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Dell
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Joined: 1/21/2004
Msg: 51 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 7:10:01 AM | | Ms Red: I agree as well. I think where problems arise is when people aren't honest with themselves about wanting children or wanting to be around them. It's all a very personal choice, one that should not be condemned, for those honest enough to admit their true preference have my admiration. I personally do not feel ostracized by those who choose a different path than I do. It's just different, not better. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 10:31:00 AM | Ok, I guess I went about this the wrong way. I wasn't personally talkingabout what I always run into, more so that I was chatting with someone....the first thing out of my mouth is that I have a child and he was like never mind i can't talk to you. I asked why and he said that its because he doesnt want to be around Women with children, but yet he is the :good guy" that wants to settle down and yadda yadda yadda. I quite frankly didn't care because yes my daughter is the first and foremest in my life, especially since she was in a serious car accident in 2003 and as dead when they found her and wasnt suppose to make it past 12 hours. Yes she IS deffinately MY ANGEL. I tell people up front first and formeost... .but at the same time they do not and will not meet her until I am sure something is going to happen long term. I do not like seeing her get hurt because it didn't last past a few months for whatever reason. It's happened once and it will never happen again. I was jsutwondering in general what other people's opinions where on the subject is all.. If i mislead anything because of the way I approached it I am sorry, and for those that said to be patient... I am being patient because your right... someday when I least expect it, MY prince charming will sweep me off my feet.. i might be 60 yrs old and old and decreped...but HE WILL come...lol
Thanks guys | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 11:07:41 AM | I think this sums it up.... FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN... along with all the variables that come with being with a single parent if you yourself have no kids.
Don't let it get to you. The way I see it... for every guy who doesn't want to be with you for whatever reason thereare two more that do  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 2:12:23 PM | | well my reply to you is , that all single mothers say "my kids my number one pririty" now right there is your answer, they are not bad men they just reilise there taking a place wich isnt theres and know they will never come first! they are like an annex to a hospital- only used when needed, all you single mothers should reilise the stresses involved in taking on other mens kids and give us a break, this is not supposed to be a reply against single mothers but a genuine point to consider . | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 2:28:20 PM | | yous are all good with the "he'l never meet my kids thing" and still you do not reilise that it is that which keeps them away, because they play second fiddle all the time , why are they so second rate that they dont have the "honour" to meet them, when we all know the reason for not letting single guys meet your kids is that you dont want them to remember the men you have had, and you are trying to be nuns in thier eyes, "oh mum didnt sleep with men!" and the other reason you dont let them meet is because the kids might mention it to the next guy, so no more shit girls tell the truth after all you want it from us. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 6:09:14 PM |
Yam, that's why I said "Personally I think", I was speaking for myself not anyone else. Everyone has their own preferences as to who's a good match for them. If it works for you GREAT.
Didn't think it meant anything more than that. Just sharing some of my experiences with you. I was assuming from the way you phrased your statement you haven't dated any childless men since becoming a mom. If that's not the case, I apologize.
Quite frankly, I haven't dated any single moms since gaining my freedom. I don't know if that's just the luck of the draw, or if it has to do with the crowd I socialize with. So I don't really have any basis for comparison. But in my experience, I haven't had any trouble relating to childless women. To me, it's a nice break to talk about something other than my child or my job. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 7:47:05 PM | | This is directed to "scotch beef"....Meeting a woman's children has nothing to do with being deserving.No one deserves being a mother or a father. It has more to do with what our children deserve. When a person wants to meet your kids thats great. But how long have you been dating? Could there be other motives for them wanting so bad to be friends with your children? Its easy for a woman to fall for a guy her kids like. Which could get her in trouble in the long run. How can I know what I am feeling for someone, when my children are asking to see him, or saying how much they like him. And then what if things don't work out? I was with my most recent ex for a year things were getting permanent, and with my childrens father not in the picture he had no competition. So he wanted them to call him daddy. Unfortunately one day he decided he didn't want his kids let alone mine so he ditched us. I didn't see the results for several months. My children are still asking for him. So when a woman puts off letting you meet her kids, sure she could be hiding what little monsters they are. Or she could be protecting them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 9:03:03 PM | Hey! Don't worry about it girl. I'm a single mom and we have to be choosy when it comes to finding someone we want around our kids. I have 2 small boys, 3 and 4 and I can give them enough love right now without someone being around yelling all the time. Trust me, there is someone out there that will be good to you and your daughter, but it does take time. Don't give up. Just keep smiling and keep your chin up. I know it's hard to do. But it will be worth it when Mr. Right does come along. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 9:06:58 PM | No offense to you, but single moms cant introduce every guy to their kids. It would confuse them. Kids get more attached than you think and a hell of a lot quicker than we do. It doesn't have anything at all to do with another guy eventually coming around  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/26/2005 10:08:03 PM | I like any woman dont matter if they have kids cause i love kids no matter if they are mine or not i treat them with respect and i dont run away.Im sure you will find some who wont run away. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 7:00:14 AM | hello ,
cntrygirl first of all pay my love to the ANGEL i got you , lol i am sure about one thing that you are not going to be sinlge to get 60 lol , some one will must be there for you and for your kid, and that would be the best ,there always have been problems for women with having kids ,but we should consider them and settle them down ,and as for as i know cause i am from a different society and the women here in my society treatd differently ,may be my thoughts a bit different about women with kids but i know one thing that these are good for women ,and one thing cntrygrl,always be happy cause it makes your kid to be happy when she sees her mom is happy ,take care,love to kid , and if you would like me to know your baby's name please, bye bye | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:15:18 AM | Being your age and having a child is scary to others your age. I know I have a son that is 18 and I am 34.
Try dating some guys that are 5-7 years older. They might be more mature to handle it. Try finding a guy in the same situation close to your age.
There is always teh don't try and find someone approach and just take care of your own stuff, school, job, kid. Join a club for single parents.
D.... | |
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pageus
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Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 65 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:48:30 AM | I would have to say that my preference is a single mother... I'm 30 and have 2 wonderful boys.. Up until recently I have had the chance to be a part of both of there lives as much as i wanted.. I didn't take that offer up and spent to much time with the other children.
but now that life has settled back down i have learned that if your going to be with someone at this age, and you have your own kids, you have to think about the women that you are going to be with. do they have the experiences with children. Will they put as much time into makeing themselves a part of your family as you put into theres
and then there is always the ex's to deal with.. some have noshows and some have asshats... and others have great ones.. where the parents were just not good for each other but they know the need for the children..
I know personally that i have only really been attracted to single mothers.. since m last divorce, my previous wife tried to be there and help with my son.. but until she had our child.. she didnt really understand. she is still out there looking but still has her eyes set on the guys that are good for her.. not good for her and our son.. my first wife.. had a man that fits perfectly into the family scheme and he had no children.
it works well when the famiies can get along.. i mean cmon.. we have up to 18 years where we HAVE to be involved in each others lives for the sake of the children.
and unless the other parent has gone A.W.O.L. or is not so great.. there is no need for double duty parenting.. but rather someone who helps the single parent in the house they reside in. i know that one of my ex's older bf's tried to punish my son in my house for something that he knew was wrong, had my ex not taken her bf outside i would have prolly lost my temper even more than i was at the moment.. I disciplined my son accordingly when they left, and when she came back up she appologized.. needless to say she got the point and i had a simler incident with a recent ex-gf and my youngest. and my ex-wife kept her cool.. but gave me an earfull later..
wow.. that was a long speech that noone really cared about anyway to answer a simple question.. :)
just my .02 | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 12:13:19 PM | | Not all men dislike single mothers, as I'm sure you have probably read by now- I married one with four kids. It didn't turn out well. The kids were fine, but there was reason she had four kids with four fathers, if you get my drift. She loved being in love and having babies, but that was about it. I learned from it, but I am still not against a gal just because she has a kid. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 12:56:15 PM | Agreed SimplemanCDB. I too married a woman who had 2 kids by 2 different fathers.. then (a couple years later) she had my son, and just couldn't deal with another little one. That's why I gave up everything else pretty much when I moved out, and made sure I got custody (other than 10 weeks each summer) of my 6 yr old boy.
I don't see the marriage as wasted time or a loss... I learned a lot, and had to grow in many ways. So, a single mother is not a negative to me, neccessarily. I'll be more careful next time though, and take the time to really get to know her better though, listen to her friends, etc.
Some single mothers may be single due to problems within themselves, but often it seems really nice women are left BECAUSE they had a child and the father wasn't ready to settle down and grow up. Their loss (the father's). | |
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jaady
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 5:03:15 PM |
but hey I have her and she is my number one priority... if they don't like it.. oh well..Then they obviously do not know what kind of awonderful thing in both my self and my daughter that they could be missing out on.
well there's the problem right there sweety. You see men aren't scared of dating single mothers, what they are scared of is being 5th or 6th on the list of your priorities. Most Single Mother are Hard Asses who learned and got smart but that rigidity of yours is what is causing your pain. You say my daughter is my # 1... now couldn't you jsut leave that out and jsut think it and not advertise it and let a guy think that he may be on the same level as your daughter? I tried dating single mothers and you know what... its not us guys... its you single mother that makes it impossible for us.
Meeting someone and liking this person and clicking is a miracle by itself, incorporating each child you have exponentially complicate how you are going to deal with your date or boyfirend as you are going to have priorities like your family, your kids, hockey night and dance class, and then granny and poopsy than you have your girl friends and you may even have a hobbie or two... now after all said where does your man stand....
"My family comes first and i love my work and my friends and also my own time alone but I am missing a special someone to share the other time that i have, i don't have much time to spare but i'll make time" does that sound familiar? 90% of single mother have jsut that in their profiles. men's fault/? not sure... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 5:24:38 PM | | Hi there, sorry to hear of your experience with the turn and run syndrome. It does happen sometimes. I'm a single dad myself with three daughters, but what i look for in a woman is if she herself has children, that way we both know what to expect and understand when the kids come first.......as they always do, and constantly remind me :) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 5:42:02 PM | Guys generally do not like single mothers because
A) They dont' want to clean up someone else's mess
B) They want their own family.
I would have to completely nuts about a girl...or completey nuts to be involved with a girl who already has kids. It is an up hill battle for the guy. So don't cry "boo hoo why me" girls. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/27/2005 6:25:32 PM | I think there are several reasons why a person with no kids might not want to date someone with kids....
When you date a single parent, you are not going to receive the same undivided love, as you would if the person had no kids. That’s because the person with kids already has a commitment towards their children, and has to give them their time, their love, their care, their money, their protection, etc. (If they didn't, they would be a bad parent).
When you date someone with kids, there's less freedom. You can't just take off and go whereever you like; you can’t just make love anytime and anywhere in the house, you can’t just stay up till all hours of the night laughing then sleep in the next day, etc., as can two people with no kids.
Also, kids cost money, just as as everyone else does. That means that a person with no kids, by joining their life with someone who has kids, will end up having to contribute part of their income towards the maintenance of their spouse’s child.
Further, the person with no kids will be thrust into the role of parent (step-parent), whether they planned on it or not.
If you decide to marry a single parent, you aren’t just marrying one person. You’re marrying 2, 3, 4, or however many kids your future spouse has, therefore, you had better love those children, or things will turn out quite badly.
Lastly, the parent without kids will never, ever be the biological parent of their spouse’s kids. That child will always have his/her real, biological parents. When one adopts a child, the child has bio parents, but there is no real contact, or any contact, with them. However, when one marries a person that already has kids, most of the time there is contact between the children and the other bio parent, so one is always the step-parent.
All that can be a tough pill for some people to swallow. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:44:05 PM | Is anyone familiar with the term self-fulfilling prophecy? If you expect something to happen - it will. Good or bad. Once you project those thoughts on something, you will it to happen. Have you ever dated a guy that you were convinced was going to cheat on you? Then you find out he's cheating? Ever hear of the studies of classroom teachers and students where the teacher expects a particular child to fail the class based upon some variable and guess what - the child fails; the teacher expected him to.
I'm a single, pregnant mother to be for goodness sakes and there are actually still men that want to go out with me! Even though I would never have expected it. I'm quite reserved in the dating department at the moment because of my situation, but if the right person comes along, then I would not pass by the opportunity.
Keep a positive frame of mind and good things will happen for you. Maybe the person you are meant to be with is not ready in his life to meet you. Perhaps you have other life experiences to go through first. I am a true believer in what's meant to happen will happen. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:49:52 PM | Response to "scotchbeef"
Wow - are you ever bitter! Why would you want a woman to put you before her children? Are you a ten year old that needs guidance and parenting? Any mother that puts a man before her children needs her head examined. Single mothers don't necessarily have men come and go from their lives and need to hide that from their children, perhaps the mother's you've dated are embarrased of you? I sure would be, based upon the narrowminded view you posted. I am expecting a child and if I decide to date someone, that man will meet my child when I say it's necessary because after all, I'm the one dating the man, not the child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 7:31:30 PM | I havent read all the posts but I've read some. I personally prefer to date single fathers. They know my son comes first and will understand if I have to cancel a date because my child is sick. Most will understand, that after my son has spent 10 hrs at school/daycare, I dont want to leave him with a sitter so I can go out.
As a general rule, I tend to keep my son out of my relationships for the first while so I only date when he's with his dad (he's with his dad 40% of the time which gives me plenty of 'me' time). I dont want him getting attached to someone that may not be around long. But I am a package deal, so anyone I date has to realize my son will be a part of things if things go well.
I respect any single parent. It's a tough job with both parents involved, even harder when one isnt.
I am not looking for a father figure for my son. He has a father who is a part of his life. I want someone for me, who will still be there once my child is grown. | |
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