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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/3/2007 7:34:18 PM | Hi Cntrygrl101,i too am a single mum bring up my 2 children and a full time job.Although i opted a few months bk to fineally end a realationship with a ex boyfriend whom i'd been dating on and also apart from for a long time.However although we all wonder if we are ever going to meet mr right one day i guess in the mean time we carry on with our lives.
As being a parent doesn't stop.
I'm sure when you least expect things ,things might suddenly happen as the cliche goes and keep smiling.Hope you have a very  and a happier new yr.I don't know what is around the corner for me but the changes i fineally made a few months ago i have no regretts making and if i'm single for who knows then its not the end of the world.xxxxxxxx | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/5/2007 2:37:25 AM | | With an attitude like that Johne it means you would be headed for divorce before you even got married. Nothing like ending it before it starts. Nothing ever works out if you quite before you even start. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/5/2007 7:44:38 AM | | the court system is messed up Canoe: It forces many to consider what if.....far too much and in the case of paying child support for atep children it does not make common sense and when you can colect support from multiple ex's fpr one child..it really makes you cautious about it not happenning to you. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/5/2007 11:18:42 AM | | Or Canoe it allows me to keep what is mine and not have it taken away to give to someone else's children. If you date a single mother there is a lot to deal with. Things you do not have to deal with if you do not date single mother's but rather date woman with no children or adult children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/5/2007 1:27:07 PM | | Not all men would run, it is unfair to paint us all with the same brush because you have had a few how thought they could not cope. Children ae the most imortant thing in the world and some men cant' cope with that just lijke some women. The responsibility is huge, but the rewards are many more fold. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/9/2007 4:59:05 PM | Beacuse guys always want and or need to be in charge and if your a single mother like I am they don't feel as if they are in control.
Trust me I went threw an abusive marriage and I shocked him and divorced him
Sharon | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:36:33 AM | Not all men are controlling, not all women are gold diggers. Many do not like dating single mother's for very valid reasons..could be issues I have with financial liability...vcould be maybe they do not want to have children.
Maybe they have seen relatives or friends have bad experiences and they do not wish to go through the same thing. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/10/2007 3:22:41 PM | | I think it scares men because they assume it might be hard on you being a single parent. What they don't realize is that it is so common, in todays world. I know very few people who still have the same parents and the ones who do, many of them, the relationship is platonic. It also might signal a red flag because of the ex spouse or boyfriend. Meaning that the new boyfriend doesn't want to deal with your baggage, because emotions can get involved. You will find someone who is open minded at some point or another and hopefully it is someone who you are mutually attracted too, but 95% of the time it isn't. I'm a single parent and it surprises me how men shy away at a single parent, when single parents are so common place today and it's only human nature not to stay physically attracted to someone over the course of several years. Men see a child or equate a child to an added responsibility, even though it's not their kid. The idea of a child scares them away. It will probably remain that way, until the cost of living in certain areas goes down. The economy probably plays a big role in how men perceive single mothers? Men know how popular other men are for not paying child support and that right there is probably an idea great enough to make any guy look the other way. I don't feel it changing soon. | |
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andi29
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Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 715 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:49:59 PM | oOOoookay ! Be honest ! how many of you posted replies only to ... weed out the profiles of women/ men that doesn't want to date a person with kids? ummmm nice tatics!!!!...... i must say im impressed !
FOR all you women out there that complain that you having a hard time finding an man to except your 1 or 2 children, ..... try being in my shoes ... I got 4 ......  lol
wish you all luck in finding happiness! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:46:22 AM | Ok, straight and harsh.
Most of us do like single mothers.. sorta.. I think most mature men can and would appreciate a single mother over a childless bartramp..unless its last call. Single mothers have responsibility.
The problem is...most single mothers dont know how to be single mothers. Beleive it or not, its ok not to put your kid / kids first every second of every hour of every day of every week. Thats Pathetic! After about the age of 2, its time for you to grow up, not them. Get a life, they WILL survive! Maybe thats what is scaring guys away. I mean after all, its really hard to get to someone in an adult sense, if your mind is stuck in a clean diaper. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:53:34 AM | | Whew, I once dated a women with 3 kids and guess what..?? All different dads! Talk about junk in the trunk...Now that was one tuff relationship..Got to give her tons of respect though...She has a full time job, went to school full time, made time for the kids and us...she was a good mom and beleive it or not...everything didnt revolve around the kids.. and they were totally healthy. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 2:50:18 AM | Most people start to base decisions on experience
So someone who has dated single mothers most of whom have been nightmares SHOULD quite rightly so avoid them
That doesnt mean ALL single mothers are a pain in the ass, it simply means that the type of single mothers they attract or are attracted to are just highly likely to be because of how THEY are
Some women are attracted to soldiers, footballers, manual labourers etc, and SOME of those women will tend to be attracted to, or will attract the worst examples of those too and avoiding them is an equally wise decision as a result
I think the problem here is one that permeates many issues of this ilk, the wish to try and convince mankind that you CANT dislike a group which is nonsense
It tries to portray them just as unrealistically as ALL being super dooper fabbo which is as idiotic as trying to say they are ALL unhinged, SOME will be and SOME wont be, and trying to say that just because someone is a single mother or anything else that means they ARE fabbo, they aint, its dependant on the person
Single mothers as with many groups have their own quirks and common demons, some when saying "I put my juds first" are really saying they put them first, last and everywhere in between and scorn anyone who wont accept that lol DUH!
Some have been a single parent with no other social life for two long, and as with people in certain jobs that permeates their personality and they become incapable of interacting with another adult as an equal, treat them and talk to them like a child, and then when they try to "fit in" to the situation will usually dump them for seeming like a child
Some will claim to be "independant", but for some of those that word actually means totally and utterly emotionally detached, isolated, unwilling to ever compromise or change any aspect of their life, consider anyone elses views, opinions, feelings, wants or needs and ONLY wanting theirs to be accomodated.
Many single mums can manage to also be single women at the same time, but many cant and become far too broken for anyone wanting more than just a leg over to put up with for longer than necessary unless they are spineless, pathetic, insecure and desperate
Catch 22 however dictates that even the really "broken" single mums will "expect better" most of the time so even someone desperate enough to put up with their severely skewed mindset wont get a chance to lol
People are SOOOOOO funny  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 9:56:50 AM | If this has already been stated then I must have missed it. My apologies:
Dating a single mother with children can, also, depend on age. A 21 year old male may have hesitations because children are not something they are accustomed to. A responsibility they are not ready to accept. On the other hand a 35 to 40 year old would be much less hesitant because he (most likely) already has kids of his own.
Women pass up men for various reasons of their own (that men, sometimes, feel are unfair): and defend their right to do so. Men pass up women for reasons of their own (this subject included) and are criticized. It seems a bit closed minded to claim this right for women while criticising men who exercise the right to say no. Just because they say no doesn't make them an evil, chauvinistic individual. It's their opinion and they have a right to it.
P.S.: This is not an attack on single mothers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 10:39:44 AM | Actually dave its not even THAT simple
SOME 21 year olds wont be wanting kids on their horizon just yet, others might be quite drawn to the idea of a ready made psuedo family
Similarly some 40 year olds might be pretty ok with someone who has kids, others, me included will consider they HAVE already done more than enough parenting in their lifetime and will be less drawn to someone with kids, especially someone who has kids much younger than theirs are
People are a productionline of infinite possibilities, they can never be defined in a dumbed down simplistic way that fits ALL of them | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 1:59:07 PM | Love single mothers......they to understand when I say i have to get home to care for the children...
but for some reason they sometimes have issues when they realize I am primary..or full time care-giver....but then I understand their viewpoint and move on....instead of lamenting why some do not like custodial fathers!!
Perhaps part of the problem is they do not like being second fiddle...which is often why some men do not like walking a situation where they will also be second fiddle?
I know one woman told me it would be easy to arrange life around my children every other weekend..until they grew out of visiting...but having them there full time was a completely different perspective.....and I also was not going to have her rules reign supreme regarding raising my children..especially when she would not accept some of my ideas when it came to children. She wanted the same rules when raising children...and the rules were her rules...but then no offense desired...but this is more than often the case....woman seem to be unable to share in establishing the rules...so I think that is part of why some men have problems with single mothers! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 2:38:01 PM | Wow, lot’s of opinions here, most though are biased towards the posters specific circumstances or experiences.
To John, way to fight the good fight dude, your outnumbered, even though your posts are logical and state pertinent facts that no one seems to like.
IMHO, I believe it boils down to a person’s preferences most likely based on their age, and current position in life, on both sides of the issue.
At least for me things have changed over the years, as my own circumstances have changed.
Between 20 & 30 yrs of age, I tended to shy away from single mothers, the more kids they had, the faster I ran. Why ?
Primarily, I simply did not want an instant family, I wanted to run and play, and I wanted someone that could run and play with me before “WE” settled down and had “OUR OWN” children.
Not that I never dated single mothers, I did but for a lot of the reasons mentioned in the previous 29 pages it just didn’t work out.
My main reasons back then were:
#1 They couldn’t run and play at the drop of a hat like I could. (Hey, I was in my 20’s)
#2 I wanted kids of my own some day, “ Sorry I’ve had all the kids I’m going to have.”
#3 Psycho Ex’s, (nobody needs this)
#4 The “You’re not my Daddy” so I don’t have to listen to you BS. (Crude, Rude, socially unacceptable kids that you’re not allowed to discipline)
#5 The replacement syndrome, I.E. you start feeling like your being sized up as a replacement Paycheck/Daddy. This one usually starts out with the following question/questions, “Could you see yourself loving my kids as your own?” or “If we get married would you be willing to adopt my kids ? “ Uhhhh…. not only NO but HELL NO !!!
Now obviously if I had married a single mother I would care for and support the kids, I.E. all the necessities in life, but adopt so that I would be responsible for support for some other mans kids if the marriage ended in divorce, NO WAY !!!
And If I lived in Canada (like John does) and it’s true that you can actually be held responsible for step kids you didn’t even adopt, I wouldn’t go near a single mother, especially in my 20’s & 30’s just so the state could possibly ruin my financial future for the sake of someone else’s kids, NO THANKS !!! (This would have been the only reason I would have needed to avoid single mothers!)
Now I’m not generalizing all women & kids, I just happened to meet all of the above women & kids during my 20’s … sorry not interested !!!
Between 30 & 40, I was in a committed relationship/married, we ran, we played, we eventually settled down in our mid 30’s and had our own child together. (Just what I wanted)
Since my divorce at 41, till the present some things have changed obviously, but some have not.
I have still met all of the above women & their kids, I guess this one won’t change until I’m in my 60’s. (with fertility drugs maybe not even then.)
The exception here is #1, as she had her kids in her 20’s while I was out running and playing, and her kids are now at an age where she can run and play, where as I can’t as my son is only 9yrs old, so she is ruling me out instead of the other way around. ( a little reverse discrimination perhaps, …naw, not really, just preferences based on where we are in our lives.)
Let’s see, some of the things I’ve heard from women in the last 5 years are:
#1 I’ve raised my kids, and am ready to enjoy my life, but you still have a young child so sorry it just won’t work out. Goodbye!
#2 My kids are in high school and yours is still in elementary, sorry been there done that and don’t want to do it again. Goodbye!
#3 Your son is ADHD, oh sorry but I don’t think I can deal with that. Goodbye!
#4 So you have to pay child support for how many more years ???? sorry, Goodbye !
#5 You have a Son? Do you think he may come live with you when he gets older ? Sorry, I don’t think I can deal with a teen in my 50’s. Goodbye !
#6 Your just too busy with all of your sons activities, you just don’t have the time to spend with me that I’m looking for. Goodbye !
#7 Your son is how old ? that means you have to deal with your Ex for how many more years ? Sorry, Goodbye !
So based on my experiences I would say the discrimination against single parents goes both ways, If you could even call it discrimination, I prefer to look at it as simply people looking for a partner that fits their current life no matter what the stage.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 4:10:18 PM | Things have changed for both of us
I have a child also and am single
Ask yourself this and answer yourself honestly
Were you in to dating people with kids when you were single with no kids? | |
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