| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:55:24 PM | | Johne, that is the same as me saying that all men,( and I do mean to generalize and STERIO type here using your way of thinking). Because my ex husband was abusive and had to be removed by the courts for my childrens safety and mine I am to use your example and say that I can never enter into another relationship because my ex showed me that there are men out there that prefer to control, abuse and manipulate the very people they are supposed to love. But according to you, because of past experience, ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS. That's just plain nuts. Life is full of risk. Everything is a gamble. You could walk out your front door, trip and crack your head. Does this mean you never leave your house? You take your past experienses and use them as a way of not repeating the mistakes because you know what to look out for. If you learn from it you are better prepared. If you don't learn from it, you're screwed. You do not avoid someone just because one or two have given you a bad time. If I did that, I'd never go on another date again in my life. You can not live in fear of the "what if". It's not healthy. It's not sane. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:31:34 PM | HI , well I am a single mother of two and would not change a thing , I have some really wonderful men in my life that are also single fathers , and as to the ones that don't care for the kids being there , and all of them that try and hide the fact that you have kids , women and men , out children and other children are what makes the world go round , they are a wonderful gift , and a blessing ..... and if the one that you are with does not feel the same then they are not the one for you .... be single for all the right reasons , no with some one for the wrong ones .... my hat goes off to all the simgle dads and moms , just remember your ROCK ....
Az Single Mom ...... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:55:05 PM | | What about single uncles who are trying to do the right thing?.....Im not even a father and I still get that reply from girls ....I took temp custody of my 11 yr old niece because her parents are losers and for it it seems I have to settle for someone else that has a kid too.....doesnt make much sense to me but thats the response I've been given .... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:31:22 AM | ^^^^^Seems women and men have made the same chpices. While not all single parents are users or are crazy sometimes it can be too late when you finally find out? Then what? If they use you and make you think they love you after living together long enough in some places (such as Canada) you end up paying support for children that are not yours.
I no longer wish to take that risk so why bother getting involved. Canoe you could be the best match for me but because of your status and my past experiences I will aviod you. Would you not aviod abusive men? Disney would you not aviod dating men who are drug users. What if they did not become drug users or abusive until after you got married?
The differance is if I leave or she leaves if she is a single mom when I met I have to pay. I do not want to do that so I aviod dating single mom's. It may not be fair but it is what the law and courts are creating. When Idated single mom's my friendfs told me I was crazy , even other single mom's told me I was crazy for dating single mom's. There must be something to that. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 10:02:06 AM | Johne,
I answered your question somewhere in this stupid ass thread. Go back and dig thru to find my response.
Im outta this thread. Seriously. :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: :modhammer: | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 10:46:29 AM | | Johne - it seems to me you are too wrapped up in the legalities of a relationship. If you choose to live with a single mom, simply draw up a contract so that you are not responsible for her children or her debt, etc. This is simple enough to do - even in Canada. You are stressing yourself out at a time when you should be enjoying being single and celebrating your time with others in the same circumstances. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:17:02 AM | "it seems to me you are too wrapped up in the legalities of a relationship. If you choose to live with a single mom, simply draw up a contract so that you are not responsible for her children or her debt, etc."
From what I know something like that could be easily over turned in the courts as they need to consider what is in the best interest of the child.
I don't understand why some men in this thread are being berated for wanting to protect their financial future? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:48:34 AM | i totally feel you on that. but look at it this way if a single woman with no children wanted him he wouldnt have to be on here looking.  they feel that they can get what they want from the female with no children. but what they don realize is that she is not mature enough for him let alone a child, i should know because before i had my daughter that was me. kids slow you down but they also mature you. so what they are really saying is that they want a young and dumb female who will do what they want. guys you can say what you want, this is what i have been through. and if what i say offends you then sorry. there are a few mature young women(and men) out there, but not everyone is mature. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:51:09 AM |
I don't understand why some men in this thread are being berated for wanting to protect their financial future? They are not being berated (or at least I'm not berating them) for wanting to protect their financial future. They are being berated (or at least I am berating them) for implying that ALL single mothers are gold digging pihranas who will use them and bleed them dry. That's the attitude that is being berated. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:54:59 AM | So then Johne... why are you here? Why are you in the single parent forum?
If you have been burned by so many single mothers that in your opinion are only in it for the money and want to put EVERY single one of us in that category... I ask again... WHY are you here? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:57:45 AM | as far as the financial future issue. thanks to my daughters father mines is ruined. i take care of her without child support and struggle with bills day to day be cause her father chooses to avoid court dates and avoid us alltoghether.
so when you hear about some the things we as single parents have to go through to take care of a child, think twice. thats why i said that not everyone is mature. maturity is more than just the way you carry yourself or finances. maturity is the ability to handle a situation while assessing the risk involved and putting the more important issue first.
you can protect your financial future all you want ... but also know that there are some things in this world that will always be more important and more valuable than money. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 12:51:25 PM | Tea;
As I posted in another thread, the rights of a child according to the divorce act in Canada cannot be bargained away. What this means is that even if you sign a prenup absolving the person of their obligation to pay child support, the divorce act supersedes the contract making it null and void on the issue of child support. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:21:10 PM | I post on these forums because I have something to say and because the question was asked Why single men do not like single mother's? It is a fair question and many have given their answers, bad experiences dating single mom's and a law that forces you to pay support for children that you did ot create if you marry or live common law long enough.
Diggy03: I know a lot of single mother's are great people but let's say you dated a lot of drug users tat treated you badly. How long before you ruled out dating men who are drug users?
Couple that with a law that really worries me as I used to date a woman collecting child support from 3 men for one child and you can get even the nicest person a little worried. I have met a few single mom's who admit to knowing the laws and looking for ways to use those laws to their benefit. I know not all think this way but do you see why it makes some people leary of dating single mother's? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 9/18/2007 10:54:09 PM | Lesliann
"The men that turn and run when you mention your daughter to them and she is part of the package. Its because they only want your full attention, and its their loss not yours or you daughter. There are guys there what would love to date you and have your daughter in their life. Don't give up on dating because I haven't because their are guys out there that would like to be in my life and my kids life and bring them up as their own. Sometimes guys
just don't want to deal with the ex or the father of your daughter because if they do something wrong or say something wrong then your ex is all over them. "
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Sure there are men who are willing to go with single mom but most (MOST) are not very decent in terms of social status, wealth and self-confidence or are plain too old or ugly to get laid and they lend to the last resort being single mom. If you are a SINGLE DAD, THEN IT IS ONLY FAIR TO DATE A SINGLE MOM - BOTH ARE IN THE SAME BOAT - OTHERWISE, THERE IS AN IMBALANCE.
Not bad if you have lots of money but for me, life is enough of a biatch right now, i do not want to likely worsen it. I have had enough bills and personal matters to take care, I do not want someone's POTENTIALLY EXPENSIVE (pOTENTIALLY) baggage. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:02:15 AM | | canoe in some cases you are right but in many cases such as mine: I make more mone than many single mother's, so for me unless I meet a lady (with children) who makes as much or more than me it is me that is taking the risk not the woman. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:32:02 AM | Johne,
I think you are a little narrow in your definition of risk- you are only talking about financial risk (there are a good number of single moms who incur financial risk too depending on the man they are with and the situation they enter due to their relationship with him, eg. moving to another area, losing alimony if they marry, possible custody/ support issues with the children's biodad if they cohabitate, money ). And that's if the single guy does not have kids. I can't tell you how much money I spent out of my own pocket to pay for gifts, outings, food, etc. on other men's children (and as I have only one and they had 2, it was more than what was spent on mine). Canoe is looking at risk from a broader perspective- emotional, health, familial, etc.
As a single mom in a realtionship with a single man who has not had any children, I would be taking a lot of risk on the unproven track record in regard to his parenting and/or mentoring skills. If the relationship breaks up and he has done emotional damage, then it is me as their mother who is left to pick up the pieces. As they are not his children, he can just pick up and walk away without the slightest thought to the aftermath. And that's if there is only emotional damage that is done...
So, it is a risk for BOTH parties and not as one sided as you make it seem. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/5/2007 9:52:33 PM | | There are emotional risks for all involved but in my case and from my experiences it is the person with the higher income taking the financial risk so if a man has a highre incom,e than a single mom then the man is taking a financial risk and with the laws in Canada many are choosing not to atre single mothers rather than take the risk. The OP is from Canada, she asked a question and many are giving answers to that question. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/6/2007 3:48:05 AM | johne102,
The thing about your opinions that surprises me the most....is your inability to hold your judgement back about a person...having never met them.
You have a disability...that has been viewed in the past as being equal to mentally challenged. So you have escaped that 'label' in todays society. What gives you the right...even with all your bad experiences...to affix the label you are intent on sticking to single mother's looking for a relationship.
Is there a risk dating you?........I am betting there is.....noone can negotiate a relationship before it happens....so all your doing is perpetuating a stigma based on your poor judgements....of all people...you should have the grace not to do that.... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/6/2007 4:22:30 AM | Taking time out & a opportuntiy to reinforce some opinons here expressed & implied
- Adults with acommons sense shoul relaise both people are taking a risk
- Parents should realise what do they want from a partner & should be upfront about how important their children are to themselves, allowing a potential partner whteher they wnat to be second place, and what's on offer in return
- 'Singletons' , is a oneo-to-one relationship on offer or or the majority time spent in a family matrix, Is this a weekend-every-fortnight-as-kid(s)-go-to-their-other-parent thing?, halso, as single parents tend not to eanr so much, shared cost in the relationship or otherwise ?
Perosnally, one-to-one time is far more important simply because it's the ONLY basis to launch something meaninful and their is much understanding & effort involved. Just because you spent so much time taking care of a child doesn't eman that a potenbtial partners job is to take care of you to redress the balance. If you can't see the missing jigsaw piece in the point then look harder! | |
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ms.m
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Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 500 | |
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