that she chose you over her own child would that not make you lose respect for her? I'd hate to date any man that valued our relationship above those of his kids..it takes time adjust children to a step parent - which gives you plenty of time to either back away from the unwanted 'drama' or decide whether its worth it..but to me my above post and the fact that a man entering into a domestic relationship with a woman with kids and intending on making himself a permanent factor into the relationship -knows- what hes getting into..you can't just 'play house' and not expect to have some form of repercussions - not that I would ever expect anyone else to pay for my son but if i found someone, married them, integrated them successfully and we were married for 10+ years and he had a vested interest in my sons growth and developement then why shouldnt he aid financially even if it is just contributing to a savings bond of some sort..it only makes sense to me..
seriously though i think you need to step back and take the women you are dating if they are that needy and grasping then you should either adjust the standard you set to date a little, be more careful of whom you date and as it was said already just not date us! but then it'd be your loss because children really are the most wonderful thing in the world, they can be awfully bad sometimes but the good and joys out weigh that.. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:08:04 AM | EarthenAngel: First I will address your comment about a mother not putting her child first. It should be about balance. Let's say I marry a woman with a young boy. If my wife and the child's mother wants me to enforce a rule of curfew and the chid says I am not his father. Then my wife/his mother should support me in that I am an authority figure. If my wife says her child comes first and as the child is not happy with enforcing the rules then we have a problem. Would you agree with this? Too often I have seen situations where the custodial parent basically tells the new spouse that as long as they keep the child happy the romance will continue. If the child gives the step parent attitude then the biological parent does not or did not step into the situation but mearly wanted the new spouse to sit on the sidelines and be a second class citizen in their own home. I have seen it with cousins who do everything they can to get the step parent out of the house as no one their parent woud date is acceptable to them other then their other bio parent. I understand that train of thought from the child's point of view. I have had friends date people who were single parents who had children with similar attitudes. If the bio parent/spouse does not support the new step parent/spouse and try to resolve family conflict why would you want to get involved with that situation? It is not the child's fault but if the child trys to break up the relationship or the bio parent sides with the child even when the child is wrong there is a problem.
I would question someone if their child never came first but there are situations in which the parent needs to tell the child that the child is not the authority figure and they should listen to the step parent. I went out on one date with a woman who told me upfront. Her son came first. I said fair enough but what if he will not listen to me when I tell him to go to bed at 9pm? (the child weas 8 years old.) She said if my son is happy I am happy if you and he get along that is all that matters. To me that logic is flawed. All 3 people should be happy. In that case it was almost as if I married the woman I would be married to the child more so then my wife and as long as her child liked me I would continue to date/be married to mom. I just see it as flawed that if the child does not want to listen that the step parent or new partner is out. It is like letting the child run the house.
The key is balance. Some people need to learn to achieve it and not just say my child comes first always, it can create a bad attitude in the child. The parent or step parent need to know when to take a back seat to the child and the child needs to know when to take a back seat to the parents.
I disagree with you that a step parent should pay child support. Now if the step parent is the only father/mother the child has ever known and the step parent has been in the child's life for 5-10 years maybe you have a point. In such a case I might be willing to pay child support and likely would. The problem is more with how the law is worded, in some provinces a parent can collect child support from more than one person at the same time. I used to live in Vancouver and briefly date a woman collecting child support from 3 men for one child? Is that fair?
It is situations such as the ones I have outlined especially the woman collecting child support from multiple men for one child that make people cautious about dating single paRENTS. If I did not create the child I see no logical reason to pay for that child. As the courts would force m,e to do so if I married a woman who had custody of her children from a previous marriage it means I will likely not get involved unless the woman is widowed and not collecting child support from some other ex who is the child's former step parent. I date to find MS Right for me, I do not date to use someone or have them use me so I try to aviod dating single mother's now.
While I respect your views Earthen Angel and wish you well. It is not you that is the problem but those just looking for a daddy or a new source of income /someone to support them that are the problem. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:09:21 AM | Luvinglife;
John is correct in that if you live with or marry someone who has children you are obligated to pay child support for step child. It is the federal divorce act which governs this. If you look on the Justice Canada government site you will find the federal divorce act which outlines who must pay and how much.
It's not BS, step parent can be held to pay child support for step children. There have been numerous threads on here with links to all the information on this. We not passing long disinformation just pointing out what the federal law states and how it is applied.
John and I have already discussed how the laws should be changed to the basis of a means test so that if the CP is already receiving support and there will be no change in the standard of living for the step child upon dissolution of the relationship then I feel that child support should not be paid for a step child.
For some of us, like myself, it is a financial risk we have to accept when we live with or marry someone who already has children. The issue for me though is that if the relationship did not work out and I had to pay child support for step child(ren) I have assess what sort of effect that would have on my daughters standard of living. As the courts have held time and again in Canada they have clearly said to men, you have to take care of your first family first before entering into any new relationship. With this in mind I know for me it would be very costly if I had to pay child support for step child(ren) and have a detrimental effect on my daughters standard of living, which is not fair to her. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/11/2007 9:45:37 AM |
John is correct in that if you live with or marry someone who has children you are obligated to pay child support for step child.
Federal law provides guidleines on CS payments but does not "obligate" a step-parent to pay. As I've said before, there may be isolated cases cropping up where a step-parent is ordered to pay, but these are rare and decided on individual circumstances that are all directly related to the interaction, dependence, intentions and longevity of the relationship between the SP and the child.
http://www.ontariodivorces.com/child-support.html
http://www.owjn.org/info/basic-childsup.html
You are giving links to websites that belong to lawyers. These are not facts and give you even less credibility. | |
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