| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:19:00 AM | I recently was told by a single father that HE didn't want to get involved with me because *I* had kids. Go figure. I always thought if you both had kids, you at least have a good understanding of life as a parent.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:42:46 AM | PARKERKIMM
I have made my point about , loco parentis' works both ways ...for single moms and for single dads....if someone wants to throw the facts out thats fine and what they choose to do is fine, each to their own, however make sure all the facts are known.
loco parentis' is a two way street for both single moms and single dads
you see
single dads can take girlfriend for C/S payments as well
and being in Canada where we have such a stupid law I still have not met a single man with or without kidsthat I have met that didnt want to date me as they know I am not the type to lower myself to such a low standard to use such a law.
Most older men and women already have children (single parents) so you choose your life and let others choose theres. If you want to continue swearing and bashing......post away but first let me add that most working, independant, self sufficient women wouldnt even consider using such a law for any reason. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 7:52:50 AM | | the girlfriend dosent have to go after the man ,, ,,the women signs away the rights to go after this money when she goes on assistance ..the government contracts out the collecting ..its the law ..they came up with this to save tax dollars spent on welfare moms ..spong working girls arent a threat and most dont pull this crap ..but they can and will when they are pissed off.. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:11:18 AM | notspongebob:
I know it works both ways (loco parentis that is) however the question in this thread is why do men not like single mother's?
See I think the law is stupid as no one that did not either adopt or bring a child into this world should have to pay child support for that child.
The government is the problem..if a parent loses their job and for some reason has to go to welfare, welfare in Ontario will not issue money to the parent and child unless they are getting child support from all possible sources. So the parent has to sign documents allowing the government to go and get a court order and get anyone the parent was married to and or lived in common-law with for 6 months. Your theory about having me move in and out after 5 months and back in is flawed. Why wuold I want to di that? It is easier to aviod the possible risk all together.
I like children, I have no problems with children and I treat them with respect.
I have a problem with the law..due to the fact that I do not agree with the law and am choosing to protect myself from that law I get bashed and called shallow...So someone that does not date a single mom is shallow? What does it make a single mom who will not date single dad's?
A poster on the last page said she wondered why men will not date her and if she will be single forever...she says she has no time to date. If you have no time to date why worryy about it? If you make time for dating maybe someone will want to dte you. If it is only once per month you find time than you may be alone because getting to really know someone require time and effort. If you do not want to make the effort why should a man? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:17:43 AM | Notspongebob;
Yes it does work both ways but the dad would have to have custody of the child. Since sole custody has only been granted in about 10% of the cases nation wide the chances of a girlfriend paying support are very slim. The risk is mostly on men when it comes to this law but you are right we could sue but that would mean we would have to have custody.
I am not sure though what would happen if someone had joint custody and looked after their child at least 40% of the time like I do. Since there is no primary residence in my divorce agreement I guess it would depend on the judges interpretation. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:17:02 AM | | Things are changing in the courst now , judges are looking for joint custody mostly and I know of many fathers that now have custody. It is becoming more and more equal each year that goes by. (which is the way it should be) . | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:40:01 AM | It shoud be equal custody..equal acess and coparents..now back to the point of this thread:
It wuould seem easier to start out with a family that is not already there...meaning each person in the relationship does ot have children and you have children together. This can eliminate one hassle of dating single parents (and if you marry one.) Havuing the kid look at you and say that you are not their parent nd do not have to listen to you.
I have had a few single mom's bring the kids on date#1 and insist I buy them all dinner. I have had single parents ask me to loan them money, pay their rent or buy therir kids things before date#3.
Having experiences like these paired with a bad law can cause many to re-think if they should even try to date single mom's if they are llooking for a serious relationship. I am looking for a long term romance.
For those that are only looking short term it may not matter. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:51:02 AM | | I to have been on dates with men who brought their child and it was my pleasure to buy all of them dinner. I have had many men without kids ask to borrow money from me for food, rent, beer, even dating a childless mother etc etc . Some times I lent it sometimes I didnt. Some times I got paid back, sometimes I didnt. I think it all depends on that one person , not on a group of women, some people just choose the wrong type of women to date as most single moms dont act the way that JOHN is referring to...Its sad John that you have had so many bad experiences, maybe it is the type of women you are attracted to. maybe not... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:16:42 PM | notspongebob:
I am starting to see why you are single...you are annoying!!!!
The single mother's who asked me for things early in the dating process were people I hardly knew..if a friend asks to borrow money that is a whole differant story. When you are getting to know someone you should not ask for money to buy the kids things or for anything else other than maybe to date that person and not the kids.
It is a turnoff and I refuse to subject myself to a stupid law or to a moach so why bother? I don't care wgat you think. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:05:10 PM | So notsponge:
Do you advocate single parent's sign a petition to change the law so step parents do not have to pay child support?
I normally met ladies who have lower incomes than myself, so do you see why I am cautious?
If you met a man with 3 kids and he had custody and he made less money than you and you had bad experiences dating single father's would you not be careful?
If you met a man with 3 kids and he was a single father collecting suport from 3 women for one child would you not hestiate in getting involved?
See my point? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:15:50 PM |
So notsponge:
Do you advocate single parent's sign a petition to change the law so step parents do not have to pay child support?
I normally met ladies who have lower incomes than myself, so do you see why I am cautious?
If you met a man with 3 kids and he had custody and he made less money than you and you had bad experiences dating single father's would you not be careful?
If you met a man with 3 kids and he was a single father collecting suport from 3 women for one child would you not hestiate in getting involved?
YOU AGAIN....ok....fine
*yes i would happily sign a petition
*no i dont see, I have enough smarts to protect myself, my future lover and my children, and not limit my options
Ive had bad experiences but I will not let the past dictate my future, I would not hesitate getting involved I would however protect myself, my children, my home, my assests, my savings and my sanity. I figured how to do this and its pretty easy, but I cannot tell you how, everyone will find their own way....so whatever works for you ...one day John you will probably be a father and face all these threads again. I wish you the best even though you find me annoying and I hope that you open your mind and your heart as most the women your age have children already. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 8:58:44 PM | | A prenup does not protect you from paying child suport (if that is what you are thinking) as has been mentioned numerous times in this thread, the dirvoce act does not allow for a prenuptual agreement to contain a clause waiving child support..it is supposed to be for the children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2007 9:30:24 PM |
A prenup does not protect you from paying child suport (if that is what you are thinking) as has been mentioned numerous times in this thread, the dirvoce act does not allow for a prenuptual agreement to contain a clause waiving child support..it is supposed to be for the children.
ok your on the pipe again I see, did I say that? no i did not
Im not discussing this with you anymore ....your crazy
help  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:28:10 AM | i must say...my ex wife..and my ex girlfriend had 7 kids between them b4 we met and got 2gether.
ive got no kids.
u meet a nice lassy with kids....then its up 2 u...if u want that gal all 2 urself then u got no chance...but if u really like the gal then u should exept the situation and learn 2 love the kids as u would ur own..
hope that helps..xx | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2007 1:41:59 PM | I have a suggestion...quit fishing for a Stepdad. Simply date men that you are attracted to while being up front about being a mom. Eventually you'll find a guy you like, and who knows you have kids and things will fall into place when the time is right.
Some of us men...even those of us with kids get a bit freaked out by meeting other peoples kids...especially if it's relatively new relationship. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2007 6:30:23 PM | | There are a lot of guys out there that will quite happilly date single moms with children including myself. Remember that some guys have been in a relationship for some time, just fresh out of it, and they are looking to date with zero ties or complications. Later on I guarantee that a lot of these guys will look for family life again, after the pain and novelty of separation wears off. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2007 7:04:41 PM | | May be I'm not normal in this sense but it doesn't bug me if they have one kid. Heck, at 24, it isn't like it's uncommon for a person my age to of had a kid. I do shy away from the 2+ category because I do was a couple of my own one day :). But, if they had two , and wanted two more, I'd probably take her out and see how we matched up personality wise. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/25/2007 4:56:04 PM | chemistrynkisses
why? do u guys get freaked out though ur dating the woman not the kid .
i myself in my situation (having 1 child) wouldnt let the guy meet my child until i thought it was getting serious even then id be a bit dubious .
what does it matter if she has 1 kid or 10 kids if u love the woman which we are women by the way not lepers lol it shouldnt matter if she has kids they are her repsonsibility not the newcomers.
in my opionion it shouldnt matter unless u make it matter and if shes any kind of woman and ur a decnt bloke dont let it matter.
jo | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:32:34 PM | This is quite an intriguing question really
Another good one is how come so many single parents seem incapable of thinking someone runs a mile from them ONLY because of their child?
Especially considering most of those people would, or should know they have a child or a few kids to begin with but still decide to see them
Well, some of the most common reasons I've heard people give are these
The kids are brats
They find they are constantly biting their tongue over the way the person is raising their kids
The kids resent them taking up their parents time and become abrasive to them, and the parent is totally oblivious to it or calls them a liar
The person doesnt have any time to actually devote to dating and they cant figure out why they even try to
The kids pick their own bedtime so they never get ANY time alone
The kids are spoilt and always get their own way, which seems almost deliberately designed to take as much of their parents time as possible
They feel uncomfortable about nailing the mum with her kids in the next room (more relevant if shes a bit of a noisy one)
She can only just about make ends meet BUT expects to now magically have a social life she cant afford by herself now she has netted herself a bloke with a job and cant even afford to cover the cost of the kids involvement in it so he is expected to pay for them too
Her ex or some of her ex's are psychopathic neanderthols
Shes has been on her own too long, and has spent far too many hours only relating to kids and has forgotten how to treat a partner as anything even approaching an equal and tries to mother them (single parent syndrome I call that one btw, its VERY common with single mums)
She is totally inflexible and wont compromise even when she could
She resents him spending any time with his kids, or makes snide comments about him still being on speaking terms with his ex even tho they are often still on speaking terms with the fathers of their kids
Things they have been told about what she did to her ex's when they split, mostly stories where the kids have blatantly been used for leverage
And thats just the tip of the ice berg
I can understand how its much easier for people to always assume their kids have put a partner off, and even tho its not in the way they want to think its the reason it could actually be heading in the right direction. But a hell of a lot of the time it has nothing whatsoever to do with the kids and has everything to do with the parent
Apologies for the reality check for people that will have just have had a nerve jabbed, although chances are even people that many of those things DO apply to perfectly will be sitting there reading this and thinking "wow, I'm glad I dont know any single parents that are like that" lol | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:16:40 PM | cunning inquist
these are all very excellent points and i especially relate to the niosy comment lmao but im also assuming that ur not pigeon holing all single mothers.
Now i personally have a 7 yr old boy so i have set ground rules for my self they are as follows : if i start dating a guy he knows straight up about my son (1st chance to run)
2: the guy im dating (this may be harsh but i dont care) does NOT get to meet my son until a few months have passed or i completely trust him and that he isnt a pedophile (true ladies) then i put the option out there (2nd chance to run)
3: intimacy my rule for me is this there is no sex in my house unless my son is out for the night until i feel rule 2 is fullfilled so either ur or my car is looking good pmsl or ur house
4: i expect to pay my own way on dates and when and if my son is there its not a date so therefore i pay hes my son my responsibility why should a guy pay for a child he didnt participate in making (fun part lol).
5: as for making time all a guy can expect is ill do what i can if all else fails well if u really like the girl ull understand.
so thats my dating rules and i believe all women should be like this if u arnt well im sorry ladies u want a guy u gotta make an effort
jo | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 10/25/2007 7:36:13 PM | I would hope it was obvious I wasnt implying any or all of those apply to ALL single mothers, each to some and several to others
People are too diverse for ANYTHING to apply to all of a gender
But also they are quite valid and extremely common complaints men have about dating single mums and I have even come across a few of them myself (the issues I meant rather than the single mums,,,,,although,,,,)
But, having in many of the cases also known the woman involved her assessment of the situation was in nearly all cases that the bloke was either ONLY after sex or dumped her because she had a child
Now I am not claiming that those two reasons are NEVER the case, but just arent ones I have ever known be the reason for anyone I know to have stopped seeing a single mum
Is that clearer?  | |
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