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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 5:05:26 PM | One of the rather strange things I noticed on sites like this over the years is similar to what some of the male parents have described but applies more to men who just have a custody arrangement but may have a similar likely cause
It takes the form of a woman who will initially be quite interested in what interest a man takes in his kids with his previous partner, whether he is still an active person in their lives, whether he has them weekends etc etc
And where he does still take an active role its seen as a good thing by them
BUT, what then happens is that when they start to live together that all changes, it starts to be resented and him spending time with his kids then meets resistance, snide comments, cold shoulder treatment etc etc as well as sniping about any contact with his ex it also causes in some cases
I kicked it around in a discussion with a psychologist and behaviourist I know and she reckoned that whats going on there is nothing surprising or new
What they are doing initially is vetting their ability and willingness to fulfill a partial parental role for their kids if they did ever end up living together, making sure they wouldnt shirk the responsibility as it would then partially become theirs on a daily basis
But once they do live together she would then usually subconciously but also deliberately not want to then have him as a resource spread out to accomodate any other kids than her own now they form a stereotypical family unit which would then cause the resentment that then leaks out gradually in response to his continued contact
Apparently it has its grounding in animal instinct and pertains to survival instincts for a mothers young but is simply surfacing in a modern setting and scenario in some women
Basically if you didnt want to know about your previous kids they wouldnt want you because you wouldnt be likely to bother about theirs
If you DO bother about your previous kids then you pass the test, bnt then they would want you to solely focus on their brood and any resource given to a mans previous brood would then be viewed as resources taken away from her own if that makes sense
There was some fancy name she gave it but I'm blond and male and I've slept since then  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 8:11:19 PM | Cunning:
I know a few women who complain no one will date them because they are single mother's..funny thing is much like your post above they refuse to date single father's because they feel nothing should take away attention from their children. When I point out to them the double standard they say that they have their reasons. I counter with men have their choices too and the woman say those men are shallow.
Plus if you notice how many threads are started by single mother's asking why it is hard to get a date...when men post their reasons they get bashed. I have posted my reasos and get bashed for it. Maybe a few of these women should talk to your friend, it might help them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/13/2007 10:02:19 PM | | I think single mothers are... I think single mothers are... Is there a broken record in here? And I'm not a single mother, so I'm not bashing in self-defense. Seriously, the repitition has wasted 30 cyber pages that could've been better spent. Now I'm going to leave this thread for fear of wasting more space. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:45:38 AM | notice how many threads are started by single mother's asking why it is hard to get a date...when men post their reasons they get bashed
yes john i have started to notice and it seem its always the same women who do the bashing after you answer or give an honest opinion like a serial forum stocker and post after every comment you make ,and once they get booted off they change there names and come back and continue with the same .
wasn't this a question directed at men to help shed some light on this problem ?
there are a lot of problems showing up with children raised in single parent homes and the ods are high that they will turn out to be problem children .this could put a strain on any relationship and in canada you have to pay support for them if the relationship fails...and more then 1/2 fail ..we are all on here because of failed relationships ..so men have to be very careful .
I wouldnt say that men do not like single mothers but i would say a man must be very sure its going to work first ,,no try and see .. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:15:24 AM | Jeez
I really dont think anyone could describe me as being a fembot pandering suck up in my views or the expression of them
But John, if I had a gun I'd just shoot you as a respite from what isnt even a new point in relation to the thread youre posting on or the posts youre replying to, its practically the exact same rhetoric time and time again irrespective of anything said on a topic
Even people who might agree with some of your points and dissagreements will, I am sure feel like poking their eyes out with a hot poker so they dont have to read what you've written AGAIN, hell I dont know why you dont just save it to a text file and copy/paste it over and over to avoid getting RSI
Change the record eh? Or how about just putting it on your profile?
Even just changing the delivery so it DOES actually fit in with a discussion would be a major improvement, as would actually reading and understanding what others have written, because often youre disagreeing with things they didnt even say but that you THINK they might have said
I'm sure theres probably a rule against how you are posting and eventually enough people will get annoyed by it, report you and you will lose the ability to express your view
So isnt it better to just express it in a saner more reasoned way to begin with so that discussions remain enjoyable for everyone? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:23:16 AM | okay cunning:
How about this:
Single men have choices and we are not required to date single mother's!!
Is that better?
I do not feel like being used again and will not be used. The chidren may be inocent but they should not be used as a pawn. Also I live in Canada so you know what that means.
I do not wish to pay for a past relationship or for children I did not bring into this world. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:39:24 AM | I have to wonder about people and their responses sometimes. The original question posed was "Ever wonder why single men do not like single mothers?". I stand by my original opinion that it is all preference, however have revised a thought or two.
Basing this on several postings here I suspect that it is not just preference but fear. Some have already raised children and do not feel that they want to go through it again. That seems reasonable to me. Some have never been exposed to children and may feel that they would not be capable of relating to or forming any relationship with the children. This also seems reasonable to me. They know themselves and their shortcomings well enough to admit this. Not everyone is cut out to be a role model or parent. Even some parents should never have been parents. If you can not be the type of person who can adapt or adjust to a "family" environment it is best if you do avoid dating single mothers or single fathers.
If you are only looking for short term fun and games, by all means leave the single parents alone if they are looking for more. If they too are just looking for short term fun and the children are not exposed to it, then what is the problem? It's short term and no commitments are requested or required. This is the area some posters seem to feel exposes them to having to support someone elses child. Not sure how they come to this conclusion but it's been posted several times by an individual who is terrified yet fascinated by the single mother.
To each his own. Treat people with respect and you receive respect. Treat them as defective individuals and you end up with a mess. It's your choice. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 12:12:55 PM | Basing this on several postings here I suspect that it is not just preference but fear
i will tend to agree it has a lot to do with fear ,,you can add another fear ,,a few canadian men have posted on here already that the they fear paying support for someone else's children .. .. .there are lots of men who love children out there who have lost there children to ex wives and they might fear the pain of haveing to let go again if things dont pan out .,it seems a lot of the single moms with sole custody all blame there ex for being a dead beat or drunk abusive addict of some sort ,,this isnt true in every case but men also shy away from needy drama queens who dont take any responsability for there financial mess or failed relationship,,,or supporting there children if they do not work or work very little.
there are also others who just dont want children because they want to travel .some may have already raised there children and have some long awaited freedom or independance now they dont want to give up. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:14:50 PM | My second wife was a single mother of 17 and 19-year-old daughters who thought I was the greatest guy their mother ever met. Because of their age, I was never asked to be their father figure. I have a son and daughter of my own, but they didn't live with us.
Her eldest daughter , who didn't live with us, stole money from "us" from the start. First, from a change jar I had in "our" closet and then right out of her mother's purse. Her mother apologized, but failed to discipline her in any way. I let it go. Then, after her mother and I separated, she forged 11 of "our" checks for over $1000.00. Her mother said she needed to pay for her "mistakes," but, because she was her "flesh and blood," she just couldn't call the authorities. However, their entire family encouraged "me" to pursue justice to teach her a lesson. Recluctantly, I did. However, I knew a felony conviction would haunt her for the rest of her life. I let the police scare her, which sent her on the run with her 2-year-old son. I dropped the charges and made resititution with the bank myself. Their family never offered to bear any of the financial burden. So, I told them to consider it an investment in getting her some help. They failed to do that, too.
Less than three months later, she killed a man on a bicyle in a hit-and-run in the middle of the night. She was drunk. The authorities said he may have survived had she called 911.
She only served the time leading up to the trial and was released to the family because she had no "prior convictions." She was also pregnant, but they said that didn't effect her not getting prison time.
That, for me, is more than enough reason to be extremely hesitant to get involved with a single mother, again, no matter what age her children are. In fact, it effects the relationships I've had with the women I've dated ever since, whom have also been single mothers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:23:58 AM | For even more reasons check out this thread:
http://forums.plentyofish.com/datingPosts8510420.aspx
Ichangenames you should check that out it giives you more detail of what I annd many others are saying. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:35:38 AM | To answer your question Ichange:
It is an issue for me bvecause I do not agree with the court ruling and the law. I seek to change this.
I have had things happen to me I do not wish to see happen to others. I do not care what you think..if you are silent you support many wrongs in our society. If you seek to change you are part of the solution.
Is that clear for you? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:40:01 AM | Anyone wanting a major reason why men do not like single mothers read the thread:
"Guy meets girl.Girl moves in.Two years later girl gets half of the house, child support ali"
My cut and paste does not work or I would just put the link here | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:48:50 AM | | And you can't expect me to change my mind because of experiences and the law/courts. The OP asked a question..she is from Canada so she better understand why men will not date her. It is relavent and I an done with responding to your posts Icvhange. I have my opinions. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:12:41 AM | It is an issue for me bvecause I do not agree with the court ruling and the law. I seek to change this.
Ok. I get that. But, HOW would this law AFFECT YOU if you were not to date a single mom?
It won't effect him but that does not mean someone cannot be vocal about a law they do not agree with.
I guess by your reasoning a friend of mine who is white who was fron South Africa was very active in trying to change the laws regard apartied should not have been vocal and active since it didn't effect him. The law did not effect him since he is white but he felt, as many other did around the world, that even it did not effect him it was the right thing to do to get the law changed.
John feels that this law is not correct and is working to change it. Just as I will continue to work towards the idea of shared parenting even though I have it in my relationship with my ex-wife. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:14:59 PM | I have to agree with the others in not understanding the problem
I see it as this
You dont agree with the law, FINE
You dont want to date single mums, FINE
Anyone who knows that the law and DOESNT want to run the chance of getting stuck with child support CAN I am sure either JUST date them, and never live together, or just choose to not date them to begin with
So the choices are date em and hope for the best, or dont in which case its not a problem
Its ONLY a problem for people who either A) dont know the law, or B) who DO want to play a little groin groping with single mummies BUT dont want to get stuck with child support
So basically you just tell em you dont want to cohabit which I am sure many will be fine with anyway, and if they are fine with that then its all fun and frollicks innit?
Or you just dont date them at all, and then it doesnt affect you in the slightest
Seems like its sorted already really without a change in the law | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:18:30 PM | | the guys run because it is about responsbility and most of the guys you probaly have met and who have ran were looking for the attention you give to your daughter,which is totally because they are enmature and still want a mommy,you will find your special somebody who will treat you and your child special for the rest of your lives,if everything thing happened over night we wouldnt have dreams to sleep on. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:22:28 PM | Maybe its actually just because they are fat, ugly, they have poor personal hygiene, their kids are brats, they've been single so long they cant remember how to treat a partner as an equal or an adult, theyre boring, frigid, as gobby as a drill seargent. have boobs round their waists. are really a post op transgenderite, are bald and wont wear a wig, have too many "ex" related issues as yet unresolved, fall in love and start talking about marriage, they have "he MUST have a 14 inch dong" or countless other reasons that nobody will date them
Its not JUST going to be because of your silly bit of legislation you know
As I doubt for one second that NO single mums get dated in canada, and I also would bet a fair few earn more than the blokes they date anyway
So you do come across as just a teensy weensy bit MASSIVELY obessed by this really
Actually, thats a point
Would you date a single mum who earnt twice your income? Coz she wouldnt be entiled to any of your money then so it wouldnt be an issue would it?
If not then why not? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:26:37 PM |
the guys run because it is about responsbility and most of the guys you probaly have met and who have ran were looking for the attention you give to your daughter,which is totally because they are enmature and still want a mommy,you will find your special somebody who will treat you and your child special for the rest of your lives,if everything thing happened over night we wouldnt have dreams to sleep on.
OMG, talk about sweeping statements and suck up assumptions lol
I'm surprised you didnt add "but not ME hunny (wink wink)" to the end of that
Maybe her kids are brats, maybe she spends SOOOOO much of her time fussing over her kids there isnt ANY time left for anyone, not even herself, maybe shes boring as hell, maybe she is bitter and it shows
Theres millions of quite valid reasons people will totally avoid a hell of a lot of single mums, and it has absolutely naff all to do with them being single mums
They just prefer to blame it on that because its easier and saves them having to do any self examination is all | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:14:28 PM | Cunning:
No I would not date a single mom who earns twice as much as me..just to protect myself.
To Ichangenames:
The link I gave you for the thread to give you a better idea of what happens in Ontario Canada with loco parentis does work. I checked it so I guess you did not bother...just because it does not fit your agenda does not mean it is not happenning.
Back on topic:
What does a single mom bring to a relationship that a single woman with no kids does not? (Do not say her kids) I mean real reasons to date a single mother that can not come back to haunt you. The way I see it aside from that stupid law. Single mom choose who to have a child with, it did not work out. What does that say about her? Either she picked the wrong man to have a child with or she picked a man that did not want to make the relationship work. Either way how is that my problem or the ptrobklem of any man? Divorce rates for 2nd and 3rd marriages are higher in Canada than 1st marriages. So you figure out why some will not date single mothers. | |
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